RACCIES: 2014 (21st Annual) RACCies Ceremony (1/3)

[Andrew Perron]

On 4/24/2015 9:46 PM, Scott Eiler wrote:

> Vester Lockram of Brass Team Alpha looked sideways at the rest of her team.
> "I think this new team might just work out."
>
> She looked back toward the new recruits.  They were all women with swords.
> About half were six to seven feet tall,

Well we know what Vester likes.

> "I am Zenobia.  I have lived in your
> modern Earth, and I know its rules.  My part of the team shall patrol with
> theirs."  She turned to a seven-foot-tall woman among the others.  "You *have*
> sworn loyalty to at least this operation, have you not??"
>
> "I have sworn, as my name is Quasha!  *Never* shall I break *this* oath!"

This is an amazing team <3

> The curtain went up on the house band, at Stage Left.  Two male singers stood
> front:  one large and heavy-metallish, one normal-height with a mohawk.  One
> woman in a tight silver full-body costume drummed.  One man in 90's-style mask
> and commando outfit played a jade flute.  One androgynous deejay in white,
> pink and purple ran a mix station.  And a green-skinned alien being with long
> bright orange hair played electric guitar.  The instrumentalists played a
> flourish, as the singers sang "Ohhhh Yeah!"
>
> The loudspeaker continued.  "We introduce our backing band:  Imperilus, John
> Revolta, Tanya from Body Up, Ultimate Mercenary, Mashup Laq, and the Alien
> Beast!

AWESOME.

> "The prick introduced me for ya!  You can call me Gjallar Johanssen!  Or
> Imperilus!  Or Exterminating Son!

Ohhhhh, this guy! He... was a bad guy at some point, but he seems pretty cool here

> At the monitors, Floy Vonholt twitched.  "New records coming up from our
> research...  Oh, God!  The flute in the band is a *cosmic* flute!  And *both*
> these emcees are known war criminals in their home universe!  How did they
> even get this far into the ceremony?  And why are people even working with them?"

Oh, Floy. You'll get closer to how weird the universe you live in is one day.

> "First, we got:  RACC14, FAVORITE REVIEW TITLE!  Presented by... Jet Age
> Pigeon??"  The emcee looked on in disbelief, as a large pigeon with scarf and
> goggles flapped to the podium.

YES YOU WORKED IN THE JET AGE PIGEON GAG. :D

> The pigeon said in a chirpy voice, "Thank you.  I come to you from the 1950s,
> the Golden Age of Animal Heroes.  As you might imagine, I'm not familiar with
> your modern culture.  That's why I rely on reviewers to show me the good
> stuff.

Nice.

> Lady Review stepped to the microphone.  "Thank you, everyone.  From what I've
> seen, Kid Review loves his job and he won't stop any time soon."

Eheheh. Yeah I gotta get back to that. ^^;

> "If you're happy and you know it, pray for Death!  Yay, Death!"

If you're happy and you know it, and you're really gonna... blow... it? Wow, 
morbid

> Ellipsis turned back to the audience, and continued, "But the important thing
> for this award is not the phenomenon, but the discussion thereof.  As with any
> scientific discussion, suffice it that I enjoyed contributing.

Eheheh.

> "Next:  RACC18, FAVORITE RUNNING GAG!  Presented by Dark Kid Enthusiastic!"

WOO

> "... Ain't you supposed to be enthusiastic or something?"
>
> "Yeah, maybe... for darkness and death and stuff."

Oh god. XD

> A little boy with long hair and a wide-brimmed hat climbed the steps to the
> stage more slowly.  The man looked at the boy and said, "Well, that's ironic.
> Have I ever told you all about the time I got turned into Teen Toony?"  The
> audience was silent.  "Ah, it probably got retconned anyway."

Heeheehee.

> "Well, if yer fawning over cuteness *and* death, don't ya have to be darkness
> *and* light?"
>
> "Hmmm...  I do!"  Dark Kid Enthusiastic started shimmering.  His Gothic black
> clothes turned into white beach pants and a white LNH t-shirt. Kid
> Enthusiastic was back.

<3 <3 <3 Man, how'd he even get turned into that

> The man yelled back, "Enemies of Earth!  Ranovia stands against you!  So
> sayeth Baron von Ranov!"

Yessssss. There's someone who needs to recur, one way or another.

> Gjallar continued, "Now here's a cute one.  It's THE "SPIDER SPINS!" LITTLE
> LULU WEB PAGE AWARD!  So we got a cute presenter!  I introduce to you Narok,
> King of Dragons, Destroyer of Heavens, For Whom All the Stars Of Our Galaxy
> Are Like Specks Upon His Tail!"

Amazing. o.o

> Everyone in the auditorium got seat-belted.  The stage slid inward and the
> seats slid up, row by row, to stack atop each other.  The outside hallways
> uncoiled into arms and legs.  The security control room slid up to form the
> head.  The stadium stood erect, transformed into a giant robot.

PERFECT AND AMAZING. Best RACCies ever. Twenty-seven stars!

> "That's the way the dragon gets caged,
> Pop goes the dragon!"
>
> The dragon-constellation disappeared.  A small jack-in-the-box dropped onto
> the podium.
>
> Gjallar Johanssen ran to the band, and high-fived the Ultimate Mercenary.
> "Dude!"
>
> "Oh, man!  The flute worked!"  The Ultimate Mercenary turned toward Tanya the
> drummer.  "But the Jade Xylophone helped too!"

This is frankly the most useful the flute's ever been!

> Wiki Boy and FAQ Boy took the podium together.  "You know I don't actually run
> the Wiki, I just have Wiki powers, right?"
>
> FAQ Boy said, "*I* know."
>
> "Okay then.  I'm in awe of the people who *do* run the Wiki, because Wiki
> powers are an awesome thing.  Thanks!"

Awwwwwwwww! <3

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, twenty-eight stars!