LNH20: Bite-Size Tales of the LNH v20 #13: SHIPWAR!

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Wed Apr 1 04:58:19 PDT 2015

Bite-Size Tales of the LNH v20 #13:
by Andrew Perron

    Thunder cracked as the cannons of the great galleon fired, a
broadside round that slammed into the other ship without apparent
effect. Wind and rain lashed at the sides, as sailors rushed across the
deck. On the prow stood Princess Caramella and Explain-the-Joke Lass.

    "Clamnation!" Princess Caramella shouted. She stowed her ceremonial
helm and put on a sharp-looking captain's hat. "Sailors, to your
stations! Let's give 'em shell!"

    The other ship was made of chromium planks and nano-sails, glittering
in the lightning caught between them. Robots in sailor suits moved
around the decks, and in the crow's nest, a man covered in super-shiny
metal with a super-dramatic cape spoke through a megaphone. "End your
attempts to escape! So commands-- Prince Conundrum!"

    "Fascinating." Explain-the-Joke Lass squinted into the gale through a
pair of goggles. "He's not firing back. It seems that his ship is sturdy
enough not to be threatened by our attacks so far. And..." She wiped
down the goggles with a half-sodden cloth. "He's trying to say

    "Ahem! Conundrum bids you listen: Hey, gurl, what's shakin'? You look
like you could... use... a salad!? What? Conundrum demanded a smooth
opening line, not this negging crap!"

    "Ah. Never mind."

    "I can't bereef the arrogance!" Princess Caramella hauled an enormous
mortar on deck. "Who does this guy think he is!?"

    "He's a parody, combining Eridan Ampora from Homestuck with Doctor
Doom. This, in turn, plays off your status as a combination of Feferi
Peixes and Namor the Sub-Mariner. Further-- eep!" A great swell lifted
the ship, and Explain-the-Joke Lass nearly stumbled into the briny

    Princess Caramella caught her around the waist and hauled her back
up. "Careful, dear! Actually, I was wondering why he thought he could
mackerel on the Queen of the Seas like that!"

    "...furthermore, Conundrum would deed at least five percent of his
gross national profit to the furtherance and preservation of such an
endeavor - up to seven percent, depending on frequency of makeouts..."

    "I believe this is a political move," said EtJ Lass, and Princess
Caramella could see her keen mind working behind those dark eyes. "The
prince is a member of the Plu!erratic Dynasty - one of the old @lantean
royal families, from the pre-Decentralization era. His status confers
several privileges, but no real power, and my hypothesis is that he
seeks to gain such power through marriage."

    "What!? Oh, that is *it*! Time to put this guy in his plaice!"
Princess Caramella hefted the mortar and stuffed it into the biggest
cannon on the deck. Sailors turned the barrel to point directly at
Conundrum's mizzenmast, and with a blast, a golden streak of light
erupted, eroding the structure of Conundrum's ship on contact.

    "The quantum coherence generator! Blast! This must be the fault of
that accursed Richard Franklins!" Prince Conundrum shook his fist. "But
I will return!" He pulled a lever, and the crow's nest rocketed away
into the clouds.

    "The accursed..." Princess Caramella shook her head. "He didn't pay
attention to what I was doing, even when I blew him to smeltereens!"

    Explain-the-Joke Lass frowned. "I would say that he does not believe
our mystic marriage to be politically valid. There are probably others
who agree, and now that the curse placed upon you by your mother is
lifted, will be angling for similar unions."

    "Anchovy-greed. We're going to need a big public ceremony, to show
the whole world we're searious!" Caramella turned to look out over the
prow. The clouds were breaking, and a shaft of sunlight shone on her
dramatically. "It's time to call on your friends in the LNH!"


                         The Legion of Net.Heroes
                           is proud to announce
                              the wedding of
             Princess Caramella, Monarch of the Abyssal Court
                  April "Explain-the-Joke Lass" Al-Nahyan

           *You, your keyboard, and your characters are invited*

There's going to be a wedding in the LNHQ, and it's going to be LNH20
Comics Presents Annual #1! I'm calling on everybody who's ever written
an LNH20 story - and everybody who wants to - to contribute a scene!

I'll provide the "main" story, but what I'm looking for is individual
scenes with characters bringing presents, eating cake, fighting off
party-crasher supervillains so the brides don't have to worry about
them, or just having a conversation. Short or long, anything's good; use
your own characters, someone from the communal sandbox, or someone
entirely new! Contact me by email if you're interested, or just send me

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, are there more details I should
include, there are probably more details I should include

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