LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #32: Catalytic Conversions Part One

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer2 at gmail.com
Wed Sep 7 19:24:20 PDT 2016

In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
we have LNH Triple Play #6.

Catalytic Conversions was a one man crossover by Joltin' Jeff
McCoskey (I think at one time H. Jameel al Khafiz was supposed to
write one of the parts, but had lost interest in writing LNH
stories around that time period).  This was the aftermath of a
heated conflict over the character Catalyst Lass.  Both Jeff
and Jameel were writing her in their series.  The conflict
developed because Jeff wasn't crazy about Jameel's plans to
make Catalyst Lass, Particle Man's girlfriend.  He seemed to
be of the opinion that Catalyst Lass was incapable of being
in a relationship (well I can't be sure what he exactly
said since I can't find the original thread, but I think it
was something along the lines of always a Bride's Maid never a

Ultimately, Catalytic Conversions was the solution that the
two came up with (inspired by a comment from Dave Van Domelen).

             | |      Classic			
             | |                      =
             | |      ____    ____    _    ____    ___
             | |__   | [] |  | [] |  | |  | [] |  | _ \  

             |____|   \__]    \__ |  |_|   \__/   |_|\_\
                                |_|  OF NET.HEROES

                                     ADVENTURES #32

                     Catalytic Conversions Part One

From: jmccoske at sedona.intel.com (Jeff McCoskey~)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative,alt.comics.lnh
Subject: LNH:  LNH Triple Play #6
Date: 2 Mar 1995 01:05:32 GMT

---' `---' `---' `--- //////////|||||||||||||||\\\\\\\\\ ---' `---' `---' `---
 Pseudo-Random House |////////||||||LLLLLLL||||||\\\\\\\| CATALYTIC CONVERSIONS
	COMIX	      >//////....  (       )  ....\\\\\<        PART 1/3!
___   ___   ___   ___|....        /|starring        ....|___   ___   ___   ___
///`v'///`v'///`v'.	        HOODED HO`'OD WIN          .`v'\\\`v'\\\`v'\\\\\
///////////...		    	  ||       |                     ...\\\\\\\\\\\\
///////..			  ((_______)                          ..\\\\\\\\
////_______			   `------'		    	     _______\\\\
///(       )			 ____     _______		    (       )\\\
///        |			|    |   |   _   \	           /        |\\\
 CATALYST LASS        _______	|    |   |  |_)   )             CATALYST LASS??
  ||       |         |   _   \  |    |   |    ==='   ____          ||       |
  ((_______)         |  |_)   ) `===='   `==='      |    |         ((_______)
   `------'          |        \        ..   	    |    |          `------'
          __________ `===='`==='     .'   `.	    |    \     /~~~~~|
         |          |               : (LNH) :       `======   |  ,==='
         |          |               `.     .'                 |  `~~|
         `===    ==='  _______        ` ..'      ____    ____ |  ,=='
             `=='     |   _   \   ____      ____ \   \  /   / `======
                      |  |_)   ) |    |    /    \ \   `'   /
                      |    ==='  |    |   /  /\  \ `=    ='
                      `==='      |    \  |   `'   |  `=='
                                 `====== `==='`==='
                         ...                           ...
                             ...      _______      ...    
                                  .. |       | ..
                                     |  #6   |
                                     Winter 94
                                       \   /

{ Cover is Catalyst Lass primping before a mirror.  She is in a Victorian
	setting, with a horror-like storm raging outside.  A menacing,
	fanged figure threatens from behind, though he does not appear in
	the mirror. 

	At bottom jigsaw-puzzle piece graphic proclaims
					"Catalytic Conversions 1/3" }




		===============  JUN 94	===============

	A flash of lightning split the black sky that oozed over the Net.ro-
polis Cemetary.  The graves were tumbled about eerily in the shock of brilliant
light; and why not, since they served the analogous function of a rotating door
on a Net.ropolis skyscraper.  A flurry of squid, uh, bats darted across the
gibbous moon screaming for shelter from the storm.
	Another shock of light revealed the decaying stonework of a mausoleum.
After years of duty, the heavy stone door chose that moment (conveniently for
us, since we don't want to wait in the rain forever) to shudder and slide
askew.  Low feminine laughter rolled from the vault's depths, immediately
echoed by a chorus of masculine wailing.
	The last, closest lightning strike revealed a shapely hand reaching
from the gap in the door.  The carved name above the door read "Fike..."

		===============  FEB 95	===============

	Particle Man strode into the Medical Bay of the LNHQ, Blue Canary
flitting about his head.  "Organic Lass!  How is Cat's condition?"  [after
suffering an accidental throttling at the hands of Decibel Dude -- "Glad-he-
doesn't-have-to-explain-it-to-the-Insurance-Company" Jeff].
	"I couldn't say, Person.  Cat jumped bunk on me.   Last time I checked,
she was recovering fine but she skipped out before I could complete her annual
	"Annual physical?  I've never had an annual physical."
	"Girl stuff.  If you see her, send her back will you?"
	"Sure Ori.  Tell Pok I said hi."  *What do you make of that, Blue?* 
Worry tinged Person's mental connection.
	*I couldn't say.  Doesn't sound like anything major.*
	*We'll see.  No, we'll make sure. I'm not taking any chances with her.*

		===============  JUN 94	===============

}	Mine eyes ope'd as I lay in the tomb that I hop'd would providest the
Final Rest. Mine peace abruptly stripp't, replac'd as ever with the Hunger.  A
rodent flit by, believeing me but as stone.  Ageless limbs responded to the
Hunger e'er mine Reason reignest it in.  I wish't I might report mine disgust
and shame, but in that fitful moment as I taste'd his pungent fur, all I knew
wast the feverish joy of the Byrne.
}	As I dropp't his twitching body to the stone, only then didst mine
self-loathing resume:  only then didst I again curse HER.  I watch't the poor
rodent scrabble across the cold floor.  Moments ago a mere unimportant scenic
element.  Now, haltingly, flop't away the very creature that spark'd The
Squeaking Flying Rodent's career.
}	Mine limbs were charged, e'en aught all the years of torpor.  In rage
I flew from my sepulcher and smashed great slabs from mine prison's walls. 
Damnation resum'd!  E'en as I wast freed surely then SHE also again walk'd the
Looniverse.  Mine Great Victory then hadst turned ash in my gob, HER defeat
proven mere setback.  The rodent weakly took air and retreat't out amidst the
torrent, an uncertain but commercially alter'd fate folding him in yon dark.
}	The elements echoed mine turmoil, the flashing lights mine rage.  In
HER crulety SHE had lef't me awaken, no doubst revelling in HER macabre jest.
Then mine immortal duty yet remain't undone -- I wouldst track HER and end HER
foul presence e'er ending my horrid unlife.  Again.  }

		===============	 FEB 95	===============

	Particle Man knocked on Catalyst Lass' door.
	"Wait, I'm not decent!"  Particle Man suppressed a smile as he shuffled
his feet.  Moments later, Cat opened her door, making final adjustments to her
light blue uniform.  "Ok, hey!  Aren't you the hunkiest!"
	Person turned beet red and self-consciously flexed his new, improved
	"Ooh stop it I'm getting melty!"  Cat's voice was thick with teasing
	"I just stopped by to, hey, where's your neck brace?"
	"Neck brace? Silly, I'm going with Ferris to a movie, not a bar fight!"
	"You're going...to a movie...with Ferris?"  Particle Man's head spun as
romantic visions smashed to splinters behind his eyes.
	"Why sure dopey!  'When a Man Loves a Woman' hit the Net.ropolitan
Dollar Cinema."
	"...with Ferris.  What about...that is I thought..."
	"Ooh, can't dawdle tangle-tongue.  I tell you though, anytime you want
to bring that marvy bod out, you let me know!"  Cat winked flirtatiously.
	*Person, do not forget her checkup.*
	*Maybe the shock has injured her mind?*  Person's mental tone was
hopeful, almost heart-breakingly so.
	"Cat, before you go we should go to the Medical Bay.  Organic Lass
needs to give you your annual checkup.  I don't think you are as recovered as
you think you are."
	Catalyst Lass' hand went to her high collar.  "Ooh, no time now!  I'm
running late as it is.  Make my excuses won't you?  There's just no time!"
	"There's just no time..." echoed Person in agreement.  "I guess you're
right.  Sure I'll tell Ori."  After Cat was gone, Person tried to unsort the
jumble of emotions in his head.
	*Too bad there wasn't time to get her to the Med Lab.  I think some-
thing's...No Time?* Person slammed his fist into his palm, then closed his
eyes.  *I guess she just doesn't want my help.*  Blue offered nothing into 
Person's misery.

		===============	 NOV 94 ===============

	Trans.alt.vania lies somewhere between Alt.veria and the Alts Mountains
in Eastern Eu.rec.  Its most distinguishing feature, barring the proud history
of folklore and superstition, is that it happens to lie at an atmospheric node
that attracts clouds like magnets do iron.  Some blame the almost uninterrupted
mountain ranges for the fluke, others point to more mystical sources for the
	The truth is that clouds just _like_ the place.
	None of which affects in the slightest the torches that recently burned
in the Trans.alt.vanian Castle, nor the forboding gathering that lit those 
	"Mistress, the Brotherhood Hungers."  The speaker was a black-and-
scarlet caped man with unearthly pale skin, a great beak of a nose and a 
devastating widow's peak.  Other than that he was the only one speaking, he 
precisely resembled the eleven other forms that stood silently around the 
great chamber's perimeter.
	A throne dominated the castle's chamber, and a woman in a trench coat
slouched in the dusty chair.  She was hidden in the flickering shadows.  "Do 
you not think the Hunger also grows in me, my Nose-feratu?   The strain of 
rebuilding the Brotherhood without ThatWhichSustainsUs is telling on us all."
	"The work has been tiring, Mistress, we need..."
	"You have been Loyal my Chamber.  The Hunger must continue a little
longer.  But fear not -- now that we have reclaimed our ancestral capital, the
Brotherhood's efforts can focus entirely on Net.ropolis.  Catalyst Lass will
pay!  For now we wait until the glorious day we feast on her accursed flesh.
In the meantime, I shall allow you a glimpse of my costume, as reward."
	The peasants that lived below the castle slept easier that night,
lulled to sleep by the too-long-missing peals of demonic revelry.  It's a
cultural thing.

		===============	 FEB 95 ===============

	Catalyst Lass jumped as Hooded Ho`'od Win materialized from the
shadows, nearly twisting her neck in its brace.  "Whoo!  How about a little
warning next time, Hood?"
	<(Apologies, Cat.  But while out shopping I came across something that
might interest you.)>  From the depths of her cloak, Hooded Ho`'od Win produced
a slim paperback.  It was author, singer, actor, historian and brain surgeon
Fab.B.O's latest historical epic _Passion Plague_.
	"For me?"  Catalyst Lass' face was decidedly noncomittal.
	<(Certainly not for me,)> chuckled Hood.  <(I know how you like these
	"Well that's a lovely gesture, Hood, but I haven't been into those
things for a _long_ time now.  Thanks anyway."  As Cat walked away Hood faded
into the shadows, confused.  And wondering who she could pawn the turgid novel
off to.

		===============		===============

	Mr. Homage leaned back behind his massive Oak desk, breathing into his
fist.  "This is a _most_ unsatisfying analysis Netlurker," he growled.
"Especially at your prices."
	The mercenary-consultant nocked his finger in his belt loop and
sighed.  "Let's look at the summary foil again."  He tapped a keyboard at his
belt and the projector showed a four-quadrant slide.  "Profits peaked shortly
after your 'No LNH-Attention Policy' and have been steadily declining since.
Lately, newer authors claim not even to know who you are, cutting you out of
all the most recent villainous ventures.  In addition to falling earnings,
morale is at an all-time low.  Frankly, the Brotherhood of Net.Villains is
atrophying.  Revamp Lass hasn't picked up a check since 1993, and who knows
_what's_ become of Robgoblin..."
	"Which is why I comissioned you..."
	"Then keep an open mind," Netlurker said sharply.  "This quadrant shows
the combined membership's IQ/power potential.  This last shows the profit
potential if that is translated to villainous plans."  The final graph was a 
steep upward ramp.
	"Its that third one I question.  You don't work with these people.
Their IQ is massively overestimated."
	"Many companies are finding hidden potential in their workers, and
turning employee autonomy to increased profits.  It could be your authoritarian
management style that holds them down.  They're afraid to act for fear of your
	"Anyone but you, Netlurker, would die for that."
	"Case in point," Netlurker said drily.  "I assumed you were intelligent
enough to handle the truth, Mr. Homage.  You didn't hire me to glad-hand you --
you hired me to analyze your operation."
	"Assuming for the moment that all this is true.  How would you fix it?"
	"Simplicity itself," said Netlurker packing up his fee.  "Schedule a

		===============		===============

	"@(^$*#, Cat, we were really @(#$^*in' hoping you'd run another
Valen$&!@#$*tine's !#@& Ball this year," griped Innovative Offense Boy.
	"It's kind of our Anniversary," explained the inappropriately-named
Ordinary Lady.
	"A what?" asked Cat clearly confused.  "I spent most of Looniverse
Adrift! in a daze thanks to my history of being a WC/NWC.  I took last February
off to recover."  [A statement sure to confuse readers of LNHCP 14-20 and LNH
Triple Play 2-3 -- "Self-pluggin'" Jeff]
	"Musta been one *@^^&*$@ of 'a %@($@#) daze, because you organized the
most !!(#^*#%& %*$!*& party the LNH has ever (#&@!*#$ had."
	"Sorry I missed it guys," said Cat wryly.  She thought to herself,
"It would've been the perfect opportunity to finally get that date with Person.
I wish I'd thought of it."
	Innovative Offense Boy and Ordinary Lady traded worried looks as Cat
walked off, deep in happy thoughts.

		===============	 DEC 94	================

}	A horrific journey wast mine.  Passage to the ancestral home wast only
available aboard a Chinese refugee boat, turned back at the New World's shores.
The details of indignity, perspiration, sewage and Hunger are best left shad-
owed e'en in mine inglorious past.  The e'er present fight for territory
render'd mine daytime slumber fitful at best, e'en aught feeding upon the most
heinous passengers, rendering them descendents of Sing-Song "Six-Yen," who then
act'd ast mine guardians.
}	Of this, and the crost-Mongolian trek amidst a sore-lost band of Irish
Travelers who preyed upon the elderly with works of aluminium siding and
roofing pitch, the Chronicles need be politely silent.  Suffice that with
sunset safely behind I at long last alit on the minarets of Trans.alt.vania
}	Mine wast the poorest of plans -- assault HER in HER place of strength
and in single combat endest it once and for all.   Ponder then on mine fury
whenst the placard on the castle door greeted these blood-drenched eyes:  }

	"Gone to Net.ropolis, back when Catalyst Lass is undead.  Protected by
	Crypt-osafe Security Systems (a division of Undead Unincorporated)."

}	SHE leadest a merry chase round the corners of the globe, ending e'er
we started.  But where such developments wouldst drive mortal men to despair,
for one cursed with the Byrne I wast allow'd only a fortnight of bawling.  SHE
again foil't mine quest, but again wouldst I resume my dogged trail.  For truly
were eternity mine should I fail.
}	Perchance though, I might book more refin'd passage on return to the
New World.  A great luxury steamer with the regal name Queen Elisabeth II
wouldst surely provide accomodations more suitable to mine noble birth.  }

		===============	 FEB 95	===============

	Hooded Ho`'od Win sat across the table from Ferris Jones.  <(I tell you
Ferris, Catalyst Lass worries me.)>
	"How's that, Hood?" inquired Deductive Logic Man.
	<(She does not seem herself sometimes.  One moment she raves over the
next Hardly-kin Romance novel, the next she breezes by.)>
	"That hardly seems...."
	<(She has no memory of running the Valentine's Ball, nor of leading the
LNH during Looniverse Adrift!  She professes an interest in Particle Man...)>
	"Particle Man!  Cat  doesn't have an overriding interest in any LNH'er.
She flirted outrageously at Pliable Lad's wedding, and oohed and ahed over
Andy Garcia at the movies the other night."
	<(Exactly my point.  Could she have suffered some larger injury at
Decibel Dude's hands?)>
	"Lord knows it's possible.  That is a rough title -- even Ultimate
Ninja got his hiney kicked over there.  How many places could Decibel Dude do
_that_?  What does Organic Lass have to say about her medical condition?"
	<(Cat left before Ori could finish her examination.)>
	"Well I'd hesitate to jump to a conclusion without hearing what Organic
Lass has to say.  But unless there are twin Catalyst Lass's running around, I'd
say Cat is suffering from multiple-personality disorder, possibly stemming from
a head injury in DD&VG.  What's certain is that we should get Cat to the Med
Lab ASAP."

		===============		===============

	The night was darker than most.  Streaks and spots of neon sparkled in
nighttime Net.ropolis, like brave dying stars in the black void.  Deep clouds
obscured the great white moon, lending an eerie aspect to the city's mean
	A flock of bats swirled about, the lead one in a trenchcoat and landed
on the cornice of a building overlooking a stygian alley.  A fog swirled about,
revealing thirteen human figures perched precariously on the thin ledge.  Below
a whino hummed a Johnny Evil and the Pentagrams ditty.
	"This should do nicely," hissed the female leader.  She pointed a
perfect nail at the hapless alcoholic below.  In formation, the twelve Nose-
feratu swooped down into the black depths of the alley.
	Nearby a powerful Rottweiler paced the streets, his eyes glowing
evilly.  Un-Omen-like thoughts raced through the dog's head.  "Don't think of
Panta.  Don't think of Panta.  Hey, fire hydrant!  No, don't think of that
either.  Tonight is too dark not to...."  The beast's Lassie Sense (tm) kicked
in.  "Danger!  A bum under attack in an alley!  Plus leftover giblets!"  The
Rottweiler pounded heavily to the afore-mentioned alley, though in the uneven
light, his whole body seemed to roil with the motion.
	A bloodhound's nose first entered the alley.  "Thirteen men and a 
woman.  One man drunk, the others use too much Brylcream.  Dammit no giblets."
It didn't take a dog's ears to detect the bum's next words.
	"AAAAAAAAAAH!   JEEZUZ HELP ME AAAAAAH!"  The bloodhound leapt forward,
but a Great Dane impacted the first Nose-feratu head on.  The dog fiercely
shredded the man's wonderful silk cape, reducing him to despair.
	"Brothers," hissed one in a voice like the scraping on the inside of
a coffin.  "Protect your capes."  As one the other eleven drew the capes about
themselves, which became misty, then obscuring.
	The Dane landed heavily in the suddenly empty alley.  He sniffed, then
the doggy approximation of a smile crossed his snout.  With a howl, eleven
wolves leapt from the shadows at the large canine.  The Dane leapt into the
air, evading the first attack, but an Irish Wolfhound hit the ground.  In short
order, the wolves were strewn unmoving about the alley.  The Wolfhound panted.
	As he limped over to the drunk, Dog Boy changed back to his human form.
The bum was passed out.  "Well, he'll have one heck of nightmare to blame on
alcohol."  Dog Boy whirled suddenly as a tack-tack sound echoed through the
alley.  As he turned, he noticed only the last whisps of smoke where the fallen
wolves had lain.  "Who's there?  Who is it?"
	A female in a trenchcoat strode forward, shadows playing about her
clearly super-model status form.  Twelve Nose-feratu, including one extremely
tattered and _pissed_, flanked her.
	"Leave the bum alone...."
	"We're not here for him, caninethrope.  I presume you are a member of
the LNH?"
	"That's right, so you know not to try..."
	"What I _know_ is that your armor and collar and other developments
have made you ripe for our use."
	"How could you know..."
	"Immaterial.  We need your help."  The villainess opened her trenchcoat
briefly, showing Dog-Boy her costume.  We, sadly, get a back view, which does
though give a great shot of Dog Boy's dinnerplate-sized eyes.
	"Can I see that costume again?"
	"Later.  For now, carry this amulet, and stay very near to Catalyst

		===============		===============

	Hooded Ho`'od Win reported to Organic Lass.  Particle Man, Deductive
Logic Man, Innovative Offense Boy, Ordinary Lady, and Invisible Incendiary all
waited with the Maid of Molecules.
	<(Sorry Organic Lass.  Cat has been planning for weeks to reorganize
her hairbrush lint.  She couldn't make it.)>  That made the sixth different
excuse in six attempts to get her to the Med-Bay.  It was long past sunset in
this effort to help the Motivational Maiden.
	Organic Lass sighed.  "You've been had, Hood.  She also has laundry, a
date with Carl Malden, a plumber she's expecting, 'girl troubles', and she 
just got back from a physical.  With her powers there's just no way to force
her to do something she doesn't want to do.  But _why_ won't she get a
	Particle Man's agitation had been growing.  "This is crazy!  The girl
I l...we all admire is ailing!  We've got to aid her!  Why couldn't we just
transmat her here?"
	"She'd just give us some excuse and we'd all agree to let her walk
out," observed Ferris.  "Besides Person, she could just not like doctors.  We
don't know there's anything wrong with her."  Person's face clearely showed
the conflicting emotions:  wanting something to be wrong to explain Cat's
rejection, not wanting anything to hurt her.
	"Maybe earplugs?" suggested Ordinary Lady.
	"Her powers are psi, not sound based," noted Invisible Incendiary.
	"I think I have a *@&$^#in' idea," said Innovative Offense Boy slowly.
They turned to the Sultan of Strategy expectantly.  "We #@$*@ think she's gone
**!!$# schizo right?"  Person clenched his fists but nodded.  "Well, Hood is
*#@&(@)! immune to $%*&# powers when she %@#$@ calls a *&@!^*@(@^*^& fight.
Why not *&#@#$ have Cat's two (@#*$ personalities conflict?  Then Hood'll be
&$#^(*%$!!($@ immune and can *#&@$ help Ori *&@$!!%$ diagnose."
	<(Sounds dangerous.)>
	"I agree," said II, with obvious distaste for Innovative Offense Boy.
"Besides, I'm not sure I believe this split personality theory."
	"No, I think he's on to something," said Organic Lass thoughtfully.
"And by causing the conflict, we can help the 'true' Cat win and maybe even 
cure her at the same time."
	"All in a *&*!^%$in' days work."  Ordinary Lady gave him a proud
	"Well I won't be a part of this," said II.  "And she'd better not come
to harm as a result, Boy."  Innovative Offense Boy flinched, and the room got
abruptly colder as II >lurked< away.
	Ori turned to Person.  "Particle Man?"
	He bit his lip.  "We've got to help her.  That much is certain."
	<(I can terminate the Contention at will, if things go awry.)>
	"I think...ok."
	<(The Contention Comes!  She who must know...Who`'od Win demands the
conflict of Catalyst Lass and .... Catalyst Lass!)>

	Of the myriad expectations that the sextet had on the results of Hood's
words, nothing prepared them for what occurred.  _Two_ Catalyst Lass's appeared
(one holding a poodle).  They immediately launched into a fistfight.
	"What the %*$#?"
	"Hood, can you create duplicates?"
	<(Never before....)>
	"STOP HER/THEM!" roared Particle Man.
	But this was a bizarre circumstance.  Never before had Hood witnessed
a person fight themselves.  She maddeningly found she _wanted_ to see the
fight's end.  As she pondered, Ferris and Person tried to interfere, only to
have each Cat say in unison "We're ok, we don't need your help. Everybody just
sit down."  They all did, except Hooded Ho`'od Win.  Even the poodle who wore
an amulet about its neck that glowed, unnoticed.
	<(No, this is wrong.  I will not injure my...two...friends for my own
amusement.  The Contention ends!)>  Then the other shock.  Cat did not re-merge
with herself.  She remained two separate people.
	Just not a night for complacency.  While the heroes gathered their
wits to deal with the developments, the door to the MedLab blew in.  A woman
in a trenchcoat and twelve Nose-feratu soared into the heart of the LNH.
	"HAHAHA!  Triumph!  Now we have....TWO CATALYST LASSES?!?!"
	The Nose-feratu splayed out, prepared to do battle with the Legion-
naires, their probiscii flaring in anticipation of a rematch with Dog Boy.
They all had Milkbones.  The head villainess spoke.
	"We have no time to puzzle this out here.  The Occult Heroes or
Occultism Kid may arrive soon.  She flashed open her trenchcoat for a briefest
of instances.  You who have known Revamp, take out the women!"
	IOBoy flipped over to the chloroform pads, shoved them in facemasks and
strapped them to Organic Lass and Ordinary Lady.  Deductive Logic Man hit
Hooded Ho`'od Win with a stretcher.  Particle Man seemed to be fighting
himself, motionless in the Bay.  *BLUE!  I need you!*
	The two Catalyst Lasses squared off against the arrayed Nose-feratu.
"You leave these guys alone and stuff!"
	"Yeah, back off beak-face.  Nice cape," she added to one whose pale
face flushed blood red.
	"Foolish girl, uh, girls.  You remain bound to us tightest of all.  Two
Nose-feratu gestured and Cats suddenly walked forward into their arms.  Capes
came up, and mist filled the bay.  When it cleared, both Catalyst Lasses were
gone, as well as all the Nose-feratu and the villainess.  IOBoy, Ferris, Dog
Boy and Particle Man shook themselves as if arising from molasses.  Particle
Man was the first to leap for the alarm.  Ordinary Lady remained unconscious 
as did Hood, but Organic Lass arose.
	"Ori, how...?" began Dog Boy.
	"I changed the chloroform to perfume," she explained as the claxon
sounded throughout thte LNHHQ.  "I was hoping to play possum and attack, but
they left too quickly."
	IOBoy bent to feverishly waking Ordinary Lady, who came around.  Hood
was tougher to revive, since her face could not be shown.
	Particle Man was distraught.  "Where's Occultism Kid?  We must find
her, uh, them!"
	"I did manage to alter the chemistry of one of the Widow's Peak gang
capes," mentioned Ori.    "A decent Geiger Counter will find him, in a five
mile radius."
	"Well, let's get...."
	Suddenly, another mist ebbed into the room, which formed into a man.
The man had the prominent widow's peak, but not nearly the schnozz of the
Nose-feratu.   Also, he wore frilly 18th Century clothes that stunk of stale
fish and disinfectant.
}	Then SHE has again bested me?  Thou will aught find HER in this 5 mile
arc.  HER destination ist knownst to me.  Mayhaps with thy help, thy friend
canst be rescu'd and my vendetta finally end't.  }
	"Who the *@#$&*@dst are you?  Nice *@&!$(in' scent BTW."
}	Luxury accomodations have chang'd since mine time.  }
	Particle Man strode forward, his powerful frame seeming to swell with
menace.  "I have very little patience left for you Karloff wannabees.  _Who_
was that woman and WHERE.  IS.  CAT?"
}	We shall rescue thy friend from HER vile clutches.  Know that I have
pursu'd HER for six centuries, and willst pursue HER nigh the end of time,
shouldst be necessary.  The villainess is none aught than the dreadst 
REVAMPIRELLA, QUEEN OF THE REVAMPIRES.  She is responsiblst for thy trauma.
But her reign of revamp tis nearly through.  With mine new allies, we shall
e'er long endest it!  So swearest I...REVAMPIRE.  }
	IOBoy whispered to Particle Man, "If he hasn't (@!*$@% nailed this
*@&^$* in 600 *(@&!@in' years, do we really *&@^!$&in' want his help?"

		===============		===============

	CATALYTIC CONVERSIONS continues in LNH Comics Presents and 
	concludes in Particle Man!

	NEXT:  The Triple Players take part (hopefully not exclusively)
		in the Return of the Brotherhood of Net.Villains.  Look
		for many titles to face THE EMPLOYEE-EMPOWERED,

		Coming in May.

		===============		===============
Triple Players:

	Hooded Ho`'od Win.......on loan from wReam
	Catalyst Lass...........via Public Domain

	Particle Man............Jameel al Khafiz
	Organic Lass............Rebecca Drayer
	Deductive Logic Man.....via Kevin Wilcox, on loan from wReam
	Dog Boy.................Rene Garcia Villarea
	Invisible Incendiary....Steve Hutchison
	Innovative Offense Boy..via Public Domain
	Ordinary Lady...........via Martin
	I...Revampire...........via JJMcC

	and all the rest...

special thanks to:  The QE II for decades of first class accomodations,
	Perry Ma.Sig for conceptual assistance, and every bad Victorian-set
	horror comic for key snatches of conversation.

Next Week: Catalytic Conversions Part Two!

Arthur "Same Classic Channel.  But Same Time?  Probably not." Spitzer

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