LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #20: RETCON HOUR Beta

[Drew Perron]

On 5/31/2016 8:53 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> (The PULP Imrint was a separate imprint from the LNH
> imprint, although all the stories Jeff wrote for it were set place in the
> Looniverse.)

Always kind of a weird thing, but then, the NTB did the same thing. And I 
suppose LUNA is carrying on the tradition of "different perspective on the same 
world".

> And finally the sixth issue is System Corruptors #16 by Joltin' Jeff McCoskey
> and Matt "Badger" Rossi.  The System Corruptors was an anthology for telling
> stories about the various villains in the Looniverse.

And still is! <3 An issue came out just a few months ago, after all. ...okay 
last September BUT STILL.

> [continuity note: this story takes place during the several hours before the
> Magic game in Particle Man #15...or is it #16?  Sigh.  Like it matters, being
> a Retcon Hour Tie-In.]

Heeheehee. :>

> [cover shows a heroic, if slim, figure wearing an amber costume with green trim
> and technical-looking wristbands.  His face is obscured by a question mark in
> the classic Ditko style, and the faces of the Secret Dvanders are arranged on
> either side in shocked-looking Ditko expressions.]

Classic!

>      Damn, but it felt good to be out of that bodycast, thought Squidman for
> the fifth time that night.  He'd healed far faster than he expected to, which
> Doc Stomper attributed to general superhero resilience, even in those without
> actual powers.

Which would later become a canon part of how the Magene works in ASH.

(I feel like someone in Big Mainstream Superhero Stuff also took up this idea. I 
want to say, it was suggested about mutants in some X-Thing?)

> Already he'd
> gotten back into the street network he'd started building...damn good thing
> none of his informants got any character development while he was dead.

Heeheehee.

>      And what they were telling him was not good.  He already knew about the
> synthetic drug Flame from Kopikat's reports, but now he knew who had invented
> it.

My favorite appearance of Flame, BTW, is in Unlikely Aliens. Great writing there.

> Maybe Khan was smart enough to keep an antidote around, to avoid Flamewars
> during testing.  Or maybe he simply felt the testers were expendable, as were
> the testing sites.  Damn, cursed Squidman.  He'd much rather be fighting bald
> masterminds riding on top of huge robots than this.

Gosh darnit, industry trend of lazy attempts at socially relevant storytelling! 
You're why Batman fights the mentally ill so often!

(Note: Dave is not being lazy here. J-just clarifying. << >>)

>      If they didn't see him first.  All told, it probably would have been a
> better idea to wait until *after* sunset to start trailing punks.

D'oh!

>      Before they could get their guns out, he was in their midst, using the
> multiple-opponent style he'd learned from holotapes of Ultimate Ninja.

I love "I'm relating what I'm doing now to someone else in the shared universe 
in a subtle way".

> Idly, as if detached from it
> all, Squidman wondered how uncomfortable it must be to wear leather jackets in
> this weather.

Heeheehee. :>

>      Kid Macro has arrived.
>      Kid Macro runs in, a blazing blur of green and amber!
>      Kid Macro punches Thug1 in the jaw!
>      Kid Macro knees Thug2 in the groin (ow!)!
>      Kid Macro grabs Thug3 by the nose and judo-throws him into a wall!
>      Kid Macro disarms Thug4 and clubs him on the head with his own weapon!
>      Kid Macro dropped Note.
>      Kid Macro has left.
>      Kid Macro runs out in a hurricane of green and gold!

Incidentally, this is all a reference to MUDs, which, for those not in the know, 
are text-based multiplayer games that were basically the forerunner of modern 
MMOs. Many are still going to this day! <3

>      "Courtesy of your friendly, neighborhood Kid Macro," read the note.  "Kid
> watches too many cartoons," muttered Squidman under his breath as he put the
> note into a baggie pulled from one of his belt compartments.

Says Squidman the Animated Series over here~

>      "Anyway, I ran a few tests on the note, and as far as I can tell, he got
> the paper from the LNHQ."
>      "How'd you figure that?" asked Sidewinder.
>      "Well, the radiation levels were consistent with being near Kirby for
> several hours, there were faint traces of cheesecake powder in the fibers...
> and the other side of the note was a cover sheet from one of Multi-Tasking
> Man's laser printer jobs," finished the Deepsea Detective with a shrug.

*snerk*

> Anyway, timelines are starting to unravel a bit, yeah,
> *again*, and Kid Macro mighta joined on a bad day."

Heeheehee.

>      "Hmm.  Could be.  What kind of side-effects on NWCs?"
>      "Not sure, I didn't stick around for the whole discussion.  Something like
> having our personalities rewritten more frequently as we pass into the spheres
> of influence of the various WCs.  Course, after the whole mess around your
> death and stuff, I'd guess you're protected from the worst of it."

By this point, Dave had definitively staked a position on screwing around with 
characters that other writers were using, so I'd say the main characters of this 
series were pretty darn protected.

> And as for the Crapper, he's probably too cosmic for me to do
> anything about, really.

*looks at future arcs involving Master Workload* Heh.

> Oh, hi Sig.Lad," Squidman called out as his
> fellow LNHer entered the hitherto-undefined room.  And since there's no plot
> reason to define it, it'll stay undefined.

Curses! XD

>      "Hi, guys.  Just came into the reading room to pick up the latest
> Net.Week."  Smartass.

*snerkcackle*

>      "Yeah, got blindsided like an amateur.  Which I am, I suppose.  Sidewinder
> and I were just talking about Retcon Hour and the whole NWC problem.  Although
> I think he's gone and gotten distracted again...."  True enough, Sidewinder had
> picked up a magazine and was reading a *fascinating* article about slime-
> excreting starfish.

Ha ha familiar. `-`;

>      "...Or he could be a retcon.  I catch your drift, Squiddy," nodded
> Sig.Lad.
>      Squidman paused, somewhat embarrassedly.  "Um, please don't call me
> Squiddy.  That's *his* nickname."
>      "Oh.  Sorry.  Didn't mean to open old wounds.

Note, that's a reference to Suicide Squid, who had permanently separated from 
Squidman in order to save his life.

>      "So, get into any standoffs with supervillains, Officer Spacer?" asked the
> kid.

Sgt. Kidd? :D (no)

>      "Do I look dead and in several smoldering pieces to you, kid?"
>      "Um, no?"
>      "Then I haven't gotten in any standoffs with supervillains.  I ain't
> special tactics and I ain't suicidal."

It's interesting; this is a pretty different perspective than I have on how 
hero/villain stuff intersects with normal people stuff.

> Confiscated it from a 5th
> grader a coupla months ago.  Kids carry the damnedest weapons these days.  When
> I was a kid, a zipgun was something special to have in class.  But NOOO, now
> they gotta be better armed than some smaller governments.

*complex thoughts on how a problem caused by NRA-led pushes to deregulate the 
sale, purchase and use of guns were dealt with by becoming super-paranoid about 
our own children, not that that's limited to this issue or anything*

*becomes PoliSig by accident???*

> I hope you didn't have a big dinner."
>      "Why?"
>      "Because I don't want any of it splashing on me when you see the body.  Or
> would you rather wait back in the car?"
>      The kid's expression turned deadly serious.  "My brother was shot right in
> front of my eyes in a driveby six years ago.  This won't be my first corpse."
>      Reed snorted.  Great, the kid became a cop for revenge.  Next thing you
> know he'll turn up in a cape and cowl on his nights off.  "Yeah, but if it's an
> 823, it'll probably be your messiest.  Even if your brother took one to the
> head."  The kid said nothing, and just looked grim.

This sequence hovers somewhere between parodying grim'n'gritty cop tropes and 
trying to use them straightforwardly. Dave would latter do both options better.

>      "Yeah, yeah.  Well, you'll want to know some of this too.  Squidman ran
> into a guy called Kid Macro tonight, and suspected him of being a shoehorn,
> continuity-wise."

They're worried he's the kind with teeth.

>      "But that body was really Myk-El's."
>      "I know.  And so do you.  But everyone else I've mentioned it to thinks
> I'm crazy...everyone 'knows' Squalor is really Myk-El.  Time is definitely out
> of joint."
>      "Why do we still remember the old past?"

I like how they're assuming they *do*. <3 To be fair, that makes more sense with 
how retcons work, but...

> But Myk-El's case is definitely something we should keep an
> eye on.  If whoever's changing time sees it necessary to alter Myk-El's
> background, he may have links to the initial faked-up treason.  Acton Lord may
> have been a mere intermediary in this, much as I'm embarrassed to admit it."

I like how willing Dave is to play with his own plots when other things require. :>

> Sig.Lad paused, uncomfortable with broaching the next topic, but knowing he
> really should.  "Have you talked to Dot lately?"
>      Constellation shook his head sadly.  "I don't know how I can change
> something so deep inside that *I* can't see it.  I'm trying, but..."

The struggle against internalized prejudice is real.

>      "Oh.  But where's Lucky?"
>      Particle Man and Constellation both did doubletakes at the mention of the
> name.  Constellation was the first to recover, asking, "Which Lucky?"
>      Kid Macro looked embarrassed for a moment.  "Yours.  Sorry, forgot about
> Particle Man's ex.  Anyway, where is she?"

Hoo boy. ^^; In this case, this is a reference to Lucky Ball and Chain, someone 
who - to simplify - Constellation held a torch for, and was killed (along with 
his entire ex-team) to get at him. (Fridgey, but again, Dvandom got much better 
at drama over time.)

>      But before anyone could try to comfort the unknown hero, either by words
> or actions, there was a bright green flash and he was gone....

Dun dun dunnnnn...

> 	"Turn that dial! Press that button! Throw that lever! Get me a turkey
> sandwich!"
> 	"Want your onion roll toasted?" Contraption Man asked.
> 	"Yea, verily!"
> 	The buttons were pressed. The levers were thrown. The dials were turned.
> Contraption Man put a little mustard on the sandwich.

I love this kind of gag. <3

> 	"All hell's breaking loose!" C-E Lad said. "There's this RACCelestial
> outside who's going to move the Looniverse on the say-so of the Writers. The
> Time Crapper's back and Contraption Man's working for him. Deductive Logic
> Man's back too, and Bad-Timing Boy says the Time Crapper's going to do some-
> thing to bring back Myk-El! Also, we're out of Cool Whip."
> 	"My God! That's awful! I love Cool Whip!

I also love this kind of gag. <3

> 	"You must have been having your adventure in England when all that
> Contraption Man stuff went down."
> 	"Hey, my first attempt at LNH continuity! Neat!"

Heeheehee.

> 	"Do you know of the Shaft of Density?"
> 	"Yeah. It's the black private dick who's a sex machine to all the
> chicks."
> 	"You're damn right!--NO!

*cackle*

> 	"Okay. Let me get this straight. You want me to go back in time."
> 	"Yes."
> 	"To find a Tiara."
> 	"The Tiara of Density."
> 	"Which is in the possession of Adolf Hitler."
> 	"Correct."
> 	"Because it goes with his earrings."
> 	"Absolutely."
> 	"The Tiara is also pursued by two of the Time Crapper's minions."
> 	"Yes."
> 	"The Time Mime."
> 	"Yes."
> 	"And Chronos the Clown."
> 	"You've got it!"
> 	"Heh. Heh heh. HAHAHAHAHA!!" laughed Decibel Dude. "Kill him!"

XD XD XD Aaaaaaa, this is nice and funny. I need to read more DD&VG.

> 	"You fool!" shouted Entity. "Don't you realize what will happen if the
> Time Crapper succeeds? For one thing, all the NWCs will start acting like
> complete loonies! Your partner's an NWC, isn't he?"
> 	"My partner acts like a loony already!" replied Decibel Dude. "I don't
> see what that--"
> 	Vigilante Guy strode into the room, completely covered in a long over-
> coat.  "Everyone, I have an announcement to make. As of today, I no longer wish
> to be known as Vigilante Guy. From now on, you can call me...RANCH DRESSING
> MAN!!"

*cackles*

> 	"Don't worry, Nick, you can still be my partner! You just have to change
> your name to Kid Mayonnaise!"
> 	It is an interesting sound, to hear several dozen net.heroes blink in
> unison.

And this is a higher-level humor line. :>

> 	"In 1944, all the heroes were fighting the war, usually out of costume."
> 	"They were naked?"
> 	"No, you idiot, they were in the army!"

Heeheehee. <3 You know, I'm not sure if the LNH has ever done a "Golden Age hero 
gives up identity to join the military during WWII" plot.

> 	"This is the Som Yelsie timeport. Looks like things are a little crowded
> today. We'll have to wait until the time travel's not as thick."

I love this idea. :>

> 	"Yeah, Al, I know. I know. Look, Al, I'll talk to you later, okay?" He
> hung up. "Hey, I haven't seen you here in a while, Entity!"
> 	"Sammy!" said Entity. They shook hands. "What are you doing here?"
> 	"Ah, the usual, putting things right that once went wrong...racking up
> frequent leaper miles...what are you here for?"

Quantum Leap was a fun show.

> 	"So this is where time travelers hang out," said Nick. "Have you ever
> met Christopher Lloyd?"
> 	"We're like this," said Enetiy, crossing three sets of fingers.

*snerk*

> 	"I say!" A man with a curly head of hair, buck teeth, and a long scarf
> ran up to them. "You didn't happen to see a young fellow with blond hair and
> a sprig of broccoli pinned to his lapel walk by, did you?"
> 	"Er...no," said Nick.
> 	"Curses!" the man said. "As if it weren't bad enough those two Calif-
> ornians keep getting their booth mixed up with mine..." He started to walk
> away. "I told him, I'm the fourth, Thursday's my day to use it!"

*cackles*

> 	Here, then, is the entire log of Entity and Nick's trip back to 1944.
>
> 	NICK:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
>
> 	ENTITY:Dammit, not on my shoes!
>
> 	Here ends the log.

*even more cackles!? am I just going to quote every joke?! they're great tho*

> 	"You know, I've found people who don't believe in the Fourth Wall. Some-
> times even I have a hard time believeing it."

This is a pretty awesome idea. I wonder if it got explored more.

> 	"Because you're going to be working with him."
> 	"Heh heh heh heh heh...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Another lawbreaker who must meet
> justice!!"
> 	Nick and Entity looked up. There, holding a Double Luger in their
>  direction, stood Nick Naime.

Dun dun dunnnnn...

>      Way back in April, a cosmic being new to the LNH created an
> Elsewhirl, mainly to avoid being flamed by irate writers whose
> characters he misused while learning the ropes.

Ah, yes, the proto-Tempest.

>      The Time Crapper REALLY hated it. A whole lot. It offended
> him, having very little to do with the rest of the LNH but sucking
> a portion of it's temporal energy for itself. So he decided he was
> going to fix that planet's little red wagon for it.

Man, I hate it when writers and editors can't just let a thing *exist* in a 
shared universe. Your world is full of cool stuff! Deal with it! Rassin' 
frassin' "oh, the team has too many members" argle bargle "makes it less 
special" uuuuuuugh

>      "Yes, boss." Contraption Man fingered his newest phased
> implosion Plasma Rifle gently and hoped that someday he could shoot
> his erstwhile leader (Not realizing that this Time Crapper was
> in fact the _post_ Cry.Sig Time Crapper who was quite aware of his
> treachery in serving wReamicus Maximus) many, many times.

Wait, I thought the one CM was serving was the pre-Cry.Sig version. @.@

> They were in a fanfiction again! Surely, things were looking up.

It's also *so weird* that people kept referring to the LNH as "fanfiction" back 
in the day. I mean, fiction by fans, yes, but not what that term has come to 
mean, and honestly, not what it really meant back then. This was after years of 
pre-Internet fic, after all, and for that matter, years of fic online pre-Web. 
It's weird, is all.

>      "You know, I just _love_ being casually dismissed in every
> story I appear in because I'm not powerful enough to save the day."
> Sarcastic Lad was in no mood.

It's a good point.

> "Maybe Zagyg, our Illustrious Leader, can find out
> what to do. I respect his leadership skills. Excuse me while I go
> vomit."

Ooooh, nice, off-the-cuff Unlikely Aliens reference - also further on in the 
crossover.

> THIS MUST NOT BE!" Leaving aside the oft-pointed out fact that in
> space nobody can talk on account of that vacuum thing, the voice
> intensified in volume. "THE RAC.CTRE WILL PREVENT IT!"

I love when the cosmic beings get involved. :>

>      Despite his immense ghostly power, he could not halt the
> careening planet. He did slow its progress, but stopping it was
> beyond him. "I need an equal mass to brace against, and our Earth
> is the only source." He took his right hand off of the dead globe
> and reached toward the living one.

This is actually a reference to a specific Silver Age Earth-1/Earth-2 story! 
Awesome!

 > He approached the grim youth.
> 	"Hello young Dev-Null."
> 	"You stink Mister.  Hey, how did you know my name?"
> 	"Not important.  I need you to do me a favor in twelve years.  Have
> your father, the jurist, wrongly execute Myk-El's parents on trumped up
> charges, then banish and disgrace Myk-El himself."

I love this running gag. :D

> 	Conraption Man paced the bay of the Time Crapper's secret hideout,
> blissfully unaware of the drama in deep-space that his innocent World Collider
> was causing.

This death ray is intended for peaceful purposes only!

> He'd installed all the anti-detection devices the first hour,
> chocked the former Universal Anchor in place, built the Deadmeat Earth device
> and gotten a good night's sleep.  In short, he'd run out of excuses _not_ to
> work on the Chrono-Combobulator.

Heeheehee.

> Contraption Man decided to
> contact his _real_ boss for suggestions.

Dun dun dunnnnn... Wait, I need to wait until the end of the issue.

> 	The figure's voice was irritated.  "Why am I distorted?  You're
> Contraption Man, for crying out loud."
> 	"Time Crapper wants me to have more respect for Narrative," said CM
> grudgingly.

Puu-chan! Wait, sorry, wrong distorted mysterious figure from outside time.

> 	"Of course.  Rather than isolate and unify the Time Stream, the Chrono-
> Combobulator disrupts Time, allowing many different, contradictory, streams to
> exist at once.

*gasp* He's invented hypertime! THE FIEND!

> 	"Excellent.  Does he suspect?"
> 	"No.  He's just started his Retcons.  Once it gets really confusing he
> might, though.

Look, I said last time that Retcon Hour isn't *that* confusing...

> 	"Yes, Lord," muttered CM peevishly.  He looked at the spidery machine
> and sighed.  Then he opened a panel and spilled his Cappio into it.  The
> spidery machine did a brief hepcat bop then returned to immobility.  "Oops,"
> said Contraption Man sarcastically.

I love that Contraption Man's role in this crossover is basically "sarcastic 
techie".

> 	Myk-El stood above the fallen figure of Ultimate Ninja.  His power
> armor lay in ribbons, but the red SunStation on his back remained untouched.
> The Ginsu Katana lay broken at Myk-El's feet.  "So you see Legionnaires, the
> real traitor was....Ultimate Ninja!"
> 	"Hooray!" cheered the Legionnaires.  "Long Live Myk-El, leader of the
> LNH!"  Time Crapper looked up from the retconned Ultimate Ninja #5.

*snerkcackles*

> 	Catalyst Lass (wearing sunglasses), Domestic Lad and New-Look Lass
> surveyed the newly constructed soundstage.  It was a great half-shell that
> dominated the Net.Ropolis skyline and assured plenty of tourism dollars for
> years to come.

Uh-huh, that's what they always say. >:/ Look up stats on the Olympics, people, 
I'm just saying.

> 	New-Look Lass eyed at the Motivational Maiden strangely.  "Ultimate
> Ninja?  He's been in the Safe for years, ever since Myk-El revealed him to be
> the traitor.  As leader, it's your duty to...."
> 	"_Me_ leader?" Cat asked, incredulous.
> 	"Yeah New-Ly, Cat ain't th' leadeh.  Thet's Myk-El ya'll lookin'
> foweh."

Actually, this lends credence to me pointing out that there's no reason for 
Sig.Lad and Constellation to think they're retcon-free instead of just 
differently retconned. (Nitpick nitpick~)

> I hear he's the servant of the mysterious Mandrake
> O'Strander.

A reference to John Ostrander's well-recieved Spectre series.

>      The Rac.ctre had finally halted the other earth. He sighed,
> and the sigh carried along the ether, signalling to all that one
> threat had been averted. Then he looked up.
>      Another Earth was heading his way.
>      And Another.
>      And another still.
>      And another one besides. And another. And yet another. The
> Rac.ctre pursed his lips, and in a grim, ghostly, gravely voice,
> said the only thing that applied.
>      "Crap."

*fiendish giggle*

> 	"Then shut up and listen.  First of all, forget what I told you yester-
> day.  I was just grasping there.

I'm torn between thinking that he should have just moved back to the day 
*before* yesterday to do this, and thinking that that would make the causality 
even more confusing.

> What I really wanted you to do is get Myk-El
> to go swimming in our special pool, wearing this special red diving helmet.
<snip>
> 	Time Crapper looked up from the last panel of Ultimate Ninja #5,
> tearing himself away from the mad eyes of Myk-El.  Myk-El's green hair, white
> skin and red lips were curled in a mad cackle as he destroyed the entire
> LoonivEarth.

Heeheeheehee.

> 	QWERTY again.  "Ok Dev-Null, forget what I wanted those past two days.
> I was barking up the wrong tree with those.  Instead give him this drug, it'll
> make all his hair fall out and maybe make him smart.  But think how funny he'll
> look with no hair."
<snip>
> 	"Ah-hah Time Crapper!  My little ruse worked," exclaimed Contraption
> Man.  "Ever since Lex Myk-El came, all us supervillains united with the LNH to
> fight him.  Contraption Man is no longer evil, but your evil days are finished!

Bwahahahaha.

> In cross-dimensional math 101, change one of Myk-El's equations, then warn him
> about it.  He'll be so arrogant he'll dismiss you and have an accident,
> confining him forever to an iron suit of armor.  He won't get all the chicks
> then!"
<snip>
> 	"They caught me easily, you buffoon," said Contraption Man from the
> Safe.  He was using his one phone call.  "As Dr. Myk-El, he never _joined_
> the LNH.  He's been their arch-villain in Alt.Veria ever since he arrived."

*rolls around laughing*

> What I really meant
> to say was:  slip this serum in his drink.  When he gets excited he'll turn
> into a monstrous lizard with a lisp.  Boy could you make fun of him then."
> 				*	*	*
> 	Contraption Man handed Time Crapper his resignation.  "I'm sorry Time
> Crapper.  My work at the O'Myk-El Foundation is too important to interrupt for
> time and space conquering.  It's Myk-El.  He's just so tragic you know?  A
> wonderful humanitarian mind linked to that slavering, lisping beast.

*falls on the floor, heaving with giddy breath*

> 	QWERTY -- you'll come back for the fun.  "Ha ha.  Ok Dev-Null, listen
> up.  All those other gags are stinkers.  Here's the one that'll get him.
> Hypnotise him and convince him he's got to eat entire suns....wait.  Bad idea.
> Tell you what.  Just forget I was ever here, forget all those gags, and I'll
> see you later.  'Kay?  Please?"

But seriously - I love how this storyline not only undoes the throwing of Myk-El 
under the bus, but makes him super important and pivotal.

> 	"Well, with the Chrono-Combobulator still unfinished, all those errant
> time streams you created are still present.  All at once.  Kind of.  Net.Jersey
> was destroyed by Joker Myk-El.  Golden Lord and the Classic Squad are still
> good, since they had to fight Lex Myk-El.  Myk-El was leader of the LNH before
> both he and Ultimate Ninja were declared traitors.  Encyclopedias list Dr.
> Myk-El as the ruler of Alt.veria.  And the O'Myk-El Foundation is on the verge
> of curing revampitis.  And the dvanders _still_ cleared Myk-El's name before I
> could finish this machine."

This is so great. :>

> 	"Look, I'm a Time Master, not a psychologist.  How would _you_ make him
> evil?"
> 	Contraption Man snorted.  "With a Contraption, of course...."
<snip>
> 	Contraption Man worked nervously on the Universal Anchor.  Myk-El had
> gone evil thanks to an HP SunStation clone being inserted into his armor.

Mwahahahaha.

> 	"The Time Crapper returns!"
> 	"But you were just here.  And geez, you stink!

Wait, wait, I thought he was already serving the post-Cry.Sig Crapper... @.@;

> 	Contraption Man and Time Crapper turned to each other simultaneously.
> 	"Did you say something?"
> 	"Uh, no did you?"
> 	"Oh, uh, no.  Well gotta go."
> 	"Right, bye."

*giggles*

> How long before Continuity itself collapses
> completely?  How long before a trembling idiot universe dances to the insane
> discontinuous pipings of WREAMICUS MAXIMUS?   HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I love how this unites "wReam as memetic force of chaos" with "wReam as guy who 
caused the whole Myk-El mess in the first place". (Also, nice Lovecraft ref!)

> 	"Soon, my friend, soon.  This scene takes place in a Retconned past.
> I assure you, once the narrative returns to the present I will open the door
> to the Looniverse.

*flails around trying to figure out the continuity*

> 	"So tell me again, why I should lead you here?  You're not blind are
> you?"
> 	"No silly," laughed Catalyst Lass nervously.  "Really dark shades are
> just the latest thing, you know?

Heeheehee.

> 	Abruptly, Hooded Ho`'od win sat up, her white hospital sheets wrapped
> her body in a pure version of her former cloak.

Ooooh, nice, nice.

> 	Hood flared out
> suddenly.  Amidst a flash of blinding light she became translucent and expanded
> nearly as large as the LoonivEarth itself, drawing an appreciative leer from
> the Rac.tre who was unaccustomed to over-endowed gals on a planetary scale.

 >:/ ecchi

> Her hood appeared in every Net.Heroine's mind throughout the LoonivEarth.
> 	<(SHE WHO MUST KNOW....WHO`'OD WIN DEMANDS TO SEE WHO SHALL BECOME THE
> SAVIOR OF NET.EARTH.  WHO SHALL BECOME....
> 			THE RACCELESTIAL MADONNA!)>

I'm glad this version isn't quite so literal with the "madonna" thing.

>      "We are The Dark Renegades. The Time Crapper sends his
> regards. TIMMY, SLAUGHTERIZE 'EM!"
>      The dark and malevolent version of the beloved CAW

I always enjoyed that Dark CAW was TIMMY. The MST3k episode it's referencing was 
always one of my favorites. (Even if I don't remember that much about the actual 
movie.)

> then the evil temporal duplicate of the Squealing Flying
> Rodent, the Shrieking Rabid Airborne Rat, leapt on top of him.
<snip>
>      "No...that was my alternate. I am DARK SWORD! En GARDE!"

Man, the other two have cool, creative Evil Version names and you got the 
scraps, huh

> And soon, the swordfighting began in earnest. Well, not IN earnest,
> that would most likely kill him.

Ernest Goes to Retcon Hour! (Look, I'm allowed to make silly '90s references 
here if anywhere.) (Eh, let's be real, I make 'em either way.)

> Occultism Kid,
> seeing how the storyline was progressing, waved his hands and
> knocked the Rabid Rat unconscious. (He didn't cast a spell..the
> back of his hand accidentally brushed his face first.)

Heeheehee

>      "EXCELLENT, Dark Sword! Now I will send you to annihilate
> wReamicus Maximus...AND CONSOLIDATE MY GRIP ON ALL TIME!"

Wait, I thought the Time Crapper wasn't aware of wReamicus's influence... um... 
@.@;;;

> 	They turned to see a menacing figure backlit in the moonlight.  Some
> sort of armor seemed to be half grafted to his otherwise decaying body.
> Embedded in the armor, a faux SunStation blinked insistantly.  "Myk-El?" asked
> wReamhack with dread.  "That can't be you."
> 	("I thought he was in Alt.veria," muttered Pizza Girl.  "No running an
> institute," hissed B-TBoy.)
> 	"No.  Wh-rrrrr-e once lived Myk-El, now unlife kuk-calls me SQUALOR."

Wait, was this supposed to come before the Constellation issue? @.@;;;;; Okay, 
maybe Retcon Hour *does* get kinda chaotic and hard to follow at times...

> 	wReamicus Maximus threw a significant-looking switch.  A high-tech
> portal shimmered with unknown fields.  Out of the colorful display strode
> a huge being.  A glittering purple and green costume completely covered his
> features, except for the all-white eyes.
> 	"You see my friend?  I am as good as my word.  Welcome to the
> Looniverse, IMPLO."

I've always wondered if this character is a reference to the DC Implosion or what.

> 	IMPLO looked at wReamicus Maximus scornfully.  "System Corruptors is
> cancelled," was all he said.  wRM clapped his hands in delight and laughed as
> IMPLO went out into the Looniverse.

There we go! Dun dun dunnnnn...

Drew "System Corruptors is still going, dangit!" Perron