RACCIES: 2013 (20th Annual) RACCies Ceremony

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat May 3 22:12:00 PDT 2014

On Sat, 3 May 2014 18:19:18 +0000 (UTC), Scott Eiler wrote:

> Doctor Fatima "Fay" Tarif went into her office.  In her inbox, she saw a 
> small cardboard carton.
> She considered just opening it.  But she'd worked with police and 
> superheroes before, so she knew that opening packages from strangers was 
> a bad idea without some protection.  So first she fetched a special 
> protective vest she'd invented.
> The carton wrapped an ornate box, with an envelope inside.  She opened it.
> The vest didn't save her.


*scrolls up*

Oh, thank god, the RACCies. I was worried I'd accidentally replied to a new
issue of Journey Into and this was canon.

> Like Dr. Fay, a man known as The Gastroenterologist went into his 
> office.  The difference was, his office was at the End of Time.  He had 
> to make sure the Universe expelled everything just right at the end, or 
> there would be debris that might enter the next universe and grow up to 
> be a Universal Destroyer or something.

Very nice use of the concept. <3

> The Crossover Queen opened the ornate gift box, and looked with disdain. 
>   "Who put a dick in this box?"


> Loudspeakers said, "Welcome to the best amateur comics awards on the 
> Internet - or at least the oldest!  THESE ARE THE *TWENTIETH* ANNUAL 
> RACCIES!  This year, the *world* is watching!  Or if not this year, 
> *next* year!"  There was wild clapping.


> "We greet the world with our Parade of Champions!"  Opera music 
> flourished, alongside electric guitars.  Little Nemo himself floated 
> above the stadium, and ballet dancers danced on the sidelines, while 
> garish floats drove through.  Characters rode the floats.  Or at least 
> their lookalikes did.
> 1994:  [LNH] Legion of Occult Heroes (Favorite Series!)
> 1995:  [LNH] Decibel Dude and Vigilante Guy (Favorite Series!)
> 1996:  [LNH] Dvandom Force (Favorite Series!)
> 1997:  [MISC] Guttertrash (Favorite Series!  Also 1999!)
> 1998:  [Omega] Tempest (Favorite Series!)
> 1999:  [ASH] STRAFE #6-12, "The Slow Burn" & "Bonfire of the Vanities" 
> (Favorite Arc!)
> 2000:  [LNH] Easily-Discovered Man (Favorite Series!  Also 2002, 2004, 
> 2006, 2007!)
> 2001:  [LNH] Limp-Asparagus Lad (Favorite Series!  Also 2003!)
> 2002:  [ASH] ASH #37-41: City of Lights (Favorite Arc!)
> 2003:  [LNH] Net.Heroes on Parade (Tied with Limp-Asparagus Lad for 
> Favorite Series!)
> 2004:  [LNH] The Continuing Misadventures of Miss Translation (Tied with 
> Easily-Discovered Man for Favorite Series!)
> 2005:  [LNH] Another tie!  Alt.Riders and Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 
> (Favorite Series!)
> 2006:  [LNH] WikiBoy (Favorite Character!)
> 2007:  [ASH] Lady Lawful and Doctor Developer (Tied with 
> Easily-Discovered Man for Favorite Series!)
> 2008:  [8FOLD} Jolt City (Favorite Ongoing Series!)
> 2009:  [LNH] Digital JUMP! (Favorite Ongoing Series!)
> 2010:  [MISC] Spellbinder (Favorite Ongoing Series!)
> 2011:  [MV] The Super Wizard from Space (Favorite Ongoing Series!)
> 2012:  [MISC] Correspondence from the Goddess (Favorite Ongoing Series!)

a.) Oh, very nice idea.
b.) We need to get the Hall of Fame going again, methinks.
c.) I've got the only LNH series that has won since 2006, moohahaha...

> "That brings us to 2013!  To start the 
> ceremony, we bring in...  A *Writer!*"  The audience gasped.
> He resembled a bearded man in a hat and a 
> trenchcoat, only with more dimensions somehow.

Yeah, that's pretty accurate. (I keep my dimensions inbetween my vengeance
and my summer home.)

> A greater universe EXISTED behind him, through the portal.  It CRUSHED 
> and CRUNCHED and CRACKED, as though it would come CRASHING in at any 
> SECOND, as though the little marks in the flow of TIME mattered to it...
> "Hey!  STOP that!"  The man looked back at the universe.  "We're GUESTS 
> here!"
> The universe SUBSIDED.


> You may recognize 
> me from the award-winning Superhuman World, and the *almost* 
> award-winning Powernaut!"  The Writer waited for cheering.  He heard 
> none.  Awkwardly, he continued.

Jeez, not even from your own characters? Tough room.

> The crowd went wild.  The Jumbotron showed Lydia and Elana Devin opening 
> 24-ounce cans of Chugg Beer and unfastening buttons on their blouses. 


> The camera cut to show Emperor M of the Mummy Machines extending a 
> bottle opener for Queen Buzzz of the Killer Beezz to use.  Then Pope 
> Lizardsaurus enjoyed a can of Chugg, without even moving.  Montage shots 
> showed the Ultimate Ninja, Martin Rock, Ellipsis, and several others in 
> turn - each opening an obviously-cold can of Chugg with relish.  Even 
> Chevalier's mouse sidekick Tom-Tom was perched on the side of a can of 
> Chugg, drinking with a straw.  A voiceover murmured beneath Tom-Tom, 
> "chugg is not for juvenile mice.  please drink responsibly."

Wow. XD;;;

> A man snuggles next to a woman on a sofa, as they watch something 
> exciting on TV.  The woman cheers.  A deep male voice comments, "You 
> know what she wants from you.  Why not *satisfy* her - by *winning a 
> RACCie Award*?  Anyone can!"  The logo of the 20th Annual RACCies comes 
> up, as a sultry female voice says, "Women can win RACCies too!"

Oh god. XD XD XD Yes good parody times

> The Crossover Queen said to the other woman, "You seem familiar.  But in 
> any case, let us *fully* introduce ourselves before we resolve our 
> issue.  I am Queen H'yddee'ho of the Planet H'yddee'uzzz.  But *you* may 
> address me as the Crossover Queen."

Interesting - I don't think anyone's given her a "real" name before.

> "Indeed.  *I* am now Vector Social Network, but I hold the title of 
> Crime Empress.  And yes, I *am* holding the RACCies hostage.


> "Well then.  We of course know the button is keyed to your bio-signature 
> and your verbal commands.  Or whatever.

You know, science junk. </Finn>

> "Whatever...  Wonderful Empress, *who* might be your companion?"  Dr. 
> Fay pointed again at the fat guy.
> "Why, I have found a minion with the full power of one of those endless 
> Superman avatars, and none of their self-esteem.  Hence he is *my slave* 
> now.  Behold, the Losernaut!"

That, I did not expect. <3

> The Losernaut disappeared in a hail of Kirby Dots.
> Dr. Fay gasped.  "He was harmless!  You really just destroyed him?"
> "No, but I *did* reduce him to his core concept.

Makes sense.

> "All right then!  *I* award you...  uh,  Villainess Most Likely to Make 
> a Comeback in the RACCies!"
> "Aww..."  Tears came to the Crime Empress's eyes.  "That's what it's all 
> about!"
> The Crossover Queen yelled, "What about me?"
> "Runner-up!  Now *shut up!*"

Bwahahaha. XD XD XD

> The Crime Empress smirked.  "Why, the RACCies just restarted.  In fact, 
> your friend pressed the button hard enough to fast-forward through *all 
> the awards*!  I hope *you two* weren't planning on accepting any..."

D'oh! I knew this post seemed shorter than usual!

> "Minions?!?...  Oh, just get me out of here."
> "My pleasure, Minion Doctor Gastroenterologist and Minion Doctor Tarif."




> RACC13:  FAVORITE REVIEW TITLE:  Kid Review's Roundup!




> RACC18:  MOST IMPROVED WRITER:  TIE - Wil Alambre and Arthur Spitzer! 
> Runners-Up:  Jochem Vandersteen and Andrew Perron!


> The awards had apparently been awarded faster than people could get to 
> the stage to accept them!  The Chuggernaut had left.  Doctor Developer 
> (wearing a jetpack) has apparently beaten Easily Discovered Man Lite and 
> all the others to the stage, and was trying to sort the trophies out. 

Heh heh heh.

> He was waiting for his own awards and trying to keep order 
> as drunken people from almost every RACC-affiliated universe crowded 
> toward the podium.

Zombie apocalypse-- oh, no, it's just these goofballs.

> The Crossover Queen said, "Dammit!  I missed the award I should have won!"
> The Gastroenterologist said, "Oh, move on.  This too shall pass."


> I was inspired by the Winter Olympics and the Super Bowl this year. 
> Hence the commercials and the parade.  The commercials became important 
> to the plot.

Ahhhhh, very nice.

> I see the award records through 2007 were tabulated by Arthur Spitzer, 
> though I can find them under http://lnh.atwiki.com/page/RACCies , 
> thanks.  2008 courtesy of the Usenet via Eyrie.  2009 courtesy of the 
> Usenet via Freag.net.  2010 - 2012 come from my own records, because I 
> don't throw old messages out.

I note that all of them are up on the current wiki, at
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/RACCies . (Which will be updated with this year's
winners soon!)

> I've continued the tradition of counting the runners-up:  those entries 
> which could have won if one voter had switched one vote between first 
> and second place.

Makes sense.

> I restricted the adventurers to *volunteers* this year.  I'd threatened 
> to bring in other characters randomly and haphazardly.  This year's 
> awards are brought to you by the random haphazard number Zero.  8{D>  

OF COURSE! The canonically most random number!

> As for villains:  The Crime Empress is a character of Lalo Martins.  Our 
> RACCie tabulator Andrew Perron suggested her.  I recall two villains 
> were discussed, but I don't recall who the other one was because the 
> Crime Empress worked out so well.

The other one was Mister Homage, but CE deserves the panel time more,

> I love the tradition of "Night of the RACCies" stories.  The awarding 
> was kind of a mob scene this year, so I'd especially love to hear who 
> tries to accept awards, and how drunk they are.  I'll have my own award 
> ceremony epilogue / Night of the RACCies prelude coming shortly.


> I have to admit that for me, 2014 will be a RACCie-rebuilding year at 
> best.  But thanks for keeping me in mind.  8{D>

Same, though Cover Gallery was apparently a smash hit!

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, which, awesome

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