LNH: Easily-Discovered Man #54
pwerdna at gmail.com
Mon Sep 24 16:10:03 PDT 2012
On Monday, September 24, 2012 12:36:41 PM UTC-4, EDMLite wrote:
> Doused with microwave radiation, Theodore Wong gained the
> ability to glow and be detected at great distances by anyone
> with a Geiger counter. Forced to retire, Wong has left former
> sidekick Lite to continue his battle against the forces of
> corruption, chaos and common sense, and to carry on the
> legacy of the fabulous EASILY-DISCOVERED MAN.
Let loose the cry of joyous cheer, Easily-Discovered Man now is here!
> Rather than answer these questions, however, "The
> Adventures of Easily-Discovered Man" would like to ask
> a few of its own -- so that we may continue to provide
> our readers with the timely, thought-provoking-yet-
> whimsical entertainment they have come to expect.
> In other words, it's time for...
> THE EASILY-DISCOVERED MAN'S READERS' POLL
> 1). My favorite character in "The Adventures of
> Easily-Discovered Man" is:
> a. Easily-Discovered Man
> b. Easily-Discovered Man Lite
> c. Cynical Lass
> d. Zombie James K. Polk
> 2). My favorite antagonist of EDM and company is:
> a. The Waffle Queen
> b. Mynabird
> c. There are antagonists? I thought everyone just
> walked around making jokes.
Well, the Ultimate Ninja will certainly be your antagonist if you make the kinds of joke EDML tries for...
> d. Whatever it is that keeps the author from posting
> more than once or twice a year.
More like least favorite. >:/
> 3). During the next year, I'd like to see Easily-
> Discovered Man...
> a. In a cross-over with "Axe Cop."
> b. Killed, and brought back as a murderous zombie.
> Because that's good comics!
> c. ...at all, though that seems increasingly
> unlikely, given the current storyline.
> d. As more than just a friend, if you know what I
e. All of the above
> 4). The one thing I feel that's been missing from
> this series is...
> a. Any sense that the plot threads will be resolved.
> b. All the fun we had together during the Clinton
> c. Sex.
> d. The series itself.
g. None of the above
> 5). I'd really like to see Lite end up with...
> a. Cynical Lass
> b. Aurora "Screen Saver" Jones
> c. Penelope Laine
> d. Dessica
q. Frat Boy
> "Well, yeah," I said. "I mean, you have noticed that
> we're having this conversation within one of those weird
> little vignettes that opens every episode, right?"
I thought that was a bit weird. `-`
> "How is it my choice?" I asked. "We are what we are.
> A doorknob can't suddenly decide to be a player piano
> because it doesn't like being a doorknob."
> "A doorknob can't decide anything," Cynical Lass said,
> her fingers slowly moving up my arms. "Since when have you
> ever let the world tell you what to do?"
Man, this scene is great. <3 With both the inspiring and the creepy.
> "And you... you're... you're NOT DEAD!"
> My eyes snapped open. For one horrible moment I saw
> the animated corpse in front of me, hands like cold earth
> closed around my neck, lifeless yellow eyes rolled back in
> its head. I could hear something that sounded like Penelope
> screaming, but the sound was low and muffled, like someone
> speaking slowly under water.
> My fingers brushed against its edge and I grabbed
> the spatula's handle just as the zombie lurched forward.
> It lunged.
> I rolled, then whipped around, driving the spatula
> with both hands into the creature's back leg like I was
> swinging a baseball bat. Something in the leg gave, and
> the zombie went down.
AND good action. Jeez man. >:/
> I may have been screaming something myself.
Such a perfect line!
> "What we need," Penelope said, "is coffee."
> That was the last thing either of us said during the
> long walk and short drive back to the restaurant.
> Why had one of the zombies looked -- in a way that
> would be sure to haunt my nightmares for months -- exactly
> like Substitute Lad?
> "Hec..." Penelope began, then stopped. "Do YOU
> ever feel 'just a little bit tingly' when using your
> "Well," I said, "maybe just a little. But only..."
> "Hector, you idiot," she said. "You think I'm upset
> because we ran into a couple of zombies? I WAS a zombie!
> Most of the girls I graduated with were zombies. It was
> something we bonded over during our senior year."
> "You have an unusually resilient peer group," I said.
> "No," she said. "We talked about how lucky we were
> to have been turned into zombies... and to have run into
> you and Easily-Discovered Man, instead of some idiot with
> a shotgun who thought the only way to deal with zombies
> was to shoot them in the head."
Oh, snap. <3 <3 <3
> "Then you show up here this morning," she said, "so
> full of yourself and how much you know about being a
> super-hero... and then we run into those poor dead guys
> in the barn -- some of whom are people I used to know,
> by the way -- and it's like someone flipped a switch
> inside you, and you've become this zombie-killing machine."
Maaaaaaan. Yes, very good critique.
> "But... but..." I sputtered. "But those are a bunch
> of... living corpses..."
> "Who aren't doing anything but hanging around an empty
> barn, keeping people away from what you pointed out may be
> some highly sophisticated and dangerous equipment,"
> Penelope said.
Hm! A point I wouldn't have thought of!
> I stared at Penelope, wondering how it was that super-
> villains, thugs, ghouls and robots never seemed to get the
> drop on me, but women always did.
It's mostly that your author is quite good at writing intelligent female characters.
> "True," she said. "But it's important -- literally a
> matter of life and death -- that you understand that's what
> you are, Hector, and that being just an ordinary guy is
> all you'll ever need to be. Because one of these days
> you're going to find yourself up against something you can't
> punch, or kick, or joke your way out of. And when that
> happens, the super-hero in you is going to freeze.
> "But the ordinary guy is going to kick some ass,"
> she added. "If you let him."
Interesting. Not sure I understand it, mind.
> I arrived in Net.ropolis with a powerful ache in my
> neck -- the result of fourteen hours on the bus in a series
> of unfortunate positions -- and a firm resolve to make
> something better of myself, to take things just a little
> more seriously and behave, for once, as an adult.
> Both conditions evaporated within twenty-eight
> seconds of my leaving the bus.
Londonbroil seems to be a pretty good chiropractor!
> NEXT ISSUE: Lite discovers that you really can go home
> again -- but when half the city is doing its best to kill
> you, you probably shouldn't. With no friend left to turn
> to, Lite looks to his foes, and the friends of his foes,
> and the foes of his friends for help in a tale our focus
> group suggested we call "Enemies with Benefits."
Dun dun da! <3
Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, jikai!
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