LNH: Holiday Miracle Pet Week -- a Prologue!!

Arthur Spitzer arspitzer at earthlink.net
Sun Aug 11 10:22:41 PDT 2013

        Holiday Miracle Pet Week -- a Prologue!!

                   By Arthur Spitzer

Net.ropolis --
August 11, 2013 --

A man stepped out onto a stage set up in the center of RAC.Arthur Park 
surrounded by a vast crowd of people.  The man was Net.ropolis's Deputy 
Mayor.  A Deputy Mayor mostly known for holding the Guinness Book of 
World Record's record for being held hostage more than any other person 
-- ever.  A Deputy Mayor by the name of Hoss T Age.

Deputy Mayor Hoss T Age scanned the crowd nervously trying to spot any 
suspicious terrorist looking types.  Not spotting any, a more reassured 
look took over his face and he adjusted his bow tie.  A then he took a 
scroll out of his pocket and unrolled it.  He cleared his throat and 
began to address the crowd before him.

Wiping a little sweat off his brow he said, "Wow!  Sure is a scorcher 
out here, isn't it?  Anyways, I'd like to thank all of you good citizens 
-- no, I mean -- Great Citizens -- for showing up for the Monumentous 
Event on this very, very hot summer day!!  This day -- which will live 
forever in the Annals of History!!  This day in which we will set aside 
a week of the year for those Greatest Living Heroes -- to celebrate 
their Great -- Greatness!!

"Yes.  You know who I'm talking about!  Those Makers of Miracles.  Those 
Paragons of Pet-itude!!  Yes.  I'm speaking of none other than the Many, 
the Mighty, the -- Holiday Miracle Pets!!!!!!!"  The crowd erupted into 
a roaring avalanche of cheers and 'Woo, Hoos!!!'

       ** -- Holiday Miracle Pet Week!! -- **

Elsewhere --
The Net.Mexico Institute for the Criminally Inane --

The Miracle Pet Catcher gazed up at the prison tv screen and watched the 
events unfolding in Net.ropolis.  "No," he said.  "No.  No.  No.  No! 
No!!  No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, 
NO!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he shouted at the top of his 
lungs and tried to hurl himself at the tv set and drag it down from the 
ceiling.  A number of guards grabbed him as he continued to claw at the 
screen and hauled him away.

Plum Master watched as the guards dragged the Miracle Pet Catcher 
kicking, screaming, and frothing at the mouth from the TV Watching Room. 
  And he looked at the plum in his hand and gently stroked it with a 
finger.  "Yes.  Yes.  I agree, Mrs. Plum.  A very, Very disturbed 
individual.  I don't know why they allow sickos like that in here. 
What?  You want me to do what?  Kiss you?  Kiss every single part of 
you.  Well okay, if you insist."

       ** -- Holiday Miracle Pet Week!! -- **

Meanwhile, Back at the Holiday Miracle Pet Week Gathering --

Deputy Mayor Hoss T Age continued to address the crowd.  "Now a lot of 
the top Holiday Miracle Pet Scientists said this couldn't be done.  Not 
Possible!  That Holiday Miracle Pets can only exist in there own 
specific Holiday Season!  That you couldn't say have a Radish in the 
same time and place with a Habanero!  Can't be done!  Well, I say -- 
Hogwash to that and every other scientific thought!!  Today, with the 
Miracle of Holiday Miracle Pet Week you are about to see something that 
no one has ever witnessed before!  Never!!  And on an August day at 
that!  A month in which no Holiday Miracle Pet has showed him or herself 
on -- ever!!"  An aid quickly walked up to the Deputy Mayor and 
whispered something.  The Deputy Mayor gave the aid a 'You've got to be 
kidding me' sort of look and sighed.  "Err.  *Ahem* I mean besides of 
course Chard the Wiggle-Your-Toes Day Miracle Sperm Whale!

"Anyways -- For the First Time Ever on One Stage -- Every Single Living 
Holiday Miracle Pet -- Ever!!!  All on the Same Stage!!!  All of them!!! 
  This is not an Elsewhirl!!!!!"  The crowd started clapping their hands 
while hooting and hollering!!!  The Dave Thomas Deluxe University 
Marching Band began to play the Jefferson Starship song, 'Miracles'!!!! 
  The Deputy Mayor shouted to the stage crew, "Raise the Curtains!! 

And the curtains raised all the way up and revealed a floating chunk of 
rotting meat.  And on that floating chunk of rotting meat was a maggot. 
  A maggot wearing a tiny little Santa hat.  A maggot named -- Parsnip 
the Christmas Miracle Maggot!!  And the rest of the stage was completely 
bare.  Nothing.

The crowd went dead silent.  The marching band stopped playing.  Even 
the crickets refused to chirp.  Everything was quiet.

Deputy Mayor Hoss T Age looked at the stage with horror in his eyes. 
"They're not here?  You said they'd be here!!"  Parsnip pointed out that 
he was here.  "None of them!!!  Even Yam the Thanksgiving Miracle Yak 
couldn't bother to show up?  Really!?  That bastard!!!"

"God!!!  Jesus!!!!" shouted Deputy Mayor Hoss T Age.  "This is a 
Disaster!!  A Complete Disaster!!!!"  He pointed to his aids, "This is 
your fault!!!  Your Fault!!  You're All Fired!!!!!"  And then he looked 
at the crowd.  It was no longer quiet.  The very, very hot, sweaty, and 
angry crowd began shouting various profanities and started to throw 
various rotten vegetables.  "Quick!!  The Dancing Girls!!  Get the 
Dancing Girls out here!!!" he said edging his way quickly off the stage. 
  Parsnip also quickly flew his Rotting Meat.Thingee off the stage to 
avoid being crushed to death by Dancing Girls and Rotten Vegetables.

As Deputy Mayor Hoss T Age quickly made his way to the Deputy 
Mayor-mobile, he focused on the more positive side.  It could have been 
worse.  Much worse!  At least he had managed to avoid being kidnapped by 
terrorists.  At least he wouldn't have to worry about being ransomed for 
huge amounts of money.  At least that hadn't happened!

Of course at about that same time a group of Luxembourgian Liberation 
Fronters popped out of the bushes and dragged him kicking and screaming 
to their van.


Deputy Mayor Hoss T Age, The Miracle Pet Catcher, Plum Master are Free 
For Use characters created by Arthur Spitzer.

Parsnip the Christmas Miracle Maggot and Chard the Wiggle-Your-Toes Day 
Miracle Sperm Whale are created by Arthur Spitzer and can be used Free 
For Use during either their specific Holiday Seasons or during Holiday 
Miracle Pet Week.

Writer's Notes:

And thus Holiday Miracle Pet Week (August 11th to 17th -- and feel free 
to post any story set during this week afterwards if you can't make it 
by this week) begins...

Arthur "And Possibly Ends..." Spitzer

More information about the racc mailing list