LNH: Classic LNH Adventures #5: LNH Triple Play #1

[Drew Perron]

On 2/16/2016 11:08 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
> If I had to pick a favorite LNH series, this is probably the one
> I'd pick since every issue had very strong writing.  The
> only real problem it had was that every other issue was a part
> of some massive LNH crossover, which makes it a bit tough for
> readers that don't want to slog through the LNH timeline when
> reading a series.  :)

It's true, it's true. Though the Valentine's Ball is known as one of the best 
self-contained stories of the era.

> This first issue though is a self-contained issue involving
> the secret origin of the Hooded Ho`'od Win (a character
> created by Raymond "wReam" Bingham).

As I said, fascinating. <3

> ---' `---' `---' `--- //////////||||||||||||||\\\\\\\\\ ---' `---' `---' `---
>   Pseudo-Random House |////////|||||LLLLLLL||||||\\\\\\\|    NOT A REPRINT!
>          COMIX         >//////.... (       )  ....\\\\\<   FABULOUS 1st ISSUE!
> ___   ___   ___   ___|....       /starring|        ....|___   ___   ___   ___
> ///`v'///`v'///`v'.           HOODED HO`'OD WIN           ..`v'\\\`v'\\\`v'\\\\\
> ///////////...                   ||       |                     ....\\\\\\\\\\\\
> ///////..                        ((_______)                          ...\\\\\\\\
> ////_______                       `------'                          _______\\\\
> ///(       )                    ____     _______                   (       )\\\
> ///        |                   |    |   |   _   \                 /        |\\\
>   SUPER APATHY LAD     ______   |    |   |  |_)   )            MULTI-TASKING MAN
>    ||       |        |   _   \  |    |   |    ==='   ____          ||       |
>    ((_______)        |  |_)   ) `===='   `==='      |    |         ((_______)
>     `------'         |        \        ..           |    |          `------'
>           __________ `===='`==='     .'   `.        |    \     /~~~~~|
>          |          |               : (LNH) :       `======   |  ,==='
>          |          |               `.     .'                 |  `~~|
>          `===    ==='  _______        ` ..'      ____    ____ |  ,=='
>              `=='     |   _   \   ____      ____ \   \  /   / `======
>                       |  |_)   ) |    |    /    \ \   `'   /
>                       |    ==='  |    |   /  /\  \ `=    ='
>                       `==='      |    \  |   `'   |  `=='
>                                  `====== `==='`==='
>                          ...                           ...
>                              ...      _______      ...
>                                   .. |       | ..
>                                      |  #1   |
>                                       Fall 93
>                                        \   /
>                                         `v'

Also, I've always liked this ASCII art. It's just great. (If you're reading from 
Google Groups, go up to the post options and hit "Show Original Message".)

>          "Feh.  S'pose."  SAL sighed heavily and almost moved a muscle.

Heeheehee. <3 ...I gotta get back to him after I consigned him to an unknown 
fate in Flame Wars Final. ...I gotta get back to Flame Wars Final.

>          As soon as the transporter was empty, M-TM sighed a major relief.  "Now
> I can finally stop loafing . . . "

You know, I never think about the contrast between these two, but they really do 
have a good one. :D

>          Hooded Ho`'od Win went unnoticed in the shadows of the room.  Her mind
> was racing.  )>  ah, the turmoil!  i wonder what would transpire, should the
> two ever truly conflict . . . NO!  these are my teammates!  i dare not permit
> myself the luxury of such conjectures . . . <(  Rigidly controlling her
> thoughts, the Matchup Maiden left the computer lab, her cloak swirling in the
> shadows.

Very cosmic.

> Above the bar hung a facsim-
> ile of the Tantalizing Teens' Flying Jacuzzi (seats four);

It took me a while to realize that the Tantalizing Teens weren't just a name 
without substance - Jef Kolodziej made it the pre-LNH backstory for several of 
his characters.

>          "I'm so glad you decided to join me!" Catalyst Lass gushed at HHW.
>          )>  i didn't think i was hungry until you asked.  (<
>          "Y'gotta eat sometime, silly!"

This is interesting, because is it Cat's powers, the fact that you often don't 
realize you're hungry until you think about it, or a combination of the two?

>          The maitre'd approached.  "Greetings Miss Lass.  We've reserved the
> best table in the house for you.  And a good evening to you too, Ms. Win."

*snerkgiggle* Ah, the days before most LNHers had non-hero identities. (Or 
non-hero identities that weren't just their writers.)

> The Net.Trivia that hung by this particular table was
> a brass plaque with a moldy rabbit's foot attached.  It bore the legend
> "Humbug:  the Rabbit from PULP."  Catalyst Lass rubbed the foot as she sat
> down, according to the tradition of the table.
>          "Well, we'll have good luck now!"

WORLDBUILDING.

>          )>  ever since the villain Tsar Chasm visited the HQ, my mood has been
> black.  i know he wields the power to battle self-esteem, but his hasty attack
> resonated . . . <(                              [see The 3 Day Lull - JJMcC]

Relevant. :D

>          )>  precisely.  they've been gone for months, yet i am unwilling to
> bring them back.  i am limited to forcing heroes to clash -- this does not make
> for effective team building.  at best, the bruised combatants resent my inter-
> ference.  at worst, one is injured, perhaps gravely.  and always, the villains
> are unaffected.  <(

You hear that, Marvel and DC? >:/ >:/ >:/

> i must leave the Legion and position myself in a sector of
> society where there are no interesting conflicts -- perhaps accounting.

Ho'od Win: Raising wages vs. keeping them at the previously established level!!

>          "Leave the LNH?"  Catalyst Lass' voice brought the attention of nearby
> tables.  She continued in a lower register.  "No, Hood, you can't!  I mean
> there are few enough of us girls as it is!

IT'S TRUE THO. >:/

> Maybe you just need a boyfriend --
> everyone's getting them."  HHW's hood tilted back, indicating her skepticism.

Oh Cat, no ^^;

>          "Great!  I'm sure he'll be able to help.  And after we order,  I want
> your input on the formal ball I'm thinking about for Valentine's Day . . .."

:D

>          )>  isn't that needlessly expensive?  <(
>          "Well, few insurance companies will pay for a watch chain, but the
> Hypno-Master 4800 . . . "  The psychiatrist shrugged.

STILL RELEVANT.

>          "You mentioned losing control as if you were aware you could harm him.
> Obviously you suffered a previous trauma.  Can you go further in the past?"
>          )>  yes.  i . . . i  <(  HHW abruptly snapped out of her trance.
> )>   . . . ed.  my will is strongly resistant.  you're welcome to try to hypno-
> tise me though. <(

I really do like the slow peeling-back of the onion here. It's effective 
plotwise and emotionally.

>          HHW had just left via the shadows.  Dr. Trust turned to his desk and
> rubbed his hands together gleefully.  "Of all the shrink shops, in all the
> cities in all the world, she walked into mine.  Mine!

The trope of the evil psychologist is fascinating. I think a large part of it is 
because psychology - much like medicine - has traditionally had a lingering 
patrician-ness about it, an "I know better than you about your own mind" - which 
is rather threatening even under the best of circumstances, and for mentally ill 
people, has often been life-ruining or deadly.

> Organic Lass and Pocket Man, assuming she hasn't
> killed him.        [see Passion Fishing before the Elders outlaw it! - JJMcC]

Ah, back when even the most mild of sexiness was considered super controversial.

>          HHW backed up a step.  )>  no, i just came by thank you for sending me
> to Dr. Trust.  i think he may really help.  <(
>          Down the hall, Irony Man eyed his detector.  "I've really got to get
> this thing calibrated less finely."

Heeheehee. I do love that gag.

> Trush had cranked the device up to the
> 'Unhealthy Candor' setting.

*giggles*

>          )>  at a typical teen party, i . . . partook of typical teen experi-
> mentation.  though i knew it was wrong, i succumbed to peer pressure.

Hooded Ho'od Win: An ABC Television Event

(I love how generic it is)

> later, as i listened to my 8-tracks, i became
> overpowered by the need to know . . . Ho`'od Win.

Things that came out in the '90s

> i later learned that both died on their vomit.  <(
>          "Surely they died years apart."
>          )>  true.  apparently i can bring people across time from their
> last moments if the curiosity is strong enough.  <(
>          "Fascinating.  So in Moon's case, you snatched him from the time stream
> just before a death you caused!"
>          )>  do not think on it too hard, doctor.  that way lies madness.  <(

Very interesting implications, tho. o.o;

>          "Yes.  We're making excellent progress.  Perhaps your next visit will
> give us the key to your psyche."  Trush thought further, "And with it, the key
> to my revenge!  Mwah-ha-ha."

Heeheehee.

>          The katana flashed in the air of the Peril Room, spraying blood and
> spandex-clad limbs.  LNH members fell like threshed wheat before the martial
> artist at the eye of the storm of gore.  Hooded Ho`'od Win watched from the
> control room, her fingers lingering above the VHS recorder STOP button.

This is an excellent bit of characterization. Of *course* someone who was 
focused on hero fights and worried about people getting hurt would be into the 
ones that happen every day without anyone actually getting hurt.

>          "Who's there?  Ordinary Lady called from the Peril Room.  HHW toyed
> with the idea of melting into the shadows.  Instead, she approached the observ-
> ation window.  )>  it is only she who must know . . . Who`'od Win  <(
>          "Hey, Hood.  How'd I do?"
>          )>  not bad.  only a few seconds off UN.  <(

Also the fact that just casually killing the LNH is a Thing and that it's no 
longer as disturbing as when UN started doing it.

>          )>  i, too, am confident, Doctor Trust.  i am ready to be . . . uuhh <(
> Trush had previously set the Hypno-Master 4800 to 'Possible Psyche Damage', the
> maximum setting.

Dangit

>          <(  You overlooked two things.  Firstly, you assumed that the hypnotism
> would hold me during the battle.  But She Who Must Know . . . Who`'od Win . . .
> cannot be prevented from watching, once the Conflict has started.  This is
> the reason I survived the Jolly Green Giant's fall.  Even the Combatants have
> no power over me during the Conflict.  Thus I was also immune to SAL's powers.
>          <(  Secondly, you assumed an Ultimate Ninja/Master Blaster Conflict
> would hold interest for me.  You couldn't know that I have hundreds of tapes of
> UN defeating the _entire LNH_, Master Blaster included.  Your misfortune was
> banking on a conflict that held no mystery for me.  Instead, you merely
> brought to the fore a conflict I needed to know . . . Who`'od Win.  )>

And again: Makes total sense. <3

>          HHW glanced at her terminal.  <( Actually, now that I know my powers
> can be tightly controlled, I think it is time someone located Rebel Yell
> and Lurking Girl.  Master Roster Man shows them as being coopted by someone
> named 'Scab'  . . . )>

Heeheehee.

Drew "good stuff" Perron