LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #10: LNH Triple Play 3

Drew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Wed Apr 20 01:40:27 PDT 2016

On 3/23/2016 9:30 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
>                           =====================
>                   LNH Triple Play #3:  The Valentine's Ball
>                           =====================

Eeeeeeeeee! :3 Oh man, it's been too long

> {Cover is numerous couples dancing in formal attire with Ultimate Ninja and
>        Ordinary Lady in the foreground.  Innovative Offense Boy's head is off
>        to one side with the thought balloon, "Enjoy your happiness, UN, while
>        you can!"
>        At bottom a blurb says "Ultimate Ninja as you've never seen him before!"}

Yesssss COVERS WITH SPEECH BUBBLES. You guys know how I love this.

> 	Ultimate Ninja glared around the LNH cafeteria.  "This place has taken
> on the dynamics of a pre-prom high school," he muttered, disgusted.

Man, could you represent Oldschool Caught Up In Masculinity Fandom any harder >:/

> He had heard a lot lately
> about the democratic leadership Catalyst Lass had displayed during her brief
> tenure as leader.  Many of the NWC's were grumbling about his aloofness.  Maybe
> he should to go after all.

Yessss, use continuity for characterization

> 	On the way out, he spotted Super Apathy Lad slumped in the corner of
> the hall.  The Offensive Avenger walked over.  "How about you, ()@*#in' SAL?
> You going to the @#$^(@&@)$# Ball?"
> 	"Dunno.  S'long way t'th' ballr'm," he said doubtfully.
> 	IOBoy rubbed his chin thoughtfully.  "True.  We could #*@^^#in' program
> the transmat tube to *$@@(^!@#(! you there.  Think you can make it to the *&^#@
> tube in a week and a half?"
> 	"M'bbe..."

Awwwwwww, that's nice

> 	Ultimate Ninja launched himself through the air in a perfect quadruple-
> axle.  His outstretched sword carved Cannon Fodder, Nomex Man and Constellation
> into perfect 1" cubes.

Somehow I don't think that'd actually work on Constellation.

> 	Panta spun New-Look Lass around and around.
> 	"Wheee!  This has got to be the best dress I ever saw!  Is it really
> for me?"

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! <3 <3 <3 See, Playful Panta > Sexy And She Doesn't Know It 

> 	New-Look Lass smiled.  "Oh I'm going stag with Hooded Ho`'od Win.  She
> was thinking of not going, so I agreed to go as just girls."

Gal pals? :3

> 	"What, she can't dance?"  Panta's eyes boggled when she realized what
> N-LL meant.  "Ooops.  I guess she's afraid noone will want her with the..."
> Panta only mouthed the last two words, "...fake leg?"
> 	N-LL nodded.  "I tried to tell her there was nothing to worry about.
> I mean Obscure Trivia Lad has a whole fake body, but she's very self-conscious
> about it.

Awwwwww. :< PUNCH EM HOOD

> Anyway, we need some free women to dance with all the unaccompanied
> men."  She winked to Panta who giggled uncontrollably.

No but seriously, it's a bit hilarious how aggressively straight the early days 
were. That's the '90s, I guess~

> 	Somewhere in Net.Orleans, a red-white and blue clad man crumpled up
> Catalyst Lass' invitation.  He went to throw it out, but stayed his arm.  He
> cast a sad glance at a photograph of a translucent beauty framed with a dusty
> set of bolas.  He finished the motion.  The invitation rattled in the plastic
> trash can, then was still.

oooooooh. Nice. :D

> It was
> littered with cans, half-eaten pizzas and back issues of comic book swimsuit
> editions.

Did you know that Marvel did a bunch of "swimsuit specials" back in the '90s? 
Fun stuff.

> 	IOBoy laughed.  "&#^%@ Frat Boy.  She means punch.  And I guess you'll
> have to arrange some $*&^@#in' slurpees too..."
> 	"The punch I can handle," said Frat Boy smugly.  He patted a hidden
> flask as he said it.  But what's the deal with the slurpees?"
> 	"The boss ^$%@#@*&in' likes them."

Okay but: Milkshakes. Think about it.

> 	Ultimate Ninja took the plastic wrapped suit from his door.  The Net.
> Ropolis Dry Cleaners must have delivered his formal Oriental robe already.  He
> stripped the plastic away.  His eyes narrowed.  Instead of a neatly pressed
> formal robe, a white leisure suit, complete with black silk shirt and wide
> collars, was inside.  A note was pinned to the lapel that read, "Saturday Ninja
> Fever."
> 	The tall ninja threw the 70's garb to the floor.  As he unsheathed his
> Ginsu katana, he growled, "Incendiary..."


> Framed by the large picture window,
> the stage that would hold C.alt.C Music Factory (whom Kid G had gotten for the
> affair) against the Net.ropolis night skyline.

THE '90S

> 	"Hey! I got a question!" piped up Occultism Kid as he pointed to the
> ceiling.  "I see the heart balloons and the cupid balloons, but what is that?"
> He indicated some round balloons joined together in a lattice by long thin
> balloons.
> 	Organic Lass spoke up.  "Those are mine.  That's the chemical structure
> of endorphins.  What could be more Romatic than that?"


> 	"Geez, I'm sorry, PK.  I shouldn't be acting this crazy.  I know how
> you must feel with Bandwagon Chick going with Hamster Man and all..."
> 	"I know.  IOBoy and me will just sit around in Cuckold's Corner..." he
> said bitterly.

Careful, Parking Karma Kid, or you'll fall into the clutches of the nefarious 
Massive Rage Activator!

> 	<(Thank you, Cat. I look forward to an enjoyable evening.  I think...)>
> 	"Excuse me Cat," said New-Look Lass.  "I've got to get this girl to the
> punch bowl.

Awwwww, good wingfriend.

> Cheesecake-Eater Lad was apparantly preoccupied with his date, and greeted them
> as 'New-Lass Look' and 'Hooded Ho`'od Hood.'


> A late arrival ran up to the ballroom entrance.  She was slender
> and attractive in a feline way, and was putting on her spike heels as she ran
> up.  "Wait, wait!  I'm coming too!"
> 	"Who are you?" asked UN coldly.
> 	"Um, I'm Robot Girl, newest LNH member."

Hi Kat! <3

> 	Turning she saw that Panta and Kid G had just arrived, late.  Several
> glasses dropped around the room as Panta made her entrance.  The black lamee
> dress sported a bare midriff, low-cut neckline and short puffy skirt.  It per-
> fectly matched her spots and made her fur seem luxuriant, especially the re-
> vealed creamy white fur of her breasts.  She was licking an ice cream cone
> almost sinfully.

And like I was saying about Sexy And She Doesn't Know It Panta being a bit... `-`;

> 	A low growl escaped UN's lips.  "Incendiaaaary!"  In seeming slow
> motion, UN launched the Dr. Paprika-filled cup at Invisible Incendiary.  The
> cup slowly rotated in the air, passing through the hologram of II.  It conti-
> nued it's inevitable flight, splashing coldly all over the chest, neck, face
> and hair of Ordinary Lady.
> 	The hall went silent again.  OL looked at UN, her eyes wide with hurt.
> Unnoticed, a muted flash briefly shone behind the ninja's chair.  As the
> dripping OL and the rest of the Legion stared at their leader, UN did the
> unthinkable.
> 	He sat down, flipped his wrist and said, "Feh."

I think this is a surprisingly emotionally thoughtful moment, because what 
really hurts isn't the drink, it's the apathy towards her being bothered by it. 
I mean, hardly an advanced insight, but still a bit of focus that a lot of 
Hollywood-y romance doesn't think about.

> 	Pocket Man held Organic Lass close, she snuggled to his chest.  "What
> do you say sweetheart?  I think maybe they've forgotten us at the hotel..."
> 	"Oh Pok, the night's so beautiful."  They were dancing in front of the
> huge ballroom window with Net.Ropolis twinkling outside.  "The city is spread
> out like it's ours.  Let's just go to the roof and breathe the night."
> 	"Honey, I'll follow you anywhere, but it's a little cold."
> 	"I think we'll be plenty warm," she said as she hugged him tight.  With
> a quick but passionate kiss they broke and walked hand in hand to the exit.

Awwwwwwww. ^.^

> Token Girl and Frat Boy eyed each other belligerently.  Empty shot glasses littered
> the surface as well as the floor beneath them.  Both downed yet another shot of
> the spiked punch.  Frat Boy leaped up, spinning wildly.  He grabbed Token Girl
> and planted a wet red kiss on her lips.  "The winnah!" he slurred then passed
> out on the floor.  His toga-clad body landed next to Sarcastic Lad, who had
> passed out hours ago trying to keep up.
> 	Token Girl smacked her lips, tried to straighten her dress (only dis-
> lodging it more), made a valiant attempt to focus her eyes, then she too hit
> the floor.

I dunno, there's something I just like about this bit. <3

> 	Innovative Offense Boy danced with Ordinary Lady, who had changed her
> dress.  She hadn't wanted to return to the Ball, but she and IOBoy had spent
> hours talking in her room.  She had nearly thrown him out when he confessed to
> arranging the whole thing -- taunting UN, pretending to be Invisible Incen-
> diary.  Planting a fake note to Frat Boy, who he knew was a late sleeper, so he
> could arrange the doctored slurpee.  Modifying Renegade Programmer's lighting
> scheme to include a bogus II hologram.  But he had pleaded his case eloquently,
> if colorfully.  The crowning fact, IOBoy dared not admit.  That he had tele-
> ported Super Apathy Lad in by remote control, to insure UN's cold response.

This is fascinating - though man, I really wish we'd actually gotten to see that 
scene, instead of having it summarized. Still, baby steps.

> 	Renegade Programmer visited the Computer Room before going to bed.  He
> needed to shut off the lighting computer.  On the way, he passed Super Apathy
> Lad in the Hall.
> 	"SAL?  Didn't IOBoy arrange to have you transmatted to the Ball?"
> 	"Eh.  Tr'nsm't tube too f'r away.  C'dn't be b'thered."

And this is a neat little twist. <3 I really wish we had had the vocabulary at 
the time to talk about Ultimate Ninja as aromantic - not just for 
representational purposes, but as a lever to really explore this side of his 
personality and dig deeper into his mindset.

Drew "up way too late" Perron

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