MISC: The Girl Who Saved the World, Episodes 21 and 1

Drew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Mon Jan 18 18:41:59 PST 2016

On 1/10/2016 11:22 PM, George Phillies wrote:
> You are about to see a drastic change in the branching time lines trope.
>    The discussion of Liouville and Gibbs is real physics.

Oooooh! Fascinating.

> After Episode 21 comes Episode 1A.  I decided to interchange the first
> two chapters so we open, immediately, with the lead character.

Excellent! :D

> Some parents would have been scandalized
> that I was brewing coffee, worse, cocoa-tinged coffee.

Underage caffeine drinking is one thing, but *mocha*!?

> Massachusetts is even more confusing. There are
> 12 or 15, I tend to forget, different ancient advanced civilizations
> whose traces may be found near Massachusetts Bay. Most of them left at
> least some reasonably detailed historical records, not to mention
> observations on the world around them. Seven left observations on the
> moons of Jupiter and Saturn and Uranus, observations that apparently
> make no sense.  They had the moons in the wrong places. You’d think they
> couldn’t see the sky.

...huh. o.o Fascinating. It feels like the implication is that this is a world 
with many different histories melded together.

> The famous story is the fellow who traveled
> in time to just before the maiasaurs started their march to
> intelligence, smelled a flower by shooing away a butterfly, and when he
> returned to the present there had never been a dinosauric civilization.


> Episode 1A

Looking good!

> I awoke at half past dark.  To put it mildly, I hurt.

Yes, this is a very strong opening. <3

> Then I remembered where I was.  Not safe at home, the home I grew up in.
> I was in my own house, the one I bought. I don’t know why Mum threw me,
> her only daughter, out of the house those six months ago, leaving me
> with the money in my pocket and everything I owned locked in a
> U-Store-It bay.  I’d come home, finding home gone, Mum vanished, and a
> pair of U-Store-It keys anchoring a really short note.  The note told me
> to get lost and take care of myself. Not in my worst nightmare had I
> ever expected Mum to dump me onto the streets. But Mum was right.  I can
> take care of myself.  I just wish I didn’t have to, not with no advance
> notice.

Ooooooh. o.o Okay, I don't think it'd been put together in such a clear way 
before. This is Very Useful Backstory. Fascinating.

> Then
> I remembered.  Atlanticea. It was the most wonderful memory in the
> world.  Or would have been, if everything didn’t hurt so much.

That's really good. <3

>  The Namestone was
> the wonderful birthday present I gave myself, a couple months late for
> my twelfth birthday, almost as good a present as my ponies. The ponies
> were a better birthday present, not to mention I gave them to me a
> couple months before my twelfth birthday.

The second sentence here feels redundant - the first provides the proper 
contrast, I think ("The ultimate power item in the world was almost as good a 
present as ponies").

Drew "pony power" Perron

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