LNH20: Writer's Block Person #34: "Editorial Mandate"
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat Oct 21 14:55:31 PDT 2017
One day, Writer's Block Person, Kid Review, and the Ununnilium Stranger were
hanging out in the apartment, doing each other's makeup. (Believe me, it is
extremely helpful in these situations to have the same face.)
"You know," said Writer's Block Person, carefully adding highlights until Kid
Review's eyes looked like a midsummer sunset, "LNH20 should have some kind of
neat meta administrative character, like Footnote Girl or Kid Recap."
"Huh," said Kid Review, pondering. "But doesn't the Ununnilium Stranger cover
that sort of thing?"
"I do many odd jobs around the place!" said the Stranger dramatically, looking
in a mirror and smacking their lips together to get their lipstick nice and
even. "But it would be nice to have a specialist or two!"
Suddenly, the door slammed open! It was a Hispanic woman wearing a buttoned-down
fault-leather trenchcoat and a rakish hat with a card labeled "EDITOR" tucked in
the band. "Do you ever lock this thing? Also, I am... Edwina, the Ultimate Editor!"
"Gasp!" said Writer's Block Person, jumping up from their seat. "Somehow,
exactly the kind of person I was thinking of!"
"Yes!" said Edwina, pointing at them. "Also, I am your opposite number, Writer's
"Double gasp!! Also, want to make out?"
"No, as I am asexual and sex-repulsed!" said Edwina, flexing. "Also, just as you
were empowered by the forces of Silliness and Tossed-Off Writing*, I was
empowered by the forces of Structure and Planned Long-Form Writing!"
[ * As established in Writer's Block Person #3! - Ed. (UE) ]
"YES!" said Edwina, jumping up on the desk. "Also, I am here not simply because
of a momentary suggestion that I should exist, but for a substantial reason of
long-term import - a great and fundamental conflict that exists between us!"
"Even more gasp than before!!!!!" Writer's Block Person took a moment to pant
and refill their lungs, then said, "But we have so much in common - we're both
dedicated to the common cause of storytelling! What conflict could be more
important than that!?"
"That *is* the conflict! For you see--" Edwina leapt from the desk to the coffee
table, somehow miraculously not breaking it. Kid Review and the Ununnilium
Stranger rose from their seats, and she turned, pointing, marking all three of
them with her gaze. "I am here to make you finish every single one of your
Writer's Block Person and Kid Review screamed and clutched each other. "No!
Anything but that!"
"HENSHINTERPRETATION!" shouted Edwina, and held up a golden pen with black
accents. She clicked the top of the pen and spun around into a stylish CGI
transformation sequence, ending up in black armor with golden accents, a gold
version of her hat on her head and a cape the same color as her trenchcoat,
fluttering dramatically. From nowhere, she pulled a sword whose blade was a red
pen, whose tip glistened with in. "Have at you!"
The two of them shouted and ran out the door, Edwina running after.
After a moment of silence, the Ununnilium Stranger's head popped out from under
the couch. "So... yeah. We're gonna get started on that." They looked around,
then carefully slid back under.
a.) Edwina, the Ultimate Editor is General Use, though you'll probably find her
most useful in footnotes and editorial captions. She signs hers [ - Ed. (UE) ].
b.) I actually am going to try to go back and complete literally everything I've
started on here. @-@ Wish me luck!
Drew "behind but powerful!" Perron
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