REPOST: RAC Challenge! #9

[Andrew Perron]

On 9/29/2015 6:28 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> REPOST: RAC Challenge! #9
>
> Chapter by Marc "Notthebeastmaster" Singer who wrote a
> number of stories for RACC mostly under the OMEGA imprint.
> He also finished up the Savior of Net cascade.. (and did
> a very nice job of that..)

Oooooh! Definitely someone I expect good things from; let's see how he delivers...

>     "His name is Horst Bock-Pilsner
>     Malevo," he cried, "and now he's going to kick some Ultimate Ass!"
>
>     "Galloping Snails!" cried Paragon, the Ultimate Man. "Doctor Malevo
>     now possesses the Ultimate Marble and the Jas Rswert! And he's so
>     drunk on power, he's referring to himself in the third person!"

I love that. XD

>     Then Tina saw Mary Lu Retina: the Ultimate Woman, a psychotic
>     super-villainess, and through a rather Dickensian coincidence, Tito
>     and Tina's mom. "Mom will save us," Tina said, "just like the time
>     our third-grade gym teacher flunked us, and mom ripped off his arms
>     and bludgeoned him to death with them."
>
>     Tina paused. When she looked at it that way, it was kind of dumb that
>     they hadn't realized their mom was the Ultimate Woman a lot earlier.

*pffft* This makes no sense based on the other backstory given, but it's way 
funnier, so. <3

>     "His name is Horst Bock-Pilsner Malevo, and with the Jas Rswert and
>     the Ultimate Marble, now possesses any superpower he can imagine!
>     He'd long planned to... oh, shoot, he's doing it again." Malevo
>     flicked a small switch on the Jas Rswert from Third Person to First.
>     "Ah, that's much better. Now, where was he--I?"

*cackles*

>     "Thank you, my dear. For that, I shall only kill you 'fairly
>     painfully.' As I was saying, the unique combination of Marble and
>     Rswert allows me to remove all carbon from my body. And, as I once
>     told that idiot Paragon, carbon is the one substance that keeps
>     humans from having superpowers!" [* RACChallenge #2--ed.]

A callback!

>     "Back off, Malevo," the tallest child said, in French-accented
>     English. "If you try anything else in this city, you'll have to
>     answer to... The Brussels Sprouts!"

Pfffff. <3 <3 <3

>     "Before I fell unconscious," Mary Lu coughed, after Tina had scooped
>     the egg salad off her face, "I set the Ultimate Marble from 'stream'
>     to 'spray.' The carbon removal should have a much wider field of
>     effect now..."
>
>     Tina gasped. "Then you mean..."
>
>     "Everyone in Brussels has super powers, and we're trapped right in
>     the middle of it."

NICE. :D More ridiculous characters *always* means more fun! Always, except when 
you're near the end of a storyline and trying to wrap up the plots of all the 
ridiculous characters you already have. Eheh. *side-eyes Just Another Cascade*

>     Tina wasn't sure if that was such a good idea. After all, Mary Lu was
>     a homicidal maniac who could probably kill every single one of the
>     superpowered Belgians. But, on the minus side, she didn't let Tina
>     and Tito stay up as late as Paragon did.

Mwahahaha. <3 Yes, the "Paragon and Mary Lu as actual parents" gag works better 
and better.

>     Then again, Paragon wasn't much help right now. He was still reeling
>     from Malevo's whammy, giving expository dialogue even in his sleep.
>     "Tina must be debating whether to free Mary Lu, whom we recently
>     learned is her mom and my former sex kitten... meanwhile, I'm still
>     unconscious, yet giving dialogue... now I'm giving dialogue on my
>     dialogue... Drat! I'm caught in a loop... Drat! I'm..."

XD XD XD Singer, you magnificent bastard.

>     "Or re-do some old damage," Mary Lu said, looking at Malevo's arms,
>     which had the nerve to still be attached to his torso. They were kind
>     of tantalizing, actually.

Heeheehee

>     Mary Lu charged across the street and
>     grabbed the [* RACChallenge #2--ed.] caption, which had fallen to the
>     ground after the Sprouts' attack on Malevo. (The Sprouts themselves
>     were currently being covered in syrup and butter by the Belgian
>     Waffle, who was licking his lips.) Pulling the * out of the caption,
>     Mary Lu hurled it at Malevo like a shuriken.

I love literally everything about this.


>     Mary Lu smirked. "I'm not afraid of anything that Brussels could
>     throw at me. Unless Aaron Levitz was in the radius of your carbon
>     removal and now has awesome super powers."

*snerk*

>     A shadow loomed over Mary, who finally turned around. She saw the
>     grinning figure behind her. And she screamed, "It's... you! And...
>     they're still letting you teach gym?!?!?!?"

Oh wow. XD That's a great cliffhanger.

>     It was in the Titonomicon of Abdul Al'Bhubles, the sorcerer who had
>     been driven mad by his own work and turned himself into a chimp.
>     Bhubles wrote that the Ultimate Menace would break through to Earth
>     three times, each time heralded by a man named Tito. Once in
>     Yugoslavia in the 1940s, to start a chain of events that would
>     culminate in brutal ethnic cleansing, not to mention the most hideous
>     car ever seen on the planet. Once in America in the 1970s, which
>     explained the puzzling success of "ABC" and other Jackson hits. And
>     once in Belgium in the 1990s, to take over the world and torment
>     innocent souls by making them drive around in Yugos with radios that
>     only played "ABC" and other Jackson hits. It would be a hell on
>     Earth.

The way that the 90s felt about the 70s was really friggin' weird. I blame a 
combination of "embarrassment over the dumb things you did as a kid" with the 
conservative movement of the 80s, one of whose main goals seemed to be the 
appropriation of ironic humor to make "being sincere" seem like the most inane 
and idiotic thing possible.

>     Well, that was fun! Let me know what you thought, because those
>     bullies over in Omega rarely let me flex my humor writing!

Definitely a crime. He needed to do more LNH. ;.;

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, easily the best chapter so far.