REPOST: RAC Challenge! #11

[Drew Perron]

And now that I'm back, get ready for a STORM OF REPLIES.

On 10/13/2015 7:03 PM, Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> Chapter by Rob Rogers who is best known for his
> Easily-Discovered Man LNH series as well as
> writing various other LNH stuff.  I think this
> maybe the only time he wrote outside of the LNH
> imprint during his tenure on RACC..
>
> But like most of Rob's stuff it's incredibly
> funny stuff.

YEAH! Rob is the raddest. I'd love to see him do a Mighty Medley piece.

>     "Now there's irony for you," Tito said, leveling his pistol at the
>     Ultimate Man's chest. "The one person who might have saved you is
>     removed from the fight because of the shock you caused her... Good
>     Lord! That potion, which was supposed to lower the iron in your
>     bloodstream..."
>
>     "Has only eliminated the isotopes Iron-A, Iron-B, Iron-C, and Iron-D
>     from my body," Paragon finished. "I still have enormous quantities of
>     Iron-E left in my system--which, as you've noticed, has produced some
>     unfortunate side effects."

:D :D :D I love it

>     "Very well, Paragon," Tito said. "Even if you have been transformed
>     into the world's most ironic human being, you can't possibly dodge a
>     stream of bullets at this range.

Why would you couple those clauses. TITO YOU HAVE BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF.

>     The buzzer rang, interrupting Paragon's soliloquy. "Tamponading
>     tuataras!" he marveled.

Rob is SO GOOD at the ridiculous stylishness.

>     "Dirk?" said the voice, surprised. "It's Myrna. I was looking for
>     Paragon."
>
>     "Uhh... yes, of course," Paragon said, cursing himself for forgetting
>     to lower his voice several octaves. "I... uh... watch the place while
>     the master is away. C'mon up."

Manos references are always fresh.

> Working as
>     fast as only he could, Dixon City's Ultimate Man mopped, cleaned,
>     polished, repaired the damaged window, freshened the rug, stacked Tito
>     and Tina in the closet, changed his clothes, calculated and debated
>     the merits of a balanced budget amendment,

It's a trap! </Ackbar>

>     and negotiated a lasting
>     peace between Israel and several Palestinian splinter groups in the
>     time it took for Myrna to ascend the stairs to his apartment.
>
>     "Thank the Lord the elevator's still on the fritz, or I never would
>     have been able to get them to agree to bilateral disarmament," Paragon
>     thought.

Perfection.

>     "Waitaminute," Dirk said, the gears of his brain tumbling like those
>     of a well-oiled Swiss watch. "How, exactly, do you and Tito know each
>     other?"
>
>     "We've had a few run-ins before," Myrna said mildly, pushing her bangs
>     back into place. "Nasty little things, those twins.

This gets back to the "introducing new twists and turns" section of the cascade 
- desperately needed after previous "simplifying" retcons.

> This makes what I
>     have to say to Paragon all the more urgent. Do you have any idea where
>     he might be?"
>
>     "He's right here," Dirk said. "I am Paragon, the Ultimate Man."
>
>     There were a few moments of startled silence before Myrna said, "Oh."
>
>     Then, "Oh" again.
>
>     Then, "I don't know where to begin..."
>
>     "Begin with what you came here to tell me," Paragon said, the element
>     of confidence having returned to his voice.

See, this is a good way to do this sort of thing. An emotional reaction, shelved 
for the moment in crisis, leaving the audience tingling in anticipation of later 
feels.

>     "Don't worry," Myrna replied. "I'll take care of them. But, Para...
>     Dirk... why did you tell me?"
>
>     "Because it's the truth," Paragon said. "It had to come out sooner or
>     later, here or anywhere else. I wanted you to be the one to hear it."

Yessssssss. Rob clearly cares about these silly characters, or at least, the 
archetypes that inspired them.

> For instance, I never told you my true
>     name... the one my father gave me... Myrna Malevo!"
>
>     "Doctor Malevo's daughter!" Paragon gasped.
>
>     "Hey, you're good," Mary Lu said. "You must have read a lot of Hardy
>     Boys mysteries while growing up."

*cackles*

>     Myrna smiled, Paragon screamed noiselessly, and Mary Lu covered her
>     eyes in horror as the deadly particle beams fused the bodies of Tito
>     and Tina together, forming them into one, shimmering, bloblike-proty
>     that glowed with pulsating radiation.

My one criticism of this issue is that this is a *weirdly* dark thing to happen, 
considering the tone here. Not that there haven't been whiplash-y tone shifts 
before in the series, but they've mostly been between different writers, not in 
a single chapter. That said, this is setup for a *really* interesting 
cliffhanger/joke...

>     "You will now assume the spirit, personality, powers and abilities of
>     the being whose name you next hear," Myrna declared.
>
>     The protoplasmic being nodded in assent, just as the uninvited guest
>     to Malevo's rebirth glanced for the first time at the horror being
>     assembled in his laboratory.
>
>     "Almighty God... ," the figure gasped, in a voice loud enough to be
>     recorded by Myrna Malevo's microphone.
>
>     Myrna screamed as an unearthly light burst forth from the chamber.

Wonderful.

>       * Next issue: Chapter 12: "Point of Departure" or "Divine is Easy,
>         Comedy is Hard" by Bill Keir

In terms of giving the next writer a challenge, Rob hits it out of the park.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, workin' on it