LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #4: The Three Day Lull Part 4
pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu Mar 31 00:00:18 PDT 2016
On 2/9/2016 6:32 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> He was also a little hazy; must have been the writer in charge
> at the time. Tsar Chasm made a mental note to beat the man to a bloody PULP
> when he found the opportunity.
> (There was a chalkboard stating today's special was 'Blue Lagoon Cheesecake'
> Tsar Chasm was hoping that it meant they were actually made today...)
> He found a fork and sat down to eat. He took his first bite. His head was
> spinning. This was no ordinary cheesecake! Somehow it started a chemical
> reaction that caused Tsar Chasm to feel...happy. He looked into his
> cheesecake and smiled at it. He began to poke it with his fork.
Cheesecake-Eater Lad are you *drugging people*
> Then his mood changed again, but this time Tsar Chasm realized something.
> There wasn't anything in the cheesecake, happy and helpful were emotions
> that he already had, he just hadn't used them much before.
Ohhhhh. ...okay but.
> Up in his room, Pliable Lad was in the middle of reading _Castle
> Spellbound_ by John DeChancie when he became rather hungry.
Real ref or parody, I wonder? Luckily, I'm too lazy to look it up!
> "We are off to find Tsar Chasm!", Sig.lock Holmes told Pli. "He
> is somewhere in this very building! Come, the game is afoot!"
Pli could turn into a foot if he wanted.
> After Pli was out of earshot, Constellation asked Sig.Lad "Who was
> "Oh, that was Pliable Lad.", Sig.Lad said. "He joined shortly af-
> ter Integrity Quest. His series is on its fifth issue."
> "Ah. Right."
*Jeez* this is early.
> "May I make a reading suggestion?", Tsar Chasm asked.
> "Sure.", Pli said.
> "Try Asimov's _Foundation_ series. It's quite definitely one of the
Ehhhhh, I find the themes philosophically unsatisfying and the characterization
flat. u.u Take *that* someone from over twenty years ago
> "I sure will!", Pli said enthusiastically. "In fact, I think I'll
> head out to the bookstore now." He downed the cheeseburger in one bite,
> stood up, and picked up the fries and soda. "Hey, it's been nice talking to
> you. You're certainly more friendly than Dr. Armaggeddon was!"
...maybe try to arrest him, or...
> Kid Chivalry plinked down the halls, leaving a shimmering trail of
> faint outlines of himself every twenty feet. Eventually, he made it to the
> cafeteria, where he "plunked" onto a table, swords drawn, and screamed, "TSAR
> CHASM!! Show yourself!!"
There we go.
> "Formalwear when fighting a higher class of scum, Chasm. Drop your
> fork," KC hissed through clenched teeth. <All right! My first real villian!>
> he thought to himself excitedly.
Oh god, he's adorable.
> Tsar Chasm felt himself dropping the fork onto the table. He took
> note of the nifty glowing bubbles of light around his head and realised that
> KC's persuation powers were taking effect on him.
Man, did *everyone* have psychic powers back then? I guess that's what happens
when most characters are based on personality traits.
> Pliable Lad wrapped his flexible body around KC's hurtling form,
> stopping him in mid-leap. "KC! As I was saying, Tsar Chasm isn't here as
> a villian! He's sort of visiting." He deposited KC on the floor.
> "What? How can a villian be visiting LNHQ? Isn't there some sort
> of rule about that?"
> "Not really, no...
As my first Core LNH story will show, that's still true.
> "Thank you for your vote of support, Pliable Lad," put in Tsar Chasm.
> "And I must add, that was...exhilarating, Kid Chivalry. I'd offer to do it
> with you again sometime, but I'd ask you to leave the swords elsewhere. They
> can be...distracting."
D'awwwww. <3 Friendship!
> From: sl859 at cc.usu.edu (Raymond Bingham)
Ah, wReam style!
> "Really? Did you honestly think that Ultimate Ninja would leave a
> terminal unattended? Each one of those keys has been coated with a special
> contact poison. The kind that absorbs through gloves!"
> Tsar gasped, and raised his hands to his face.
> "You aren't as smart as you thought you were! You know even if it
> wasn't poison that seeped through the gloves, you constantly are running those
> fingers through your hair!
I mean, that *is* clever.
> "Why you !?!" Tsar raised his arms defiantly, preparing to crush
> wReamhack in an instant.
I don't think he can do that, but
Suddenly Tsar's arms dropped to the ground, and a
> flash of steel preceeded a shower of blood! Tsar screamed in agony, and
> yelled into his comlink. "WEBSTOOOORR! Arrrg!"
> Meanwhile on the teleporter end Webstor was busy reintegrating the
> parts of Tsar Chasm. He pounded on the keyboard and Tsar reappeared whole
That *is* an implication of how teleporters work.
> "Oh I believe you... Forget I ever asked." wReamhack said convinced.
> Ultimate Ninja retired to hunt a certain invisible menace. wReamhack sat at
> the console baffled. Something was not right, something was not Ultimate
> Ninja... Something is really really out of place.
Dun dun dunnn... is this a tie-in to that evil twin Ultimate Ninja storyline? So
many evil twins in this era.
> He wandered over to his terminal and logged in to see if he'd had any
> mail messages. He scanned through the list of headers. Ori, Sarc, Ori, Ori,
> Tsar Chasm, another from Ori, Modern Cargo magazine. Nothing seemed unusual.
> He was about to read Ori's messages when the third named registered.
> "No no no no no no. I DO NOT want to deal with this now!" he said
> exasperated. He grudgingly read the message.
> The computer signalled with its Binary Electronic/Ergonomic Programmed
> E-mail Response unit. Another message had come over the B.E.E.P.E.R.
> "From what I have gathered, Tsar Chasm was wondering around in a white
> t-shirt with an aquatic mammal featured, and black shorts."
> "The guy I fought was in costume."
> "Wait, did you say he yelled 'Webs Tor' into his communicator?"
> "Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Why?"
> "I don't think you fought Tsar Chasm, at least not the original."
> Tsar Chasm was hit by all of his responsibility returning at once. So he
> called in Webster as the Defroster, which is the only way to explain the
> speed at which UN's office thawed. When he was finished, wReamhack
> startled him. To be more imposing, Webster shape-shifts into Tsar Chasm
> and confronts him, only he forgot that Tsar Chasm wasn't in his costume.
> Before he can do anything to wReamhack, Ultimate Ninja comes in and
> cuts off his arms. Unable to switch to Teleporter since his arms were
> cut off, he yells for Webs Tor to pull him back. And that-"
> Dr. Stomper is cut off as a certain grey-clad ninja picks him and
> quickly deposits him head-first into the nearest garbage receptacle.
> "You were saying?" asked Ultimate Ninja.
> "Or maybe it was Tsar Chasm after he went home, changed and came
> back," came the strangely echoing voice from inside the can.
Heeheehee. <3 That's good.
> PS You got me. I'll have to reconsider my goals even more.
> Below was a graphic of a ninja outfit stuffed with straw.
And an actual wrapping-up. Very good. <3
Drew "hard to make sure that happens" Perron
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