LNH: Another LNH Title? Really? #6 -- 'Let's get Pragmatical!'
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun May 1 00:56:48 PDT 2016
On 4/29/2016 2:13 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> [Cover: A gigantic monstrosity pulls superbeings out of a gigantic
> Iron Crown while batting helicopters into skyscrapers. Pulls-Paper-
> Out-of-Hats Lad desperately tries to find a miracle in his own hat.
> Bold text at the bottom of the page: "Introducing ** Only-Does-Good-
> Deeds-For-Pragmatic-Reasons Lass (But will probably shorten her name to
> Pragmatic-Reasons Lass for Pragmatic Reasons)!!!! **"
I love this issue so much. :D It's like, a perfect parody of
> We're calling this being, Pulls-Superpowered-
> Gigantic Crown Guy." Fearless Leader paused and took a deep breath.
> Why did he let Kid Always-Gives-Incredibly-Long-Names-to-Super-Villains
> name this guy?
Are they related to Horrible Name Lad too?
> "It's not like I'm in some sort of club
> with these guys. I mean I dated Pulls-Scissors-Out-of-Her-Beret Lady
> for a bit till she dumped me for Pulls-Rocks-Out-of-his-Derby Man --
> but that's about it.
> Only-Does-Good-Deeds-For-Pragmatic-Reasons Lass focused her gaze on
> the Flight.Thingees windshield as she gripped the flight controls
> tightly. "I have to power to convince people the most pragmatic course
> of action assuming they're reasonable enough to bother and listen to
> "That -- that's not a super power. That's -- oh Jesus, this is how
> I'm going to die. This is the day I die! Oh, god."
> "Okay. A list of good ideas to stop this
> thing..." He looked at the list. "Okay, let's see here. Number One -
> - Team up with the Ultimate Ninja. Number Two -- Team up with Kid
> Kirby.." He looked at the rest of the list with a scowl on his face
> and then crumpled it up.
> "Yeah. After you've taken over -- you're still going to have to
> constantly fight and battle all these rebels and so on that just refuse
> to kneel down to you. And it's just going to go on and on. You won't
> be able to trust anyone -- they'll all be potential assassins just
> waiting for that one moment of weakness you have so that they can end
> you once and for all. You're always going to have to keep one eye open
> when you sleep. And when you're awake you're going to have to deal
> with all these people that really hate and blame you for their lives
> sucking. Yeah. And they're going to say mean things about you behind
> your back. Really mean things. And did I mention the ulcer you're
> going to get? It's going to be one massive ulcer till the end of time.
Somewhere, Tyrannus Auron is nodding in agreement and he doesn't even know why.
> "I don't blame you. But that's what's going to happen. No. You don't
> want to do this. You should do what I did. Become a member of the
This is where it goes from "reasonable but unoriginal criticism" to *amazing*.
:D :D :D
> "Yeah. Look. I'm like you. I don't care about saving the world or
> whatever. Honestly, I don't really care if most of the people in the
> world live or die," said Only-Does-Good-Deeds-For-Pragmatic-Reasons
> Lass with a slight shrug. "I'm an LNH'r for the paycheck and the
> benefits. And because it's a more pragmatic choice than becoming a
> villain or world conqueror.
Terrible and yet also kinda great?
> "Relax. We've got tons of murderers in the LNH. I don't think there
> are any rules that prevent murderers from being LNH members. And
> regardless, we've got plenty of people with retcon abilities that can
> totally retcon away any killing you've done today.
I mean. That's an unqualified good, r-right >->;;;
> "Cool!" said Gigantic Crown Guy. "Will I have to work mornings? I'm
> not really a morning person."
> "You can set your own schedule that works for you.
Honestly, *I* want to join the LNH now.
> I didn't really want to be ruler of the world. I just wanted
> a steady paycheck. That's all I really wanted. Just a steady
The true villain in this story is economic inequality!
> "Well, umm -- Guess that
> all worked out. But you know next time -- umm -- maybe you should not
> -- umm..."
> "Hmm? You're still here? Really?" she said still not bothering to
> lift her gaze from her calculator.
That's a great end bit. XD
> This was my first attempt at writing a story for Drew Perron's monthly
> LNH Comics Present thing, but it turned out to be way to long for that.
*nods* Still really good, tho. <3 (And again, I'd be interested in tweaking the
restrictions, if you wanted.)
> Pragmatic-Reasons Lass is what I'd think if you were a really smart
> villain in the Looniverse you would do -- since you can't beat the LNH,
> you might as well join them and collect a nice paycheck.
It's true. Of course, who knows what that would do to standards for membership...
Drew "pragmasplosion" Perron
More information about the racc