LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #8: Looniverse Adrift! Part Three
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat Apr 9 00:23:25 PDT 2016
On 3/9/2016 9:56 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> Cheesecake-Eater Lad looked more miserable. "PK -- not even you _or_
> aLLiterative Lass voted for me? I mean, I've even had assistant Leader
> experience before ..."
> PK Kid finally realized his friend was despondent. "Wait a minute now,
> C-E. For it to be unanimous, you must've voted for Cat too, same as everyone
> else. It's no reflection on you, it's just everyone thought she was best for
> the job. I mean, her speech was great. All you did was promise more varieties
> of cheesecake in the cafeteria."
It's another example of nice ambiguity - her powers, or the fact that he wasn't
a very good candidate, or both? (Probably both.)
> C-E Lad's confusion didn't erase his depressed mood. "I don't know.
> I don't think I want to talk about it anymore. We better get going if we don't
> want to miss the show."
Awwwww, poor guy.
> Ordinary Lady laughed. "Well, ok. But you've already told me about
> twelve times."
> Innovative Offense Boy winced. "(#&@$^ ..."
> Ordinary Lady layed a hand on the Offensive Avenger's arm. "Look, if
> you want to tell me another thirty times, at least do it over dinner."
> IO Boy's eyes went wide. He gulped, then grinned. "You $(&#^in' bet!"
Gleeeeeeee. :3 Shipping~
> These familiar tapes were few in number, however, compared to a series
> of 1169 tapes marked 'UN vs LNH.' The marking meant nothing to her, and she
> could not even remember recording them.
> Her empty Hood pointed at the screen. In the hood's shadowed depths,
> the woman's eyes took in the gory battle being replayed. A dark-clad figure
> weilding ninja weapons handily defeated the simulated might of the LNH. HHW
> stood motionless for minutes after the tape ended. Then she collected it and
> melted into the shadows. She hoped Dr. Stomper's Lab had a dark corner she
> might materialize in.
Man. The whole "we forgot a huge chunk of the people in our lives" thing is good
here, but not as good as it would be in a version of the LNH where these
characters had had their relationships and interiority fleshed out more. Of
course, this is part of that process, so you can't blame 'em.
> Censor Girl sat bolt upright in the LNH detention cell. Or more
> appropriately, the husk that used to be Censor Girl. Inside the cyborg, Lord
> Ebon shrugged on the mantle of control.
You could probably write a whole paper about female bodies and agency and etc.
> Of more import was the host's dual nature. Through Censor Girl's
> cybernetics, Ebon found he was now directly linked with the System -- machinery
> formed according to the Looniverse's loose natural laws.
The way the Looniverse works according to this story is fascinating. I need to
reference it sometime.
> On a plush green plain a platoon of giant robots clashed with twelve-
> story swords. In the background, at first out of focus, an impossibly tall
> technological city reached for the sky. A man in a green uniform that bristled
> with mechanisms eyed a three-story viewscreen. His overlarge eyes boggled,
> then a mouth that held large square teeth grinned.
> "Is it possible?" he mused aloud. "Is all our training to be validated
> so soon? The LNH without it's mightiest heroes is coming to _me_, and they
> don't even know it?"
Oh man, I forgot Manga Man was in this! Even more high-level villainy!
> //Dog-gone it Cat-less Lass, I wanted to be leader,// whined
> Chow-Chow Eater Lad.
> //Oh chow-chow eater Lad, i'LL Let you Lead _me_ any time,//
> purred aLLiterative Lassie.
> //Today McDaschund Man examines "the LNH: Let sleeping
> dogs lie or put'em to sleep?" And here's your host ....McDaschund Man!//
> //Thank you Lethal Labrador ...//
> The four LNHers stared aghast at the television. As one they got up
> and ran for the Med-Lab. "Dr. Stomper .... !"
> Adamant Authority On Everything suddenly stood up. I have a theory on
> that. Don't you see? All the bodies were given psychic 'stingers' if you will.
> The teleportation put 'em into a coma, but psychically they destroyed us all!
> It's some mad plot to unite the world, I tell you!"
> Ferris furrowed his eyebrows unbelievingly. "But surely we're all still
> AAOE coughed, looked around. "Wait and see ..." he muttered as he sat
> back down.
> The hall was silent as they struggled to put the pieces together.
> "All evidence seems to indicate that these bodies actually belong here.
> Which can only mean ... the same force that has struck down half of the LNH has
> struck our memories so we don't even know they ever existed! Ladies and
> gentlemen, we are under attack!"
> Chorus of 'oh yeah' and 'of course' and 'its all so clear now' filled
> the hall.
Ferris turned the mike back over to Dr. Stomper. "It's worse than
> that, Legion. Anyone that has been outside in the past 24 hours knows that
> Net.ropolis has undergone a weird transformation. The entire population has
> been replaced by friendly, prehensile, fully clothed, _dogs_.
DUN DUN DUNNNNN~ that was a bit of an oddly paced reveal but~
> Self-Righteous Preacher burst in the back of the hall.
> "I knew it! I knew it! You attend service on Sunday but do you
> listen? Noo ... well it's finally happened. The LNH has gone to Hell!"
> Curly, Golden Man and Captain Capitalize rushed to the windows. Out-
> side the LNHHQ walls lay a dark landscape, stinking of brimstone. Great gouts
> of flame colored the smoky sky, casting a flickering light on Net.ropolis. The
> citizens were transformed once again, from happy, prehensile canines to demonic
> creations of pure hellfire. The demons appeared to be rioting, randomly
> incinerating the person next to them, then cackling off to fire bursts at
> another rioter.
:D :D :D A great splash page
> Lord Ebon sat atop a mountain of pure granite. He rested his cybernetic
> host body on a ball formed from the grey surface, propped his foot on a carved
> triangle. The horizon glowed orange against a smoky black sky. The sense of
> desecrating a grave cheered him.
That's a great paragraph.
> As an outsider to the
> Net.realities, he recognized those words as being from the computers which were
> in dimensional sympathy with the Net.
That's definitely how it works.
> MRM spoke up. "This thing is crippling us. We've got to do something.
> The LNH is doing its best to protect the citizenry, but _everyone_ has become a
> flame-throwing maniac. The Med-Lab is crowded with bodies, and our wounded are
> having a difficult time getting aid.
Fascinating. :o Hm. I wonder if the effect was worldwide - you'd think it'd be
universal, but then, how much "The Looniverse" crosses over with "alt.comics.lnh"...
> "No, I'm afraid not. And I read up on the history, too. If it's any
> consolation, I know for a fact that there is LNH history still to come. The
> RACelestial Madonna hasn't been chosen yet, or . . ."
> Deductive Logic Man interrupted. "Wait. If this hasn't happened in
> the history of the Looniverse, then that can only mean . . . we are no longer
> in the Looniverse!"
DUN DUN DUNNNNN-- does. Does that make sense?
> Irony Man interjected, "Dr. Stomper, I just got a reading of 3.2 on my
> Irony Detector."
> "Your Irony Detector? Then someone _is_ here that knows the answer!"
> Catalyst looked around the table. Each of her cabinet officers shook their
> heads. "If it's none of us, then either someone invisible is watching us,
> or ..."
> "No, that's it," said Irony Man as the needle flickered. The
> Concidental Crusader tried a gambit of his own. "It would be unfortunate if
> anyone attacked us now, weakened as we are." He eyed the detector. "The
> watcher is friendly. No stir on the dial. Perhaps -- 'that unseen lurker
> could tell us alot ...'" The detector pinned. "It's no use. He can't speak
> to us."
This is a smart way of playing with it. <3
> <(There's worse news than that. The hell-world has disappeared.)>
> "What do you mean, Hood?" asked C-E Lad. "That's good news, isn't it?"
> <(No. In it's place, Net.ropolis has become a techno-city. A techno-
> city under attack.)>
So this implies it's just Net.ropolis... *pins up dartboard*
> "Hey, I AM alive here! It's not like I can't tell you who I am...
> geez," came from the newest occupant of the base. He was wearing a
> chartreuse and purple jump-suit with a bright green mask.
Are you a Marvel villain from the '60s o.o
> Pocket Man looked at the gaudily clad stranger,"Fine. Who are you,
> "I'm ERRAND BOY!" he said with a slight flourish.
That's not a no
> Being a quick minded type, and having dealings with them in the past,
> Netlurker made a deductive leap, and pinned the blame for this mess on the
> *** Mode change "+p" on channel #lnh by TsarChasm
> <TsarChasm> That should keep out unwanted people
> <ErrandBoy> Neat!
> <TsarChasm> I have adapted Kid Kirby's scanners to become an IRC server.
> <Sig_Lad> IRC? Great...I tried to avoid this place as best as I could.
> <Pocket_Ma> IRC..? I've heard about this place before...just never thought
> +I would see it.
Yesssss, different media :D
> Kid Kirby was keeping his vigil over the RACelestials, even though
> Lord MUDD had tried innumerable methods of distracting him.
See, and them being kept in shadow in the previous chapter didn't really matter.
> "Aww...they just made a Transformers MUSH even!"
> Kid Kirby hesistated..."No."
> "Wanna read some news?"
> "How about a quick game of Nettrek?"
> "LEAVE ME BE!" Kid Kirby had finally reached the end of his patience.
Heeheehee. <3 I quite like Lord MUDD when he shows up. Need to figure out a way
to use him.
> <Master_Wo> I shall destroy this IRC...starting with THIS channel!
> *** Scowling has joined channel #lnh
> <Master_Wo> What?!
> *** LordMUDD has joined channel #lnh
> <Master_Wo> MUDD! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!?!?
> *TsarChasm is lost in the alien thoughts...too much for him to handle..
I love how an intensely different form of reality is shown as a different type
of text medium.
> Incredible amounts of energy were suddenly unleahsed and Tsar Chasm
> decided NOW was time to clear out. Nothing happened. Tsar Chasm realized
> he had no means of escape...he found his link to the Webs severed. He
> laughed as he realized that a flaw in one of his plans was about to
> lead to his death. More nearly insane laughter resulted from another
> realization...he had prided himself on being a presence where he went,
> but here, among these beings he was ignored completely.
Yes good. <3 Conceptually very strong.
> "Amazing!" declared Pocket Man. Bits of the white background had
> begun to vanish, replaced by a replica of Pocket Man's room at LNHHQ.
> "I just thought about it...and it was here!"
> Sig.Lad nodded, "Of course...being a WC allows you some ability
> to mold what is around you. Since there is nothing to work from...
> we are fairly unrestrained with what we can do."
Interesting. Reminds me of the Oddball Looniverse.
> Sig.Lad switched to Sig.Roach and picked up Netlurker, slamming him
> against a wall that suddenly appeared behind them.
> "Here is the negotiation...you show us alt.comics.lnh, and you walk
> away with four functioning limbs!"
> Netlurker laughed, "You drive a hard bargain...but I accept
> those terms."
He clearly wants to. <3 It's nice.
> The battle raged with neither side gaining a clear advantage, and
> Kid Kirby realized that neither side could truly gain an upper hand
> in this struggle. The status quo had been established, and neither of
> their actions could alter it. Higher powers had decided it, Workload
> and MUDD only represented it.
Cosmic beings balancing each other out. <3
> <LordMUDD> And what about...oh, you never were any fun, RACelestial!
> +I wonder what is going on at #hottub...
Drew "lots of fun" Perron
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