LNH: Just Another Multi-Writer Cascade That Will Probably Never Have an Ending #5

Scott Eiler seiler at eilertech.com
Sat Feb 15 20:13:22 PST 2014

What Has Gone Before:

"OK, that's enough of that," said a voice from the distance. A pale, 
dark-haired woman appeared on stage. She wasn't dressed like a net.hero, 
but in this room full of gaudily dressed superbeings she held herself up 
like she owned the place.

"Who are you?" snarled Ultimate Ninja, drawing his sword.

"Simmer down, Pajama Man, I'm here to help. My name's Lydia Devin. 
God's close enough."

"Well, I guess it's been a while since we had a good crisis," said 
Fearless Leader. "What is it this time?"

"Well," said Lydia, "So there's this cosmic dictator wannabe called 
LAN.os, who's gathering an army of space mooks to ravage the universe. 
You know the kind."

Fearless Leader nodded. "Sounds like a typical one-note parody villain 
to me. We can take him easy."

"Yeah, but that's not the problem. The problem is he's going after the 
Kubrik's Kube.  That's spelled with a K. Don't ask me, I didn't make it. 
  It's an artifact that's as old as your universe, maybe older. It's a 
sort of puzzle box thing. If you can solve the puzzle, it gives you 
enlightenment, whatever the hell that is.  Basically, wherever it shows 
up, things go wrong. Even when they go right. I guess "enlightenment"'s 
just not for everyone."



Now: Psychovant the Duck makes his move!


"Hooray!  She's gone!"

"I can still see you, Duck."


"Oh, relax.  Unless you're going to destroy the universe, I just don't 

"Well then!  Have a nice day!"


The ultimate-powered Goth chick from the other universe disappeared. 
The cyborg demon duck from a *third* universe cheered.  "Yahoo!  Open 
season on LNH Cascades!"


The duck was Psychovant, known in his own manner across the universes. 
He stopped on a convenient asteroid, pulled out an impossibly large 
whiteboard from his satchel, pulled out a "Graduate" mortar cap, put it 
on, and started making notes and equations.

"Now, this Kube will be near some parody villain.  And the villain will 
be related to some Writer, whichever one is angstier and more likely to 
write now...  Got it!"

Psychovant pulled out a job application, put on a business suit, 
disappeared - and reappeared on the Looniverse Planet of Amateur 
Contract Law, inside an office.  "'Scuse me, this is important so your 
secretary passed me in.  I'd like the job of Kube Konsultant."

An amateur lawyer looked up.  "Okay, but you must first defeat...  the 
Amateur Lawyer!  What are your qualifications?"

"Well...  I know a Kube when I see one!"  The lawyer's desk had a sort 
of cube full of cubes sitting there.  Psychovant grabbed it.

"Okay...  Can you *solve* a Kube?"

"heh.  I being a highly qualified Kube Konsultant, I'll need you to tell 
me your ground rules first."

"We use *simple* rules here.  We're proud of that on our planet.  If you 
can put all the same color on each side, you win."

"Just that?"

"Just that."

"Well...  Yahoo!"   Psychovant grabbed the Kube with one wing, and with 
the other flourished a paintbrush coated with white paint from his 
satchel.  Swipe Swipe Swipe!  Toss!  Swipe Swipe Swipe!  "... I win!"

"Uh, that's nice.  But I'm afraid we never intended the rules to be 
*that* simple."

Psychovant put on some reading glasses.  "Well, please allow me to 
review the contract...  Oh, right, it's *verbal* so far!  So lemme 
$#@!ing verbalize...  Hey, Kube, whadda *you* think?"

Kubrik's Kube glowed.

Psychovant looked at the lawyer.  "So *why* the %^&! were *you* chosen 
as Kube Kuardians, err, guardians?"

"err, lowest bid."

"Well, all righty then.  Kosmik Kubrik Kube Powers, Activate!"


NEXT:  Has Psychovant become a Kosmik, err, Cosmic Power with the 
ability to destroy the endless cascades?  If so, let the LNH tremble!


Author's Note:  You asked for it.  Well, actually you dared it.  Almost 

Author Credits:

Lydia Devin is a character of Andrew Foltz.

Psychovant the Duck is copyright 2014 Eiler Technical Enterprises, but 
is available for public use in this cascade without limit.

The Planet of Amateur Contract Law and the Amateur Lawyer are Free For 
Use by the terms of the Legion of Net.Heroes.


(signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

When you *are* the leader... whatever goes wrong... whether you did it
or not... *you* are held responsible. - Barack Obama

I know. - Archie Andrews

- from Archie #617, March 2011, scripted by Alex Simmons.

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