8FOLD/ACRA: Jolt City # 22, "October Surprise!" (Part 1 of 3)

[Andrew Perron]

On 7/17/2014 10:10 PM, Tom Russell wrote:
> Pocket Vito stands on his desk, resting his tiny cigar in a tiny ashtray.
>     "Lissen up, you mugs!
>     "I'm head of this city, see?
>     "And anyone who thinks otherwise is in for an...
>
>            "...OCTOBER SURPRISE!"

...special guest star Octobriana?

>     "Scotch," says Trimmer, holding up a half-emptied bottle. "My own.
> Yours was terrible."
>     But she doesn't have any scotch. "That would have been iced tea."
>     "And that's why it was terrible," says Trimmer.

Heeheehee.

>     Honestly, she was just so relieved it wasn't a burglar or black
> cape that she just forgot to put up the pretense. This secret identity
> thing is harder than it looks. She doesn't know how Blue Boxer pulls
> it off so well.[1]

[1] bwahahahaha*snorts coke thru nose*

>     "So you know who I am," says Bethany, sauntering coolly to her
> sofa. "What are you going to do about it?"
>     "Pardon?" says Trimmer. "You mumbled."
>     Which kinda takes the cool right out of it.

Augh, Bethany. XD This is good characterization.

>     "Purely mercenary," says Trimmer. "You may have noticed that Jolt
> City's had a pretty shit year. There's the economic aspect of it--
> Cradle pulling out, city budget problems. But a lot of that frankly is
> on my predecessor."
>     Bethany holds her tongue; she liked Dani. [4]

So does everybody...

>     Trimmer must pick up on this, because she softens. "Given the
> crisis they faced back in March, she did the best she could with the
> tools she had. The problem is she didn't have the right tools. [5]

...but that's a good point.

>     Yes, she is scared of hurting someone, and yes, she's scared
> someone might find her out. But that's not why she eschews the
> limelight as much as she can. That's not fear; it's shyness. She's an
> introvert.
>     And what no one but another introvert ever seems to understand--
> not Trimmer, not Marva, not even Kate-- is that being shy isn't some
> hurdle she has to overcome. It's not a disease. It's who she is; it's
> who she wants to be. [7]

Good scene. It... doesn't have the vague things that were bothering me about 
characterization in previous issues. `.`v

>     Vise-Head nods. "Thank you for bringing news of this betrayal to
> me. Name your boon, and it shall be granted."

Dun dun dunnnnn

>     A few minutes later, Boyle appears. He is, as he ever was, an ugly
> son of a bitch. His fat face is red, bald, and blistered over with
> puss and boils. Every inch just covered in it. Worst of all, he
> constantly scratches at it, blood and skin oozing from his pores and
> stuck beneath his fingernails.

Okay I know we're doing Dick Tracy but o.o (Actually no, I just realized that)

>     "I cannot forgive what they did to her son," says Jack. "They
> ruined his beautiful face. They stole the life he had ahead of him.

Yeah dude, that's dirty even for the Mob.

>     "No," says Vito. "Because if you do that, there's no way I can run
> this town in peace. Mattresses mean headlines, means pressure. Means I
> lose those friends before they can be of any use to me. Means
> everything that I have worked for is gone. And no, Jack, I'm sorry,
> but your nephew's dumb fucking face isn't worth that."

That's a really smart thing to say to the angry man who's just been personally 
attacked and is out for vengeance.

>     "It's the mattresses, Fix. Us and Pastrone. And if the boss doesn't
> like it... then we go to the mattresses with him and his, too. With
> all of them."

SO SMART

> Want to celebrate?"
>     "What were you thinking?"
>     "Fancy lunch."
>     "You mean Wendy's," intuits Martin.
>     "Gourmet mushroom swissburger," affirms Derek. [15]

More enjoyment!

>     "I said the thing we need to do is get you dating again," says Derek.
>     "No," says Martin. "That is not a thing we need to do."

Oh god. <3

>     "Satellite dead zone," says Dr. Fay. "But."
>     "But?"
>     "Ha, I made you say butt.

DOCTOR FAY

>     "Obviously," begins Derek, "we don't know how long that will take.
> So as a temporary measure, Dr. Fay will design and install a new chip.
> The chip will need to activate when the implant switches on. Is that
> doable?"
>     "It's doable," says Dr. Fay, "but what is it supposed to do?"
>     "Kill me, of course," says Derek. He snaps his fingers. "I need to
> be dead the second they turn it on."
>     "Not super-thrilled with this," says Dr. Fay.
>     "And I am? It's temporary. Once we figure out a real solution, a
> way to interrupt the implant once it's been turned on, we'll swap it
> out. Until then, it keeps me from being a danger to others, but allows
> me to stay in the world. Glass, is that acceptable?"
>     "Yeah," says Glass. "That'll do."

Daaaaaaaaaang, Derek. I approve.

...*metafictional worry*

>     Given their penchant for operating through their "puppets", this is
> unlikely as it exposes them to discovery and capture. More likely, b,
> they made a special trip to Jolt City for the purposes of choosing and
> implanting their victims. And if that's true-- let's not get ahead of
> ourselves, but if!-- it's far more likely that they would try to
> implant multiple victims in one trip, rather than making separate and
> conspicuous trips for each one.
>     If he can prove that, if they can pinpoint when these trips took
> place, and perhaps over what duration...
>     He gives Glass a call.

Derek is great.

>     "Rule one is we keep this under wraps," says Glass. "Word gets out,
> we're going to have world-wide panic, maybe riots.

Yeah um, about that - well, I'll save that comment for the resolution of this 
plotline; see how you handle that. u.uv

...is what I said when I initially read through this. You have calmed my 
doubts. <3

>     "A person leaves two trails," says Glass. "There's the trail they
> leave by documents. And the trail they leave in people. We've got
> plenty of the former, none of the latter."

Oooooh, nice point.

>     "Well, hello there, short, blue, and adequately handsome," says Dr.
> Fay. "Come up with anything yet?"
>     "Nope," says Derek. "You?"
>     "Nope," says Dr. Fay. "What can I do you for, then?"
>     "Romantic dinner, followed by drunken groping?"
>     "Don't drink," says Dr. Fay with a wave towards her hijab.
>     "That's fine. I'll do the drinking, if you can handle the groping?"

Augh <3 <3 <3

>     The scalp and hair re-knit themselves, and suddenly the hologram is
> turning and smiling at them.
>     "That's..." starts Dr. Fay. "That's not a thing."
>     The hologram speaks. "Poor little Kara should be dead by now. Would
> you like to join her?"

Oh shit! o.o

>     "I can't let you do it," says Derek. "You have too much to offer science."
>     "Seven. Six."
>     "I'm not do anything of the sort, you bloody idiot," says Dr. Fay.
>     "Five. Four."
>     "Move! I'm going to phase it harmlessly into another dimension."

Doctor Faaaaaaaaaaaay <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 >     Don't look at the clock, don't look at the clock. It's probably
 > four or five, don't look at the clock. It's one-thirty. Christ.

Haha x-x

 >     Sickness. His mother was sick, and it lingered before it killed
 > her. She had been a patient woman. Empathetic. Even and especially
 > when people didn't deserve it, she would give them the benefit of the
 > doubt, try to figure it from their point of view. His dad would go off
 > the handle about some idiot or asshole, and his mom would just say, "I
 > don't know, Moses," and then offer some explanation as to why that
 > might not be the case. It drove both of her men nuts.
 >     The disease shriveled up her patience. It strangled her empathy.
 > She was angry all the time, raging and screaming, crying furiously. It
 > wasn't fair, wasn't fair. Why was she dying? Wasn't her time yet. She
 > didn't leave this world with the grace and understanding she had while
 > she was in it. By the end, she didn't love Moses. She didn't have
 > enough room in her left to love anyone. By the end, Derek didn't think
 > of her as his mother, but a stranger that had stolen her body, and
 > soon it didn't even look like her anymore.

Ah. :< Yeah.

 >     Drugs, disease, even the simple act of living changes the
 > chemicals. Changes the way the brain works. Changes the person and
 > they don't get any say in the matter. A little machine in his brain
 > attached to his nervous system-- does he seriously think that won't
 > change the chemicals? How much of anything he thinks or feels or does
 > is him, really him, and how much of it is the implant? How much of it
 > is the grief, the stress, the pain, the hunger, his own need to count,
 > to matter, to be something? And how much of all that is something that
 > was in him to start, and how much of it is just him reacting to what
 > he's done and what's been done to him? If any of those things hadn't
 > happened, would he be a different person?

Hahaaa bluh x-x (but this is also really good)

 >     He calls them back. "One of the inspections, I can't do it. 42426
 > Danube Street. Conflict of interest."
 >     "You know the owner?"
 >     "I am the owner," he says.

Ohhhhh Derek ^^;;;

 >     "No, I mean, this is actual science," says Derek. "We used to
 > think, the old model, is that every point in the present, there are
 > infinite alternate futures. An infinite number of ways it can go.
 > Every decision creates a new timeline, et cetera. But it's actually
 > backwards. There's only one present, and its fixed, but with infinite
 > alternate pasts. That this moment, right here, will always be, but
 > there are an infinite number of ways for us to get to this same point.
 > All roads lead to Rome." [4]
 >     "That makes no sense," says Pam.

...it really doesn't. O.o What? Lemme check the footnotes...

> People complain a lot about alternate timelines being confusing,
> but they're really not; anyone who has seen IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE can
> get a grasp on them. So I decided I should make them *actually*
> confusing. You're welcome.

DANGIT TOM *fistshake*

 >     No, he is who he is because of who he is. Because of him. Because
 > of who he chooses to be.

But this is a good point.

 >     In fact, talking to Pam just now, he's pretty sure that he has
 > solved it, at least in this timeline. Now just to convince Dr. Fay
 > that he hasn't gone off his rocker...

Aaaaargh this is the point where he surprise-dies isn't it >:/

 > Vito's bedroom. After midnight. Always after midnight. Why is it
 > always this dead of the night shit? Can't any of these fuckers ever
 > have a crisis in the middle of the God-damn afternoon?

*snerk*

 >     No; he's better than that. He pulls on his three-piece suit, combs
 > back his hair, and straps on his jetpack.

Ahhhhhhh. <3

 >     "Yeah, that's why you called yourself the Seventh Circle," deadpans Vito.
 >     Ronove smiles, biting his lower lip with his dagger-like canines.
 > "You're literate," he says. [6]
 >     "It's called google, you schmuck," says Vito.

Heeheehee.

 >     "Don Valentine, please," says Ronove. "I am only playing... devil's
 > advocate." He's quite amused with that.

More like dorkvil.

 >     "And yet," says Ronove, "your grievance, Don Pastrone, is not
 > really with Jack. But with the short man."

Ah yes.

 >     "For my nephew was more than nephew. Having no children of my own,
 > truth told, he was more like my son. And only a son will do."

Man, this is pretty medieval.

 >     "What I'm trying to do, Johnny, is I'm trying to build something. I
 > am building something. Come a couple months from now, just a couple
 > months, and it will be built. What I'm building, who I'm building it
 > with, it will make us kings in this city. One day, in this state. Real
 > power. Like the old days, before the Commission tore it apart. And you
 > have no idea what the hell that means, since you're from another
 > universe."

This whole part is fascinating. Usually, it's really hard for me to get into 
fiction that dwells inside the heads of crime bosses, but this works well. (It 
helps that it's rolling relentlessly towards something.)

 >     Ronove smiles thoughtfully. "But if someone was to end this war.
 > Someone who could keep the peace. Someone who was practiced in the
 > subtlest, sweetest discretion," he adds, tapping his skull with the
 > scrambler at the tip of his cane.
 >     Proctor looks to Canton; Canton nods. "Something like that, yes."
 >     "Not me, of course," says Ronove. "I'm not one for the spotlight.
 > But a young man. A man who's willing to do what needs doing to keep
 > the peace. You would accept such a person's help. And you would help
 > them back. You would be his friend."

Natch.

 >     "Sure," says Peter. "I drowned him. Filled up the tub while I was
 > waiting for them. I was thinking about how much you hated him. How
 > much you wanted to kill him yourself. How much you wanted to watch him
 > suffer. And then I shoved his head in the water until his eyes bulged
 > out. So he's dead."
 >     Vise-Head sputters, speechless. Then, finally: "Why? Why would you
 > do this thing?"
 >     "Because I know," says Peter.
 >     "... You know?"
 >     "Ronove and Jack told me." Peter grabs hold of the vise, and spins
 > it loose. His father makes a little moan, and a sob, and then he
 > bleeds to death.

Ohhhhhh ouch.

 >     "Man who told me about the short man. Didn't give a name. Never saw
 > him before. Black man. In his forties. Had a broken arm."
 >     Frankie Salad was troubled by a man with a broken arm. "Martin Rock."
 >     "I don't know, man. He didn't give his name."
 >     Fix puts a bullet in his face.

Oh shit.

 >     Vito's body spills out limply, bringing to a close the October
 > Surprise War. On any other day, it would have been the biggest story
 > in the news. It would have dominated local coverage. It would have
 > warranted a mention on the national news, and may even have been
 > trending on twitter and google.
 >     But on this day, the entire country-- the entire world-- was only
 > talking about one thing. This was October 25th, 2008.
 >     This was the Day of Terror.

GASP! Speaking of things rolling forward relentlessly. <3

 > On October 24, 2008, early in the evening (at least in these United
 > States), seven hundred and four pages of documents from the Department
 > of Homeland Security are leaked online.
 >     The documents detail the existence of a secret terrorist
 > organization called FEVER.

Ahhhhhhhh. Interesting.

 >     "Oh, well, the Secret Internet, it's completely safe then," deadpans Derek.

Heeheehee.

 >     "I didn't say it was going to be a she..."
 >     "Aw, c'mon, Glass," says Derek. "If I'm going to be murdered, it
 > better be by a gorgeous woman. I want to leave this world the way I
 > lived in it."
 >     "Annoying the opposite sex?"
 >     "Exactly."

Ahhhhhh, Derek. <3

 >     "So, we all know what to do?" says Glass.
 >     Bethany nods. "I have to kill him if he starts to act weird. Well.
 > Weirder than usual."

Bethany. <3

 >     One of the agents takes Derek's bared arm in one hand and readies a
 > needle in the other. "What I'm injecting into your bloodstream is a
 > compound with traces of a unique metal alloy that can be tracked by
 > our GPS satellites. So if you do go rogue, and Knockout Mouse fails,
 > we can find you."
 >     "Why do you even need me, then?" says Bethany.
 >     "Side effects may include dizziness, seizures, sudden and
 > unpredictable bloody diarrhea for the next forty-eight hours."

Oh god. XD

 >     "That's not why I asked for you," says Derek. "Like I said, this
 > thing is going to work." He taps the side of his head. "The problem is
 > what happens after that. After it works, I'm going to have a lot worse
 > than FEVER to worry about. I don't know if I'm going to survive or
 > not. I have a chance. But I just don't know. And, well. I like you,
 > silly."
 >     "I like you, too," says Bethany. "Goofball."

Awwwwwwww!

 >     "Derek," he says. He takes off his mask. "My name is Derek Mason."
 >     Bethany hesitates, then takes off her domino mask. "My name is
 > Bethany Clayton."

AWWWWWWWW!

 >     "Oh, Bethany, that's amazing," says Derek.
 >     "What?"
 >     "You fixed them? You were fifteen and you found alien tech and you
 > fixed it? You're a genius!"

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW*pop*

 >     She fills his mouth with one of her nipples.
 >     "Oh, oh dear," says Derek, pulling back.
 >     "You, you didn't 'go' already?"
 >     "No," says Derek. He runs to the bathroom.
 >     "Side effects," remembers Bethany. She can still hear it over the
 > exhaust fan. "Oh, Lord. That is unholy."
 >     He spends most of the night in the bathroom.

...I'm so sorry, you guys. <3 <3 <3

 >     "I actually don't know what's going on with FEVER," says Martin.
 >     "Haven't you been online?"
 >     "Boxer usually handles that. He had to go out last night. Something
 > FEVER-related."

Martiiiiiiiin

 > GK?"
 >     "Yeah?"
 >     "I know you said you had someone making inquiries, going places you
 > couldn't go," says Dmowski. "Did they... start all this?"
 >     Martin is silent.
 >     "I guess I have my answer."
 >     "Gotta go," says Martin. "Someone's knocking on my door."

Eesh.

 > Fix hears the knob start to turn, and then stop. Immediately he fires
 > a round into the door. If you know what you're doing, you only need to
 > fire once. Fix knows.
 >
 > Martin falls to the floor two seconds after the bullet hits his shoulder.

SHIT. o.o

 >     It burns worse than anything he's ever felt in his life. His vision
 > is getting cloudy, and everything looks kind of yellow.
 >     He hears the gun fire, and he disappears.
 >     Fix stares at the floor. Not the strangest thing he's seen.

...huh. O.o

 >     "Pretty bad," says Derek. "People are really scared."
 >     His screen goes completely black. White text appears: OF COURSE THEY ARE
 >     "Oh, what the shit is this?"

Lots of good reactions in this one.

 >     "Not a guess," says Derek. "You said you were the common enemy of
 > mankind. It was a quote. From Gibbon. Describing one of the roman
 > emperors. Caracalla. Kara Caller, Caracalla."
 >     "Caracalla will do," says she.
 >     "It was kind of obvious," says Derek. "Your overdue library book.
 > Also, the pun."

Heeheehee.

 >     "Of course I did." Caracalla waves a dismissive hand. "If we
 > started up a website and told the world that we were everywhere-- that
 > we were their friends and family, that we were them, and they didn't
 > even, couldn't even, know it-- they could ignore us. We tell them
 > there are twenty-one thousand, and they can say, no, they're lying.
 > But if it leaked. If the government was working so desperately to hide
 > it from them. Well, then whatever it says in there must be true.
 > Whether we have twenty thousand or we have twenty, five hundred or
 > five, right now the entire world is shitting themselves.

Excellent point.

 >     "Everyone's scared of us," agrees Caracalla. "Everyone. Seven
 > billion people, all terrified at the same time, of the same thing. And
 > fear is what calls them. What draws them near. What breaks the walls
 > between our universe, and theirs.
 >     "Can you hear them, slithering their way in? They who rent the
 > flesh and devour the soul. The defilers of hope and destroyers of
 > dreams. The Dyzen'thari!"

...

Ohhhhhh

OHHHHHH

OH DAMN

OH SNAP YEAH

(I wonder what you were planning before?)

YEAH

 >     "Oh, you won't," says Caracalla. "Certainly, they're welcome to
 > try, doomed as they are to fail. But you, Derek. You won't be trying
 > anything. I don't usually go for men, but I'll make an exception this
 > time. Maybe I'll rape your pretty little girlfriend before you
 > strangle her. I think she'd like that. In any case, this worthless
 > bitch has outlived her usefulness."
 >     "No, don't!" says Derek. "She's just a..."
 >     She holds a gun to her head and pulls the trigger. Her head erupts in 
blood.

Oh c'mon lady, that's so cliche >:/

 >     The blood pounds in his head. He screams. His entire body itches
 > and burns. It burns so hot, burns worse than the time he was actually
 > burned in the fire. Every muscle throbs and quakes, and then his body
 > turns a queer and bright yellow, and then
 >     And then
 >     He's gone.
 >     Bethany picks up the phone. "Glass?"
 >     "I'm here. What...?"
 >     "I think it worked."

Awesome. <3

 >     Derek nods. "I can't travel to another dimension. Can't teleport.
 > It's not practical to try to send me into Deep Space. So I can't
 > disrupt the signal by changing where I am. But I can change when."

Oh *nice*.

 >     "You want me to build a time machine the size of my thumb," says Dr. Fay.
 >     "A little bit, yeah." He points to one of his drawings. "Kinda like
 > this. But smaller. And, you know, it has to actually work."
 >     "I just, I," the usually unflappable Dr. Fay stammers. "I don't
 > know if you realize, if you really realize, what you're saying here."

Heeheehee <3 <3 <3 This is amazing.

 >     "Depending on how you count them. I know what it is I'm asking you
 > to do. But if my options are dying when they turn it on, one-hundred
 > percent certain, becoming a terrorist when they turn it on and then
 > dying, one-hundred percent certain, or going to the past where I have
 > a ninety-nine percent chance of dying and never returning? Well,
 > one-percent chance of survival: I like those odds best. So can you do
 > it? Please?"

<3

 >     "Derek Mason is the Blue Boxer, Martin Rock is the Green Knight,"
 > says Dr. Fay. "Yes, yes, I know. I'm pretty much the smartest person
 > on the planet, so yes, after taxing my mental powers to their limit, I
 > finally deciphered the layers of carefully-constructed secrecy
 > surrounding your true identity."
 >     "Is that sarcasm?" says Martin.
 >     "Of course it's sarcasm," says Dr. Fay. "You guys are terrible at this."

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

 >     "Oh, this is great," says Dr. Fay. "You know about FEVER?"
 >     "He has a FEVER implant," realizes Martin.
 >     "He probably didn't want to worry you."
 >     "I'm probably going to have to kick his ass," says Martin.

Yes, good relationship.

 >     "He said you did it two or three times. Which was it? Two or three?"
 >     "Twice, unless you count the time my consciousness was in Lincoln's
 > body, in which case three." [6]

Ahhhhh <3

 >     "When you go back in time, that's what you are. You're a foreign
 > body, because you haven't existed yet. And so time fights you. It hits
 > you with everything it's got. Everything that's alive, in that moment,
 > in that past, is trying to kill you, every second that you're there.
 > Coincidence piles on coincidence. Natural disasters. Always bumping
 > into the wrong people at the wrong time. And it never lets up. Ever.
 > The past is the most dangerous time to be alive. Any past."

Oh, I thought you just got eaten by time wyverns.

 >     "I think what I was told was one in twelve million for time travel,
 > so I guess it's slightly better than the lottery."

Eesh. ^^;

 >     "I figured you'd say that." Dr. Fay opens her metal briefcase and
 > pulls out a small chip.
 >     Martin nods. "You don't even have to ask. I'm in. Tell me how it works."

<3 <3 <3

 >     "It will be embedded under the skin in your head. When Derek's time
 > machine is triggered, yours will be triggered automatically.

Ahhhhhh, nice.

 > Somewhere & somewhen.
 >     Derek wakes up in a field. The first thing he sees is Martin laying
 > beside him.
 >     Martin smiles. "Hey."
 >     "Um, hi," says Derek. "What are you...?"
 >     "Wasn't going to let you do this alone," says Martin. "By the way,
 > I'm going to have to beat the snot out of you for not telling me about
 > the implant."
 >     "Understood."

<3 <3 <3

 >     "Oh, comma, shit."
 >     Martin finally gets up, and looks where Derek is looking. He nods
 > grimly. "Yep. Oh, comma, shit."
 >
 > TO BE CONCLUDED IN JOLT CITY # 23...
 >
 >            "...THEIR LAST ADVENTURE...!"

Tom, this is easily the best issue so far, and may, in fact, be the best thing 
you've ever written. <3

 > [1] The joke's on Bethany, of course, because she's just about the
 > only one who doesn't know Blue Boxer's secret identity. Okay, so
 > that's an exaggeration, but the list includes Martin Rock, Roy Riddle,
 > Dani Handler, Pam Bierce, Fay Tarif, Trinity Tran, Becky Glass, the
 > Department of Homeland Security, and the terrorist group FEVER. To
 > paraphrase the immortal words of Andrew Perron, He Is Really Bad At
 > This.

Heeheehee <3 (Also I just broke any built-in footnoting systems)

 > [7] Kate is Kate Morgan, the second Dr. Metronome, who Bethany met in
 > JOURNEY INTO # 19, which took place in September 2008. Marva is one of
 > Bethany's friends, mentioned in every one of her appearances, but
 > never seen. Marva serves two purposes: first, I am able to emphasis
 > Bethany's shyness/introversion without making her a lonely, friendless
 > sad-sack. Second, it lends the series some verisimilitude by
 > acknowledging the existence of people outside the confines of the
 > actual story/plot.

I quite like that!

 > [12] I was a little hesitant about using an Italian Mafia term-- and
 > one that's probably no longer in wider use by the actual Mafia-- when
 > it's an Irish mobster speaking. But since he's speaking to an Italian,
 > and since the term has gotten such wide recognition in the mainstream,
 > I figured it'd be okay for Jack to invoke the mattresses.

INVOKE THE MATRESSES.

 > [13] To be technical, a bundle of shingles is one-third of a square,
 > and a square is a roofer's measurement equal to one hundred square
 > feet. So, three bundles equals a hundred square feet, and a single
 > bundle actually works out to be thirty-three and a third.

Hmmmm, yes *rubs chin*

 > [15] Wendy's Gourmet Mushroom Swissburger was a limited offer sandwich
 > available in America during the autumn of 2008 through early 2009.
 > And, I'm not going to lie: I LOVED THAT SANDWICH. It was pretty much
 > the best fast food burger I had ever had. At that time, I was eating
 > at Wendy's once or twice a week for lunch-- it was close to work-- and
 > I had it every time until it was discontinued.

Honestly? Me too. I also really liked putting that stuff on the chicken sammiches.

 > The same thing sort of happened in 2010 with the Bacon & Blue. I say
 > "sort of" in that my local Wendy's actually discontinued the burger
 > early, I guess because I was the only person there who liked it.

O.o

o.O

Okay so, did someone put a taste-dampening agent in the water there or. (I 
mean, I try not to eat meat in general and fast food in specific anymore, but 
c'mon, burgers with blue cheese on them? SO GOOD)

 > [1] The Patriot Act, for my non-American readers, was a piece of
 > legislation passed in the wake of the September 2001 terrorist
 > attacks, widely criticized for the far-reaching and arguably
 > unconstitutional powers it gave the Government in dealing with
 > terrorism. Section 215 of the act gave the government the ability to
 > seize library records, and was especially criticized by the ACLU and
 > other civil liberties groups.

Siiiiiiiiigh.

 > [4] People complain a lot about alternate timelines being confusing,
 > but they're really not; anyone who has seen IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE can
 > get a grasp on them. So I decided I should make them *actually*
 > confusing. You're welcome.

*fistshaaaaaaake*

 > Note that an "alternate timeline" is different from an "alternate
 > universe"; each alternate universe has multiple alternate
 > timelines/pasts, with a fixed present distinct from all other
 > alternate universe.

Oh sure.


 > Ronove (the gangster) is obviously different in many particulars. I
 > had considered using Furfur, a goetic demon that "never speaket Truth,
 > except he be compelled or brought up within a Triangle". He certainly
 > better fits the trickster role than Ronove. But Furfur, besides having
 > a silly name, has angel wings and antlers, and for some reason I can't
 > not see antlers as inherently ridiculous.

I dunno - in your aesthetic, I think the ridiculousness would work.

 > The Lesser Key doesn't describe Ronove much, but the famed 1863
 > edition of the Infernal Dictionary illustrated by Le Breton depicts
 > him with a shortened torso, a staff, and horns; for some reason that
 > physical image resonated with my psychological conception of my
 > demon-looking gangster, and he didn't have antlers, so I went with
 > Ronove.

But that's fair.

 > [1] In one of many erratic Hail Mary passes made by McCain, he
 > announced on September 24, 2008 that he would be "suspending" his
 > campaign in order to end partisan bickering in the financial crisis.
 > His efforts did little to end that bickering, and his campaign
 > "resumed" on September 26.

Huh, you'd think I'd remember that. Well, that *was* the period where I was 
putting my nose to the grindstone to make sure I'd graduate. (Happily, it worked.)

 > Regarding the leaking of the government's index of superhero secret
 > identities, this will happen in 2013, thanks to Eightfold's version of
 > Edward Snowden, as revealed in NONFICTION # 2. Whether or not this
 > includes Derek's identity remains to be seen.

Ah yes.

 > [3] Vernors Ginger Ale (yes, it is Vernors, not Vernor's or Vernor) is
 > the oldest commercial ginger ale in the United States. It originated
 > in Detroit after the Civil War, and is available in some thirty-three
 > states, mostly in the Midwest, and in Canada. Michigan itself still
 > accounts for some eighty percent of its sales, but it is also popular
 > in Illinois, Ohio, and Florida. It has a rather unusual, some would
 > say "acquired", taste, and served warm or hot it is a popular remedy
 > in the Midwest for stomach aches and digestive problems.

Ooooh! Actually ginger-y ginger ale is something we've actually been 
taste-testing, among local brands. We'll have to seek that out.

 > [4] The Dyzen'thari appear courtesy of Andrew Perron. They first and
 > last appeared in MIGHTY MEDLEY # 1.

I SO DID NOT EXPECT THAT. Even after you asked permission to use them. <3

 > [5] In JOLT CITY # 11. This wasn't actually the last time Martin (in
 > his civilian identity) and Dr. Fay met, but they're people and are
 > allowed to forget things.

Indeed~

 > [6] I know you're not going to believe this, but this was an actual
 > pre-established part of Martin's character history, as seen in JOLT
 > CITY # 12.

Actually, I did. <3 Love it.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, this was REALLY GOOD.