ASH/HCC: Coherent Super Stories #37 - Louie and the CU-Ts

[Dave Van Domelen]

     [The cover shows LU-62 trapped on an action figure blister card.
      He shouts at the reader, "Help!  I've been merchandised!"]

____________________________________________________________________________
 .|, COHERENT                                            An ASHistory Series
--+-------------------------------------------------------------------------
 '|` SUPER STORIES                        #37 - "Louie and the CU-Ts"
        Featuring Lupine Unit 62          copyright 2015 by Dave Van Domelen
____________________________________________________________________________

[May 29, 1994 - Burbank, California]

     "Timmy, look out!" a mother shrieks, pointing at a storm-weakened tree
starting to topple towards a playground.
     Timmy looks up at the tree and freezes for a moment, a moment that would
be the last one in which he draws breath....
     At the last possible instant, Timmy is tackled out of the way by a
silver blur!  The two tumble together for several meters, at the end of which
Timmy is laughing cheerfully.
     "Louie!" Timmy cries gleefully.
     "Oh, thank you, LU-62!" the mother rushes over.  "You saved my baby!"
     "Just doing my civic duty, ma'am," the robotic wolf nods, carefully
disentangling himself from the boy.
     "I wish you could stay with me forever, Louie!" Timmy chirps, trying to
scratch LU-62 behind the ear.
     "Um, be careful, you may hurt yourself," LU-62 mutters.  Then, more
loudly, "I can't say with you forever, Timmy, but do you know who can?
Purcell Toys' new robo-pet, CU-T!  Canine Unit - Toy!"
     A trio of small robot puppies amble onto the scene, yipping excitedly.
     The mother directs Timmy's attention to the newcomers.  "Look, Timmy!
There's Rho-VR, Pok-3, and Bumb-L!"
     "Wow!  My sister Lisa will be so jealous!" Timmy picks up Rho-VR, which
starts licking his face with a soft plastic tongue.  "Hee!"
     "Your sister doesn't need to be left out, Timmy," LU-62 notes.  "Here
comes Jenny's own CU-T, Taff-33!" 
     An eye-searingly pink and neon purple robo-puppy leaps into frame,
barking in a slightly higher pitch than the other CU-Ts.

     "Annnnd CUT!" the director shouted.  "Great job, everyone.  Looks like we
got it all that time.  Stick around for fifteen while I check the playback,
but I think that's a wrap."
     "Could someone please turn off these...puppies?" LU-62 asked, looking
about as put-upon and hang-dog as a robotic wolf could manage.  It was the
tenth take, and he sincerely hoped it was a wrap.  Timmy kept reacting before
the woman playing his mother shouted the warning, but it usually only got
noticed when reviewing the playback.
     "Sure thing, Louie," the tech wrangler sent over by Purcell nodded,
picking up a complicated-looking control unit.  The product wasn't quite
ready for launch, and the simpler controls that would be sold with the toy
were still undergoing final safety testing.  Plus, the wrangler needed
functions that a kid wouldn't have access to.
     The yipping intensified, and all four CU-T's closed ranks around LU-62.
     "Oops."
     "Oops, Gary?" LU-62 asked, arching a mechanical eyebrow.  "Is this 'self
destruct button' oops?"  He almost hoped it was, but his day wasn't going
well enough for that to be the case.
     "Um, I think some functions got cross-wired.  I...just imprinted them
all." 
     LU-62's body was ill-suited to smacking his own forehead, but being a
member of ASH had given him ample time to practice the skill.  "Tell me you
can turn it off."
     "Um...no.  It's the permanent loyalty function that turns the toy into
the kid's friend forever.  Needs a factory reset."
     LU-62 sighed, another function not originally designed into his body,
but that he had learned to do over time.  "Why did I agree to this?"

               *              *              *              *

[May 24, 1994 - Los Angeles, California]

     "Why should I agree to this, Saul?" LU-62 asked.
     "Number one, money," the DSHA agent ticked off a finger.  
     "Granted," LU-62 nodded.  As a robot drawing power from infinitely
regenerating Probability Capacitors, he didn't need much for personal
expenses.  But he managed a number of important projects behind the scenes,
and more money always helped with those.
     "Number two, Purcell is making these robopuppies with or without your
involvement, and you're bound to get linked to them.  Might as well get in on
the action legally, and get some contractual power to limit any downside.
     "Number finally, robots need all the positive public image they can get
right now.  I know you're happy working behind the scenes, playing sidekick
to flashier heroes, and that sort of thing," Saul picked up a week-old news
magazine, "but Doc Droid's latest attacks are stirring up anti-robot
sentiment again."  
     The cover showed a ruined section of Detroit, with the cover caption
ROBOT RAMPAGE.
     "Sometimes I forget you are not just a Hollywood-style agent, Saul.  My
apologies," LU-62 nodded.
     On the surface, the licensing arm of the Department of SuperHuman
Affairs was pretty much just the moneymen end of the game.  They helped
licensed supers promote themselves, earn money from merchandise and personal
appearances, and keep them from being taken advantage of by sleazier agents.
It meant giving up the chance to be rich...no matter how much money your
merch made, most of it would go into the insurance fund.  There were a few
supers who went outside the DSHA system and tried to get rich, but they
tended to avoid actual superheroing, and could end up losing it all if a
battle broke out and they ended up liable for damages.
     "Right.  I'm not just here to help you make money, I'm here to help
manage public opinion in general, Louie," Saul nodded.  "SuperHuman Affairs
means keeping your interests in mind.  And that means avoiding the kind of
pitchfork and torch cliches that happen when people decide some class of
super is inherently dangerous.  If that means letting people think of you as
cute and cuddly, and giving toys that resemble you as gifts?  Good PR is good
PR."

               *              *              *              *

[May 30, 1994]

     "Good PR, good PR, good PR," LU-62 muttered below the level of human
hearing.  Scrapping the CU-Ts would not be good PR.  "Is there any way to get
them to stay in one place, Gary?  They have been following me all day, but
they are not very fast, so I keep having to stop and let them catch up.  I'm
pretty sure if I just try to lose them they will just get in trouble."
     "Oh, right, School Mode," Gary started stabbing at controls.  "Don't
want kids getting in trouble because their CU-T follows them into the school
building."
     "Good thinking," LU-62 nodded.  "So, is it done?"
     "Yeah, really good thinking.  But it's still in beta...and not working.
Sorry."

     Yip yip yip yip yip yip....

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Author's Notes:

     Written for HCC #54, "Neon Talking Super Street Bat-Luge".

     The AIBO wasn't introduced in the real world until 1999, but the
generally higher tech level of the ASH Universe would have made commercially
viable petbots a possibility a few years earlier.  Purcell Toys was first
mentioned in Coherent Super Stories #28, "Thirty Years of Jenny!"  Given that
one of their founders was a 1950s superscientist, it makes sense for them to
have branched out into robo-pets.

     A robot version of Jenny was probably tried, but abandoned as too
creepy.  

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