REPOST: RAC Challenge! #23: PenUltimate Chapter!
Drew Perron
pwerdna at gmail.com
Tue Jan 19 14:37:51 PST 2016
On 1/9/2016 3:00 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> He also knew that, in
> order to preserve the fragile fabric of the Multiverse, Earth's sun
> had to die.
GASP.
> Somehow, he knew that he died at the age of 12. His uncle, Horst
> Bock-Pilsner Malevo, used the Ultimate Marble to ressurect him.
> Instead, he drew every Dirk Darrenger in the Multiverse from their
> respective alternate dimensions and merged them into one being, whom
> he mistook for his ressurected nephew.
That's a heck of a retcon. Not any bigger than "Tito and Tina are God", mind you...
> But splitting himself up will require a tremendous explosion. For
> example, the explosion of Earth's sun. Dirk's weakness to intense
> solar radiation will shatter him when the sun goes boom, the countless
> Dirk Darrengers will return to their worlds, and all will be right
> with the Multiverse.
Hmmm, I see, I see...
> Dirk instantly recognized the war machines which had knocked him
> unconscious back in Dr. Malevo's secret lab. They were the robot
> sentries of the Candy Commandos, an elite strikeforce modeled after
> the candy products of the late twentieth century. They came from the
> year 2259 of Alternate Future # 491320431980.
>
> The Paragon of that future timeline sent the Candy Commandos to the
> year 1995 to knock out the present-day Paragon. While unconscious, his
> connection to the Universe Wide Web would solidify.
>
> That's how Dirk knew all this now. He was actively drawing information
> from the Web, rather than passively tapping it through strange dreams.
Okay, this makes sense, I'm enjoying it :D
> Dirk looked at one of them and muttered softly, "Is that a pack of
> sugarless gum in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
>
> "Actually, sir," he replied, "it's the source of our powers." He
> reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of candy mints.
Pff. XD Yes good.
> By ingesting their mints,
> which were irradiated by quadraflux energy, they gained the incredible
> powers to annoy old people in irreverent yet non-threatening manners.
>
> For the first time in his life, Dirk actually missed the Ultimate
> Twins.
XD XD XD Mentos commercials - the gift that kept on giving.
> Two men appeared out of nowhere. One was Dirk Armington, the
> Dragonslayer. The second was the Man in the Black Trenchcoat, and he
> carried a megaphone. "Greetings, everyone. You're probably wondering
> where the hell you are right now. This is a place where all the
> discarded, forgotten, and stillborn literary creations of the RACC can
> find a refuge.
>
> "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the PRICKworld."
Pfffft. XD I love it, it makes all of the sense on a meta level, this is the
best way to deal with the problems of this series.
> That's when the whole bunker began to shake. A blinding flash filled
> the room, and when everyone's sight returned, they saw the cosmic
> supervillain Enthropy. "So," he shouted, "You've decided to come out
> of retirement, eh Paragon? Now I'll get a chance to destroy you
> before I destroy your sun!"
>
> "Enthropy's destroying the sun?" thought the burning Paragon. "I
> didn't know that!"
DUN DUN DUNNNNN...
Drew "wait, didn't he want him to do that" Perron
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