REPOST: RAC Challenge! #8

[Andrew Perron]

On 9/22/2015 8:20 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
<snip>
>     His name is Horst Bock-Pilsner Malevo and he's the maddest scientist
>     alive.

That's a strong opening.

>     And I had
>     reasons for calling it the Ultimate Marble, namely it annoyed the
>     Collective no end.

I mean, that's fair.

>     "You ask a lot," muttered Mary Lu as she popped Malevo's slightly
>     fetid arm out from between her ribs. Suddenly her eyes lit up like a
>     little kid espying an unwatched cookie jar. "I've always wanted to do
>     this. What better way for a girl to spend her Friday night."
>
>     Thwack! Smack! Thump! Crack! Splut!
>
>     "Ewwwwwwwwwwww," cringed the Ultimate Woman
>
>     "hhhrrrrrrrrrrgh," gasped Malevo.
>
>     Whack! Crump! Bap! Thwang! Ploop!
>
>     Thud.

o.o;

*peeks forward* Ah, okay, she's beating him with his own arm. In that light, 
this scene is hilarious. <3

>     His name is Horst Bock-Pilsner Malevo and he's the only mad scientist
>     ever beaten to within an inch of his life with his own arm.

See?

>     "I used your credit card," she replied, tossing him his arm back after
>     enclosing his fingernails in the fist.
>
>     "No, no, no, why are we in Belgium? Wait, you charged this on my
>     Visa?"

I really do like how confidently she's being a complete asshole.

>     "Wow Dad, now I see why we had to come to Belgium for you to answer
>     our questions."
>
>     "That's right, Tito, and this place is only open on Tuesdays." Dirk
>     had just taken his Ultimate Offspring to the Collective's Ultimate
>     Library

Heeheehee.

>     "Part of being the Ultimate Lover included being the Ultimate Cad.

What. O-o An odd thing to say, but in terms of justifying previous 
characterization I suppose it works?

>     "So you said it is only Tuesday in Belgium?" Malevo asked to draw
>     attention away from his Underoos.
>
>     "No stupid, I said it's always Tuesday in Belgium."
>
>     "But you said you are in Belgium every Tuesday."
>
>     "No, because it always is Tuesday in Belgium, whenever I'm in Belgium,
>     it must be Tuesday," came the condescending reply.

Third base!

>     "Yeah that's him. Anyway I clubbed him senseless with your arm and
>     swiped his boat."
>
>     "I wish you would stop doing that," Malevo said, eyeing his detached
>     arm a little warily.

Heeheeheeheehee.

>     "Where did we make landfall at?"
>
>     "Hoboken, New Jersey."
>
>     "I always suspected as much.

Ba-dum-tiss!

>     "Ay Caramba," cried the boy, "Hey Homer, that one armed man stole my
>     homework."

Ah, the '90s.

>     "Well he's definitely better off than he was before. Start with this
>     chant: 'Tobola tobola, rokk s'in wyne'."
>
>     "Tobola tobola, rokk s'in wyne."
>
>     "Tropelet saj trewsr."
>
>     "Tropelet saj trewsr."

D'oh! This is why all superheroes need to enroll in the Zatanna Zatara School 
For Reversible Vocabulary.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, it's fascinating the ways in which the 
characterization changes from author to author...