LNH: Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #54: "Fix Fic"
pwerdna at gmail.com
Sun Mar 3 23:12:47 PST 2013
| |-| \ #54
| |-|  / 'Fix Fic'
| | |  egion of \ (Kinda Sorta Part of High Concept
| | | __     / Challenge #35)
| | | [___][ \et.__eroes \
| | | \ ] [ __ ] / Written by and copyright
| |-|     \ Andrew Perron, 2013
| | [ The cover is Kid Enthusiastic carefully taping The Might of
| | Cap'n Quaalude #52 back together. At the left and right edges,
| | Masterplan Lad and Footnote Girl can be seen from the chest down;
| | their arms are crossed, and their poses are stern. A tiny speech
| | bubble says, "heh... sorry..." ]
In Legion of Net.Heroes Volume 2 #53, Masterplan Lad convinced Kid
Enthusiastic not to bring the founding members of the LNH into the
present so that he and Footnote Girl could meet them. Instead, by
accident, they've brought the LNH of 1963 into the present day!
"You've RUINED THE LEGION OF NET.HIPPIES FOREVER!" shouted Masterplan
"You probably shouldn't say that when they're standing right there,"
noted Kid Enthusiastic, looking at the hallway full of hippie
net.heroes who were now staring at them.
Petina Witherington-Brown, not-so-secretly the astounding Footnote
Girl, rolled her eyes. "Right, I almost forgot I was on a team full of
goofballs for a minute."
"Hey, man, don't worry about it," said Make Love Not War Lad, placing a
companionable hand on Masterplan Lad's shoulder. "You'll be fine--" His
image shifted, his costume becoming covered with extraneous lines and
gradient filters. "--once I put you under my brainwash-and-rinse Love
Masterplan Lad skidded back across the floor, though whether it was
from the prospect of being brainwashed or from the uncomfortable
intrusion into his personal space, none could say. "Hey!" He flipped
his umbrella into what he obviously considered a cool fighting stance.
"That's simply not how it's done!"
"He's right!" said a woman who didn't seem to notice that her chest was
Make Love Not War Lad stood, stiffly posed. "What do you mean, Burning
"We have to--" She shifted, suddenly becoming on fire all over in a way
less interesting way. "--have a seven-hour debate about it first!"
"Oh, that's just what you *would* think."
"Yeah! And furthermore..."
Kid Enthusiastic and Masterplan Lad looked at each other. Then they
looked up at Petina, who was already sneaking out and gesturing
frantically at them to follow.
Soon thereafter, they ended up in the Underpants Storage Room. Footnote
Girl sat down on a stack of boxers. "So. Why don't you big smart men
explain exactly what the <expletive definitely NOT appropriate for a
character whose roots lie in 19th-century school adventure, and
probably not allowed in a PG-rated story such as this> is going on
Masterplan Lad said, "It's the Bands of Timeslide. The Net.Hippies are
almost entirely *composed* of 1960s cultural tropes, so when you bring
them up to the modern age, you've got nothing left but a shallow
modernization, composed entirely of the most simplistic way you could
update those tropes."
"Oh. Well, why don't we just put everything back where it came from?"
"I suppose you're right. I was a bit hasty in saying it was ruined
Kid Enthusiastic stared at his wrist, the little "1963" in the
indicator above the knob. "...hey, guys?"
"...we should *do* something about this."
"Well, certainly," said Masterplan Lad. "You just spin the knob to
"Nah, nah, no, nah." Kid E shook his head vigorously. "I mean, like, we
need to do something about these people. Something to *help* them."
"Oh, lordy. Look, Kid--"
"Wait," said Footnote Girl, holding up a hand. "We should hear him out
Masterplan Lad raised an eyebrow. "Well... all right." He shifted,
folding his hands and giving Kid Enthusiastic his full attention.
"Awesome! Now, basically, we need to totally interfere and/or meddle
with history, changing the course of the past to fit our personal
"Great, you agree!" Kid Enthusiastic hopped off the cabinet labeled
"Panties [Cotton to Lacy]" and ran out the door. Well, halfway out the
door. His legs worked furiously but there was no motion, as Masterplan
Lad had caught him by the belt-loops with his umbrella.
"I think not." The Lad lifted the Kid and placed him back on his seat.
"That's an innately irresponsible idea. History shouldn't be rewritten -
not one line."
"But what if it wasn't written well in the first place!?" Kid
Enthusiastic vibrated with passionate energy. "Arthur Spitzer disowned
the Net.Hippies a long time ago. They're an easy gag, and both the past
of the LNH and the hippie movement deserve more than that! It's our
responsibility to give them a better story!"
"And who are you to decide that your story is better? Would you be
willing to play Writer?"
"Always! Your reach should exceed your grasp!"
"You would declare yourself the Net.Hero Triumphant!"
"That's what net.heroes *do!*"
"You're usurping a responsibility that doesn't belong to you!"
"It isn't hubris if you really are doing the right thing!"
"GUYS!" Footnote Girl slammed her fist down on the Legendary Lead-Lined
Briefs of Kid Gamma. "Can I *maybe* say something?"
Kid Enthusiastic and Masterplan Lad, faces about half an inch apart,
turned to look at the third member of their group. "Oh, sure!"
"Thank you. Now, James," she said, using Kid E's Western given name,
"you wanted to give these people deeper characterization, right?"
"Okay. How were you going to do that?"
"I haven't figured that part out yet, of course!"
"Of course." Masterplan Lad rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"All right. Well... if it's a question of responsiblity..." Petina
chose her words carefully, walking through the problem. "...aren't the
ones who should be taking responsibility for these people... the...
"...OF COURSE!" Kid Enthusiastic leapt up and punched the air. "Petina,
"Care to fill in those of us who aren't constantly two steps ahead?"
Masterplan Lad quirked an eyebrow.
"Oh, don't worry, you'll catch up someday. But it's simple!" Kid E ran
out the door and down the hall, ignoring the "Hey!" and "Who--" from
various blandly updated Net.Hippies. Masterplan Lad and Footnote Girl
followed behind, making excuses and begging pardons. Some tried to
follow them, but swiftly got caught up in decompression and self-doubt.
Soon he found a conveniently blank wall at the end of a corridor.
"Thanks, LNHQ!" he called out. He pulled out a jar of paint, and
brushed long, opalescent streaks on the wall in the form of a great
arch. He painted in a nicely-shaded doorknob and the words "Rabbit
Hole" around the edge.
MPLad slid around the corner, FGirl close behind. "What exactly is..."
Kid Enthusiastic looked over his shoulder and grinned. "Watch!" He spun
the dial on the Bands of Timeslide back to 'Present'. "One place, two
Masterplan Lad's eyes went wide. "Wait--"
Kid E struck the bands against the wall with a CLANGG! A violent burst
of light broke across the room, and when it cleared, there was a door,
thick and solid. "Two time periods, one place!"
"Is that a time door. DID YOU MAKE A TIME DOOR."
"Yep! I transferred the entire plot device energy of the Bands of
Timeslide into this Rabbit Hole!" The bands fell off his arms, drifting
lazily to the floor.
"So..." Petina poked cautiously at the frame. "If you step through
this, you end up in the '60s?"
"Yep! And more importantly, if you step through this in the '60s, you
end up here!"
"So, basically, an easy way for the characters to step out of the
backstory and show up in a modern-day story. Hmmmm." Masterplan Lad
shook his head. "I see what you did there, but I can't say I approve.
Of course, since it's been here for fifty years now, I can't *un*do it
without causing much greater damage to the timeline."
"Gee, really?" Kid Enthusiastic smiled, and it seemed to Footnote Girl
that it was just a bit impish.
"But wait," she said, a sudden realization poking out in her mind. "If
it's been here for the entire fifty years, what happens if you walked
through it in the '70s, or the '90s?"
"Let's not worry about that!" said Kid E. "Instead, let's go back to
whatever you were doing before we decided to do this!"
"...THE SOUFFLE!" Masterplan Lad ran towards the LNHQ's kitchen, Kid
Enthusiastic skipping along behind. Footnote Girl rolled her eyes and
None of the three saw the door open, and a figure peek their head
through. The first step was taken...
...or it would have been, if the figure wasn't Procrastination Boy, who
looked around and decided to investigate right after he was done with
the latest Danny Dunn paperback.
Author's Note: This one was written basically for the purpose of
representations of two extremes of time travel ethics. Comparisons to
certain long-running British TV shows are not at all out of place, and
I note that the only LNHer who fits the companion role nearly as well
as Footnote Girl is Cynical Lass.
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, open door policy.
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