LNH/REPOST: Jong #Pi -- Rejection Part Two

[Andrew Perron]

On Fri, 13 Dec 2013 18:54:19 +0000 (UTC), Arthur Spitzer wrote:

> Why Jong Pi?  Originally, the whole Plum Master story was only supposed 
> to be one issue long, but it seemed to be taking forever to write so I 
> split it into two parts.  This created a problem since I had already 
> promised that Jong #4 would be Slobbering! battling Self-Righteous 
> Preacher -- so ultimately I had no choice but to call this issue Jong Pi 
> (well I could have called it 3.5 I suppose, but not quite as funny.)

Hey, it's certainly LNHy.

> "Well, you know Opinionated Lad!  He just jumps all over the most minor 
> things.  I take it he was the one that drew mustaches all over 
> everyone's faces and tattoos on their foreheads?"
> 
> "Yeah!  He got a little bored while reading it," Procrastination Boy 
> said as he sharpened a pencil.

Ahhhhhh, classic humor <3

> "Hey!  But I once almost saved a universe from total destruction by a 
> god like alien!"
> 
> The short man rolled his eyes a little. "Were there witnesses to this 
> 'supposed' saving??"
> 
> "Uh, well, I didn't say I saved it -- but I almost..!"

D'oh! (Which makes me wonder who *did*.)

> A man in a gaudy costume, halfway between that of a court jester and 
> something Madonna might think of wearing, giggled perpetually with an 
> occasionally fiendish bellow of laughter, nevertheless extremely 
> redundant (I bet you thought I had forgotten this guy.  Never 
> underestimate the author of a story).

I have learned *never* to think that you will forget *any* character. I
mean, you created Continuity Porn Star, and that says a lot.

> "She's the one with the big phone bill you moron!! That is how a 900 
> number works!! That is how we MAKE MONEY!!!!"
> 
> "Really?  Gee -- now that I know that, this whole business makes a lot 
> more sense!  Funny thing -- you know I...." before Slobbering! could 
> finish his sentence though, he was in mid air falling rapidly towards 
> the street.
> 
> "And stay out!!!" an angry phone psychic president said shaking his fist.

Yeah, that's how it always goes, big corporation doesn't want to give
training and then they blame the little guy >:/

> "Hmm!  Could have sworn I heard psychopathic giggling and someone 
> chanting, 'You are the first to go Grue!'  Must have been the wind", 
> Slobbering! said noticing the place was deserted except for some 
> technical devices.  "A lot of bright lights and switches.  Wonder what 
> would happen if I were to push this big red button?"  Unable to restrain 
> his curiosity Slobbering! pushed the big red button.
> 
> Five minutes later Slobbering! was hanging with his feet attached to a 
> rope and a guinea sack over his head right under a vat filled with some 
> bubbling liquid.

*sad trombone*

> "I don't CARE about your stupid toenails!  *Sigh* I was a normal person 
> once.  I could have been something in life.  But because they rejected 
> me I'm who I am now!  You see along time ago I auditioned for a part on 
> the Batman TV series!  I was a big fan and was just starting out my 
> acting career, and you know what?  They rejected me!!!  Me of all 
> people!!  They said I wasn't an old has-been actor!  Some excuse!!

IT ALL MAKES SENSE!

> "I couldn't take the rejecting, and since there weren't talk shows like 
> Oprah back then, I took my pain to a grocery store!  In that store, I 
> saw the most cruel act imaginable!  A man was laughing at a piece of 
> fruit!!  I thought about closing my eyes and just ignoring it, but I 
> couldn't let this horrible crime happen!  So, I picked up a plum and 
> attacked the man.  And you know what I did next?  Yes!  I was the one 
> who laughed!!!  And I told myself that no one would ever laugh at a 
> fruit again!!"
> 
> Slobbering! had an eerie feeling that Plum Master wasn't totally sane.

Heeheehee.

> "In few minutes or so, heheheh, when I pull this valve, heheh, it will 
> cause 100 gallons of concentrated crystal clear prune juice to be jetted 
> into Espanola's water supply!  Heheheheh!!"
> 
> "Oh, my god!!"

Okay that's a pretty good use of a pop culture reference. XD;

> "The one that says 'Push this lever for escape'?  Yeah, what about it??"
> 
> Oh.  I see I probably worded it wrong.  My mistake.  OKAY.  You can read 
> it again now.
> 
> "Hmm.  Now it says 'Push this *^$%^#% lever so you can escape, you 
> *&%$#@* moron!!!'  OH!  Now I see!  Thanks!"

Heeheehee

> The art of projecting spit as a lethal weapon is a lost art in our 
> civilization, taken by only a few certain individuals who took it 
> instead of wood shop in high-school.

Well, they only offer it every other year.

> "Wh-who...?" the teen said gazing at the blood on his shirt.  It would 
> be his last word.
> 
> "We are the Blatant Censors of America.  We have been assigned to 
> prevent any possible action that might lead to another 'Woody Scandal'!"

Ahhhhhh, the old days. <3

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, reminisence