LNH: Those Darn Vectors! #7 -- A Flame War Final Tie-in!

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Tue Jun 18 18:02:12 PDT 2013

A green haired woman (by the name of Vector Lime) took a sip from a 
straw within her lime soda and looked at the headline on Today's Mid.Net 
Star.  She made a sour face and slammed the paper down on the table. 
"Not Again!"  The headline read: 'Is This Really The Final Flame War?!!'

A silver haired woman (by the name of Vector Dime) took a look at the 
headline.  "Considering we didn't actually exist for the first six Flame 
Wars can we really be jaded about this one?"

"I'm not talking about that!" said Vector Dime with a bitter expression 
on her face.  "They put lemon juice in my lime soda again!  After I 
specifically told them not too!!  Lemons, Uggh!!!"

"I did that," said a stranger with ski mask on his face whom had walked 
over to their table outside the coffee cafe place.

"You put lemon in my lime soda!!" said Vector Lime with a pissed off 
expression on her face.

"No.  Not that.  This," he said pointing his finger at the headline.

"You wrote the headline?" said a woman with blue hair (Vector Slime).

"No!  I am the headline!  I'm the man responsible for this!  Flame War 
Final!  Don't you chicks know who I am?!"  The man in the ski mask 
pointed to the white shirt he was wearing that had the words, 
'Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man!!!!' on it.  He was 
also wearing some black MC Hammer style Parachute Pants.  "I'm 
'Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man!!!  Yeah!!!"

A black haired woman with mime paint over her face (Vector Mime) made a 
puzzled expression with her hands and face.

"Ah, well that's not surprising," said 
Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man with a nod.  "The true 
great ones are never really known, are they?  It's usually the glory 
hogs like Acton Lord, Dr. Killfile, Mynabird that get all the press.  A 
great villain such as myself has too many incredible wins and victories 
to get any press from the anti-bad guy biased media.  But trust me, 
somewhere right now the Ultimate Ninja is sweating nervously knowing 
that his day is coming.  The day in which he and I face off finally. 
And he knows he can't handle me.  Nope.  He can't handle my wicked boss 
kung-fu and karate moves.  No way!" 
Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man made some karate-ish 
gestures with his hands.  "He's going down -- Big Time!  They're all 
going down!  Yeah!"

"Why are telling us all this?" said Vector Dime with disbelief in her eyes.

"Well, here's the thing," said Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever 
Master Man.  "Not only am I the master mind behind this current Flame 
War, but I was the master mind for one through six!  Yeah!  Of course no 
one knows that, but me.  I had my flunkies fighting for me in the first 
six!  The LNH thought it won the first six Flame Wars -- cuz that's what 
I wanted them to think!  I was toying with them.  But toying time is 
over!  It's no holds barred time!!  Playing for keeps time!!  This time 
the LNH goes down!  Down, Down, Down!!!  Yeah!!

"So, basically it's pretty obvious that when this crossover is finally 
finished -- I'll be Emperor of the World or something like that!!  Done 
Deal!  But I'm kind of unattached at the moment -- so I decided that 
before I finished the LNH once and for all I'd take a little time to 
scout some booty.  Make some lucky gal out there my Empress of the 
world.  And that's where you ladies come in.  I'm holding tryouts and 
inviting prospective mates like you to see if they have what it takes. 
Here's my card," he said handing a card to each woman.  "This is my 
phone number and my address to my sweet pad that I share with my pal and 
main man, Charlie Sheen!  You'll need to have some vital skills like 
looking good in a bikini, looking good in sexy lingerie, and most 
importantly being photogenic for these artsy photos and movies I like to 

Vector Mime's eyes lighted up at the prospect of making artsy movies.

"So please, and I really mean please, get in touch with me and I'll set 
up an appointment for each of you.  Ask for 
Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man -- The Man Responsible 
for Flame Wars Final!!"

"You -- You're Responsible for all of this?" said a woman's voice.

"Yeah, Babe," said Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man 
turning his head with a swagger.  It was some chick in superhero outfit. 
  "You want to ride the Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master 
Man Train too?"

"Never!" said the costumed woman punching 
Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man in the jaw.  "Your 
Evil Ends Here!  So Says, Believes-Everything-She-Hears Lass!"

The four women at the table watched as Believes-Everything-She-Hears 
Lass continued to pummel the hell out of 
Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man. 
Greatest-Most-Awesome-LNH-Villain-Ever Master Man screamed, "Please! 
Not the Face!  Not the Face!!!"

"Hmm," said Vector Dime, "Should we do something about this?"

"I am," said Vector Slime taking some pictures with her 
takingpictures.thingee.  "I'm posting these to my twitblr page!"

"And I'm going to get another lime soda," said Vector Lime with a 
determined expression on her face.  "This time -- With No Lemon!!"

    -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-

Elsewhere --

A shadowy mysterious female squeezed a lemon into a lime soda.  And she 
cackled wickedly as she squeezed.

A waitress next to her shook her head.  "Why do you do that?"

    -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-

            'Who put a Flame War Final Crossover Tie-in
                        In My Lime Soda?!!!'

                        By Arthur Spitzer

    -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=- -=V=-


Flame War Final -- Andrew Perron
Mid.Net Star -- The Stirge
Ultimate Ninja -- wReam

The rest of the characters are mine and Free For Use!

Writer's Notes:

I suppose this fits somewhere within Flame War Final.

Arthur "Misses the way 7-Up used to taste..." Spitzer

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