LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #8: Looniverse Adrift! Part Three
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Wed Mar 9 18:56:00 PST 2016
In this weeks reposting of stuff you can find in the eyrie archive
we have the Third Part of Ken Schmidt's and Joltin' Jeff McCoskey's
Looniverse Adrift Crossover, which ran in LNH Comic Presents and
LNH Triple Play.
This third part contains LNH Comics Presents #18 and 19.
| | Classic
| | =
| | ____ ____ _ ____ ___
| |__ |  | |  | | | |  | | _ \
|____| \__] \__ | |_| \__/ |_|\_\
|_| OF NET.HEROES
Looniverse Adrift! Part Three
From: jmccoske at sedona.intel.com (Jeff McCoskey~)
Subject: LNH Comics Presents #18
Date: 9 Dec 1993 05:05:47 GMT
LOONIVERSE ADRIFT! maxi-series part 3
A hearty round of thanks to all who've contributed names so far, but don't
give up on us yet. You've only seen 2/3 of the plot -- it may yet surprise
and inspire you (though it hasn't for us . . .;])
What has gone before: Workload kidnapped Constellation and Dvandom Stranger
for nefarious purposes, purposes which might explain why all the WC's have
dropped into comas, and vanished from memory!. While Workload and Ebon
Lord battled in the Looniverse (ending in Ebon's apparent defeat), Tsar Chasm
and Co. engineered C & DS's escape. In the effort, the Stranger and Kid Kirby
were lost. The rescue seems to have had no detrimental effect on Workload's
plans. Meanwhile, the NWCs bravely carried on, defeating Censor Girl in a
battle royale. In the course of the battle they inadvertantly smashed the last
obstacle to Workload's plot. <Whew>
Parking Karma Kid dropped the flight thingie lightly into its bay.
CheeseCake-Eater Lad sat up front with his friend. The cheesecake champion had
been a little depressed ever since his humiliating defeat during the election.
Oblivious to his friend's pain, PK Kid said, "Catalyst Lass sure
handled that well, didn't she? Man, not an hour after the alert goes
off, Censor Girl _and_ Dr. Killfile are defeated and we're back in time for
LNH: The Animated Series!"
Cheesecake-Eater Lad looked more miserable. "PK -- not even you _or_
aLLiterative Lass voted for me? I mean, I've even had assistant Leader
experience before ..."
PK Kid finally realized his friend was despondent. "Wait a minute now,
C-E. For it to be unanimous, you must've voted for Cat too, same as everyone
else. It's no reflection on you, it's just everyone thought she was best for
the job. I mean, her speech was great. All you did was promise more varieties
of cheesecake in the cafeteria."
"That damn Steak and Potatoes Man ..."
"Not that that wasn't a great idea," PKK hastily put in. "And when were
you assistant leader? I remember you telling me that, but who were you assis-
C-E Lad's confusion didn't erase his depressed mood. "I don't know.
I don't think I want to talk about it anymore. We better get going if we don't
want to miss the show."
Innovative Offense Boy was reluctant to leave Ordinary Lady's presence.
"I guess I should #^*$%in' tell you again what a @#(*&#*^ job you did."
Ordinary Lady laughed. "Well, ok. But you've already told me about
Innovative Offense Boy winced. "(#&@$^ ..."
Ordinary Lady layed a hand on the Offensive Avenger's arm. "Look, if
you want to tell me another thirty times, at least do it over dinner."
IO Boy's eyes went wide. He gulped, then grinned. "You $(&#^in' bet!"
Hooded Ho`'od Win depressed the Play button on her VCR. Her immense
library of tapes puzzled her. She taped most every Peril Room workout session.
It was her calling and curse to determine ... Ho`'od Win. The best sessions
were when Ordinary Lady took on the entire LNH at once. A close second were
aLLiterative Lass's sessions against a dozen simulated LNH members.
These familiar tapes were few in number, however, compared to a series
of 1169 tapes marked 'UN vs LNH.' The marking meant nothing to her, and she
could not even remember recording them.
Her empty Hood pointed at the screen. In the hood's shadowed depths,
the woman's eyes took in the gory battle being replayed. A dark-clad figure
weilding ninja weapons handily defeated the simulated might of the LNH. HHW
stood motionless for minutes after the tape ended. Then she collected it and
melted into the shadows. She hoped Dr. Stomper's Lab had a dark corner she
might materialize in.
Censor Girl sat bolt upright in the LNH detention cell. Or more
appropriately, the husk that used to be Censor Girl. Inside the cyborg, Lord
Ebon shrugged on the mantle of control. It had taken nearly all his reserves
of power to affect the transition to this host. The jump was only possible
due to the cybernetic Link Killfile shared with his construct. Much to the
Dark Sorceror's disgust, the move did little more than preserve his own
presence on this plane. Censor Girl's soul had been so suborned into her
neuro-circuits, that there was scarce enough left for his nourishment. He had
greedily devoured what there was of course, but was now effectively trapped in
the cyborg for the present time. Without time to rest, casting himself into
the void would be perilous and perhaps even fatal.
The new host was not entirely without its benefits, however. The
novelty of possessing a being opposite his own sex was a curious, if trivial,
pleasure. Of more import was the host's dual nature. Through Censor Girl's
cybernetics, Ebon found he was now directly linked with the System -- machinery
formed according to the Looniverse's loose natural laws. There was tremendous
destructive power in the System, but more importantly there was also the means
to shape this causality at its core.
The System was a vast engine of Punctuation or Pixel Net.Element, this
place's equivalent of Earth. It would be relatively simple to use this System
to manipulate the matter outside its own databanks, and shape reality to his
own desires. Odd, for a being without soul to have such great magickal
potential. Given the Looniversians' limited understanding of the PluRealities,
not odd for such a being to have never realized it.
All Ebon needed now was the time to adjust to this contradictory system.
But how long before Workload's psynami finished its work?
Lord Ebon's scheming was interrupted. Static echoed through the
System, disturbing Ebon's thoughts. Circuits closed within the cybernetics.
Ebon's bionic eye surveyed his cell, compared the data with visual records
from minutes before. The cell had subtly shifted. The bars appeared thinner.
Some type of parchment covered his floor. Two bowls appeared suddenly, one
filled with water, the other, some type of cheap cereal meal.
Ebon was not sure whether the phenomenon was internal or Looniverse-
wide, but it could not be dealt with in the center of the LNHHQ. He
searched for, and found, circuitry that could bypass the Law of Dimension:
internal teleportation circuits. Activating them, he sought out the best
location in the Looniverse for restoring his power.
On a plush green plain a platoon of giant robots clashed with twelve-
story swords. In the background, at first out of focus, an impossibly tall
technological city reached for the sky. A man in a green uniform that bristled
with mechanisms eyed a three-story viewscreen. His overlarge eyes boggled,
then a mouth that held large square teeth grinned.
"Is it possible?" he mused aloud. "Is all our training to be validated
so soon? The LNH without it's mightiest heroes is coming to _me_, and they
don't even know it?"
Horrendous high-pitched laughter that sounded electronically enhanced
echoed over the plain. The robots paused in their training and pointed their
heads at the city. The city tore itself up from the ground and as it slowly
rose, began folding in on itself.
Sister State-The-Obvious, Parking Karma Kid, CheeseCake-Eater Lad and
the Incredible-Man-With-No-Life sat on the couches in the lounge, just in time
for "LNH: The Animated Series." IMWNL eyed his companions uncomfortably.
"Something wrong?" asked Sister State-the-Obvious.
"Yeah, well, no, I mean yeah. Look, I spend alot of time here ..."
Sister State-The Obvious nodded as IMWNL continued. "These couches have never
been this vacant before. Who's missing?"
"Hush!" interrupted PK Kid, "it's starting!"
//Dog-gone it Cat-less Lass, I wanted to be leader,// whined
Chow-Chow Eater Lad.
//Oh chow-chow eater Lad, i'LL Let you Lead _me_ any time,//
purred aLLiterative Lassie.
"What is this? asked Sister State-the-Obvious. "They're all dogs."
"I think it's great," chuckled Parking Karma Kid. "What do you think
... Chow Chow Eater Lad?"
C-E Lad hit his friend on the arm. He was not as pleased.
//Quick -- Barking Karma Kid take Canine Fodder and find Dr.
Chomper. We need something that'll take the bite out of this B'henji...
and fast! Do you see how he's sniffing at the LNHHQ?//
"This is not right," claimed an indignant Parking Karma Kid.
"It certainly isn't, Barking Karma Kid," ribbed C-E Lad.
"Wait a minute. Lemme check the other channels," said IMWNL.
//Today McDaschund Man examines "the LNH: Let sleeping
dogs lie or put'em to sleep?" And here's your host ...McDaschund Man!//
//Thank you Lethal Labrador ...//
The four LNHers stared aghast at the television. As one they got up
and ran for the Med-Lab. "Dr. Stomper .... !"
Catalyst Lass called the hastily-convened meeting to order. Her
cabinet was arrayed on chairs at the front of the assembly hall. "Shh, you
guys, shh! We have got a ton of stuff to talk about. Dr. Stomper and Deduc-
tive Logic Man have some really amazing things to tell you so let me just pass
the mike to them."
"Thank-you Catalyst Lass. What we have to tell you is amazing in the
extreme. The Looniverse ..."
"Wait a second Dr. Stomper. It might make more sense if we show them
the evidence first." Dr. Stomper nodded to Deductive Logic Man. "You've all
seen the bodies in the Med-Lab."
The LNH murmured its assent.
"They appeared everywhere, almost simultaneously. This leaves only one
of two options. Either they teleported in en masse, or they were always here."
Adamant Authority On Everything suddenly stood up. I have a theory on
that. Don't you see? All the bodies were given psychic 'stingers' if you will.
The teleportation put 'em into a coma, but psychically they destroyed us all!
It's some mad plot to unite the world, I tell you!"
Ferris furrowed his eyebrows unbelievingly. "But surely we're all still
AAOE coughed, looked around. "Wait and see ..." he muttered as he sat
"Anyway, the bodies are point one. The second point is that there are
many more bedrooms than we have members: many more _lived in_ rooms. The
third point ..." Ferris punched a button on a hand-held remote. Monitors
around the room began playing a VCR tape. The screen showed a dark-clad ninja
maiming the LNH, as well as many other unknown costumed characters. "This is
a tape apparently taken in the Peril Room. Can anyone identify this ninja?"
aLLiterative Lass stood up. "We Found the Fighter Fallen out Front!"
"Precisely. And the fourth and final point -- how many here have felt
strange feelings of deja vu, of unfilled seats?" A swarm of hands filled the
auditorium. "So what do these four points mean? Anyone?"
The hall was silent as they struggled to put the pieces together.
"All evidence seems to indicate that these bodies actually belong here.
Which can only mean ... the same force that has struck down half of the LNH has
struck our memories so we don't even know they ever existed! Ladies and
gentlemen, we are under attack!"
Chorus of 'oh yeah' and 'of course' and 'its all so clear now' filled
the hall. Ferris turned the mike back over to Dr. Stomper. "It's worse than
that, Legion. Anyone that has been outside in the past 24 hours knows that
Net.ropolis has undergone a weird transformation. The entire population has
been replaced by friendly, prehensile, fully clothed, _dogs_. Presumedly, the
same force that is destroying our unremembered comrades is reshaping all of
Net.ropolis. Indeed, perhaps the entire Looniverse!"
The hall exploded in pandimonium. Catalyst Lass quickly took the
floor. "Let's get ahold of ourselves, guys! This is serious stuff, and we
need cool heads to deal with it." The LNH calmed down under the catalytic
influence of their leader. But it was to get worse before it got better.
Self-Righteous Preacher burst in the back of the hall.
"I knew it! I knew it! You attend service on Sunday but do you
listen? Noo ... well it's finally happened. The LNH has gone to Hell!"
Curly, Golden Man and Captain Capitalize rushed to the windows. Out-
side the LNHHQ walls lay a dark landscape, stinking of brimstone. Great gouts
of flame colored the smoky sky, casting a flickering light on Net.ropolis. The
citizens were transformed once again, from happy, prehensile canines to demonic
creations of pure hellfire. The demons appeared to be rioting, randomly
incinerating the person next to them, then cackling off to fire bursts at
"Howling Hellfire!" said Golden Man.
"WHAT FIEND ATTACKS US SO?" bellowed CC.
"OhboyOhboyOhboy. Where do we daah keep the marshmallows, guys?" asked
Lord Ebon sat atop a mountain of pure granite. He rested his cybernetic
host body on a ball formed from the grey surface, propped his foot on a carved
triangle. The horizon glowed orange against a smoky black sky. The sense of
desecrating a grave cheered him.
The cyborg's internal power had slowly been recharging. Ebon found
that with his possession of the human half, he could siphon off a portion of
the mechanism's power for his own needs. It was not satisfying, but power was
power, flat though this may be compared to the tang of a terrified soul.
The inactivity required by this rejuvination had given the Dark
Sorceror time to acclimate himself to the changes in the Looniverse, as it
'morphed' from one form to another, no doubt a result of Workload's
The first change, introducing /canis familiaris/ to all aspects of
Looniversian life, had been unsettling to say the least. But his own words had
echoed back to him. "The strength of the Looniverse was its malleability ..."
It was an impressive display of strength, with every being transformed into
some canine alternate version of itself. With the exception of the LNH and
The second change was just as dramatic, converting the world into a
flaming hell. But with the second change, Ebon had been stronger, more in
control of his host and its System. The cybernetic System had afforded two
insights. First, that it could detect upcoming shifts in the Looniverse, for
that was clearly what was occurring. The Looniverse was molding itself to
other causalities as it ricocheted through the PluRealities. Apparently,
Workload's psynami had not destroyed the Looniverse outright but washed it from
it's place and sent it careening through the Net.
The second insight was far more valuable. In the brief instant between
causalities, Censor Girl's censors had access to primal data, data that was
carefully shielded from the Looniverse. The System's decoding of that input
was enigmatic, but with each hour, Ebon and his host grew stronger. The secret
would be revealed.
For now, the primal data simply translated as 'rec.pets.dogs' and
'alt.flame' -- read from something called a '.newsrc'. As an outsider to the
Net.realities, he recognized those words as being from the computers which were
in dimensional sympathy with the Net. But having spent little of his time
concerned with machines in his former reality, all he had to go on were faint
echoes of Chesspiece Face's memories on the subject. Ebon had many puzzles to
wrestle with, but of one thing he was certain. What the System could read, the
System could write.
Captain Cleanup's face filled the screen in Catalyst Lass's cabinet
"Squeaky and I have just now piled the rubble up, roughly according to
the machines it came from. I can't tell you how difficult it's been trying to
do a decent job when we get attacked by these fire-things every five minutes."
His voice was edged with impatience. "Thanks again for sending Nomex Man,
Captain Napalm and company to help us out. Sending Cannon Fodder was ill-
"In any case, we found two unconscious people in the rubble, besides
Killfile. I believe it's Webster and Webs tor. Hooded Ho`'od Win is bringing
them back, since she's not much help here."
"Ok, great Captain. Thanks for the update and keep us posted. And
remember, don't destroy any of it yet!" Captain Cleanup saluted, then the
screen went blank. In addition to her initial cabinet, Catalyst had added the
posts of Secretary of Investigation for Deductive Logic Man and two Undersec-
retaries of Technology, Contraption Man and Irony Man. With Innovative Offense
Boy, Dr. Stomper, Parking Karma Kid, Master Roster Man and Cheesecake Eater
Lad, they tried to get a grasp on the bizarre changes in their Looniverse.
MRM spoke up. "This thing is crippling us. We've got to do something.
The LNH is doing its best to protect the citizenry, but _everyone_ has become a
flame-throwing maniac. The Med-Lab is crowded with bodies, and our wounded are
having a difficult time getting aid. Fuzzy is singed, Bad-Timing Boy is laid
up for the duration after going out to fuel his car. And I've never seen
California Kid so sunburned ..."
A pained look crossed Catalyst Lass' face. She bit her lower lip.
"This is just awful. We can't take much more. Contraption Man, you're from
the future. Did history tell you anything about this?"
"No, I'm afraid not. And I read up on the history, too. If it's any
consolation, I know for a fact that there is LNH history still to come. The
RACelestial Madonna hasn't been chosen yet, or . . ."
Deductive Logic Man interrupted. "Wait. If this hasn't happened in
the history of the Looniverse, then that can only mean . . . we are no longer
in the Looniverse!"
Dr. Stomper jumped up. "Of course! We've been trying to figure out
what is happening _here_, in Net.ropolis. The truth is, we aren't _here_ any
Catalyst Lass also rose to her feet. "Ok, great! So where are we
Dr. Stomper sat back down. "I'm not sure. The problem is that our
membership is lacking in one very important department. None of our cosmic
heroes are present to shed light on this." Master Roster Man shifted uncomfor-
tably in his seat. "My best guess is that we are slipping from universe to
universe, with little rhyme or reason. If only there was someone here who knew
the structure of the Looniverse ..."
Irony Man interjected, "Dr. Stomper, I just got a reading of 3.2 on my
"Your Irony Detector? Then someone _is_ here that knows the answer!"
Catalyst looked around the table. Each of her cabinet officers shook their
heads. "If it's none of us, then either someone invisible is watching us,
"No, that's it," said Irony Man as the needle flickered. The
Concidental Crusader tried a gambit of his own. "It would be unfortunate if
anyone attacked us now, weakened as we are." He eyed the detector. "The
watcher is friendly. No stir on the dial. Perhaps -- 'that unseen lurker
could tell us alot ...'" The detector pinned. "It's no use. He can't speak
Deductive Logic Man stroked his chin thoughtfully. "I think we've got
all the pieces now. With our cosmic branch (Particle Man, Constellation and the
Dvandom Stranger) missing, it's logical to assume they're fighting the same
menace we are. This unseen lurker might be able to lead them to us."
PK Kid spoke up. "Great, but right now, we're a moving target, right?
How will they catch us if we keep jumping around?"
"True. But we know the skipping began shortly after the battle with
Censor Girl. It's reasonable to assume that some of the machinery there was
preventing just this. Hence, when it was smashed ..."
Catalyst Lass pounded the table with her hand. "Ok! So all we need to
do is send Contraption Man over to Captain Cleanup and have him rebuild the
gizmo, right? Let's get ..."
New-Look Lass burst into the conference room. "Sorry to interrupt, but
Dr. Stomper, there's an emergency. The bodies are starting to fade away!"
Before the leaders could grasp the latest development, Hooded Ho`'od
Win appeared from the shadows.
<(There's worse news than that. The hell-world has disappeared.)>
"What do you mean, Hood?" asked C-E Lad. "That's good news, isn't it?"
<(No. In it's place, Net.ropolis has become a techno-city. A techno-
city under attack.)>
A great spaceship that appeared to be a folded up city hovered above
Net.ropolis, casting a great shadow over the LNHHQ. Streaming from it's belly
was rank upon rank of giant robot cavalry -- some animal formed, some human
formed, many folding up and linking with their neighbors to form larger battle
From a wide window set in the front, a large man in a green uniform
speckled with machinery laughed loudly. His laugh and voice improbably carried
down to the heroes of the LNH. "Welcome Legion of Net.Heroes! So sorry you
couldn't all make it, but be assured I will make your stay most pleasant. In
fact you'll never want to leave ... Rec.Arts.Manga! So promises MANGA MAN!"
With the latest shift in realities, Lord Ebon experienced revelation.
Though the intermediate data said 'rec.arts.manga', he had glimpsed a fuller
picture of the '.newsrc'. Something called 'comp.sources.unix' had caught
the attention of his cybernetics. That universe was the key. If he could write
to the .newsrc, guide the Looniverse to c.s.u, the System could develop the
interface to the Looniverse's primal matter. And once the interface was
completed, everything on the Net would be his to control.
Only that blind fool Workload and his infernal psynami stood in the
way. Accessing memory, Ebon mulled over Censor Girl's last program. ==destroy
the Wave Inhibitor== That was the program Workload's guidance had engendered.
Then, it was a machine that blocked Workload's corruption of this Looniverse.
Censor Girl's face smiled with a malevolence that it's original owner
was inacapable of. Very well. Then the machine shall simply be rebuilt.
With a final mocking glance over the granite mountain, Ebon activated
the teleportation circuits.
TO BE CONTINUED in LNHCP #19
From: "Ken Schmidt" <kenaschm at cs.indiana.edu>
Subject: Legion of Net.Heroes Comics Presents #19
Date: Mon, 10 Jan 1994 15:29:27 -0500
"...so you mean to tell me that the second you teleported us out.
THIS guy showed up?"
For the third time in as many minutes, Organic Lass had to go over the
appearace of the mysterious new figure to their base at rec.arts.comics.info.
The group had already resigned itself to the loss of its two most powerful
members during the teleport back from Workload's base and didn't discuss it
Constellation had returned with Particle Man a few seconds after
Sig.Lad, Pocket Man and Tsar Chasm had materialized. Constellation had
filled in the group with as much info as Workload had boasted to him during
his captivity. And the news got worse. Removing Constellation and the
Stranger did nothing to re-open alt.comics.lnh. Part of what Constellation
relayed to the group that Workload had boasted about was that the Stranger and
Constellation were only a back-up, and unnecessary in the long run. Still,
Particle Man and Constellation tried to re-enter alt.comics.lnh, but were
unable to find it.
"Yes. As you vanished, he appeared. I don't think it was anything
I did...but I can't be certain. This Kirbytech is...is...well, Kirbytech!
I don't know how it works."
Pocket Man put a supporting arm around Organic Lass's shoulder,"
We weren't blaming you. But you were the only one here when it happend,
so we hoped you might know what was going on."
"Hey, I AM alive here! It's not like I can't tell you who I am...
geez," came from the newest occupant of the base. He was wearing a
chartreuse and purple jump-suit with a bright green mask.
Pocket Man looked at the gaudily clad stranger,"Fine. Who are you,
"I'm ERRAND BOY!" he said with a slight flourish.
"Errand Boy? Oh, I remember Kid Kirby telling me about you. What
is you errand this time?" asked Particle Man.
"I have a message for some guy named Zar Chism or something like that."
Tsar Chasm rubbed his temples, "You mean Tsar Chasm..."
Errand Boy brightened slightly,"Yeah that was the name I was given!
Do you know him...or better yet, where I can find him?"
Sig.Lad cut off the rest of the group,'Maybe...what if we can?"
"I just got a message for Tsar Chasm."
"I dunno! I just get the job and do it."
Tsar Chasm looked up seeming annoyed, "Very well, give me the message."
Errand Boy didn't move and said,"The Dvandom Stranger sends this
message to Tsar Chasm : Distraction is the path to defeat."
"Is that it?" Tsar Chasm asked.
"Er, well...no." Errand Boy looked uncomfortable as he continued.
"Part of my errand is to assist Tsar Chasm as he sees fit."
"Really?" Tsar Chasm said looking contemplative. "Ah, I see it now...
yes. That might just work."
Particle Man voiced the question everyone else had,"WHAT might work?
Tsar Chasm looked at Particle Man as if seeing him for the first
time,"Oh...I think I know how to get Workload to leave alt.comics.lnh
"And just what is your new plan..?" asked Sig.Lad.
Tsar Chasm toward the room where Kid Kirby had set up his scanning
devices earlier,"Ah, yes...I can work with this." He turned to look
back into the room and distractedly addressed the small group of
LNHers, "To answer your question Sig.Lad, I am going to get Workload
to leave alt.comics.lnh alone by opening the door to something else.
Make yourselves comfortable for a little bit, I need to adapt this
Kirbytech." And Tsar Chasm vanished into the room.
Netlurker snerfed at his current situation. He was at the
headquarters of the Legion of Net.Heroes, but for some reason he couldn't
de-lurk and talk to any of them. While not being that much of an
inconvenience to him, it did tick him off to think someone could do this to
him. When he arrived at Tsar Chasm's base, he found the place destroyed and
occupied by a small group of LNHers cleaning up. When he attempted to make
his usual dramatic entrance, they ignored him. He quickly found that he
was immaterial, when he tried to lean on some wreckage trying to figure
out why he was being ignored. He fell right through it (the ground had this
amazing property of stopping him, but nothing else did.)
Being a quick minded type, and having dealings with them in the past,
Netlurker made a deductive leap, and pinned the blame for this mess on the
LNH. He quickly made his way to the HQ to see what was going on. He found
most of the LNHers unconscious (hanging from hooks on the wall?!?) in
a large room. He found the rest of them holding some sort of meeting
in another room. Not one of the LNHers reacted to his presence even
though he was trying to de-lurk. Netlurker tenatively reached a hand up
to test a theory. He made it into a fist and swung it forward like he was
about to knock on a door. It encountered no resistance. "Heh...no glass.
So much for that theory," he chuckled to himself.
His attention was quickly drawn to Dr. Stomper, who sat back down in
his chair after answering a question. The words' meaning finally struck
"Of course", Dr. Stomper had said. "We have been trying to figure
out how what is happening _here_, in Net.ropolis. The truth is, we aren't
Catalyst Lass added something, but Netlurker didn't pay it much
attention. Not in Net.ropolis? That made sense. Netlurker had noticed
that the recent interactions the Looniverse had with a few other newsgroups
were stronger than the typical cross-post variety that alt.comics.lnh
did on occasion. That was it! The newsgroup must be spinning though
the newsgroup hierarchy!
'Too bad these feebs'll never figure it out on their own.' Netlurker
was distracted by Irony Man,"Doc! My Irony detector just went haywire!"
Dr. Stomper reacted,"Your irony detector? Then someone _is_ here
that knows the answer!"
Netlurker sighed...it took some stupid plot device for this group
to figure it out. Useless. Netlurker to decided to investigate the
situation and figured the best place to start was where alt.comics.lnh
was. Netlurker reached into his trenchcoat and pulled out a beacon that
could be fixed to a certain point. With it he could find alt.comics.lnh
where ever it might end up.
With a chuckle he fixed it to the pointiest thing he knew and locked
the beacon to Dr. Stomper's head. He waited a bit to see if the beacon
de-lurked when he let go of it, but none of the LNHers reacted to its
presence. Satisfied, Netlurker slipped between newsgroups, heading to
where alt.comics.lnh used to sit.
"So, does it seem to you guys like Tsar Chasm is a changed person
since he returned from Workload's base?" Organic Lass asked in a slightly
The group had been sitting silently for a period of time after Tsar
Chasm left them to work in he adjoining room. Constellation, Sig.Lad,
Pocket Man, Organic Lass and Particle Man sat down on the couches
that came out of the wall while Errand Boy was silently looking
around the room, casually strolling with his arms behind his back.
Sig.Lad replied in a similarly hushed tone,"He did seem lost
in thought the moment we returned...I wonder what changed?"
Organic Lass nodded,"Yeah, lost in thought to the point of being
completely distracted. And...I dunno...something _about_ him seems
to have changed. Something about his ... _presence_."
The rest of the group nodded, noticing the same thing.
"It is ready!" Tsar Chasm announced his entrance. The group, and
Errand Boy looked at Tsar Chasm. Something HAD changed about him. He
was posing dramatically, in his armor, with his royal blue cape billowing
around him. His face held a triumphant grin. "And we begin...NOW!"
<Pocket_Ma> What? What has begun?
<Organic_L> Hey! This is weird!
<Sig_Lad> Where are we? What happened?
*Constella sighs...Just when I thought it couldn't get worse than the
<Particle_> This seems familiar...
*** Mode change "+p" on channel #lnh by TsarChasm
<TsarChasm> That should keep out unwanted people
<TsarChasm> I have adapted Kid Kirby's scanners to become an IRC server.
<Sig_Lad> IRC? Great...I tried to avoid this place as best as I could.
<Pocket_Ma> IRC..? I've heard about this place before...just never thought
+I would see it.
<TsarChasm> ErrandBoy...now is the time for you to fulfill your Errand!
<TsarChasm> ErrandBoy...I need you to get me the attention of Master
<ErrandBoy> What? I don't know...
*ErrandBoy stiffens up and gets Master Workload's attention
At his base, Master Workload continued his work on dissolving the
annoying newsgroup. The task had been more trouble than he had first
expected, but all obstacles had been removed and Workload could now
continue with his task. The energies unleashed by Workload had eroded the
anchors that kept the newsgroup in its place in the hierarchy, and it now
spun through the USENET on a wild ride. The unorderly aspect of the
journey had bothered Workload, but the result more than made up for it.
Workload's task was interrupted by an unfamiliar summons. It simply
*** ErrandBoy invites you to channel #lnh
What? Where was this coming from? The source of the signal was from
an area unknown to Master Workload. But something...something powerful
was drawing him to follow the signal. Workload was suddenly intent
on finding what was going on.
Kid Kirby was keeping his vigil over the RACelestials, even though
Lord MUDD had tried innumerable methods of distracting him.
"Aww...they just made a Transformers MUSH even!"
Kid Kirby hesistated..."No."
"Wanna read some news?"
"How about a quick game of Nettrek?"
"LEAVE ME BE!" Kid Kirby had finally reached the end of his patience.
"Fine...but you really need to take time to enjoy the distractions
of the net. You are just TOO tense. I mean-"
"SILENCE!" Something had changed...Kid Kirby could suddenly feel the
RACelestials grow restless. The Scowling RACelestial began to move.
Kid Kirby flew up to the giant, "Where do you think you are going?" he
The Scowling RACelestial didn't even acknowledge the Kirbian's
existance, and continued on.
Lord MUDD seemed, for once, angry,"Oh! Master Workload wasn't supposed
to find that! I guess I better go, too."
Kid Kirby was unsure of what MUDD meant, and wasn't sure of what he
should next do. The Dvandom Stranger appeared next to Kid Kirby.
"Go with them."
Kid Kirby didn't move and replied, "What of my vigil here? And why
do you not go?"
"Because of the YADOMT (Yet Another Drain On My Time, at least that
is what Dave tells us...:) -K) Constraint, I am unable to travel where they
go...it lies outside of my domain. You must observe what happens."
Kid Kirby nodded and took off in the direction of the Scowling
RACelestial and Lord MUDD.
*** Master_Wo has joined channel #lnh
<Constella> Great...I thought I was done with this guy...
*Master_Wo is astounded
<Master_Wo> How did this ever escape my notice?
<TsarChasm> Time for you all to leave...
<Organic_L> For all WHO to lea-
*** Sig_Lad has been kicked off channel #lnh by TsarChasm (TsarChasm)
*** Constella has been kicked off channel #lnh by TsarChasm (TsarChasm)
*** Organic_L has been kicked off channel #lnh by TsarChasm (TsarChasm)
*** ErrandBoy has been kicked off channel #lnh by TsarChasm (TsarChasm)
*** Pocket_Ma has been kicked off channel #lnh by TsarChasm (TsarChasm)
*** Particle_ has been kicked off channel #lnh by TsarChasm (TsarChasm)
*Master_Wo did not thought anything more useless than alt.comics.lnh
+could consume so much valuable computing time..but now he realizes his
+mistake! My psynami has a new target!
*TsarChasm chuckles as his plan has worked...
*** You have been kicked off channel #lnh by TsarChasm (TsarChasm)
Was the last thought the sextet of LNHers had as they were forcibly removed
from Tsar Chasm's base on IRC. Where they now were...they had no idea.
It was white. No, more than white..it was devoid of anything. A plain
white landscape stretched out infinitely in every direction.
Particle Man stared in disbelief,"Guys...we are at alt.comics.lnh!
The World's Address is right!"
A figure stepped into view and doffed his wide-brimmed hat, "I could
have told you that!"
Tsar Chasm had planned this perfectly. He hadn't shared the fact that
he re-estabished his link to Webster and Webs Tor, and gained access to some
of their abilities. He first teleported his armor and cape, in preparation
of facing off against Workload, and then used Adapter's powers to adapt
Kid Kirby's scanner to an IRC server. Now that he had Workload distracted
from alt.comics.lnh, he only needed to teleport back to alt.comics.lnh,
where he had sent his 'recruits'.
<Master_Wo> I shall destroy this IRC...starting with THIS channel!
*** Scowling has joined channel #lnh
*** LordMUDD has joined channel #lnh
<Master_Wo> MUDD! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?!?
*TsarChasm is lost in the alien thoughts...too much for him to handle..
*** KidKirby has joined channel #lnh
<LordMUDD> What do you think you are doing here, Workload?
<Master_Wo> How have you hidden this from me? And what are you doing
<Scowling> This medium of communication is too useful for me to allow you
+to obliterate it
<Master_Wo> We had a bargain!
<Scowling> Assistance against the newsgroup only...this is NOT the
<Master_Wo> This...this...IRC is a drain on valuable computing time!
+It must be obliterated!
*KidKirby remains impartial on this argument
Incredible amounts of energy were suddenly unleahsed and Tsar Chasm
decided NOW was time to clear out. Nothing happened. Tsar Chasm realized
he had no means of escape...he found his link to the Webs severed. He
laughed as he realized that a flaw in one of his plans was about to
lead to his death. More nearly insane laughter resulted from another
realization...he had prided himself on being a presence where he went,
but here, among these beings he was ignored completely.
The energy flew around him, and Tsar Chasm wondered at the terrible
beauty of the confrontation, Workload and his psynami against the RACelestial
and Lord MUDD, as a white flash enveloped him...
*** Signoff TsarChasm (Fatal Error)
"Amazing!" declared Pocket Man. Bits of the white background had
begun to vanish, replaced by a replica of Pocket Man's room at LNHHQ.
"I just thought about it...and it was here!"
Sig.Lad nodded, "Of course...being a WC allows you some ability
to mold what is around you. Since there is nothing to work from...
we are fairly unrestrained with what we can do."
Organic Lass grinned.
"Why the grin?" asked Particle Man.
"Oh, I'm just glad that Master Blaster isn't here," Organic Lass said.
The group, including Netlurker, laughed.
Sig.Lad continued, "But, I think it better that we find where the
newsgroup has gotten off to...you said you knew where it was, right
Netlurker nodded, "Sure, and if you just sign on the dotted line of
my contract here, we can start nego-"
Sig.Lad switched to Sig.Roach and picked up Netlurker, slamming him
against a wall that suddenly appeared behind them.
"Here is the negotiation...you show us alt.comics.lnh, and you walk
away with four functioning limbs!"
Netlurker laughed, "You drive a hard bargain...but I accept
"So, how do we find it? If the newsgroup has been moving randomly
how do we know where it is now?" asked Pocket Man.
Netlurker reached into his trenchcoat and produced a an electronic
device. "I planted a beacon. And this little number will find that
"So," began Constellation,"where is it now?"
Netlurker checked his tracking device, paused, and began to laugh.
"What's so funny?" asked Organic Lass.
"Oh, this is too rich! Look where alt.comics.lnh has finally come to
rest." Netlurker turned the tracking device so the others could see.
Pocket Man blinked, "I didn't think we were that far from it too
Netlurker's laughter doubled.
Kid Kirby witnessed the battle on the IRC channel #lnh with
dispassionate eyes. He realized the threat to alt.comics.lnh had
passed and that satisfied him. He was now just a spectator in
a battle that would determine nothing. Workload and MUDD were aspects
of the net...they could not destoy each other no matter how hard they
tried. And the Scowling RACelestial, was...a RACelestial.
The battle raged with neither side gaining a clear advantage, and
Kid Kirby realized that neither side could truly gain an upper hand
in this struggle. The status quo had been established, and neither of
their actions could alter it. Higher powers had decided it, Workload
and MUDD only represented it.
<Master_Wo> Very well MUDD, this battle will accomplish little...you
+may keep this 'IRC'...my energies are drained.
*** Master_Wo has left channel #lnh
<LordMUDD> And what of you, Kirbian? What will you do now?
<KidKirby> I will return to alt.comics.lnh
*** KidKirby has left channel #lnh
*** Scowling has left channel #lnh
<LordMUDD> And what about...oh, you never were any fun, RACelestial!
+I wonder what is going on at #hottub...
Netlurker found himself held against another wall by Sig.Roach, when
they arrived at the coordinates given by Netlurker's device.
"Gee, it was just here a second ago..." Netlurker laughed.
"It isn't here NOW!" said Sig.Roach.
Netlurker reached into his trenchcoat and produced the the tracking
device again. He looked at it, sighed, and said, "You guys aren't going
to believe this..."
NEXT: OUR SERIES CROSSES OVER INTO
LEGION OF NET.HEROES: TRIPLE PLAY #2!!!!
Next Week: The Conclusion of Looniverse Adrift!
Arthur "Same Classic Channel. But Same Time? Probably not." Spitzer
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