DR!: Dynamite Radical: This Is Where You Start #2

[Andrew Perron]

Sounds really cool, right? Only it knocked me on my butt, and I was all
dizzy and couldn't see. After shaking my head for a minute, the spots
in front of my eyes disappeared. I jumped up, but the man was gone, and
when I looked at the box--

Well, it was gone too, but in its place was something COOL. A super
crystal! Of some kind? It was the size of a golf ball and had all these
cool facets that showed a different color on each one, and I think it
was glowing from the inside!

I was going to pick it up and something special was going to happen. I
could feel it!

Holding my breath, I leaned forward. My fingers touched--

The light inside the crystal was inside me. I could feel it rushing
through my blood and sparkling through my nerves. I lifted up the
crystal and shouted, "DYNAMITE RADICAL!"

I could see everything that was going on like I was watching it from
outside - like I was holding a cosmic paintbrush. With a wide sweep, I
painted over the image of myself, designing a new style.

I gave myself a really cool outfit - I started off with a sky-blue skirt
and a bright red blouse, then added sunny yellow leggings, pale green
boots, white gloves, a silver tiara with a topaz on the forehead, and a
big poofy purple bow on my chest. It just didn't seem like enough,
though, so I added a cape and made that purple too - but a light purple,
like lavender. Then, to top it off, I painted myself some bright pink
hair, cut short but fashionable!

I put a golden locket on the bow and tucked the crystal inside. Then I
put myself back in my own head.

"...holy CRAP!" I said. Then I slapped my hand over my mouth - I wasn't
supposed to swear.

Suddenly, I felt... something, like soft sparkly static through my head.
The crystal - it was reacting to something!

I lifted the two-by-four away from the door, ran down the stairs and out
the door. "Bye dad! Got magic! Be home for dinner!"

"Okay, champ. Have fun."

Two steps off the front porch, I leapt up in the air and started
*flying*. You guys, flying is the best thing EVER. It's like riding a
bike, only without the part where you fall over.

I shot up through the air and didn't look down until I was way up high
over the city. When I did look down... I yelped and flailed and then
realized I couldn't fall down! I wheeled my arms and legs for a second
and then just... hovered there. Then I let out a shout of victory! SO
COOL!

Okay, so what was the crystal reacting to? There - one of the mountains
outside of town, old and worn-down and covered in trees and grass.
Something was waking up inside of it!

I zoomed out of the sky, fists stretched out in front of me. Then I
kicked out and slowed down, stopping just outside a tiny cave. SO. COOL.
I landed on the orangey stone and peered into the darkness. "Hey! Hello?
Is anyone--"

And then the side of the mountain *exploded out* and OH MY GOD IT WAS
DINOSAURS.

...okay so they were kind of small dinosaurs. Probably, like...
Deinonychus? Unenlagia? Troodon? Anyway they weren't any taller than me!
But the two of them that rolled toward me had teeth and claws and maybe
some kind of armor, and they were locked in battle with each other - but
then I remembered, magic powers! I probably couldn't be hurt by that sort
of thing!

So, instead of being careful, I dove right in, pushing the two of them
apart (but carefully, in case they had hollow birdy bones). "Hey!" I
said, trying to sound Heroic. "Chill out!"

They looked up at me and I swear their eyes bugged out.

"MONSTER!" shouted one.

"ALIEN!" shouted the other.

"What? No! Neither!" I said, but now *both* of them had pulled out...
probably lasers? They were probably lasers. The important part is that
they fired them at me!

I did an awesome kickflip over their heads and landed on the other side.
"Cut it out! Hey!" I held up my hands AND THEY SHOT ME IN THE FACE.
Those jerks! But luckily it turns out that I was mostly invulnerable,
and since I kept standing there, they eventually stopped shooting.

I gave them my brightest smile (the one that got me Super Smash Versus
World last time Mom was at the store, mwa-ha-ha) and said, "Hi! I'm
human! Not a monster or alien! Totally from Earth! How are you?"

They blinked. It was kinda cute, but I had absolutely no freakin' idea
what I was doing.

"Um. Welcome to the Cenozoic Era! Can I... get you a... drink?" I rubbed
the back of my neck. Now that they weren't trying to kill me, I noticed
differences. The one on the left had blue feathers and gold armor, while
the one on the right's feathers were this sort of shiny green, and (his?
her? DINOSAURS) armor was black and spiky. Their scales were both a sort
of sandy brown-yellow (which, paleontologically speaking, was
*fascinating*), but the one on the right was a brighter yellow that
looked really cool with the armor.

Suddenly, a box on the blue-and-gold one's sort of belt thing went
"warble warble warble". That one looked up at me. "It's got the
Artifact!"

"Who's got the what now?"

But they weren't listening to me. The two of them looked at each other
and *apparently* they decided they were going to race each other back to
the mountain. So I kicked up my heels and flew after them, keeping up
easily because superpowers are great.

"So," I said to the green-and-black one, "what's an Artifact?"

"Khssssss!" that one khsss'd at me. "Do not try to play the fool with
me, alien!"

"Why do you talk all old-timey? For that matter, how can I understand
what you're saying? I mean, you don't even have lips. Hey, get back
here!"

They ran back in through the hole. I flew in after them, but holy crap
(no swearing)! Inside it was like some kind of superamazing future robot
base! There were walls made of shiny black marble and silver-bronze
metal and flashing lights and it was really cool, you guys. Like, I'm
going to learn to paint just so I can show you what it was like.

Anyway! There were a bunch of other dinosaurs in there, fighting each
other - like half in the gold armor and half in the black spiky armor.
Lots of lasers and stuff! But then the two I'd been following ran in,
and blue-and-gold (we'll get to their names eventually, don't worry)
shouted, "The Artifact! It's back! That thing's got it!"

*That* sure got their attention. Everyone stared up at me. I sort of...
waved at them? "Um, hi! Welcome to the twenty-first century?" And I gave
them the smile!

Man, I don't even know if dinosaurs know what smiles *are*. "Get the
Artifact!" shouted one of the black-armored dinosaurs, and "Defend the
Artifact!" shouted one of the gold-armored ones, who ran around me in a
half-circle.

"Hey! I can defend myself! Uh, I think!" But they didn't listen, they
just went back to fighting. Lasers were flying back and forth, teeth and
claws came out, I saw one of them fall down and they weren't moving and
holy crap they were going to kill each other *over me*--

I realized my heart was beating hard. I realized my hands were clenched
into fists. And I realized that rainbows were pouring out of my locket.

It opened up and out of the rainbows a shiny silver umbrella floated
out. I grabbed it, opened it up and spun it around in circles. "RADICAL
CHILLOUT RAINBOW!"

And it worked, too! The burst of light got the dinosaurs to calm down
and stop shooting each other. Then I zoomed up into the middle of the
cool science-y ceiling. "Okay, okay - what's going on here?"

"...RETREAT!" shouted one of the black-armor dinosaurs. Oh sugarcakes
(not a swear)! They poured out into the hallways and through the doors,
and in moments, were gone.

The gold-armored ones chased after them, and I tried to keep up. The
corridors went from cool metal and polished stone to bare cave walls,
spiraling up and up around the mountain. How was all this stuff hidden
since sixty-five million years ago!?

And *that*'s when I got to the top and saw the rocket.

T H E  R O C K E T.

It was just sitting there steaming and being all tall and cool and ready
to blast off! It was HUGE, too, with silver-bronze fins and complicated
symbols painted on it, and the big ol' cavern was going 'thrumm thrumm'.
The last of the black-armored dinosaurs slid up a weird ladder and
disappeared inside. And it was getting thrummier and steamier.

"They're taking off!" one of the gold-armored ones yelled. I really
needed to learn the dinosaurs' names. "Evacuate, or we'll be fried to a
crisp!"

KAFROOSH! One of the engines burst into life, then another, then
another, the downward-pointing flames growing, the air turning hot and
thick.

"It's too late!"