LNH: Flame Wars Final: Second Phase #4

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu Jun 6 22:51:36 PDT 2013

Literary Impossible and Prehistoric Productions present...

-  --------------------------------- --------------------------------  -
            |   ^ ^ ^ ^  FLAME  ^ ^ ^ ^ ^  WARS  ^ ^ ^ ^   |
            |  ^ ^ ^ ^ ^       ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^      ^ ^ ^ ^ ^  |
            |   FFFFFFF IIIIIII NN   NN   AAAA   LL        |
 SECOND     |   FF        III   NNN  NN  AA  AA  LL        | NUMBER
      PHASE |   FFFFFF    III   NNNN NN AAAAAAAA LL        |       FOUR 
            |   FF        III   NN NNNN AA    AA LLLLLLL   |
            |   FF      IIIIIII NN  NNN AA    AA LLLLLLL   |
-  --------------------------------- --------------------------------  -

The Starship Jefferson twisted and turned as the empty space around the 
Laziness's blanket fort filled with shimmering shadows. The phantom 
forms warped and curled into humanoid figures in shifting colors, like 
the Servants of Sloth but brighter, more dynamic...

"Are those... people?" said Captain Continuity, squinting at the visual 

Blackbody shook her head, instructing the ship to do a barrel roll. 
"No. Thought-images."

"What formless flights of fantasy would such an abandoned godling 
have?" pondered Chaos Theory lyrically.

"The kind that's tiny and fast-moving and hard to lock weapons on!" 
groused Cannon Fodder.

"Right," said Ultimate Ninja, standing up from his seat. "So we'll take 
them on one-on-one."

"Indeed," said the Ultimate Yogi, "but we will require someone to stay 
aboard, guiding the ship past the attacks of the thought-images and 
through the space we create."

"Looks like a job for me," said Chaos Theory, donning a fancy captain's 
hat. "Dodging and darting, ducking and weaving. Unpredictability, thy 
name is moi."

Ultimate Ninja nodded. The heroes headed to the airlock of the flight.
thingee, donning air masks, forcefield belts, and maneuvering jetpacks 
in a stunning "suit up" montage. The airlock cycled, and they leapt out 
into the void.

A dozen thought-forms broke off from the attack and flew towards them. 
As they drew closer, it became clear that they were faceless, idealized 
figures, bodies made of shifting, overlapping pieces, like light 
through stained glass.

Cannon Fodder was first into the fray, letting loose bursts of energy 
at the thought-forms. Sadly, it did not make an impressive "CHOOM!", 
due to the silence of the void. The impression on the thought-forms was 
more pronounced - at first. The first few shots scattered them like 
leaves in strong wind, but the next few just bounced off - literally, 
rebounding upon the surprised Cannon Fodder and blowing him to pieces.

The radios crackled. "Don't attack them directly!" shouted Ultimate 
Ninja. "They're adapting!"

The Ultimate Yogi jetted past two of the thought-forms, which were 
busily studying their own hands. "Or perhaps," he murmured, "they're 

Doctor Stomper nodded, hovering at the edge of the battle. "The 
Laziness itself is learning. I doubt it's ever had to fight a battle 
like this before."

"Why have a *fight* when you can have a *flight*?" Minority Miss jetted 
alongside two thought-forms, but when they reached out, she used her 
inertia-controlling power to turn on a dime, zipping away at a forty-
five-degree angle - all the while chuckling at her pun.

Substitute Lad had decided to emulate the powers of Kid Chivalry and 
teleport past the battlefield. The first short hop took him to the mass 
of thought-forms, the second took him to its middle, and the third took 
him out the other side. "Easy enough," he mused. "So what's the ca-- 

One of the thought-forms had teleported in front of him, using the 
exact same cool special effect. Luckily, it was facing the wrong way, 
so SL managed to pop past.

"Focus on moving past," sang Blackbody. "Getting the ship to the 

"--is the important part. Indeed." Ultimate Ninja used ninja three-
dimensional zero-gravity dodging techniques. By this point, more and 
more thought-forms had swarmed in, a flock, a shoal, a multitude of 
opalescent figures swooping and grabbing at the heroes. But the heroes 
themselves were moving around the great curve of the cosmic blanket 
fort, and more and more of the Laziness's attention focused on them.

Writer's Block Woman made faces under her breathing-mask at the 
thought-forms. She wasn't sure they could see it, but she supposed it 
was the thought that counted.

She glanced at the ship - and gasped! The engines were down, the lights 
were off, the thrusters were quiet - the Starship Jefferson was adrift 
in space!


Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, okay, this one was pretty short.

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