LNH: Dashing Tales #3

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Fri Sep 4 23:55:38 PDT 2015

On 9/3/2015 12:36 AM, Ben Rawluk wrote:
>One day, Emma Dash will be famous. She will have reported from war zones,
 > both terrestrial and alien. She will have interviewed kidnappers while tied
 > to a chair, the ropes digging into her arms and dehydration making it harder
 > to remember every single quote with precision. She will be remembered for
 > that one interview with Bad-Poetry Boy, the day he saves the world all on his
 > own. She will have ridden dinosaurs, seen the very end of time. One day she
 > will be behind the editor's desk of the Net.ropolis Times, grizzled and
 > complaining about the good old days, when she was a reporter, when she was on
 > the front lines.
> (In the future, also, print will not be dead.)

Such a good opening.

>Today, though? Today she has to deal with Doctor Vincent Stomper. Everybody
 > knows Doctor Vincent Stomper. He looks like he walked out of one of those
 > B-movies they show on NNN in the wee hours of the morning, when Emma is awake
 > and worrying about her career. He looks like he should be black-and-white,
 > his perfect black coiffure slicked with Brylcreem and something about the set
 > of his jaw that suggests he should be smoking from a pipe.
> The goddamn labcoat won't stop fluttering. Is there a wind machine in here?

Easily the best description I've ever seen of him.

>Behind him, a purple-bowtied person who introduced themselves as Mashup Laq
 > and offered their pronouns first thing is rolling back and forth on an
 > ergonomic office chair, almost in time with Stomper. The fact that they're a
 > second or so behind him is really starting to grate on Emma.

:D :D :D YES you used them <3

> Emma stands there, biting her lip. "Where does that leave us?"
>"Well, hopefully we won't be reading any stories about Thesaurus Lass's
 > love-children."
>And then something cold and heavy takes up residence in her chest. "I'm not
 > going to write propaganda, if that's what you're getting at," she says.

That's an interestingly defensive response to something that basically says 
"Don't make things up like tabloids do".

> "I was trying to help."
> "You were trying -- what did you -- where are we?"
> "Hell."

That's some kind of help.

> "Fine. Then get me an interview with Satan."
> "What--"
> "If I'm stuck in Hell, at the very least I'm getting a story out of it."


>Mashup Laq is the creation of Andrew Perron, and I one-hundred-percent
 > promise they will get way more attention the next time I write them.

Very good. <3

It's an interesting characterization for Stomper - I didn't think he'd be quite 
that stuffy about rules, but then, we didn't get to see where the conversation 
was leading.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, waiting with bated breath for - oh, the next 
issue's already up! <3

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