MISC: The Girl Who Saved The World Part 3

Drew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun Nov 22 22:32:01 PST 2015

On 11/5/2015 10:34 PM, George Phillies wrote:
> Aside:  The explosive throwing katana is, of course, the top-level
> weapon of the Spiderman giant combat mecha, as seen on the live-action
> Japanese spiderman TV series. I am rewriting the early pieces a bit.

Ooooooh, nice ref. :D

> “Where is she, little girl?” Valkyria snapped.  “Where is the bearer of
> the Holy Namestone?”  Kang stared sharply at the video.  The Peace
> Enforcers must have been en route while Eclipse confronted the Martyr,
> if they did not know her name.

Interesting. I'm not sure what that implies.

> “Aren’t you … isn’t the real Bearer a bit taller?” Valkyria asked.
> “I am tall.  Wait! Isn’t the real Valkyria a bit less … pudgy?”  Eclipse
> responded.

Oh snap~

> “Give it to you? You and which army?” Eclipse said languidly.
> “This one.” Valkyria waved her fingers.  Most of the League of Nations
> Elite Strike Force appeared at her back.  They began to fan out, left
> and right, moving toward Eclipse.

This is a good moment, but it feels like it needs to be more epic - more 
description of the force, its bigness and overwhelmingness.

> Eclipse gestured, ending with hand facing skyward.  The Namestone
> appeared, its cerulean fire burning a few inches above her palm.  The
> Namestone’s tuneless tune was heard distantly.  Eclipse, Kang saw, had
> brought up her own body aura, a color not different from the
> Namestone’s, and what sounded to be her own theme music, clearly audible
> in Durand’s microphone.

Similarly, I would describe the music.

> “You defy the League!  International law specifies: The League of
> Nations owns the Namestone. Hand it over!” Valkyria shouted.
> “You know the Maze Rule: Namestone belongs to he who takes it. I took
> it,” Eclipse answered calmly.
> “The Namestone is too dangerous for mortals,” the Screaming Skull
> announced.

Then wouldn't it be too dangerous for y-- aw screw it

> Teleport, Kang thought, the waterfall and
> bells are the material traces of her teleport.  And someplace in Europe,
> a team of teleport blockers are somewhere between having splitting
> headaches and being little clouds of incandescent plasma.

Hm. I'm confused as to why the teleport blockers are in Europe and not here. o.o

Drew "I mean there's probably a good reason" Perron

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