LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #75: Birth Of A Villain Part Fifteen

[Arthur Spitzer]

In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
https://archives.eyrie.org/racc/lnh/
we have the fifteenth section of a Birth Of A Villain.

And with #37 Saxon Brenton returns.  It's epilogue time!  And will
we have a bunch of spoilers for cascades that take place after this
cascade, but were written before this epilogue was written?  (Yes!)

And with #38 Jessica "Jaelle" Ihimaera-Smiler steps in with another
epilogue.  And will Writer's Block Woman and Mouse insult Saxon's
home country and will I say, 'Hey!  That's my job!'?  (Hmm)


But for now..


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             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                 ||
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                     ADVENTURES #75


                         =====================
                    Birth Of A Villain Part Fifteen
                         =====================





From: Saxon Brenton <saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au>
Subject: [LNH] Birth Of A Villain #37: Epilogue 2
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative,alt.comics.lnh
Date: 17 Aug 2001 01:56:53 -0000

Blue Light Productions, bemused at how fast the cascade was finished 
  off, nevertheless comes back for one more milking of the cash-cow:

Birth Of A Villain #37
A chaotic add-on cascade type Legion of Net.Heroes title

"Epilogue 2: 101 Uses For A Giant Carnivorous Mutant Platypus"
Written by Saxon Brenton

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Cover shows some of the Legionnaire's sitting around and looking 
bored, saying, "Well I don't know. What do you want to do?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------

     A LNH flight.thingee flew across the lemon coloured sky.
     Fourth Wall Lass peered out of the window, frowned, then turned 
to Chinese Guy and said, "I thought it was only in Tas.mania that the 
sky was yellow."
     He shrugged. "Mostly it is. But we've crossed the dimensional 
barrier into the Dreamtime, so the landscape can get a bit strange."
     "Actually," said Lenny the squirrel from the pilot's seat, 
"Alcheringa is the Real World of which the Looniearth is just a 
shadow. So really it's your sky that's strange."
     "So we're nearly there, then?" asked Insomnia Lad somewhat 
wistfully as he petted Irving, the giant carnivorous mutant platypus 
that he had taken a liking to (the other three were down the back of 
the flight.thingee in the storage locker, which had somehow 
temporarily developed an LNHHQ-like ability to grow large enough to 
accommodate the (numerically) small menagerie of giant critters).
     "Uh-huh," said Lenny.
     "So, okay Lenny, what I really want to know is this:" said 
FWLass. "After Ultimate Ninja put his foot down and said, no, we 
couldn't dig a moat around the LNHHQ to keep the platypuses in, what 
made you think of the Aboriginal Dreamtime as a place where they could 
stay? And for that matter, how come you know how to navigate there?"
     Lenny shrugged. "I come from there. It's home."
     There was a pause as people thought about this. Chinese Guy 
smiled the smile of anticipation of someone who just *knew* what the 
next question would be.
     It was Insomnia Lad who took the plunge. "Correct me if I'm 
wrong, but squirrels aren't native to Alt.stralia."
     "That's right."
     "So how could you be native to the Dreamtime? Or is this one of 
those cases of eclecticism that the Writers keep throwing into their 
stories because they think it's funny?"
     "Nothing like that. I'm just not really a squirrel, that's all."
     Fourth Wall Lass considered. "You're not another shapechanging 
Taoist spirit, are you?"
     "No."
     "Oh good."
     "I'm a shapechanging Dreamtime spirit."
     "Oh, of course," she deadpanned. "Silly me. I should have 
realised."
     "Or at least, I used to. I've been cursed to be stuck in a 
single, non-native shape."
     "Oh?"
     "That's an important point," Lenny assured her, gravely, not 
looking away from window of the flight.thingee's cockpit.
     "It is?"
     "Yes." Then Lenny turned from the control panel and gave her a 
particularly intense look. "You know how I was one of the group that 
got stuck in the past, and how we made it back to the present by using 
cryogenic suspension?"
     "Uhm, yes."
     "And didn't it occur to you how I managed to avoid being the 
butt of an Austin Powers joke where all my fur fell out because of a 
botched revival process?"
     "It hadn't even crossed my mind," she assured him.
     "Well, now you know."
     Chinese Guy knew that as a yabon spirit Lenny had no true form of 
his own and that the very notion of being stuck in a single shape was 
upsetting for him. He marvelled that Lenny was able to speak calmly 
about it, but at the same time he could see the warning signs that 
the other net.heroes couldn't that Lenny was starting to get himself 
worked up. He interrupted to defuse the tension. "I would never have 
expected Marmoo's curse to have an up side to it," he said gently.
     Lenny sighed. "Me neither. Anyway, if you can't keep Irving and 
her pals in Net.ropolis, then the next best place that I can think of 
is to let them settle down in Alcheringa. Nice friendly place which 
doesn't just have spirit creatures, but is also home to all sorts of 
megafauna that have been extinct in the mundane world for thousands 
of years. Giant platypuses should fit in just nicely with the giant 
kangaroos and koalas, and the likes of the diprotodonts."
     "Hold up a second," said Insomnia Lad, backing up along the train 
of conversation. " 'Her'?"
     Chinese Guy gave Insomnia Lad an somewhat incredulous glance. 
"Yes, 'her'. Didn't you realise she's female?"
     "No. I don't even know how to tell."
     "Male platypuses have a little spur on their back legs on their 
ankles," Chinese Guy explained. "Looks kind of like a sixth toe at 
first glance. It's what they use to inject their venom when they're 
fighting."
     "Venom!? They're venomous!?"
     "Of course they're bloody venomous! Didn't you read Pratchett's 
_Last Continent_?"
     "I thought he was just exaggerating," said Insomnia Lad.
     "Only a bit," countered Lenny.
     "You've got an even split between boys and girls between those 
four," noted Chinese Guy, pointing a thumb over his shoulder towards 
the storage locker. "They should make a nice breeding colony."
     Meanwhile, Fourth Wall Lass was thinking off along another 
tangent. "Obsessive typing up of loose ends," she decided.
     "Pardon?"
     "Obsessive tying up of loose ends," she repeated. "Back in part 9 
Father Brown's sensors detected Chinse Guy as coming from another 
universe.
     "Really?" said CGuy. "Let me guess, that was back when everybody 
thought I was my Superguy counterpart."
     "Uh-huh," she confirmed. "Anyway, I guess the Writer is trying to 
tie off that loose end. Obviously, if Lenny's from the Dreamtime, it 
was *him* that Father Brown was detecting as an extradimensional."
     "The Writer should consider himself lucky that Mouse isn't here," 
said Chinese Guy. "That's just the type of thing that'd set her off 
with a cranky attack."
     "Why did you insist on Mouse not coming?" Insomnia Lad asked, 
curious.
     "Because we're going a place where there are dingos, and I don't 
trust that bastard Writer not to try one final attempt to pull an 
Azaria Chamberlain joke."
     "You're being paranoid Bruce," FWLass told him.
     "Gales of derisive laughter," he countered pleasantly.
     "Well, we're pretty much finished this storyline, and Mouse isn't 
here," said Insomnia Lad. "So, it's hardly as though there's going to 
be any more opportunities to try."
     "True. Unless it happens off panel, like that legal battle 
between wReamicus and Father Brown."
     "I still can't believe that Green Eggs Hates Spham tried to kill 
Father Brown by dumping him in a black hole," said Lenny. "I mean, 
didn't he realise that it's only normal people who inevitably die when 
you stuff them into a Schwartzchild radius? Nine times out of ten the 
heroes and villains just fall through the singularity and out the 
other side"
     Fourth Wall Lass sighed. "I'm afraid that Father Brown was 
destined to survive this storyline. He appeared at the villains get-
together in the epilogue of the Mutton Mania cascade, which supposedly 
happens after this one in continuity."
     "Supposedly?"
     "Yeah. The _Birth Of A Villain_ cascade happens before the 
_Mutton Mania_ cascade, and _Mutton Mania_ led into the conclusion of 
the _Saviours Of The Net_ cascade. The big fight scene at the end of 
_Saviours Of The Net_ was when New Look Lass and Minority Miss were 
lost into the dimension of Real Life -1 in the Reality Check arc in 
_Minority Miss_, which is what prompted Weirdness Magnet to come 
looking for help from the Legion in _Birth Of A Villain_ #31."
     "Head... hurts..." announced Chinese Guy.
     "I suppose so. For my part, I think I'd better head off and try 
and find those two, since it was my powers that got them lost while 
the Legion and the Saviours were fighting the Mechanical Author."
     "By the way Fourth Wall Lass," said Insomnia Lad, changing the 
topic. "If we're tying off loose ends, why was wReamicus Maximus so 
keen on keeping Dvandom Force from becoming involved in the storyline 
when he was busily dragging in everyone else in sight?"
     "Well, Brenton has a completely different idea from Rogers, but 
basically he thought that wReamicus was going to use a method of 
tapping into Dvandom's power that would have been interfered with by 
the presence of Dvandom Force. A type of feedback loop thing. That's 
why wReamicus didn't want Dvandom Force, or any of Dvandom's other 
characters around: just them being present would have upset his plans, 
regardless of whether they physically opposed him or not. When the 
Church of the Fourth Wall abandoned wReamicus for an alliance with the 
Nodakommandos to summon David Henry into the Looniverse rather than 
Dvandom, it would have set the scene for a teamup with Icthys to stop 
the Church and the Nodakommandos. Then it would have been a case of 
Icthys' presence causing the feedback loop with David Henry's power 
and being the key to stopping the villains' plans."
     "Icthys?" mused Insomnia Lad, trying to recall the characters 
created by DHenry. "The scales of justice? The undead fish animated by 
voodoo who fights crime in supermarkets?"
     "That's the one."
     Lenny interrupted. "Well, we can put aside all of this pointless 
speculation on what could have happened if the cascade had gone on 
for longer. We've arrived."
     The flight.thingee landed beside a billabong under the yellow 
sky. The net.heroes and the giant carnivorous mutant platypuses 
disembarked, and Insomnia Lad made his goodbyes to Irving while the 
other three platypuses slipped into the water.
     "You be good Irving," said Insomnia Lad, scratching her under the 
bill. "Now that we've got the co-ordinates for this location in this 
dimension, I'll be able to come around and visit you from time to time 
by using the Legion's transporter.thingee."
     Irving hissed a farewell, and then followed the other platypuses.
     As the net.heroes made their way back to the flight.thingee, 
Chinese Guy elbowed Fourth Wall Lass. "Hey. Look over there," he said, 
pointing towards some bushes.
     There was a dingo there. It has a swag over his shoulder (which 
was labelled 'swag'). It was looking at the four of them and seemed 
vaguely disappointed.
     "She's not here," Fourth Wall Lass said. "Just go away."
     The dingo turned and slunk back into the bushes.
     "Let's go home," Insomnia Lad said.
----------
Saxon Brenton   Uni of Technology, city library, Sydney, Australia
saxon.brenton at uts.edu.au

From: Jessica <jaelle at ihug.co.nz>
Subject: [LNH] Birth Of A Villain #38: Epilogue 3
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
Date: 19 Aug 2001 07:30:28 -0000

Birth of a Villain #38

Mouse: AKA, the story that refuses to end.

by Jaelle (with endless comments by Mouse)

***

Saxon Brenton wrote:

> Birth Of A Villain #37
> A chaotic add-on cascade type Legion of Net.Heroes title

Mouse: Wasn't every single issue of this crossover a chaotic add-on?

> "Epilogue 2: 101 Uses For A Giant Carnivorous Mutant Platypus"

Writers Block Woman and Mouse: DUMP IT BACK IN ALT.STRALIA!!!
Mouse: And take all these bloody possums back while you're at it!
Jaelle: Okay guys, let me write in peace and quiet now please.

***

Epilogue 3: Obsessive Tying Up of Loose Ends

>      "The Writer should consider himself lucky that Mouse isn't here,"
> said Chinese Guy. "That's just the type of thing that'd set her off
> with a cranky attack."
>      "Why did you insist on Mouse not coming?" Insomnia Lad asked,
> curious.
>      "Because we're going a place where there are dingos, and I don't
> trust that bastard Writer not to try one final attempt to pull an
> Azaria Chamberlain joke."
>      "You're being paranoid Bruce," FWLass told him.
>      "Gales of derisive laughter," he countered pleasantly.
>      "Well, we're pretty much finished this storyline, and Mouse isn't
> here," said Insomnia Lad. "So, it's hardly as though there's going to
> be any more opportunities to try."

***

Writers Block Woman burst into the LNH cafe,

"A platypus!" She screamed. "A giant carnivorous mutant platypus
stole my baby!"

Mouse groaned and banged her head against the table, nearly upsetting
the glass of orange juice on it. "Muuummm... that joke wasn't funny 
the first eighteen times either."

"I quite liked it the second time around," said Cheesecake Eater Lad.

"You would," Mouse told him. "Just let it go Mum. They weren't going
to take YOU of all people to Alt.stralia. Everybody here and their
assorted sidekicks knows how you feel about the Ockers."

Writers Block Woman sulked over to the table. "I wouldn't have done
anything."

"Then why were you trying to requisition three hundred stinkbombs
and a giant inflatable kangaroo out of Stores?" Mouse demanded.

"Err... be prepared?" Writers Block Woman hazarded.

"Nice try." Mouse sipped her orange juice, for her orange juice it
was indeed, and none others. It was unquestionably hers.

"So, where have you been all morning?" Writers Block Woman said. 
Suddenly she adopted a strange, high-pitched tone of voice. "Been 
shopping?"

Mouse grimaced and replied in the same voice. "Nah, been shopping." 

"Oh yeah, what'd you buy?"

"An old Monty Python sketch." Mouse snapped. "Can we please stop
this now?"

Writers Block Woman grinned at her briefly and then stole her 
orange juice. Alas, the perfidity of it all!

Mouse sighed, "Next year, don't give the narrator a word-of-the-
day calendar, okay?" 

WBW had the grace to look abashed. "I felt we had to do something,
given that we hadn't provided a lot of work lately."

Mouse looked depressed. Morose even. "Knock it off," she growled.

"So where HAVE you been?" WBW asked.

"On a mission," Mouse replied. "A mission of great importance."

"Ooohhh...?"

"Yeah, getting rid of that damn mind-controlling cat!" Mouse grumbled.
"Who gives mind control powers to a cat anyway? Like they need
any more advantages. Aren't humans already their slaves enough?"

"Are you missing Sukie?" Writers Block Woman asked gently.

"I AM NOT MISSING SUKIE!!!" Mouse denied. "Dad's taking good care
of her and I'll see her next time we're in NZ."

[To find out who Sukie is... er, well, you'll have to wait for me
to finish WBW #37-39! It's not important though - really. She's
just a cat. A very cute purrable kitty-cat. A sweet cat.

...

I miss my cat. I haven't seen him in ages. Foo. - Jaelle]

"So where did you leave Tiddles then?" WBW asked. "Honestly, I can't
believe he was able to take over my mind so easily!"

Mouse refrained from saying anything, but it was a bit of a struggle.

"I thought you just let him wander off?" Asked J. Random LNHer. 

"Nah," Mouse sighed. "My conscience wouldn't let me."

"You have a conscience?" Someone hidden safely up the back of the
cafe asked. Mouse glared in their direction.

"Yes I do, and don't think I won't eventually find out who that
was and make you pay!" She called.

"So what did you do?" WBW asked insistently.

"Well," Mouse said slowly. "I did consider giving him to Bill Walls."

Everyone within earshot stared at her in horror.

"Give a mind-controlling cat with a desire to take over the world to
a meglo-maniac who wants to take over..." Cheesecake-Eater Lad trailed
off. "Oh."

"Exactly," Mouse sniffed. "Who'd notice? But then I decided that would
be too nice."

"So..." WBW was practically dancing in impatience. "Where? Where?"

Mouse smiled in a nasty fashion.

***

End

***

Author's Note:

NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! The world will
never know! Or maybe they will. Tiddles-sighting anyone? *smirks*
I know one place that he might be - but you'll have to read Crypt 
Looter #6 to find out! (Woo hoo! Free plugs - go me).

No, there was no point. No point at all. I just thought it would
be nice to know what Mouse was doing, having been rather callously
written out of the second epilogue _Saxon_ :-), and then I thought,
there's a perfectly good bad joke going begging there. Why not
make it? 

And maybe I feel like doing something LNH-related for a change. I
miss the LNH. I wish I had more time to write in. Feh.

Writers Block Woman and Mouse are both mine. Cheesecake-Eater Lad is
(or at least _was_ last time I was paying attention) Public Domain. 
If he's not, or involved in another plotline, I apologise. I have a
sneaking feeling someone was using him but I can't quite recall,
and all other Public Domain characters I could think of seem to be
busy in other stories.

Anyways, this complete waste of your time was sent to you with
great joy by,

Jaelle
"Isn't it interesting that the same people who laugh at science 
fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?" -- Kelvin Throop. 

***

==========
Next Week: And some more Birth of a Villain epilogues!
==========

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer