LNH: Another LNH Title? Really? #8: Odd Love

[Drew Perron]

On 6/9/2017 11:22 PM, Adrian McClure wrote:
> Another LNH Title? Really? #8:
> 
> "Odd Love"
> A Legion of Net.Heroes story by Adrian McClure

YAY more Adrian

> The cover (yes there's a cover this time!!) shows Frat.Boy and a cute,
> flamboyant, fat man sitting at a table in a bar, with All Knowing Last
> Chance Whiner Destiny Woman looming above: "STOP! They must not be
> allowed to date... OR THE UNIVERSE DIES!"

ooooooooh. :3

> The man-eating plants struggled to get at them from
> behind their force field. A lot of people weren't sure that keeping
> man-eating plants in the LNHQ was a good idea, but they didn't
> understand its value for science.

Seriously, people

> "What are you thinking about?" he
> asked her.
> 
> "I'm thinking," she said.

SStO is an amazing character when written well

> She sat down beside him in the bench. "To
> tell the truth, I'm worried about the future of my character."
> 
> Doctor Stomper nodded. He knew that saying something outside her usual
> speech pattern took a fair amount of effort sometimes.

oooooh, good character point

> "I used to be a fairly simple gag character, but since the dissolution
> of my marriage, my character arc has become too complicated," she
> said. "This makes me a lot harder to write. I used to be one of the
> most popular LNH characters, but now I barely show up anymore."

Interesting. I mean, I just tend not to think of her. X3;

> Dr. Stomper took her hand and squeezed it. "There's nothing wrong with
> you, wReanna. We've all had to go through periods of difficult
> character growth at some point or another. Remember Beige Midnight?

Excellent point~

> "Well, I was thinking," said Doctor Stomper. "Would you like to work
> as my lab assistant? You're particularly skilled at seeing the
> obvious--and I, as a fairly privileged superhero-universe super-genius
> who thinks in many dimensions at once, am sometimes particularly
> skilled at missing it."
> 
> She smiled. "That could be interesting."

Awwwwww. That makes so much sense. :3

> Before they could say anything else, a harsh alarm rang out--the
> Cosmic Catastrophe Alarm. It had been several years now since the fate
> of the entire universe had been threatened, so he supposed it was
> about time.

*counts off on fingers* Hm yeah, fair

> "There's another Earth hanging in the sky," said Sister State-the-Obvious.
> 
> And there was.
> 
> "Damn," said wReamhack. "I thought we got all that Jonathan Hickman
> Avenger stuff out of our system in Just Another Cascade..."

Heeheehe

> 
> "Doctor Stomper," said Fearless Leader, who was still in his pajamas.
> He looked up on the Earth in the night sky, which had turned a blaring
> shade of red. "You didn't joined a secret cabal which is destroying
> alternate Earths and mindwipe me, did you?"
> "No," said Doctor Stomper.
> 
> "Good. I just wanted to make sure.

*cacklesnerk*

> "Legion beware!" All-Knowing Last Chance Whiner Destiny Woman appeared
> in a cloud of smoke. "One of your members has made a terrible
> mistake--one that threatens the existence of the Looniverse itsel!"

DUN DUN DUNNN

> And sometimes people he dated
> or hooked up with--both men and women--got weird about bi people.
> (Which he was pretty sure he was? Every time someone tried to explain
> the difference between "bi" and "pan" his brain shorted out, so he
> thought of himself as "queer" for lack of anything more specific.)

Yes good. :3 I mean, it's a very useful word.

> His last--and first--real serious boyfriend, Frank, had been like
> that. He'd broken up with him because he was worried that, because
> Frat Boy was attracted to both men and women, he wouldn't fill all his
> "needs."

Awwwwwwh. :< *nods*

> But he was pretty sure--based on his unfortunately limited
> experience with this stuff--that no one person could satisfy anyone
> else's needs, whatever gender they were attracted to. People were just
> too complicated for that.

Yeah!! Our cultural idea of what romantic and sexual relationships need to be is 
destructive and limiting!

> But it'd still be nice to have someone to come home to.

awwwwwwwh.

> He was jolted out of his thoughts by a really cute guy. The cute
> stranger was a kind of femme-y fat boy, who had dark blue dyed hair
> and lipstick. He wasn't the kind of guy Frat Boy normally gravitated
> to. Most of the men he'd been with had been muscular and
> conventionally attractive--but a lot of them had disappointed him in
> the end. So why not try something different?

Heeheehee. :3

> "Yep. I mean, this is like, a parody superhero universe which runs on
> really goofy and obvious jokes, so yeah. It coulda been worse. I could
> be Miller Light. Or Pabst Blue-Ribbon."

X3

> "Daniel Jackson. Like the guy in Stargate."
> 
> "Huh. That's a heck of a coincidence. And hey, look, we're wearing the
> same shirt at the same time."
> 
> "We are!" Daniel fistbumped him. "Maybe we're meant for each other." He winked.

Adorable. :3

> They stumbled into another bar, one that was doing karaoke. Before
> long they had a few more drinks in them. They'd had a long animated
> conversation about music, bad dates, and other things they couldn't
> quite remember. They stumbled their way onto the stage and sang.

awwwwwwwwh <3

> And that's when the net.villain showed up.

DUN DUN DUNN

> It started when someone in the audience saw something sparkling on the
> floor. He picked it up and turned it over in his hands. It was a pog.
> A special shiny holographic pog. If he looked at it enough, he felt
> like he might start to understand the secrets of the universe.

oh my god :D :D :D

> "Hahahah! My HoloZahir Pog--all the obsession-inducing power
> of the Borgesian artifact, in pog form!--will drive them to tear each
> other apart!!!

!!! THE MOST AMAZING REFERENCE

> Soon I will introduce these to children and ruin every
> holiday! And then the world will bow before the SLAMMER!!"

oh my goodness yes :D

> Rushed into the bathroom, hastily took off his civilian clohtes and
> reveal the net.hero outfit underneath. Every LNH member was required
> to always wear a superhero costume under their outfit at all times.

Oh goodness. XD

> "Frat Boy."
> 
> "Oh cool! I'm Fat Boy."

Heeheehee :3

> There was somethng Frat Boy almost remembered, something that was
> really important. But he had a fair number of beers and a beautiful
> man with him and a supervillain outside, so there were too many other
> things to think about.

Heeheehee ^.^

> "Ah, meddling net.heroes! I should have expected as much! But you
> cannot defeat the power of the SLAMMER!" he said, making extra effort
> to announce his name, in fancy lettering and stuff. (Thanks
> Orzechowski!)

:D <3

> "The Slammer? Taking on the Slammer sounds like an interesting way to
> spend the night," said Fat Boy.
> 
> "Let's double-team him!" said Frat Boy.

Oh GOODNESS >###>

> Bouncing Boy (of the Legion of Super-Heroes... you know... that OTHER
> legion, you probably don't remember them... with Matter-Eater Lad and
> stuff... Sounds like a cheap ripoff of Cheesecake-Eater lad to me!)

Heeheehee. X3 Mind you, with how DC's been treating them...

> His criminal career had begun when he encountered a demonic
> chest of pogs flung from the citadel of a demon lord after it was
> destroyed by the LNH [ALNHTR FCBD Special (that could probably use
> another acronym)]

Oh my god. XD That is not a bit of continuity I expected.

> THe truth is both these net.heroes were really attractive and the
> Slammer couldn't help but wonder if he would have more fun with them
> off the battlefield, but he was a villain and he had to build a
> reputation. The enemy makeouts would have to wait until he had a
> proper archenemy.

XD :3 I didn't expect this to get even gayer

> "Fools!" he shouted. "Taste the power of the MegaMetal Slammer!" (Is
> there going to be a single line in this scene that doesn't sound like
> some kind of double entendre? Well, no.)

*cackles fiendishly*

> Frat Boy blasted his beer beam at
> the Pouch of Pogs at his side (and why is it that in Adrian McClure
> type stories all these characters have special pouches that hold magic
> artifacts, huh? Is it wish fulfillment because they're always reading
> too many books at once and has to carry them all in a backpack and
> wants some kind of dimensionally transcendental pouch to make lugging
> around all the books easier? Bet that's it).

Haha relatable >#> <#<

> But this was really
> more of a proof-of-concept fight. He would return one day... yes one
> day... he would succeed where Acton Lord himself had failed, because
> he had something the venerable villain did not: POGS!

Amazing. XD <3

> They stumbled into Frat Boy's room. It had beer cans scattered all
> over and Beastie Boys posters up on the wall. Fat Boy didn't' really
> pay attention to any of this, becuase he pulled them onto Frat Boy's
> futon, grabbing him by the wrists, and pressed into his lips in a hot,
> deep, passionate kiss. Easily one of the top ten best Frat Boy could
> remember.

:3 :3 :3

> "Well... uh... Are you. Are you..."
> 
> "Am I what?" There was a plaintive note of preemptive disappointment
> in his voice. Frat Boy was afraid to go on. But he had to.

;-;

> "Are you from this universe? >
> Fat Boy blinked. "Uh... No. No I'm not. You got me. I'm a
> parallel-universe tourist. I--wait. Wait. Oh shit..."
> 
> "You're from the Oddballverse."
> 
> "...yeah."
> 
> "And we're counterparts."

I knew this was coming but!!! THIS IS SO AMAZING. YOU FINALLY DID IT IN THE BEST 
WAY POSSIBLE.

> That wasn't the problem in and of itself. Oddball LNH members weren't
> *quite* the same people as their counterparts, and also the idea of
> making out with a version of you, while weird, was honestly kind of
> hot.

I mean. Yeah >#>

> "It's OK," said Frat Boy. "Whatever's gonna happen has happened. It
> won't get any worse if we touch more. And I mean, it can't be *too*
> bad"--
> 
> He looked at the window and saw the red sky and the other Earth.
> 
> "Ok."

awwwww, sweetie X3;;;;

> "Y'know," said Frat Boy. whatever's going to happen, you were worth
> it. Honestly."

awwwwwwwwww! <3
> "Hold it!" said Careless Whisper. "You can't touch or--"
> 
> "What is the end of the world?" said All Knowing Lightning Round
> Jeopardy Winner Woman.

These are amazing names.

> "But what about--" said Doctor Chompers, gesturing at the
> Earth hanging in the sky.
> 
> A voice like thunder echoed through the world. "OH, SORRY." A
> RACCelestial touched down and picked up the Earth in his arms, then
> teleported back to the Cosmic Beach Volleyball Tournament. The sky
> returned to its normal hue.

oh my god. XD XD XD <3

> "Uh, that was me," said wReamhack from somewhere in the middle of the
> crowd. "I did readings with an advanced cosmic modeling program,
> and--" [LNHCP #11]

Also very Hickmanian.

> "Hmmmmm. Ah. I see what the issue is."
> 
> "Yes?" said Fearless Leader.
> 
> "You see, Frat Boy and Fat Boy were always meant to be the first
> LNHers from their worlds who would have made physical contact. They
> are bound together by powerful lines of shipping affinity. wReamhack,
> you did your readings in 1993. Back then, this would have led to a
> considerable flamewar which would have had devastating effects on the
> community. But it's been more than twenty years since then--the people
> who would have had a problem with that are long gone now.

...that's actually really clever. X3 Yay metafiction!

> "Yeah," said Frat Boy. "The LNH is kind of like that one troop of
> baboons whose 'alpha males' all died of tainted meat, and the others
> took over and made things a lot more chill."

:D :D :D WE ARE.

> "Uh," said Fearless Leader, "Yeah, sorry. You're free to, uh, do whatever."

Heeheehee

> "And I am sorry as well," said All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Destiny
> Woman. "I reacted out of fear, fear borne as much from my own
> circumstances as my duty to protect the cosmos. You see, there are
> things that I *almost* remember about the person I was before I took
> this role. And I was afraid to remember them. I--" And then she
> vanished in a puff of smoke.

That was sudden. X3

> "More foreshadowing that may or may not ever pay off, most likely,"
> said Doctor Stomper. "Standard issue for a story by this author."

Heeheehee.

> "Well," said Frat Boy when they were alone. "Now what."
> 
> "Uh," said Fat Boy, "that was... really stressful. Not sure I can do
> anything else."
> 
> "Understandable." Frat Boy flopped on the bed and they cuddled
> together. It felt nice. "This still isn't the weirdest date I've ever
> had."
> 
> "Oh yeah." Fat Boy laughed. "And it turned out OK. I guess the world
> doesn't end when the Fat Boy sings..."

D'awwwwww. :3 <3 <3 <3 I love it.

> "Well, you'll have to figure that out for yourselves. But the
> relationship that exists now would be a good starting point. I have to
> warn you, though... Being real can be something of a double-edged
> sword. As you grow in complexity you will will have to deal with more
> complex emotions and difficulties. I'm sure there are times when
> Pinocchio missed being woody... er... made of wood..."

*snerkle*

> And in the East Coast Brotherhood of Net.Villains headquarters,
> Mistake was carefully studying the faces of each member of the LNH,
> practicing impersonating them. That could be difficult. Once she'd
> tried impersonating Sig.Lad and was stuck in his form for a week,
> because he'd been a shapeshifter, and that meant she *couldn't*
> shapeshift.

*cackles*

> Then she saw another face, a face she had to double check that she'd
> seen. It was labeled "All-Knowing Last-Chance Whiner Destiny Woman."
> 
> Mistake's fingers brushed across the photograph. "Her? But it can't
> be--I saw her die..."

DUN DUN DUN...

> Consider this my contribution to Pride Month as well as the LNH's 25th
> anniversary year.

:D

> Slammer was created by/is the semi-Writer Character of Drew's and my
> friend Orville. A lot of this story was inspired by him.

:3

> And yes, the final reveal was a big part of why I brought back Mistake.

Fascinating. :o

Drew "wondering where that's goin'!" Perron