LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #40: The Crimes of the Brotherhood Part Three

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Sun Dec 17 17:27:22 PST 2017

In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
we have the third section of the whole EMPLOYEE-EMPOWERED, PARADIGM-SHIFTED,

Firstly, we have Jeff "Drizzt" Barnes with the first issue ofInsanity Unlimited that
deals with the David Lynch film 'Eraserhead' or maybe it's the Brotherhood
of Net.Villain.. guess you'll have to read it to find out.

And lastly, we have another issue of Martin Phipps's Generation Y (this time
issue 10) as the teen team deals with more Brotherhood mischief..

             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                     ADVENTURES #40

                 The Crimes of the Brotherhood Part Three

Newsgroups: alt.comics.lnh,rec.arts.comics.creative
Subject: LNH: Insanity Unlimited #1 (EEPSIODRCotBoNV Crossover)
From: barnejd at wkuvx1.wku.edu (Jeff Barnes)
Date: 5 May 95 09:50:31 CDT

                           INSANITY UNLIMITED #1
                          "Big Monsters And Stuff"
                      An Episode In the EEPSIODRCotBoNV

	Deep beneath the streets of Net.ropolis, in a secret subterranean 
chamber, lived a beast known only as the Egaboo.  Its true origins are 
unknown, having been retconned at least half a dozen times.  However, they
are not important.  What is important about the Egaboo is that it has 
spawned over one hundred eggs, and in a matter of months, or perhaps weeks,
or perhaps days, its brood will hatch, burrow up through the earth, and 
attack the denizens of Net.ropolis.

	Unfortunately, this story is not about the Egaboo.  I just thought
you'd like to know in case you live in the city, what with insurance rates
already going through the roof.

	What this story is about is a man named Mr. Homage.  Well, actually,
that isn't his name at all, but it is the title he has taken at present. 
And this story really isn't about him at all, though it did come to be 
because of his actions.  You see, in recent months, he had come to take over 
leadership of a band of motley criminals known as the Brotherhood of 
Net.Villains (not to be confused with the Brothel of Net.Villains, Marvel 
Entertainment's attempt to cross the "bad girls" trend with standard
costumed criminals).  At any rate, his latest plot to increase revenues,
wreak havoc, and gain revenge on net.heroes included setting his lackeys 
loose upon an unsuspecting populace, each outfitted with a particular plan 
suited to his or her strengths.

	There was one member of the Brotherhood, though, for whom this 
proved difficult.  His name was Eraserhead.

	And this is his story.

	My name is the Drizzt.  Actually, that isn't my true name, but it 
is the apellation I am most commonly known by of late.  Anyway, for the 
next 460 lines, I urge you to join with me as we venture to another dimension,
one of sight and sound and strangeness, to observe the twilight anomalies 
that comprise... Insanity Unlimited.

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	In a hidden warehouse owned by a dummy front for the Brotherhood...

	"It is mine!  At last!"  Mr. Homage could barely contain his joy.  
In fact, he didn't bother to contain his joy, since megalomaniacal rantings 
have long been in style among master villains.  "Mine, at long last!"

	After long years of scrimping and saving, he'd at last accumulated 
enough purchase points to get his dream machine from the Villain Home 
Shopping Network.  "At last!" he cried, his voice booming and echoing off 
the metal walls of the warehouse.

	"Uh, boss," Polybag Person said.  "What's yours at last?"

	"The Massmaster 2000, of course, you fool!"

	"What's that?  Some kinda exercise machine?"

	"No, you mylar moron!  The Massmaster 2000 is the cutting edge of 
hypergrowth technology!  It allows a living subject who wears it to grow 
in size and mass by importing it from an extradimensional source."  He 
whirled dramatically, his cape flaring.  

	"And I know exactly who that subject should be..."

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	They called him Eraserhead.  This, of course, was no more his 
name that Mr. Homage was Mr. Homage's true name.  His true name was the 
word "Graaauhhhh" said with just the precise tone and inflection.  However,
Eraserhead was sufficiently descriptive.

	The others thought him little more than a mindless monster.  A few 
had even wired up a microcircuitry apparatus that allowed him to appear to 
speak; it was actually little more than a little ventriloquistic practical 
joke, though.  Mr. Homage had found him while wandering through various 
dimensions after the LNH had-  Well, no matter; that's another story for 
another time.  To be specific, you can find it soon in CONTINUITY CHAMP AND 
THE DRIZZT'S DEFENDERS #22.  What?  Of course it will be out soon.  Have I 
not said as much?

	Where was I?  Ah, yes.  Mr. Homage had encountered the creature he 
dubbed Eraserhead during his transdimensional jaunt.  Why did it follow him?
Even he had no explanation.  All he knew was that it followed him everywhere,
did as he bade it, and protected him from harm.  Its orgins and its motives
mattered nothing to him, since Eraserhead appeared to be mindless.

	Unfortunately, while this made Eraserhead the perfect minion, it 
made his developing a plan somewhat problematic.  But now, with the 
Massmaster 2000, Homage had the perfect plan.

	Net.ropolis was used to disasters, but what havoc would a 100 foot
tall Eraserhead cause?

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	Kid Yesterdaze admired Psuedonymph in her new dress.  She had 
changed so much in the last year and a half, he thought to himself.  Where 
once she had been a deathly shy shapechanger, now she was so much more.  
Oh, to be sure, she still rarely spoke, even to him.  But her confidence in
both herself and others had increased greatly since they'd discovered her 
to be a princess from the alien race called the Vesuvans a few months ago.  
She also still did not assume her own native form, but the one she wore 
most often now was not unattractive, being formed from imitating the 
features of various women.

	Kid Yesterdaze sighed happily.  There were certain advantages to 
being in love with a shapeshifter.

	That was when the thirty-foot monster stomped on his car outside.

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	Canadian Smelling Guy stepped out of the plane only to meet with 
an unimaginable threat.  Two men in dress shirts and ties greeted him, 
smiling inanely.

	"Excuse me, sir, but would you be interested in finding out how you 
can have a personal relationship with the Cosmic Plot-Device?" one of the 
cultists asked.

	CSG shuddered.  It had been months, but he would never forget the 
moment that he'd learned his brother, Canadian Spelling Guy, C.A.N.A.D.A.'s 
greatest hero, would never be returning home.  He'd perished in a quest to 
retrieve the Cosmic Plot-Device from its alien creator.  Without answering 
the still-grinning cultists, he shouldered his way past them, aiming for the 
baggage area.

	He'd come to Net.ropolis for one reason alone: to join the Legion 
of Net.Heroes.  He'd vowed to finally escape from the shadow of his self-
sacrificing brother at last by doing the one thing Canadian Spelling Guy 
had never done: make it into the world's most illustrious assemblage of 

	And then he spotted Carlos Montoya on the television.  He paused, 

	"...a thirty... no, our reports say a *thirty-five* foot monster 
rampaging in downtown Net.ropolis.  Sources say that he appeared seemingly 
from nowhere just minutes ago.  No word yet on the whereabouts of Net.ropolis'
esteemed heroes, the Legion of Net.Heroes..."

	Canadian Smelling Guy stopped cold, deep in concentration.  If he 
could stop this menace, surely the Legion of Net.Heroes would never refuse 
him membership.  Tearing off the clothes over his spandex costume, he ran
for the door.

	Outside, he hailed a taxi and clambered in, still removing the last 
of his outer clothing.  "Where to, bub?" the cab driver asked, unruffled 
by a stripping foreigner superhero in the back of his cab.

	"Downtown, eh!  And quickly!  I have a monster to stop!"

	"Keep yer pants on, bub," the cabbie said, ignoring the scent of 
Canadian bacon the net.hero had brought into his car and flooring the gas 
pedal.  "Literally."

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	Substitute Lad was leisurely sipping his Bola Cola (the official 
soft drink of the LNH) when the shadow fell across the sidewalk cafe where
he sat.  He looked up.

	A thirty-five foot form apparently made of pink eraser towered above 
him.  "GRAAAUHHHH!!!!" the monster roared, its voice shattering windows for 
several blocks.

	"Oh, drat," was all Substitute Lad had time to say before the huge 
foot descended...

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	Kid Yesterdaze and Psuedonymph caught up to the giant monster just 
in time to see another costumed figure apparently get squashed.

	"Ouch," Yesterdaze said.  "That's gotta hurt."

	"Well, it would have, if I hadn't imitated the powers of Kid 
Chivalry," a voice from behind him said.  He turned to see the man he'd just
seen squashed.

	"How- ?"

	"Did I do that?  My name's Substitute Lad.  I can duplicate the powers
of any superbeing.  Judging by your costume, I'd say you're the ex-LNHer Kid
Yesterdaze."  He looked at the woman standing beside the Kid.  "And this is...
Sing Along Lass?"

	"No.  Her name's Psuedonymph.  Her powers work like yours.  Makes me
wonder if the two of you are related somehow..."

	"A good question," another voice said.  Contraption Man ran up, 
several components tucked under his arms.  "But one that can wait for later 
speculation."  He looked up at the ever-growing bulk of Eraserhead, as the 
monster lumbered away from them, toward the heart of Net.ropolis.  "We've 
got to figure out some way to stop that... thing."

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	Meanwhile, another player had entered the game.  The green form 
stepped from the shadows of an alley ahead of Eraserhead, discarding his 
trenchcoat in the process.  A humanoid plant stood in the path of Eraserhead's

	"Halt, creature!" he shouted.  "Or face the might of... Chloro Phil!"

	Eraserhead seemed less than impressed with the newcomer, emitting 
another powerful "GRAAAUHHHH!!!" and continuing his advance.

	"All right, you asked for it!"  Chloro Phil summoned his plant-based
powers and caused a giant dandelion to grow almost instantly.  "You sow the
wind, creature.  Now reap my whirlwind!"  He puffed mightily, scattering the
fuzzy weed upward, into Eraserhead's face.  For the first time, the giant 
monster stopped.

	"GRRRA-" it moaned.

	"GRRRA-" it growled.

	"GRRRA-" it began again.


	The wind that came from Eraserhead's sneeze blew Chloro Phil backward
into a brick wall.  He collided with it with a dull, squishy thud, and lay 

	Eraserhead continued onward unmolested.

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	Kid Yesterdaze bent over the unconscious plant-man.  "Looks like he's
still alive.  I guess."  He shook Chloro Phil, earning a groan from the 
prone hero.  "Yep, he's alive."

	"But how do we stop anything that big?" Substitute Lad said, 
gesturing toward the still-lumbering monster.

	"Wait a sec," Kid Yesterdaze said, snapping his fingers.  "I remember
something like this in an old comic.  No, wait.   It was a graphic novel.  
Yeah, that's it!"  He began to sift through the assorted issues stored in 
the extra-dimensional pocket of his satchel.

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	Where ever evil is, there he is drawn.  Who he is is unknown even 
to him.  All he knows is that he is the Master... the Master of the 
Gathering.  And on that day, he was drawn to Net.ropolis.

	He stood in front of the monster, as had the others before him.
He waved his hands and chanted the words of power.  Supernatural energies 
flowed through him, weaving together to form the shape of a Rabid Wombat.

	"I looove that picture," he muttered to himself, gesturing the 
wombat forward and heaping enchantments upon it.  The womabt grew to almost
half Eraserhead's size by the time it reached him.  It was then that the 
Master of the Gathering cast his most devastating spell... Berserk.  The 
wombat reared back, now as gargantuan a beast as Eraserhead.

	Unfortunately, Eraserhead had one ability he'd not yet used: his 
feared deleting eyebeams.  With a glare, the wombat was instantly erased 
from existence.  And then he turned his attentions -- and his Shaq-sized 
feet -- toward the Master.  There was only time for one spell before 
Eraserhead was upon him...

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	"I knew it!" Kid Yesterdaze crowed triumphantly,as they hurried to 
the footprint that marked where the Master of the Gathering had been.  He
pointed toward the slightly-battered graphic novel in his hands.  "See, here,
it's THE REVENGE OF THE LIVING MONOLITH.  He gets really big, and-"

	"Later, dear," Psuedonymph said, sharing two of her rare words with 
her babbling boyfriend.  Then they reached the footprint.

	In the center of it was a glowing circle.  In the center of the 
circle huddled a robed figure.  The Master looked upward at them.  "Hullo.
Good thing I got the Circle of Protection: Big Monster up in time.

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	He was proud.  He was powerful.  He was... Canadian.

	And he was all that stood between Eraserhead and the Powers Towers,
Net.ropolis' tallest building.

	"Stop, miscreant!" he shouted at the now sixty-foot goliath.  "I,
Canadian Smelling Guy command you!"

	Somehow, Eraserhead failed to be impressed.  He continued onward.

	Canadian Smelling Guy summoned up his greatest, most powerful scent 
of all... wild moose.

	Once again, Eraserhead failed to be impressed.  He was, however,
mortally annoyed.

	It was about that time that he stomped on yet another net.hero.

	He was proud.  He was powerful.  He was Canadian.

	And he was in an Insanity comic, so he was dead.

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	"Look, here it is!  They displaced this Living Monolith guy into 
space.  Stopped his rampage cold.  Could you whip up anything that'd let us
do that, Contraption Man?"

	"Hmmmm," CM said, furrowing his brow in concentration.  "It's 
possible... but it would take me at least 15 minutes.  And we'd have to 
shunt him to another dimension.  Space travel is too iffy.  And we'd need a 
refractor.  And some mangoes, of course.  Can't build an extradimensional 
transposer without mango juice.  And a power source of some kind.  Even then,
though," he said, looking to the growing monster as it approached the Powers
Towers, "it doesn't look like we've got 15 minutes."

	"Wait," Substitute Lad said.  "I've got an idea."  He concentrated, 
and his form began to shift until a duplicate of Contraption Man stood where
he was.

	"And Sue can do the same," Yesterdaze said.  "Go ahead," he said to
Psuedonymph.  "Copy Sub Lad copying Contraption Man."  In seconds, another 
Contraption Man stood beside the other two.

	"This is why I enjoy using Dopplegangers so often," the Master of
the Gathering muttered to himself.  "They may be expensive, but they are
incredibly useful."

	"But it will still take at least 5 minutes.  Five minutes too long,"
the real Contraption Man said.

	And then a remarkable thing happened.  Eraserhead suddenly stopped

	"He looks... frozen.  Like a statue," one of the Contraption Men
commented (Kid Yesterdaze thought it was actually Substitute Lad).

	"No," another said (the real one this time).  "He's only moving 
very slowly... almost like-"  He stopped short, then shook his head.  "No,
that's too absurd.  Anyway, we still need those components."

	"Right," Yesterdaze said, digging in his satchel and coming up with
a prismatic foil-covered comic book.  "Will this serve as a refractor?"

	"It'll do," Contraption Man #1 said, taking the offered book and 
beginning to assemble several components, while handling others to the other
two.  "But what about that mango juice?"

	"I can handle that," Chloro Phil commented.  He concentrated, and a
mango tree sprouted from the ground, cracking through the shattered concrete.
"Will three mangos do it?"

	"Sufficient," Contraption Man #2 said, taking the fruit and squeezing
them into the device.

	"What about a power source?  We'll need something with a lot of 
kick," Contraption Man #3 said.

	"Will a fireball suffice?" the Master of the Gathering asked.  "Or 
several Lightning Bolts?"

	"Lightning will be great," CM#1 said, making the last adjustments to
the extradimensional transposer.  "Just throw it down on that antenna right
there."  He motioned the others away from the device, then stepped back 

	The Master of the Gathering began to chant in the arcane tongue once
again.  One lightning bolt shot from the sky to spark against the transposer,
then another and a third.  Then came a fourth, and it was forked twice, to 
be followed by two chain lightnings.

	"That's enough!" the true Contraption Man shouted, running forward.
"Now, stand back!"  He began to readjust the controls on the transposer, then
pointed it toward the still-frozen form of Eraserhead.

	Just then, the frozen form thawed into life.  "GRAAAUHHHH?" it 
demanded of no one in particular.

	The bolt struck it with a crackle of unearthly energies.  Eraserhead
roared and clawed at the air, to no avail.  The aura enveloped him.  He 
roared one last time, then was gone.

	The threat to Net.ropolis was ended.

	"So, anybody care for a Bola Cola?" Substitute Lad asked.  "Or maybe
a Mister Paprika?"

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	Mr. Homage watched as his most loyal follower disappeared.  He sighed,
then turned back to his clone-making machine, inserting his cell sample 
for Eraserhead.  If at first you don't succeed...

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	On the top of a nearby skyscraper, Lageneto collapsed in a puddle of
his own sweat.  Never before had he pushed his powers to the extent he'd had
to in order to lag Eraserhead, but the master villain had succeeded in 
holding him just long enough.

	He smiled bitterly.  Ironic that he'd had to help those net.heroes 
in stopping the monster.  But he had plans for Net.ropolis... plans that 
were useless if it were left a smoking ruin.  Soon, very soon now...

	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*	*

	In a far-away dimension, the being known as Eraserhead paused before
a familiar, slightly smaller pink being.  The Massmaster 2000 had shorted 
out after he'd been displaced, but he still retained the extra mass from it.
He looked down at the other creature.

	Graaauhhh? he thought to himself (which, when translated from 
Eraserheadese, means "Is this the one I have looked for for so long?").

	Graaauhhh, he noted silently (which means, "It sure looks like her.")

	At last, he made a decision and spoke to the other.  "Graaauhhh?"
(translation: "Momma?")

	The other spoke back.  "Graaauhhh?  Graaauhhh!"  ("Junior?  My, how
you've grown since the last time I saw you...")


	Many thanks to the rest of the EEPSIODSRCotBoNV crew for helping
to make the Brotherhood... well, if not more threatening, at least more 
interesting. =)  Special thanks to Joltin' Jeff McCoskey for coming up 
with the base idea for all this.

	Kid Yesterdaze is one of the founding LNHers, who was kind of 
forgotten after THE COSMIC PLOT DEVICE CAPER.  I took him out, dusted him
off a bit, and threw him into the WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO...? miniseries, 
which is where Psuedonymph also made her debut.

	Substitute Lad used by permission of Rob Rogers.

	Master of the Gathering is a probable trademark violation of Wizards
of the Coast.  <shrug>  They can live with it. =)

	Canadian Smelling Guy is the brother of Canadian Spelling Guy, also
from WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO...?  The former met his fate at the hands of 
Idid in one issue of that mini, a fate which the latter mimics.  It should
be noted that a memorial service was held for Canadian Smelling Guy after 
the close of this issue; only Deja Dude showed up (though Kid Anarky did 
try to be there, he wound up being a year and a half late to the service).

	Contraption Man first popped up in the roster not long before 
CRY.SIG.  It wasn't until CRY.SIG that he actually appeared, though, and was
shown to be a time traveller.  He also did a lot of stuff during RETCON HOUR
that I really didn't fully grasp, but I assume that this story takes place 
after he is returned to the status quo.

	Lagneto's a bad guy.  As for his plot, I have no idea what it is 
going to be.  If you want to write it, be my guest.

	Chloro Phil is a leftover from RETCON MIDNIGHT (the orginal, better
name for Bloodthorn).  He's technically a new character, though he might be
the Looniverse's counterpart of Bloodthorn.

And now for the backup story....

AMNESIA in "Precious Memories"

	Amnesia sat in the briefing room.  It had been minutes since Mr.
Homage's briefing.  That much she remembered.  But what had he said?  It
had been important, she was certain.  If only she could remember...  She
began her usual subject litanty.

	Aardvarks?  No, not ardvaarks...

Jeff Barnes                                           barnejd at wkuvx1.wku.edu
"The strongest desire is neither love nor hate.  It is one person's need to 
 change another person's copy."                                  - Anonymous

Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative
From: an25484 at anon.penet.fi
Date: Sat,  6 May 1995 17:22:08 UTC
Subject: Generation Y #10

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/ //~~\\ _// /| |/ // ___// /=/ // /=/ / ~~  ~~/ // /=/ // /| |/ /===\   /=
\ ~~~ // // / |   //    //  ~~ |/  ~~ /   / / / //  ~~ // / |   /     | |
 ~~~~~ ~~ ~~  ~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~   ~~~~  ~~    ~~  ~~ ~~~~~~ ~~  ~~~~      ~~~
                  #10 -- Infinite Possibilities, Part II
Net.ropolis, 1980:
  "AILI!"  Young Brian Hollenbrook woke with a start to find himself,
literally, in the dark, lying in what appeared to be a king-sized bed.
Before he could fully consider where he was (let alone how he got
there), a light went on.
  "Brian?  What's wrong?"
  His eyes adjusted to the light and he managed to make out the form
of a woman in her mid-twenties.  She was wearing a nightgown.  "Mom?"
Brian suddenly realised that he wasn't laying in an large bed but
rather a small one that was simply large for his size.  "This is my old
bedroom," he realised.
  Brian's mother looked at him with genuine concern.  "It's alright.
You've just had a bad dream."
  "I'm sorry I woke you, Mom."
  Brian's mother was startled by the way her son spoke: it was as if
somebody else was speaking with her son's voice, someone more
articulate than she would have expected her three year old son to be.
"Now, now, you just get back to sleep."
  "I will, Mommy," Brian said.  As his mother tucked him in, Brian
tried to recall what had happened to him: he could vaguely remember
fighting these two goons from... some cult; they were standing between
him and... his girlfriend?!  It all seemed ludicrous.  He was three
years old!
  Brian's mother kissed him on his forehead.  "Now, you go to sleep!"
she said as she went to turn out the light.
  "Yes, Mom!" Brian said as his mother returned to her own room.  Could
he possibly have dreamed fifteen years in one night?  It didn't seem
real... and yet it was all so vivid.  Besides, since when did he ever
dream about having a girlfriend?
  Brian decided not to dwell on it: his mother had told him to go to
sleep and that was what he was going to do... or at least that's what
he had planned... right up until his room was filled with light once
  "Biz?  Is that you?"
  Brian recognised the figure in front of him... from his dream!
  "It's me... or rather a hologram of me.  We couldn't figure out how
to send the real me back in time," Insomnia Boy explained.
  "Brian, turn that light out!" his mother said, calling from the next
  "Doctor Stomper, Contraption Man, Deja Dude and myself.  We decided
I should be the one to go back in time because they weren't sure what
you remembered."
  "What happened?" Brian said, still not fully convinced that this was
really happening.
  "Vinnie (Stomper-- MFP) seemed to think that the ability to switch
minds with a past or future self is just simply yet another one of your
previously untapped powers."  Insomnia Boy's hologram grimaced.
"Unfortunately, the mind you switched with is that of a three year old
who doesn't have a clue who we are, let alone how to use his powers."
  Brian thought for a moment.  "When did I start using my powers?" he
  The shoulders of Insomnia Boy's hologram shrugged.  "As far as we know,
not until your early teens."
  Brian sighed.  "I don't think I _have_ powers until I reach puberty."
  "Brian, who are you talking to?"
  "No one, Mom!"
  "Then get to sleep!"
  The head of Insomnia Boy's hologram nodded.  "Alright.  It was worth
a try.  We'll have to try something else."  Insomnia Boy's hologram
punched a few keys on a holographic pad and a holographic door way
appeared behind him.  A single thought passed through Brian Hollenbrook's
mind as Insomnia Boy's hologram disappeared: "Oh boy!"
Net.ropolis, 1995, the med-lab of Legion Headquarters:
  Insomnia Boy emerged from the holographic projection chamber.  "It's
no use: he doesn't seem to have any of the powers belong to the adult
Bizarre Boy."
  "Damn," Deja Dude said.  To one side of Deja Dude stood Doctor Stomper
and Contraption Man; to the other stood Pizza Girl and Organic Lass.
Bizarre Boy layed behind them on one of the beds, still unsure as to what
was going on.
  "We can't give up now," Contraption Man said.  "Not now that we've
come this far."
  "We're just going to have to keep working with him," Insomnia Boy said
as he pointed in Bizarre Boy's direction.
  "But if he doesn't know how to use his powers then how is he going to
do it?" Pizza Girl asked.
  Doctor Stomper mused for a moment.  "You say this happened when
Bizarre Boy used his psionic powers to put Gritty in a coma (last
issue-- MFP)?"
  "Yes," Pizza Girl said, "that's right."
  "What do you have in mind, Doctor?" Insomnia Boy asked.
  "If we ask Bizarre Boy to reverse Gritty's coma then perhaps that
would also reverse what happened to him as well."
  "Now just one minute!" Organic Lass interjected.  "The last time
Bizarre Boy used his psionic powers on Gritty it put her in a coma!
I don't think I approve of him using them on her a second time."
  "Lass, right now you have one patient who is a moron and another who
is a vegetable," Contraption Man said coldly.  "I really don't see
how Bizarre Boy could make the situation any worse."
  "I agree," concurred Deja Dude.  "We have to try."
  Pizza Girl looked up at Organic Lass and pouted.
  Organic Lass sighed.  "Alright... but we'd better be damned sure
just what we tell Bizarre Boy to do."
  Doctor Stomper nodded and moved over to Bizarre Boy's bedside.
  Bizarre Boy looked up at this strange man, not knowing what to say.
  "Brian, do you see that lady over there?"  Doctor Stomper pointed
to the neighbouring bed on which the comatose Gritty had been placed.
  Bizarre Boy looked over to where Doctor Stomper was pointing.  "Yes."
  Doctor Stomper smiled.  "Well, Brian, she needs your help.  You would
like to help her, wouldn't you?"
  "I guess so," Bizarre Boy said, nervously.
  Organic Lass walked over to the other side of the bed.  "Here, Brian,"
she said, "let's go over to see her."
  Bizarre Boy took Organic Lass' hand and got out of bed.  They walked
over to Gritty's bedside.
  "What's wrong with her?" Bizarre Boy asked.
  "She's just very tired," Doctor Stomper told him.  "We need you to
wake her up."
  "We were hoping you'd know," Insomnia Boy said.  Bizarre Boy just
looked confused.
  "Do you sense anything about her that's different?" Organic Lass
  "She's just lying there," Bizarre Boy said with a shrugg.
  "What do you sense about her mind?" Doctor Stomper asked.  Bizarre Boy
didn't have a clue what he meant.
  "This is hopeless," Pizza Girl said.
  Deja Dude spoke up.  "Brian, what are you thinking about right now?"
he asked.
  Bizarre Boy shrugged his shoulders.  "Nothing."
  "And what am I thinking?" he pressed.
  "I don't know."
  "And what about her," he said, pointing to Gritty.
  "She's not thinking at all," Bizarre Boy realised.
  "Bingo!" Doctor Stomper muttered.
  "Can you get her to start thinking again?" Organic Lass asked him.
  Bizarre Boy didn't answer: he was starting to lose interest in all
these questions.
  "Try to imagine her sitting up and talking to you," Doctor Stomper
  That perked Bizarre Boy's interest.  "What do you want her to say?"
  "How about `Where am I'?" Organic Lass suggested.
  Bizarre Boy looked at her and concentrated for just a moment and then
looked away.  "OK."
  Dovtor Stomper sighed.  "Perhaps if you could just get her to open
her eyes."
  Bizarre Boy let out a deep sigh and contrated for real.  After a
moment of contration, his face went blank and he began to collapse.
Organic Lass was there to catch him.  "Help me get him back to bed."
  "Uhhh..." Gritty muttered.
  "She's awake!" Contraption Man noticed.
  "What about Brian?" Pizza Girl asked.
  They all gathered around Bizarre Boy as he regained consciousness.
He looked up at them, still confused as ever, but different.  "Proffesor
Stomper?  Organic Woman?  What are you doing here?  What am _I_ doing
  Insomnia Boy let out a deep sigh.  "Oh boy."
Net.ropolis, 2010, the Central Command Centre of Legion Headquarters:
  "So it's decided then: I, Captain Continuity, will go back in time
in order that the events of Cry.Sig proceed as history records them."
  Bizarre Boy found himself at a meeting of the Legion of Net.Heroes...
except that this wasn't the legion he remembered.  He looked around
the table, trying to find some familiar faces: he recognised Squeaky
Clean and Mouse, Glitch Girl and Johnny Stomper, Neon Lad and Confetti
Girl and a few others.  The woman sitting next to him he assumed was
Pizza Girl, although she had... grown considerably from the young lady
he had known.  She smiled back at him.
  "This having been decided, I hereby recommend that Bizaro take over
as leader until I return."
  Bizarre Boy suddenly realised that Continuity Champ Junior... or
rather `Captain Continuity' was referring to him.  All eyes seemed to
be looking his way.  He didn't know what to say: he didn't even
recognise most of them.
  "Speech!" said somebody who Bizarre Boy realised was a grown up
version of Typo Lad.
  Bizarre Boy stood up.  "I really don't know what to say."  There was
assorted laughter.  "What... year is this anyway?"  The laughter stopped
the assembled Legionaires looked at each other in confusion.
  Only one legionaire knew what was going on.  "This is 2010.  What
year do you think it is?"
  "1995."  Bizarre Boy thought he recognised the voice.  "Insomnia Boy,
is that you?"
  He nodded.  "Yes... although I go by the name `Insomniac 5' now."
Insomniac 5 turned to face his fellow Legionaires.  "It's alright,
Bizaro has simply exchanged minds with a past self."
  "How can that be `alright'?" Mouse asked.
  "Because even though the Bizaro hadn't perfected the use of his time
jumping powers back in 1995, the Bizaro of today is inhabiting his mind
right now... so to speak... and will remember how to do it," he
explained.  "Hopefully," he added quickly.
Net.ropolis, 1995, the med-lab of Legion Headquarters:
  "So, Biz, what happens to us in the future?" Pizza Girl asked.
  Bizaro sighed.  "I'm sorry but I really don't want to spoil things
for you."
  "I understand," she said with a smile.
  "Now: I must concentrate."  Bizaro closed his eyes.  When he openned
them, he was Bizarre Boy once more.  "Aili?"
  "I'm back!"
  She hugged him as their fellow Legionaires applauded.
Later, at the far-away secret base belonging to the Brotherhood of
  "Rumour Monger tells me that Gritty has come out of her coma," Grim
told Professor Perhap.
  "Oh, good," Professor Perhap said, not really caring.
  "He also told me that Bizarre Boy is back to normal."
  Professor Perhap frowned.  "Really?  That is a shame."
  "Isn't it though," Grim said.  "We go all the way to Legion Headquarters,
allow Gritty to get captured and accomplish... NOTHING!"
  "So?" Professor Perhap asked.  "What are you getting at?"
  "Just that somebody ought to pay for that," he said as he smacked a fist
into his other hand.
  "What do you mean?"  Professor Perhap suddenly caught on.  "No...
Mercifully... THE END
Organic Lass created by Rebecca Drayer
Pizza Girl based on Aili Contini-Morava
Continuity Champ Junior created by Robert Armstrong
Typo Lad created by Scavenger
Mouse created by Jessica Ihimaera-Smiler
Glitch Girl created by Marie E. Antoon
Johnny Stomper created by Josh Geurink
Confetti Girl and Neon Lad created by Mike Escutia
Professor Perhap created by Mark Friedman... I think
Grim 'N Gritty created by Drizzt
Rumour Monger created by wReam
Bizarre Boy, Insomnia Boy, Doctor Stomper and Contraption Man are
public domain


Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer

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