LNH20: Bite-Size Tales of the LNH v20 #9: "Fiction Paradox"

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Sat Jan 12 21:21:45 PST 2013

Bite-Size Tales of the LNH v20 #9:
"Fiction Paradox"
By Andrew Perron


"...but it makes sense that his son was just as much of a genius archer,"
said Kid Enthusiastic, AKA James Takato Preponderation, pulling on rubber
gloves and speaking through a cloth mask. "Peak human archery skills were
obviously encoded on his biotropes."

"His what?" said Nerf Girl, AKA Sigrid Franklins, taking the Nerf scalpel
and making a precise incision. "Forceps."

"His biotropes," said James, handing over a pair of Nerf forceps. "The DNA
of his personal story, encoded on his cells! It's part of the metafictional
theory of reality - that the laws of nature themselves are governed by
narrative forces."

"I heard January Frost talking about that once. But isn't that just how
humans see it? I mean, everybody knows how stories work, so they expect
life to work the same way... right? Clamp."

"Well, maybe, but that doesn't mean that it's not a useful way to *look* at
the world! Biotropes, for instance, are an up-and-coming part of the more
fringey side of science, such as yours truly works in. Being able to
manipulate them would mean being able to rewrite your own story!"

"Sounds dangerous." Sigrid's brow knotted, fingers working carefully,
precisely. "I don't know that most people are good enough authors to do
that responsibly..."

"I s'pose. Still, the first step towards being good enough is knowing
yourself, and if you could read *about* yourself, see yourself from an
outside perspective - well, it'd be neat!"

"This is going to end with you meddling in God's domain and producing an
abomination of science, isn't it."

"Probably!" James grinned.

"Hey guys," said Tori Jinkozuno, AKA Tori the Space Shuttle-shaped robot,
sticking her beak through the door. "You done in here?"

Nerf Girl sighed. She stripped off her gloves. "There's nothing more I can
do here. I just hope it'll be enough."

"Oh, sure," said Kid Enthusiastic, picking up the results of her work. "I
mean, seitan on rye is enough for me, and there's gotta be at least a dozen
more sandwiches here--"

She yoinked it back. "Those are for the picnic!" She loaded the sandwiches,
the fruit, and the juice boxes into the basket on Tori's wing. "Anyway, I
don't know. If the world is a story, then... who's writing it?"

"If the who's a what?" said Tori. "I think this is too philosophical for

"Eh, I wouldn't worry about it," said Kid E, leaning around behind Nerf
Girl's back to pluck a cherry from the basket. "After all, no matter what -
stories can be rewritten."

"Hmmm... maybe that's what I'm worried about..."


Author's Note: Just had this idea after reading a blog post on the Eighth
Doctor Adventures. Hope someone's inspired by it!

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, twentieth man bound.

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