LNH20: Writer's Block Person #35: "Morphology"

[Drew Perron]

One of Writer's Block Person's lesser-known heroic weaknesses is seasonal 
depression! So in the midst of the darkness of winter, we find them curled up in 
a chair, under blankets, a sun lamp shining in the grayness of the day, 
headphones over their ears. Their eyes are closed, and their head is back in 
blissful relaxation, hair spread out over the cushions, a little, private smile 
on their lips.

Then there is a deafening crash as a thirteen-year-old Egyptian boy holding a 
copy of Proust's A Remembrance of Things Past smashes through the window.

Writer's Block Person flailed, returning to past tense as they threw off the 
blankets and leapt to their feet. "Who what when where why!?"

"Writer's Block Person!" the thirteen-year-old shouted, pointing dynamically at 
the nonbinary hero. "It's time to... oh, dear, you weren't wearing pants under 
there."

"Habadaga!?" WBP grabbed the blankets and wrapped them hastily around their 
waist. "The Earth-20 version of Library Lad? What are you doing here? Why didn't 
you knock!?"

"I *did* knock!" said the Lending Librarian of Lawful Good. "Why didn't you get 
up!?"

"Oh!" Writer's Block Person shook themself out. "Sorry, I was just listening to 
the transformation theme from Ultraman Geed over and over again."

"Ahhh."

"It makes my brain parts happy."

"Good! But I have an important message for you!" Library Lad summoned up as 
serious an expression as a goofy teenage nerd can. "By my role as an incarnation 
of Thoth, patron of pictographic communication and scribe of divine law, I bring 
you a crucial mission!"

"Um..." Writer's Block Person blinked, spine stiff, eyes wide. "Crucial in a 
'people are gonna die' way, or a weird goofy metafictional way?"

"The second one!"

"Oh thank goodness." WBP flopped back on the couch. "Yes, please, missionify me!"

"Right!" Library Lad pointed off into the distance. "If the LNH is going to 
survive as a storytelling setting, it needs to join the *modern* internet! And 
you know what that means?"

Writer's Block Person thought about it for a second. "That means... a dawning 
realization that the corporate push for more and more Marketable Performance has 
outstripped our determination to make our systems robust and secure and now we 
need to deal with a world populated by brittle devices just waiting to be taken 
over by the next exploit?"

"I mean..." Library Lad blinked, sagging. "I mean, I guess, yeah. Jeez."

"...oh!" Writer's Block Person shook themself out again. "Uh... sorry." They 
scratched the back of their head sheepishly. "Depression and stuff."

"Yeah, um... that's okay..." Library Lad scratched his head awkwardly.

"Would you like a drink of water?"

"Oh! Yeah, that'd help, thanks!"

Library Lad sat down on the couch, hands in his lap, while Writer's Block Person 
shouted "HENSHINSPIRATION!" and transformed so they wouldn't be pantsless. They 
came back with a glass of water and Library Lad gulped it down.

"Mmmmm..." Library Lad wiped his mouth with the back of his arm. "So yeah, I was 
just gonna say - to join the modern internet, you gotta have emoji!"

"Ah!" Writer's Block Person smacked their fist into their palm. "Of course! But 
how do we get 'em? It's hard to stuff Unicode into a medium defined by ASCII text."

"That's where you come in!" Library Lad opened his big canvas bag and pulled out 
a piece of old papyrus. "The Scroll of Logos!"

"Ooooh, ahhhh~"

"Take its power, Writer's Block Person, and you will unlock the power of emoji, 
allowing for toyetic new forms!"

Writer's Block Person reached out to take the Scroll of Logos, but then shied 
back. "Um... toyetic? Are you sure about this? Because y'know, the last time 
someone tried to merchandise emoji--"

"--it was The Emoji Movie, I know." Library Lad waved his hand dismissively. 
"But any actual merchandise that comes from an LNH story is probably going to be 
a Dvandom-style kitbash, so it's fine."

[For those not up on model kit lingo, a kitbash is the act of taking pieces from 
many different model kits and combining them into your own creation! More 
broadly, it refers to the customization of toys, including action figures! - 
Ed.(UE)]

"S'pose so!" Writer's Block Person grasped the Scroll, and there was a flash of 
shimmering light. The book-shaped belt buckle of their outfit moved, 
metamorphosed, pages turning, and the Scroll shifted and slipped in and joined 
them. Writer's Block Lad posed stylishly!

"Now," said Library Lad, slipping into Lecturer Mode, "you're not getting a 
bunch of emoji-forms at once. It's more fun if it's paced out, after all. But 
there's one that you - being you - get for free: The basic 'heart' emoji, with 
the power to temporarily clear negative thoughts, and also banish dark magical 
influences."

"...I've, um." Writer's Block Person stopped posing. "...are you saying I'm 
going to need to *start* banishing dark magical influences?"

"Look." Library Lad held a finger up in the air. "*Just* because the usual 
narrative of both Western and Japanese superhero media involves getting a 
power-up and then immediately... immediately finding yourself in a situation 
where you need to use it... um, doesn't necessarily... um..." The finger 
lowered. "Hm."

Writer's Block Person glanced left, then right, then leaned in and whispered. 
"Library Lad, give it to me straight. We're not, like, turning into a *real* 
action-adventure series, are we?"

Library Lad blew out a breath. "I have no idea. I know you're basically the 
avatar of Drew's creativity right now, something they can do and try to turn off 
all worries about Doing The Thing Right Proper. They get caught up and held back 
easily if they're trying to do A Big Serious Plot, so you wouldn't *think* 
they'd give that to you... but..."

Writer's Block Person nodded. "But they're always trying to push themselves and 
find new ways to do the stuff they like. And *boy* do they like magic hero 
adventure." They shook their head. "Well... it's not like I *don't* like that, 
considering I *am* them. So if this is my new destiny..." They posed 
dynamically. "I'M READY!" They held up their glittery purple pen. 
"EMOTICONVERSION! CODE POINT HEAVY BLACK HEART!"

They clicked the top of the pen and were surrounded by a swirl of pink and red 
hearts! They spread their hands above their head and a red Valentine's Day-style 
heart appeared between them. They lowered their hands to their chest; the heart 
flipped over and slammed into the heart-shaped amethyst in the center of their 
chest, which shone with crimson energy. The purple of their armor turned to 
pink, black bodysuit turning white with red hearts polka-dotted all over it. The 
catseye-glasses shape of their visor turned into hearts, and their pointy 
shoulders became heart-shaped as well.

They landed on the floor, posing dramatically... then jumped up and clapped 
their hands. "Oh man, this is *cute as fuck*! I feel energized and fashionable!"

"I don't get it, but if it makes you happy, I'm glad!" said Library Lad, smiling.

"Heck yeah! It's time to get *indulgent*! Bring it on, dark magic!" Writer's 
Block Person threw up a vee.

----

[A scene transition in an issue of Writer's Block Person? You better believe it! 
- Ed.(UE)]

There is a drive that catches humans in its grip. The drive to take control. To 
take as much control as you can and more, neverending.

This drive is not a lust for power, for lust implies desire, implies enjoyment, 
implies passion. it is a goal, an end point, free of passion and ultimately, 
free of meaning.

There are worlds out there. Strange worlds, where the physical is a metaphor. 
Worlds of flowing emotion, where drives of this sort can crackle through their 
fluid structure and take over.

Shuffled in among these worlds is a world of fluid beings, animated by this 
drive, acting on this drive, striving ceaselessly to take control. Some humans 
called these beings demons. Some humans tried to make deals with them. Some 
humans regretted that.

And now the attention of that world is on this one. And that attention is a 
pressure, the fluid emotion pressing heavy on the walls, and beginning to break 
thru...

----

Drew "I'M BACK FOR REALS HOPEFULLY HAHA" Perron