LNHY: Death of Trophy Wife #6

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Tue Mar 3 16:49:21 PST 2015

On 3/3/2015 3:18 PM, Adrian McClure wrote:


> Somewhere in the forests near Net.ropolis, there is a decaying mansion
> overgrown with vines, full of twisting corridors, where the lights are
> constantly flickering and every door creaks. This is Arc.ham Asylum, built as
> a place to help people who had traumatic encounters with forces beyond human
> understanding. In practice, it is a prison, built to keep the artifacts of the
> Old Ones—and the people marked by them—safely out of sight.


> Forged by powers
> that existed millions of years ago, before humankind was ever on the Earth,
> these artifacts are remnants of a history that shouldn't exist.


> The world
> began, after all, when God created the universe 6000 years ago. [in The Daily
> Super Paragraph #1—ed.]


> "Yeah, sure!" said the woman. She looked excitedly at the gun in her hand.
> "Oooh, this is cool." The man sighed. "Don't worry," said the woman, "stealing
> stuff is what I'm best at!"

Hmmmmm. o.o Your characterizations are closer to the originals, I see. <3

> "So what color did you see it as?"
> "I thought it was white and gold the first time I saw it, then… then one day I
> looked at it and it wasn't. And it kept going back and forth. Everyone kept
> telling me I was wrong. I had a nervous breakdown—I'd had problems with
> hallucinations and delusions before…

Bwahahahaha XD Yes good

> The two of them then traveled through the dim corridors until they reached a
> large door flanked by tapestries made of strange abstract fractal patterns.
> "Memetic kill agents," she whispered. "But I'm a level-3 celestial being, that
> kind of thing's small potatoes." She stuck her tongue out, opened the creaking
> door, and walked on past.

Uuuuuugh, I hate those guys.

> After a while, they reached the center of the Artifact Wing, where a platoon
> of twenty guards stood on every side of a glass cage, shaped like a pentagon
> with a pentagram engraved on top. "All right," said Dead Boy. "We should scope
> out the room carefully, figure out what the best strategy is for—"
> "HAI!" screamed Shinigami Girl, diving down from the duct, doing a triple
> flip, and shattering the glass case.

Heeheeheeheehee <3

> Dead Boy detached his skull and threw it
> like a boomerang, knocking over a line of soldiers.


> Shinigami Girl flipped over, landing on top of an urn, and held the dress
> above her head. "I've got it!" she shouted. "The blue dress is mine! All mine!"
> "What are you talking about?" said one of the soldiers. "It's white and gold!"
> "No it isn't!" said another beside him, turning his gun on his fellow guard.
> "Heretic!"
> "Blasphemer!"

Perfect. <3

> "Eh, those guys can deal with that." She pointed to MegaMetal BlastLord and TJ
> [as seen in Saxon Brenton's now legendary run on Daily Super Short-Short
> Story—ed], riding on a high-tech motorcycle with Kid Kicked-Out and
> Exclamation!Missy! "They're the ones we called in, remember?"

Oh man, you tied in the atheist concentration camps! Of course!

> "Hahaha," said the evil spirit who'd been imprisoned in the tree Shinigami
> Girl had destroyed. "After ten thousand years, I'M FREE!" It was immediately
> stomped on by a titanic ghost dinosaur who'd been trapped in an urn that had
> been destroyed in the combat in the asylum. "Owww," said the evil spirit.

*SNERK* <3

> Ted the Time Traveling Atheist sat alone in his reclining chair, smoking his
> pipe. His reflections were rudely interrupted by a knock on the door.

...he's Doctor Thirteen, isn't he :D

> "We're Shinigami," said Shinigami Lass. "Duh! We've been sent to this universe
> on a special investigation. We're not part of the whole Christian cosmological
> paradigm."

Srsly. <3

> "We work for the Elder Gods," said Dead Boy. "They don't really care about
> this place either, We got thrown in here because we're disposable. They're
> hoping this universe will just implode quietly and they can keep ignoring it."
> "But we won't let them!" said Shinigami Lass.

The motto of the LNH! <3

> "Well the thing is, the history of the world you know? The one where God
> created everything from scratch 6000 years ago? It's not the only history.
> There was another one before. There were thousands—millions—of years before
> that came about. That was the time of the Great Old Ones…"
> "Who are not to be confused with the Elder Gods we work for," interjected Dead
> Boy. "They're not from this universe. Even though they're both sort of based
> on Lovecraft tropes. Of course, Lovecraft's cosmic beings weren't a single
> unified thing either in spite of the retcons of later writers like Derleth—"
> "ANYWAY," interrupted Manga Girl,

*siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* <3 <3 <3

> "Yep! In fact, that's part of why we wanted to see you. I guess we'll have to
> show you." Shinigami Girl pulled a film projected out of her satchel. "Here's
> this security cam footage we recovered from Heaven…"


> "Hey look at this!" says God. "You think you're so great but you can't make a
> dinosaur, can you?"
> "Actually..." said Ted the Time Traveling Atheist.
> "Oh Me, not this shit again," said God.


> "Feathers? Feathers? You think those things are supposed to have feathers?
> Like little birds? You think a tyrannosaurs rex would be going "Cheep cheep
> cheep! Cheep Cheep Cheep! when he's eating your alive?"

Is God-Y played by Tommy Wiseau here

> Ted the Time Traveling Atheist had been writing his fortieth letter to the
> editor that week about how religion poisoned everything when God called him on
> the phone.


> "Are you there, Ted? It's me, God," said God.


> "What is it? I don't want to get baptized, and I'm not letting you borrow my
> starship. What do you even need with a—"


> "No! Well, maybe. The thing is—this is some really heavy shit. I'm in way over
> my head. Everything's going wrong—I need to talk to you alone. You're the only
> one who'll understand. it's about the dinosaurs, man. The dinosaurs—" The
> phone hung up.
> "Hello? Hello?"

Whoa. o.ov

> "That was a week ago," said Ted. "And now He's dead. I can scarcely believe
> it. I'm a little bit sad, in a way." He sipped on his now cold tea. "So much
> of my life revolved around hating God, I can scarcely picture a world without
> Him.

Like the Master, or the Joker, or-- okay I should probably stop before I make 
Ted sound *really* bad.

> "And that's the thing," said Dead Boy. "The idea of God doesn't exist in
> isolation. Some people use religion to oppress, some people use it to help
> fight oppression, especially people who come from less privileged backgrounds.
> Part of the process of making the world better is examining your own
> prejudices and—"
> "Nonsense! My prejudices are objectively verified by science!" said Ted the
> Time Traveling Atheist.


> "It exists on a narrative fault line between two different versions of
> history," said Dead Boy. "One where it's blue and black and one where it's
> white and gold. Wearing it gives you the power to shift between different
> histories."

Perfect. <3 <3 <3

> "I… I… oh all right." Ted took the dress and walked off into the bathroom,
> grumbling. He hesitantly stepped out, then examined himself in a full length
> mirror, putting his pipe in his mouth and breathing in the smoke
> contemplatively. "I… I look rather pretty."
> "Yeah!" said Shinigami Girl. "You're super cute! OK, let's get going. Next
> stop, Jurassic Period!"

She's so great.

> Shinigami Girl and Dead Boy each took one of Ted's hands. In a moment, they
> were gone, just before the ghost dinosaur smashed Ted's house.


> NEXT: Maybe something to do with Trophy Wife? Who even knows.

Who knows indeed. @-@

> I am still working on Looniverse Y #14 and I didn't want to post things out of
> order but I had this idea out and wanted it posted while it's still topical.


(Besides, we post things out of order all the time. It's a tradition!)

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, a trophydition.

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