MISC: Star Crossed I: The Metarese Parrot: ch 1

Drew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu Feb 1 20:26:42 PST 2018

On 1/26/2018 1:47 AM, Jeanne Morningstar wrote:
> by Jeanne Morningstar

I got to read this before it was posted, so I waited a couple days to re-read it 
for maximum effect. ...and then I got distracted and a few more days passed. >#> So!

> The starport in Metare was like many Alyx had seen since she'd set out on her 
> journey--the abstract ornamentation on the walls were tarnished.

This is a fascinating place to start, leaping into description.

> An allegorical 
> fountain statue of black stone which had seen better days stood by the exit, a 
> woman holding a water jar with the constellations painted on her body in gold, 
> probably made long after the starport was originally built. It might have been 
> created simply for decoration, but now was a sacred object, with prayers and 
> offerings left at its feet.

I love that idea. <3 Ancient things become important, even in a place like a 

> This was a much more prestigious place, once, before 
> the collapse of the Centauripop conglomerate and the centuries-long corporate 
> hot and cold wars that led to the formation of the Neutral Zone.

The corporate-dominated run-down galaxy here - Blade Runner extended out across 
planets and systems - is reminiscent of the Doctor Who New Adventures books of 
the '90s. Not surprisingly, since I know those are a major influence on Adrian.

> Alyx saw what seemed as many different varieties of human being as there were in 
> all the universe, and felt them jostling around in her thoughts.

"felt them jostling around in her thoughts" is *such* a good way to phrase that.

> In her home 
> world, most had stuck closer to the classical human template; here there were 
> people with iridescent blue skin or tentacles or translucent wings, some barely 
> recognizable as human.

Transhumanism yaaaaaaaay!

> There were a good many cyborgs--something she still had 
> trouble with sometimes, as the Order of the Unclosing Eye had always looked down 
> on cybernetics.

It's interesting that, in the middle of a big description of the world and how 
it works, you also find moments of more subtle worldbuilding.

> and illegal almost everywhere to replace more than 10% 
> of one's body with cybernetics other than for work or military purposes.

Honestly, I feel ike "for work or military purposes" is the most chilling clause 

> Kel cut quite a contrast to Alyx, with her rakish short 
> haircut, dashing red jacket, and conspicuous gun belt.


> "Guess we'll do the usual," said Kel, as they made their way along the concourse 
> past the food court. "Check to see if anyone here has any leads for either of 
> us, and then head out to somewhere more interesting."
> "I've had enough interesting for quite a while, myself," said Alyx.

I also really enjoy the fact that we are so clearly leaping into adventures in 
progress. This isn't chapter 1 of their journeys, it's at least chapter 5 or 6.

> Before they could go down the staircase to the first floor, they saw someone 
> walking toward them, wearing sunglasses that were significantly larger than 
> Alyx's, a black shawl wrapped around their head and shoulders, and black leather 
> pants. A strand of dark blonde hair peeked out from the shawl.

It's Draco Malfoy!

> Alyx had a 
> feeling that this was their idea of being inconspicuous--which made her feel a 
> little better about herself by comparison--


> This would have been when 
> she was part of a small and disreputable travelling Shakespeare troupe, Lord 
> Nonesuch's Men,

That is *such* a good backstory bit. It's not traditional cyberpunk at all and 
yet fits so nicely.
> The memory then flashed to the girl pulling herself out of her over-ruffled 
> dress, Kel kissing the freckles on her shoulder, the two of them fumbling around 
> in the wine cellar and beating a hasty retreat when someone knocked on the door. 

Heeheehee :3

> <<I still feel it's a little presumptuous to call yourself captain of a ship 
> that has all of two people.>> thought Alyx.


> "Oh, I guess you don't know each other, huh," said Kel. "Alyx, this is Lady 
> Emeliane Sentros, of Keshdan. Eme, this is Alyx Lyranae, my, uh, companion."
> "Oh, I see." Lady Emeliane tilted her head.
> "Ah, no, it's not like that," said Kel, throwing up her hands. 
> "It's--we're--it's complicated."

:3 :3 :3

> "It's a long story," said Emeliane. "I--"
> Just then, of course, there was a gunshot.

Of course!!

> Kel drew her old-fashioned, elegant laser-pistol swifter than the eye could see, 
> blasting at the the soldiers.

An elegant weapon, from a more civilized time.

> A few other passengers 
> took out guns and start shooting at the soldiers, while others started 
> haphazardly shooting at each other.

FOOD FIGHT! I mean...

> She yanked into his mind and put a wall between him 
> and the part that knew how to pilot the suit. The man was hit by a wave of panic 
> and, thrashing around, fell to the street below.

Oh, that's nice and mean.

> "Wellll," said Kel, "I mean, we haven't made a lot of progress, true, but it's 
> kind of like when you lose your keys and then look over for them and they're not 
> there and so you have to put that aside and do something else and then they turn 
> up..." Alyx stared unimpressedly at her.


> "Well," said Kel, cautiously opening the case. "We'll figure out what to do with 
> this--"
> The case exploded into a flutter of green wings. "Arawk! Fifty men on a 
> spaceman's chest!"
> "...parrot?"


> I decided to take a page from Felix's book and just go ahead and write a short 
> ("short") chapter in a series I'd had in mind for a while without worrying 
> whether or not I'd finish it.

Yesgood. :3

Drew "this is a good technique" Perron

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