LNH: Not Dead!

Scott Eiler seiler at eilertech.com
Sat May 25 11:04:19 PDT 2013

Not Dead!

A Tale of the Legion of Net.Heroes


What Has Gone Before:

Somewhere beyond time and space,
in the Isle of STFU (one of the Gateways to Limbo)
sits a being who has been banned from reality itself. The Time Crapper
appears and offers them what they most desire--vengeance on the LNH...

In the present day, a new member appears and join the LNH but refuses
to reveal what their powers are. The LNH is about to reject her on the
grounds that there are enough mysterious characters running around
already thank you very much, but All Knowing Last Chance Whiner
Destiny Woman appears and warns them that this member is necessary to
stop a deadly enemy who has returned, the enemy they faced in their
very first case!

(by Adrian J. McClure, LNH v2 #50:  The Challenge from Before!)


Don't Stay Dead Man silently stopped his bicycle in front of the LNH HQ. 
  Horrible Name Lad and Poignant Death Lass stepped off the rear wheel 
rider spokes.  She said, "Classicverse."

"Don't say Classicverse.  Say Backwaterverse!"

"You shut up!"

Don't Stay Dead Man turned around, and disappeared.  The hero and 
heroine were resurrected - and on their own.  They had an obvious but 
terrifying place to go:  the LNH Lobby.


Inside, the receptionist looked at them, and pressed a button.  Two 
monitors with keyboards popped out of the desk.  Each monitor said, "LNH 
New Member Application.  Powered by AOL!"

Poignant Death Lass asked, "Uh, we're coming back for duty.  Could we 
skip this step?"

The receptionist looked up from a picture of herself with her husband. 
"Sure.  Names?"

"Poignant Death Lass.  And he's Horrible Name Lad."

"Poinyant...  Not in the system."

"Oh, idiot.  You *do* know how to spell Poignant, don't you?  With the G?"

"Okay.  Goinyant...  Not in the system."

"I give up."  Poignant Death Lass stomped to the nearest computer, 
looked for Member Login, and typed in Poignant Death Lass.  The monitor 
showed, Name not recognized.

"Dammit.  Horrible, what *was* my real name?  I already forgot."

"Uh, I think it was Dies-So-Poinyantly-People-Crap-Their-Pants Lass."

"Why am I asking *you*?"  She turned to the receptionist.  "Let's try 
New Member.  Call me, uh..."

Horrible Name Lad jumped in the void.  "She's Miss Terry!  And I'm Sir 

The receptionist showed a burst of efficiency.  "Okaaay...  You're in 
the system.  An LNH Member will be with you shortly to guide you through 
your Peril Room interview."

Poignant Death Lass sighed.  "Oh, dammit."

The receptionist's phone buzzed.  She said, "What?  There?  Right."  She 
turned to the returning heroes.  "Your interview's been moved to the LNH 
Cafeteria.  You'll love the Taco Salad Cheesecake on special today."

Poignant Death Lass sighed.  "Oh, *double* dammit."


Author's Notes:

This is an old story, but I'm posting it to RACC for the first time.  It 
takes place immediately before Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #50.



Horrible Name Lad (Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-LNH-subgroups 
Lad) and Poignant Death Lass 
Lass) were created by Arthur Spitzer, and are used by permission.  I 
believe them to be Free For Use, and they're actually being used now 
that I've thrown them into someone else's storyline.

Don't Stay Dead Man is original to me.  He is Free For Use in all 
LNH-related venues.

So there.

(signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

When you *are* the leader... whatever goes wrong... whether you did it
or not... *you* are held responsible. - Barack Obama

I know. - Archie Andrews

- from Archie #617, March 2011, scripted by Alex Simmons.

More information about the racc mailing list