LNH: The Liminals #1

[Drew Perron]

On 4/5/2017 7:12 PM, Adrian McClure wrote:
> THE LIMINALS
>
> #1: "HATE LETTERS"
 >
> a Legion of Net.Heroes story by Adrian McClure

yessssss :D FINALLY

> PREVIOUSLY:

Previously... on X-Men. *sizzling noise*

> And then a bunch of things happen which we mostly haven't written yet
> [Just Imagine]

Eheheh. ^^; This'll pick back up soon, I promise

> Eventually they decided on a team name--The Liminals. (It was supposed
> to just be the name of the book and the team was not supposed to have
> a name, but Manga Girl liked that better.) [WikiLull]

:D

> And now...
>
> [Note: This takes place shortly after WikiLull #10]

oooooh.

> Masterplan Lad wasn't supposed to dream. Beings like him--a former
> Knight Temporal, who experienced continuous consciousness and wore
> mortal forms as a mask and semblance, nothing more--did not know
> sleep.

Randomly remembering that you made a comment way back in 2013 that MPL 
had become mortal post-one of the not-yet-written ILC issues that take 
place during Ultimate Mercenary #7. But, again, I know your conception 
of the future of the characters shifted a *lot* over all of these 
previous series. X3

...oh, wait, unless the fact that he's dreaming now means he *is* 
mortal. Maybe I'll come back and edit this comment later.

...naaaaah

> He was sitting in a 50s-style diner across from some sort of bizarre,
> hideous, beaked goblin-like creature which he vaguely remembered was
> called a "furby."

Yessss, the good surreal :D

> There were a few sensations which were vivid and
> sharp--the crooning music in the background, the scent of grease--but
> others were not. Ergo, this was a dream.

Yessss, that is how dreams are

> It was entirely possible he'd wake up to something that made *less* sense.

Yesssss, living in the Looniverse

> "All right," he said, "so I suppose this is some sort of
> Lynchian/Morrisonian cryptic vision that may or may not be
> foreshadowing."
>
> "It's all right. It's all wrong," chirped the furby. "Oh, daddy. You
> know we've got bad blood."

*giggles*

> "What are you, exactly?"
>
> "Sheol."

Welp. o-o

> "And what do you want?"
>
> "Irk. Vex."
>
> "Well you certainly are accomplishing that."

I love Masterplan Lad's dry, vaguely British humor. :D

> Drenched in sweat--another new, uncomfortable sensation--he opened his
> eyes and saw that he was not alone. A shifting swirl of
> blue/purple/red fractal energy floated above his bed. From the cloud
> of starry chaos he saw something like a hand take shape and wave at
> him. "Hi."
>
> "Oh, it's you." His voice was a mix of irritation and affection.

Heeheehee :3 It's Forever People Magazine's Sexiest Cosmic Being of the 
Year!

> "Yep! It's me, Chaos Theory." The starry cloud transformed into a
> human form, facless but infinitely expressive through its sparkles and
> flow of color.

Yep, yep, that's definitely one of my author avatars

> They reached out and took MPL's hand and he didn't push
> it away. He remembered when he found the presence of the being called
> Chaos Theory frustrating and disorienting as well as intriguing, but
> it was oddly comforting now.

:3

> "MPL, hon, it's way too early in the story for that. You know that,
> right? I thought you were all about the narrative structure." They
> giggled.

I feel like my commentary through this part is slightly redundant >#>

> Just Imagine is still unfinished, and that's
> the story that resolves a good bit of our character development and
> backgrounds--and by the way, I can't imagine what reading all of this
> nonsense in chronological order will be like.

Man. I need to recruit more LNH newbies. X3

> "That's all right," said Masterplan Lad unconvincingly. "That's the
> nature of this universe, isn't it--I can see that now, after the Rift
> crisis. No plan survives contact with the word processor."

It's truuuuue. :D

> It had been
> painful to sacrifice the completion of the LNH's first story to save
> the universe's creativity [Just Another Cascade #12], but this
> universe had its own unique form of storytelling, whether he liked it
> or not.

Mwahahaha. <3

> It's pure,
> unrestrained creativity. You've gotta work with it. There's a lot of
> metaphors I can use and most of them are kind of double-entendre-y."

omg X3

> "Er, well..." Masterplan Lad had the unpleasant suspicion he was
> probably blushing. "I just woke up and I've been under a fair amount
> of strain lately."

Well, if you just woke up-- *PIE IN THE FACE*

> "Yeah, I'll bet. That's the thing--you guys have been jumping from one
> event to another. You need to loosen up a bit and just live in the
> world around you. Figure out who you are when you're not trying to
> save the universe from big narrative apocalypse stuff."

Very true!

> Masterplan Lad nodded. "I can feel another event coming, though. Like
> a storm about to break, when the raindrops are just spattering on you
> and you know you're going to get drenched--"
>
> "You've got an umbrella, goofball!"
>
> "It's a *metaphor,* Chaos Theory."

heeheeheehee :3

> "You're right," said Masterplan Lad. In his heart of hearts, he didn't
> know how he felt about that. He had been trained to be a sort of
> guardian angel who aided and abetted the stories of others. He was
> never supposed to have his own story.

Heh... yeah, I know that feeling, sometimes @-@

> "But you're insufferable."
>
> "Yeah, kind of.

Yep! :3

> Well, bye cutie. I'll see you when you least expect
> it." He floated down and kissed Masterplan Lad on the cheek and
> vanished in a puff of sparkle. Masterplan Lad found himself rubbing
> his cheek where Chaos Theory had kissed him.

Heeheehee :3

> He dragged himself reluctantly out of bed--a consistent sleep schedule
> was another thing he hadn't quite managed yet--

Also relatable.

> and took a shower, then
> put on one of his suits (which weren't quite identical anymore--he was
> comfortable wearing different styles of ties, at least).

Heeheehee. <3

> Picking up
> his Plot Device and making a quick once-over of his quarters to ensure
> Chaos Theory hadn't left any cosmic whoopee cushions around, he made
> his way to the LNH cafeteria.

:>

> He got a bowl himself, and started eating it, slowly and
> hesitantly--there were times when the sensation of taste was
> overwhelming for him.

MPL is Very Autistic. <3

> So wait, are we during or after that whole WikiLull thing?"

I'm gonna say after, but with my fingers cross, just in case it finishes 
up in a way that makes "during" possible.

> "I dunno. I was thinking someone could just go to a coffee shop and
> flirt with a cute barista and maybe have some angst."

I <3 Manga Girl.

> "Mhmm. Well I suppose that's--" He raised his Plot Device and felt a
> sudden pull to the lobby. "Ah, I can feel an impending superhero plot
> in the vicinity."
>
> "Or we could go punch someone, that's good too!"

I <3 <3 <3 Manga Girl.

> At the desk was Kyoko Ishikawa, the LNHQ's veteran receptionist, who
> was back from an anniversary celebration with her husband, her wife,
> and their husband. [1] She was talking with a middle aged woman, her
> bright punk hair cut short, her jacket and bracelets bristling with
> spikes.
>
> [1: Same sex marriage and plural marriages were legalized during the
> Beige Midnight crisis, on the grounds that the world was about to end
> anyway. The world has conspicuously failed to end a number of times
> since then.]

YES. :D Every aspect of these two paragraphs appeals to me, other than 
not using Footnote Girl.

> "My marriage was erased from existence!" she said. "Some... thing that
> looked like a giant man made out of letters came up to me and my wife,
> and said there was too much 'forced diversity' in the LNH and that
> wasn't realistic, and then threw a letter at me and she disappeared! I
> can't even remember her name!"

Pffff. XD Wow. This is very LNH-y satire. :3

> "Well!" said Manga Girl. "It's a good thing exactly half of the
> Liminals are here!"
>
> "The who now?" said the woman.
>
> "The former supporting cast of Ultimate Mercenary," said Masterplan Lad.
>
> "Which one was that again? Never mind. I can't keep track of all these
> subgroups. Sorry. Is Miss Translation still around?"

XD <3

> Unfortuantely, finding the mysterious menace proved easier said than
> done. He had assumed that, now that they were part of this plot, if
> they wandered around Net.ropolis randomly they'd run into it before
> long. That was usually how it worked out. They'd encountered a number
> of food trucks, homeless people and street musicians (Manga Girl
> always took care to slip them money), and teenagers making out
> oblivious to the world around them, but no supervillains.
 >
> Why did there even have to be a plot? Manga Girl had had a point--he
> wouldn't have midned a pure character piece, to be honest. He could be
> sitting around  holding his umbrella, reflecting on his situation,
> even if he did have to indulge in a certain amount of angst.

I mean, to be fair, a piece exploring the setting also has its merits.

> Maybe he
> could spend more time with Chaos Theory.

He certainly could. :3

> He had to admit that even
> after having saved the Looniverse something like three times, even
> though his name was "Masterplan Lad," he still didn't feel like a
> superhero.

Awwww, sweetie.

> Manga Girl raced up and down the walls of the building and tapped her
> feet like Sonic's idle animation. "Okay, I'm ready to punch
> something."

Heeheehee. I like her energy!

> "Er, it's not quite the time for that yet." Masterplan Lad found
> himself wishing that the others were here, especially Alice. If anyone
> was their leader, it was her. She knew how to work with Victoria's
> bouts of apathy, Manga Girl's antsiness, and his standoffishness.

That makes sense. She's really great at bringing things together. :D

> "I am the Letterhack!" said the creature. (Actually the words it spoke
> were crumpled letters that unfolded into word baloons above his head,
> but people could hear them anyway.)

yessss, goooood. :D Feels like a 1996-era Saxon Brenton villain, which 
is one of my favorite things

> Masterplan Lad felt a tingle in the air which portended a narrative
> shift. "Well, I feel a flashback coming on," he said. He raised his
> umbrella in the air and the energy of the incoming flashback struck
> like lightning...

oh that's so cool :3

> Dr. Stomper was sitting in the mail room, sorting through the
> mountains of letters. "Hello, and welcome to LNH Mailbag, the regular
> feature where I answer letters for the LNH which exists to make this
> issue's plot possible and will most likely never be mentioned again.

Oh man, now I want to write more of this. X3 Dammit, I need to make the 
Ask The LNH Tumblr a thing again... on top of my seventeen billion other 
projects.

> Today we have a message from Gerald Grognard of Rantville, Wisconson.
> It says..." He meticulously opened the letter, making sure to leave
> the envelope intact, and gingerly took it out.

You know, I like that little bit of characterization.

> "'Why is the LNH so
> silly? Today's mature audiences don't want narratives invovling
> characters with names that are too long to say doing silly things.
> Where's the realism?' Well, Mr. Grognard--"
>
> "The LNH is inherently silly. My name is Sister State-The-Obvious,"
> said Sister State-The-Obvious.

I love times when Sister State-the-Obvious saying something is the point.

> "Yes, that," said Dr. Stomper. "While there have been a number of
> dramatic narratives throughout its history, the fundamental organizing
> principle of LNH is silliness. As far as what contemporary audiences
> want, the popularity of works such as Homestuck and Jojo's Bizarre
> Adventures speaks for itself.

It's true! :D Silliness mixed with adventure, colorful characters, 
occasional angst, and shipping possibilities.

> "And now," said Dr. Stomper, "we will ensure such messages are treated
> with the respect they deserve." He put the letters in a box, while
> robot arms took out the majority of them and put them on a conveyer
> belt, carrying them to an incineration pit. They exploded in a burst
> of green flame.

Heeheehee

> But in fact, the lump of lousy letters had been mutated by radiations
> from radiations from the planet Neme.Sys! [WikLull After #2]! It had
> become the embodiment of fanboy rage... the Letterhack!

GASP!! Of course!

> Luckily, he had his Plot Device. While it was a powerful metafictional
> machine that could affect reality, it was also an umbrella, which
> could be used for all the normal functions of an umbrella such as
> protecting oneself from rain and hanging desperately off of ledges.

Heeheehee :D Oh man, there needs to be a story where Masterplan Lad 
needs to cosplay as Mary Poppins

> "Hey wait a minute!" said Manga Girl. "We've faced something like this
> before, right? Remember that weird bueuraucratic form elemental we
> fought that one time?" [Ultimate Mercenary #7]

Oooh, good callback!

> "Indeed," said Masterplan Lad, who resisted the urge to grumble about
> reusing plots.

It's called having recurring themes, and it's a Very Important Literary 
Technique, thank you. u.u Now, off to write another story about a 
nonbinary kid genius who's based in tokusatsu tropes and resolves 
conflicts through communication and lateral thinking.

> "I'll bet I can take this guy the same way!"  She pulled out her pink
> drawing pen she kept in her belt pouch and started doodling
> superheroes making out all over the letters.

ADORABLE.

> He remembered the creature's anger at the flashback, and how that had
> immobilized it for a moment. Perhaps he could push this further...
> While Manga Girl took on Letterhack as best she could, keeping it
> distracted, he sat in lotus position in the ground and held his
> umbrella upright in his arms. He felt the narrative threads suspended
> in the air like a cat's cradle. All he had to do was pull them...

oooooh

> On the street below, a man collided with someone else. "Gasp!" she
> said. "It's my long-lost twin!"
>
> Then a roided-out cyborg figure appeared in midair, holding a gun.
> "I'm your clone from the future and I'm here to kill you both before
> you destroy the universe!" she said.
>
> "Wait! You're all wrong!" said another man dressed in wizard's robes.
> "I'm his husband from a parallel earth and I'm here to tell you who
> your real father is!"

yessssss :D And then one of them has implanted memories, and the other 
was actually genetically engineered to save the world from a prophecy, 
and then Adam X shows up...

> Letterhack screamed. A letter the size of a flag with "AAAAAAAAAA"
> printed all over it unfolded his head.

Wow, that's vivid imagery. X3

> "Hey, we won!" Manga Girl hug Masterplan Lad and spun him around midair.

D'awwww

> He descended down to the ground, the effect of Letterhack's letters
> having worn off. Back at the LNHQ, the woman from earlier was waiting
> in the lobby, with someone else standing cuddling up to her--a fat
> woman in an ellegant vintage dress, presumably her wife, who was about
> a foot taller than her. "You saved our marriage! Thanks, guys!" They
> high-fived Manga Girl simultaneously.

Awwwwww ^.^

> "We're holding a party tonight," said the newly-restored wife. "Wanna come?"
>
> Masterplan Lad pondered a moment. Meeting new people sounded
> worthwhile, but so did sleeping for at least a day. "Er, unfortunately
> I don't think I'm up for it now, but thank you."

Introversion!

> Waving goodbye, hoping he wasn't coming across as too rude, Masterplan
> Lad, raced back to his quarters and collapsed onto his bed. He was
> feeling a mix of excitement, relief and disappointment. He thought
> about the two women embracing each other and felt a twinge of
> abstracted jealousy. Would he ever have a relationship like that? Did
> he want one? Could he handle it if he did?
>
> "Hey there," said Chaos Theory, who was lying in bed beside him. "Good job."

! Heeheeheehee yes :3

> "Oh!" He almost jumped out of his suit. "I wasn't expecting you to be here."
>
> "Yeah, exactly!" Chaos Theory giggled, putting their arm around
> Masterplan Lad's shoulder. He felt the tension draining from his body
> and slumped into Chaos Theory's arms.

awwwwwwh <3

>
> "I hope I did the right thing," he said. "In the course of that fight
> I rearranged several peoples' lives. I didn't even think about it--it
> came naturally to me. That was what I was trained to do. And I was
> doing it because I was angry about someone else doing the exact same
> thing." He sighed. "I'm glad everything seems to have turned out all
> right for those women, but I hope--"
>
> "They're OK," said Chaos Theory, stroking Masterplan Lad's cheek.
> "That kind of thing happens all the time in this city."

It's really true.

> "That's what I was hoping," he said. "I just wish I could know for
> sure. In my old life, there were clear rules about what I should and
> shouldn't do. They were awful, of course--I turned my back on them for
> a reason. But now I don't know what "

I'm pretty sure everyone reading this, to greater or lesser extent, 
Knows That Feel.

> "So you want someone to order you around, hmmm?" Chaos Theory poked
> his side. "Is that what' you're into~"
>
> "Er, well," said Masterplan Lad. He had the feeling he was blushing again.

heeheeheehee yessss compete with Tom :3

> Chaos Theory giggled. "But to be serious... There's no set of rules
> that's going to make sense out of everything. That's not how the world
> works--*especially* not this world.

Very very true. The Looniverse's variability is its strength.

> You've got to figure out what's
> best for you and other people. What they want and what they need and
> how to help. It's not easy--I'm still figuring it out myself.

Yep.

> "Well, I've gotta go take care of some things in the cosmos next door.
> See you around." They moved on top of Masterplan Lad and, cupping his
> head in their hands, kissed him on the lips.

Awwwwwwwwww! ^.^

> From a physical perspective, it was an interesting feeling. But of
> course Masterplan Lad could feel far more than that. Though he was now
> a being of flesh, he still had all his cosmic senses.

Ahhhh, okay, that explains my comment from earlier that I didn't edit

> The deep and
> secret patterns of the universe were as real to him as sight and sound
> and touch. He could feel his own joining together with Chaos Theory's,
> strange and colorful and wondrous and intimidating--and beautiful.
>
> It wasn't at all an unpleasant sensation.

siiiiiiiiigh <3 *little bits of happy steam coming out ears*

> Well here it finally is. Took a while to get this issue written.

Just a bit.

> I
> think in the past I was too hung up on trying to find a story arc for
> this series. In the past I was suffering from having too tightly
> defined story arcs and then also wanting to get past those and work
> with whatever new ideas I had, so I wound up writing things out of
> order, so I'm aiming for something a bit looser now.

Excellent!

> There's
> definitely an overall direction for this story--some of which was set
> up in WikiLull--but right now I'm concentrating on shorter series
> exploring these characters, where they are now and how all the stuff
> they've been through has affected them.

Good, good

> After a period of being burned out on comics, I got back in just in
> time to go to a local con. This issue was partially inspired by a Bob
> Haney-written issue of World's Finest I picked up for a dollar. The
> plot was really bizarre even by Haney standards--it involved a
> gangster's brain that had formerly inhabited a gorilla merging wiht a
> protoplasmic alien creature and almost destroying all life on Earth by
> stealing the color green.

Mmmmm yas. <3 That's a good time.

> There were a lot of letters complaining
> about Haney's writing and asking for more realism and continuity.
> Maybe back then they just didn't have the equipment to appreciate
> Haney's unique form of genius--he was like the prototypical
> shitposter.

I mean, to be fair, this was when realism and continuity were relatively 
new and exciting in comics - the era when DC was following in Marvel's 
footsteps.

> That inspired the Letterhack, as well as ongoing
> complaints about "forced diversity" (unfortunately the trolling seems
> to be coming from inside the house at Marvel these days).

Haha x.x

> The line
> about spontaneous combustion is from that issue almost verbatim.

Amazing.

> The Letterhack is free for use; it may have been set on fire but it
> takes more than that to destroy a supervillain.

Especially one of those made-of-elemental energy ones.

> If you're reading this from my tumblr or whatever, and this is your
> first issue of Legion of Net.Heroes, then welcome. You can go look
> aorund teh wiki at lnhq.info bit and get a feel for this world and
> what parts might interest you.

*reboots the wiki to make sure it's functioning* Yeah!

> You'll get used to this eventually but
> it's always going to be pretty weird and complicated, even for people
> who know it back to front. Like comics, only more so.

True that.

> But it's also
> very simple--the LNH exists to do whatever is the most fun and
> whatever the writer finds most indulgent.

:3

> So just relax and have fun
> and enjoy all the queer stuff I'm putting into ,this series, because
> we haven't even got started yet.

HELL YEAH

> And don't ask when the end of Just
> Imagine is coming out.

Drew "cough ahem" Perron