REPOST/LNH: Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon #1 of 4
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Thu Mar 24 15:42:17 PDT 2016
Tis the Easter Season... so time to repost this...
The Jong Company Proudly Presents:
Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon #1
The Ultimate Ninja stretched his arms and gave a yawn as he walked into
the LNHQ's lobby. He was still recovering from the Gigantic Cheeezus
Cake Christ Good Friday, which had happened just yesterday when a
radical sect of Opus Dei followers unleashed a gigantic rampaging
sentient red-wine-commune-wafer cheesecake statue of Jesus Christ on the
citizens of Net.ropolis. Fortunately, Cheesecake Eater Lad (with the
help of a giant cosmic fork that Kid Kirby made) was able to devour the
entire monstrosity. Alas, there was a cost. Cheesecake Eater Lad was
locked away in one of the LNHQs bathrooms. And he'd probably be in
there for a week at least. The Ultimate Ninja just hoped today would be
uneventful. The ninja guessed though that the LNH would be needed for
crowd control at the grocery stores to keep the Peep junkies and Cadbury
Egg addicts from killing each other.
As he stepped into the lobby for a cup of coffee and to brief the
receptionist Kyoko Ishikawa on a few items, he sensed that something was
afoot. A bunch of LNH'rs were loitering around the receptionist desk
laughing and fooling around. This was never a good sign. What were
they doing? Their attention seemed to be focused on something. Some
kind of animal. A Komodo Dragon?
The Ultimate Ninja cleared his throat.
"Oh, hi UN! Didn't see you there. Isn't this guy just the coolest!"
responded Cannon Fodder pointing to the large Komodo Dragon lying in the
lobby wearing an Easter Bonnet on its head.
The Ultimate Ninja gripped the hilt of his katana blade tightly. "What
in hell is this Komodo Dragon doing here? Don't you people realize how
dangerous these animals are?"
"Relax, UN. This isn't *any* ordinary Komodo Dragon. This is Eggplant
the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon! He wouldn't hurt anyone. He's here
to teach us about the true meaning of Easter because we've lost our way.
You see, Easter -- it's not about coloring eggs and hiding them, it's
not about eating those weird marshmallowy peeps, or eating jelly beans,
or rabbits named Peter Cottontail. No, it's about something deeper.
"Cannon Fodder, you idiot! He's getting ready to attack you!" shouted
the Ultimate Ninja. "Get away from there!"
"You're judging him by his appearance, UN. He just wants to teach us,
UN. Look I'll prove it." Cannon Fodder walked up close to the Komodo
Dragon and gently put his hand on the lizard's head. And that's when
Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon lunged at Cannon Fodder's
throat. The Komodo Dragon's powerful jaws sank its into Cannon Fodder's
tasty neck. Blood started spurting out as Cannon Fodder struggled to
escape. The Ultimate Ninja quickly jumped in the air and tackled the
giant lizard and pried the animal's jaws away from Cannon Fodder. Then
the Ultimate Ninja repeatedly stabbed Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo
Dragon with his ginsu blade till the beast was finally slain. Alas, he
was too late to save Cannon Fodder who had a heart attack caused by a
long life of unhealthy eating habits.
There was silence as the room full of shocked LNH'rs just stared at the
corpses of Cannon Fodder and Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon
lying on the cold blood soaked floor.
Eventually, Deductive Logic Man examined the body of Eggplant the Easter
Miracle Komodo Dragon. "Ah-ha! Now I see the problem. If you look
closely -- you'll notice that Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon
has a tiny little black mustache -- which means... This isn't our
"Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon" -- but in fact this is the
Eggplant the Easter Miracle Komodo Dragon from an Alt.er.net Universe
where all the "Holiday Miracle Pets" are corrupt and evil."
"Well," said a relieved Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad. "That explains
NEXT TIME: Well, now that I think about it -- this probably will be a
one issue miniseries.
Ultimate Ninja, Deductive Logic Man, and Cannon Fodder are wReam's
Arthur "Have a happy Easter weekend!" Spitzer
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