LNH: Dashing Tales #6

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu Sep 10 15:56:09 PDT 2015


On 9/7/2015 6:38 PM, Ben Rawluk wrote:
<snip>
 > Clement Bogus's life has been a series of bad choices. Maybe that's true of
 > most trenchcoaters, but he hasn't even been a particularly successful one --
 > barely more than a snitch, really, keeping an eye on the Shimbleshanks and
 > scribbling little notes on his tiny yellow notepad. Writing uninspired prose,
 > describing things people are not supposed to talk about. Spending most nights
 > too drunk to make it home from the office. Trying to verify all the random
 > prophecies that crop up every day, picking out the ones that will come true.
 > He used to gamble, but the prophecies never worked for him.

I also want to give him a hug, but I want to give him a shower first, y'know?

 > Clement grips the lip of the dumpster and hauls himself up, taking in the
 > alley--
 >
 > Face to face with two figures in silhouettes, frozen and staring at him from
 > underneath wide-brimmed hats that keep off the rain and keep their faces in
 > shadow. The one on the right is massive; the one on the right is thinner,
 > petit, almost hunching forward. Before Clement has time to blink, the big
 > one's hand is on his neck.

This is just not his day. ...week. ...year. ...lifetime.

 > "My name is Moribund the Revampire."
 >
 > Moribund the what-now?
 >
 > "My associate's name is Kid Nosferatu.

*yells and runs into things, blinded by the perfection*

 > After that, it doesn't take long. He crumples. The eerie thing is the absence
 > of sound -- no breath, no sucking, nothing. Kid Nosferatu drains him -- of
 > blood, of life, of colour -- in absolute silence. Has he gone deaf? He
 > crumples, panic blossoming, his muscles too weak to do anything. He can still
 > hear the rain, and distant traffic. He wonders if they'll leave him here,
 > bleeding out, or if he's to be some minion. He could start at the bottom and
 > work his way up. He sprawls on the ground and watches their feet.

Oh my god, this is really creepy and--

 > And he can hear Moribund: "Well. One less inconvenience for the Legion of
 > Net.Horrors."

--YES. Oh goodness. Why has this not been done before. @-@ Wow.

 > "You should have a flight.thingee," Emma says, frowning, and he wishes she'd
 > stop talking. He hates having conversations on the bus.

Conversations are okay, but man, don't you hate when people have big arguments 
on public transit?

 > "Nothing," says Emma. "I've just been talking to Sonnet Queen. Sorry,
 > April.." No good can come of those two being friends.

Awwwww, jealousy. <3

 > "Net.heroes must be humble," he says.

They have to include that just to try to balance out 
Anything-You-Can-Do-I-Can-Do-Better Lad. And Obnoxious Ame.rec.a Boy. And FAQ 
Boy. And Adamant Authority-on-Everything. And Doc Nostalgia. Wait, no, he's not 
in this universe.

 > "I got called into the Mission Monitor Room by Doctor Stomper and Research
 > Lass. They gave me the briefing." And he'd seen the little shimmering
 > hologram, his icon, a "u" followed by a "/," unstressed and stressed
 > syllables.

Ahhhhh, man, yes. <3 Now I want to draw the Monitor Board...

 > He's a pretty stressed syllable right now.

Nice. <3

 > He wants me to come up with something for the Occult beat. Which, I can pull
 > together notes about that whole 'trapped in hell' thing. It's not like that
 > demon's going to be poking his nose in to check quotes.

OR IS HE??

 > They just left him like that, a lump in an alleyway, until eventually he felt
 > compelled to find his way to his feet. He's probably following them; probably
 > he's in Kid Nosferatu's thrall. It's not the first time he's ended up a
 > henchman, but it's the first time he's been dead. Well, undead. Usually,
 > there's just hypnosis involved.

Honestly, I just feel pity for him. Seriously, this guy.

 > Try not to think about what it says about the Net.ropolis economy that so
 > many warehouses are derelict, that petty super-crime has risen to the point
 > where there is lucrative business for underworld real estate agents who keep
 > track of the comings and goings, the busts by the LNH, which warehouses are
 > occupied and which are safe to squat in. Heavy industry has moved away, in
 > the last few decades -- moved to places like Clue Valley, or farther still.

Hmmmmm. I don't know if it necessarily says anything bad about the economy, as 
long as Net.ropolis has successfully transitioned to different kinds of economic 
activity. (I mean, from the perspective of someone who lives in Pittsburgh.)

 > They pass disused toy factories with giant cartoon cats on top. Massive,
 > massive typewriters. Net.ropolis has always enjoyed its giant novelty props.

YES. <3 <3 <3

 > "This might be a test." He shuts his eyes. He needs to think, he needs a plan
 > of attack. They wouldn't send him out if he wasn't going to find anything.
 > That makes no sense. They need to know how he'll face something big when it
 > happens and he's all alone, no one to call on for help. And there was a call
 > about a disturbance, so that means that somewhere out there, a villain is
 > doing something big and stupid enough to cause waves.

Aw, hon. Don't overthink it.

 > It's Bogus, all right. Bogus emptied of colour entirely. "It makes sense that
 > if we get called on a solo mission, it's going to turn out to be him.

He's part of *your* supporting cast. Or maybe he's your nemesis? Hard to say.

 > Emma is taking furious notes on her phone. She pauses, long enough to switch
 > over to her camera app and take a picture. Two pictures. Three. "One of those
 > will be great with the article," she says, and he wants to get mad at her,
 > but he can't really blame her, can he? "Sticking to the shadows and -- geez,
 > are those fangs?" And there's a droplet of panic in her voice, but it seems
 > to dissolve when she says, "Victor King is going to love this."

Such a journalist. <3

 > Okay, but I've wanted to do the Legion of Net.Horrors for a while now. Being
 > away from RACC for years is strange because I was still getting the odd story
 > idea or character concept that really only fits in the Looniverse, and they'd
 > kind of hang around in my head for a while.

Yesssss. <3

 > And this smells like a plotline forming? Which is probably for the best. It's
 > been really great for getting me to write every day again, but I'm
 > purposefully limiting how much long-term planning I'm doing for it -- but a
 > plotline had to happen, sooner or later.

Hell yeah! I mean, that's how it often happens with these series - you set up 
the characters, and a plot starts growing out of them.

 > It's also been pretty great, going back into the archives and reading old
 > stories. Stuff I read way back when or stuff (pretty much everything
 > post-Mutton Mania, maybe?) that is completely new to me, stuff that grew
 > while I was gone.

Oh goodness. <3 <3 <3 You should do, like, mini-reviews.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, loves feedback even if it's on ancient stuff


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