LNHY: The Way-Cool Adventures of Dr. Cool J Dog! #2 -- ' The Bones of Dr. Cool J Dog'
pwerdna at gmail.com
Fri Feb 8 23:26:46 PST 2013
On Wed, 6 Feb 2013 23:46:53 +0000 (UTC), Arthur Spitzer wrote:
> Previously: Dr. Cool J Dog made it his mission in life to show people
> how much cooler they could be if they read and wrote LNHY stories saving
> many souls from incredibly lame lives. Sadly during a plane ride to the
> 2007 Raccies -- he was attacked and killed by -- Killer Ninja Gorillas!
If only I'd been there! ;.; *cool angst!*
> The Dr. Cool J Dog Memorial Cemetery --
> Midnight --
Wow. So having your own cemetery is cool?
> "Yeah," said Billy pointing his flashlight at the tombstone. A
> tombstone made out of a gigantic diamond.
Well that's fair.
> "Chickening out?" said Billy with a laugh. "We got to do this. We got
> to dig Dr. Cool J Dog's bones out of there. We got to! Then grind them
> up. Grind them into a fine white powder. Grind them! And then..." An
> insane grin lit up Billy's face. "And then snort it! Snort it! Snort
> it all!!! Yeah!!! It's going to be the Sweetest High! The Ultimate
> High!! I got it off the internet! And when we do it," said Billy
> looking straight into Sally's eyes, "We're going to be as cool as Dr.
> Cool J Dog ever was. We're going to be the coolest kids in the --
You know, that makes an odd sort of thematic sense.
> After an hour or so they had reached the coffin. The solid platinum
> coffin. Billy wiped some sweat off of his brow and then wiped off some
> dirt off the casket's top with his hand.
Was it golden dirt with calchedony pebbles?
> And there he was. Dr. Cool J Dog lying peacefully in his coffin wearing
> his trenchcoat, gold chains, cool sunglasses, and his tenor sax.
> Strange, thought Billy, Shouldn't he be a skeleton by now? He wasn't
> even a rotting corpse. He was perfectly preserved.
HE'S A COOL MUMMY!
> Perfectly preserved. Too perfect. Billy slowly guided his hand towards
> Dr. Cool J Dog's muzzle. His fingers got closer and closer and then...
> ....Dr. Cool J Dog's eyes opened right up!
HE'S A COOL ZOMBIE!!!
> "Hey there, kids!" said Dr. Cool J Dog as he rose from his coffin.
> "Robbing people's graves -- that's not cool! Especially robbing famous
> celebrity graves! Not cool!" Dr. Cool J Dog dusted some of the dirt
> off of his clothes.
HE'S A COOL DEMILICH!!!!!
> "Remember kids, you don't need to snort the bones of some famous dead
> celebrity like myself to be cool. There are other ways. Plenty of
> ways. Like for instant this," said Dr. Cool J Dog taking a web link out
> of his trenchcoat. "Like reading this here new webcomic called *ahem*
> 'Ripping Off King Arthur' by Arthur 'Still Too Damn Cool For A Nickname'
> Spitzer. You'll be the coolest kids in school when you read this
> webcomic. And even though the art for this webcomic isn't that great --
> and the jokes aren't that funny and -- well just trust me -- people who
> read 'Ripping Off Whatever it's called' are the coolest people. Yeah.
> Totally. Word."
Ah. Naturally. XD
> "Wow," said Sally, "God brought you back to life -- to shill some stupid
> I had no plans to ever bring Dr. Cool J Dog back to life, but then this
> idea popped into my head -- and I knew I had no choice but to do it. So
> there it is. :)
Excellent. Now I can finally finish the 47-part Dr. Cool J Dog Saga.
> Febrary 7, 2013 -- Tomorrow!
YESTERDAY! *dun dun*
> Arthur "Still Shameless..." Spitzer
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, still fameless.
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