LNH: Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That Will Probably Never Have an Ending #3

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun Jan 19 03:06:28 PST 2014

*             A more ridiculous era for RACC dawns with             *
                              ENDING #3
                  "Battle For the Very Small Thing"

In the shadows of the cool evening, outside the LNHQ, a shining disc
manifested itself in midair. Quickly, quietly, five figures leapt out
before it closed.

"LNH3k roll call," whispered a woman in a combination of a stage magician's
outfit and a military uniform. "Captain Pulls-Rabbits-Out-of-Hats."

"Irony Mantis," rumbled an insectoid figure with glowing green eyes and
metal skin.

"Punctual Death Lad," said a teenager wearing an expensive tailored suit
and red sunglasses.

"Cheesecake Lass," murmured a young lady in an oddly abbreviated baker's

"And me, Kid Enthusiastic Double-Junior!" shouted a five-year-old wearing a
bright red jumpsuit with a blue septagon on the chest and the letters 'KE'
in it.

"SHHHHH!" shushed the other four.

"Ah! Sorry!"

"Right," said Captain PROoH. She pulled out a device the size and shape of
a bar of soap, which clicked and buzzed as she waved it about. "We've
arrived on the correct date. The search.thingee says that the cracks are
already beginning to open."

"Naturally," said Punctual Death Lad. "Everything happens in its own time."

"But Pee-Dee-El!" Kid EDJ whispered loudly. "These cracks aren't supposed
to be here in this time!"

"The child is correct," intoned Irony Mantis. "According to the records
Toony Stork installed in my systems, the post-Flame Wars Final era was a
slow period for Looniverse-A."

"Yeah, well, how do y'all explain what's happenin'?" muttered Cheesecake
Lass, running her hand through her silky-smooth hair.

"Continuity Queen gave me what she called 'one possible explanation'," said
Captain PROoH, pushing her top hat back slightly to look at the readings.
"Apparently, each storyline that is left unfinished creates a tension -
there are many ways it *could* end, and the universe hasn't decided on
which one actually happened. In this period, the sheer number of undecided
and unrealized futures began leaking through."

"That's all we are in this era," said Punctual Death Lad. "A possible
future, and one of many."

"So what happens if we don't fix the cracks?" whispered Kid EDJ urgently
and adorably.

"If the stories remain unfinished, then the world shakes itself apart,"
pronounced Irony Mantis. "There will be no room for new stories among those
that have not yet ended."

Captain PROoH nodded grimly. "We have to stop the Crack in RACC - or apathy
will befall."


In the shadows of the cool evening, on precisely the opposite side of the
LNHQ, the air rippled and wavered. Slowly, five figures oscillated into

"--gonna work?" said a living statue in brightest white and deepest black,
wearing a laurel wreath. "Oh. Guess it did."

"And thank the God of the Gaps for that," said a deeply tanned woman
wearing a woolen peacoat (much lighter than a trenchcoat) and shaking out
her head.

"Didn't you say it would be easy, Lacuna?" said a figure in bright green
armor, elbowing her gently.

"Yeah, yeah," muttered Lacuna. "But when you said 'missing issues', I
thought it'd be easy - but there's *too* many issues missing! I could
hardly get a lock!"

"The uncreated are restless here," pronounced a girl whose head was
surrounded by a halo of letters and symbols. "That which has not been
posted, that which may be posted, that which will never be posted."

"Thanks for that, Apostrophe," said the statue. "Really, you're helping so

"Lay off the lady, Cameo Gonzaga," said a dark-complexioned young man in
clothes that screamed 1970s. "You know it ain't her malfunction."

"Jive Turkey," said Cameo Gonzaga, "...why? Why do you call yourself that?
Why any of this?"

"Guys, chill," said the armored figure. "We're here, we're pretty queer,
let's try not to let the universe fall apart. Again."

"I apologized, okay?" muttered Cameo Gonzaga.

"Man, Green Knight, what are we even doin' here?" said Jive Turkey. "This
is straight BS. The Legion of Young.Heroes don't need this. Let the LNH
clean up their own skeet piles."

"Dude. We're here *for* us, okay? We're the only ones who know about this."
The Green Knight clenched a fist. "Ever since I was built, they said I was
just a toy - something WILBUR made to copy off *his* old man. Well, none of
us are copies of our parents, or our mentors. You don't have to follow your
family. Lacuna doesn't have to be what her parents said she was. Apostrophe
can write her own words. CG doesn't have to believe what they were taught.
We're not just doing this to save the world - we're doing this to create
our own futures."

"And anyway," said Lacuna, breathing hard, hands on knees, "if we don't fix
the cracks, we're all screwed."


Preliminary timeline map, drafted by the Council of Ordered Realities:

Looniverse-A-69: Non-Judgmental Agnostic's future.
Looniverse-A-3000: The LNH3k's future.
Looniverse-A-012313: The Legion of Young.Heroes' future.

Identified Crosstime Travelers:
CAPTAIN PULLS-RABBITS-OUT-OF-HATS: Experimental clone using the DNA of
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad.
IRONY MANTIS: Robotic defender constructed by Toony Stork.
PUNCTUAL DEATH LAD: Estranged son of Poignant Death Lass.
CHEESECAKE LASS: Daughter of Cheesecake-Eater Lad and aLLiterative Lass.

GREEN KNIGHT: Modular android created by the Legion's Wildly Improbable
LISP Based Urbane Robot.
LACUNA: Apprentice to the August One (the present day's Occultism Kid).
Uses magic based on the public imagination of lost and never-made things.
APOSTROPHE: Daughter of Poignant Death Lass. Manipulation of Net.Element of
Keystroke, ability to communicate with the dead and nonexistent.
CAMEO GONZAGA: ??? no data found


Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, can't resist these

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