REPOST/LNH/SG: Beige Midnight #9: PLANET MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!! II: "Mite-Lite of the Gods" (3/3)
Arthur Spitzer
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Fri Sep 7 10:00:20 PDT 2012
Part III
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"Okay, here's what I'm thinking," said Master Blaster as he looked at
WikiBoy. "I know I can't use you as a Deus ex Machina because of that
stupid rule that some stupid Writer came up with about not using you as
a Deus ex Machina. But that being said I figure I could turn you into
something that could beat nearly every villain out there leaving a few
villains for yours truly to take down. What do think? Great idea or
Greatest Idea?"
"How about if I just shoot you?" said WikiBoy pointing a gun at Master
Blaster.
"Whoah there! Someone messing with your editing? You love Master
Blaster! You worship Master Blaster! You'd never hurt Master Blaster
ever! You'd love to have Master Blaster's babies and are horribly
depressed that that will never happen! Understand!?"
WikiBoy just laughed still pointing the gun at Master Blaster. "I'm not
WikiBoy, you moron. WikiBoy's been neutralized by others already. I'm
some one that wants you dead -- so much so that I got plastic surgery to
look like WikiBoy and even had this beaver tail surgically attached to
myself to look like him!"
"Man, how freakin' lame can you get?"
"Actually that's Frik N Lem! But you should know that since you stole
your catchphrase from my name!"
"Stole it? That's a laugh! Sounds more like you stole your name from
my catchphrase!"
"My parents named me this!!"
"Then they stole it from my catchphrase."
"How could they do that since they named me way before you came up with
your stupid catchphrase?"
"I dunno. Time travel I guess."
Frik N Lem shook his head. "It doesn't matter. You don't remember me,
do you?"
"Should I?"
"We went to high school together."
"Yeah? Not ringing any bells."
"Well, I remember. Oh, do I remember you. I wake up every night with
nightmares of what you did to me."
"Yeah? What did I do?"
"You remember prom night?"
"Vaguely."
"Do you remember this nerdy kid who was elected Prom King by everyone?"
"Really? I'm pretty sure I was Prom King."
"No, it was a nerdy kid. And it was your idea -- to pick the lamest kid
in school to be Prom King."
"If you say so."
"And you know what happened next?"
"What?"
"Right at the moment this nerdy kid was being crowned King right next to
the hottest girl in school who was being crowned Queen something
happened? You know what? You know what happened next? I'll tell you
what happened. There was a big bucket filled with pig's blood and right
as the hottest girl in school backed away the entire bucket spilled on
this nerdy kid. And then as if that insult was not huge enough -- you
know what happened? They pantsed the kid -- yeah they pantsed him --
right there! And to make matters worse -- they pantsed his underwear too!!"
"Oh Yeah! Hah! I remember that! That was pretty hilarious!!"
"Do you remember who that nerdy kid was? Do you!!?"
"I guess he was you?"
"Yes!! He was me!! That nerdy kid was me!!! And today is the day I
finally get revenge on you -- the ringleader -- for the most humiliating
experience in my entire life!!!"
"Hey, man. What can I say? I was just a stupid kid back then -- not
the paragon of maturity and sensitivity I am now days. Kids do stupid
things for fun when they're kids. And you have to admit -- it was
pretty funny. I remember everyone at the prom having a good laugh."
"I wasn't laughing!!!! I was covered in blood!! With no pants or
underwear!! I had to have years of therapy after that!!"
"I take it the therapy didn't do much good?"
"I wouldn't say that. No, it made me realize that I would never get
past that traumatic experience till I had gotten closure with every
single person who laughed at me at that prom. So I devoted my life to
getting rich and using that money to destroy all you bastards. I have
spent the last 15 years hunting and killing every student and faculty
member that was at that prom. And now you Rob -- or as you call
yourself now days -- Master Blaster -- you are the last one. The very
last one!!"
"Whoahh! Are you saying you've managed to kill every single one that
was at that prom? Wait! I'm remembering something! Say you're that
guy -- that guy that was killing all of my old classmates! That guy!
You're him!!"
**** <<--FLASHBACK-->> ****
1993 --
LNHHQ --
Two heroes in grunge style clothes sat in the LNH Cafeteria sipping
crystal clear Bolo Colas while the hit Shaquille O'Neal song '(I Know I
Got) Skillz' played away on the speakers.
Master Blaster flipped through the Mid.Net Star looking over the racier
pictures and then he spotted something. "Hey, Sarc! Some chick I went
to highschool with -- looks like she's dead. Damn. I remember doing
her a few times. She could do some incredible things with her tongue."
Master Blaster reflected about this. "And now she's dead. That's not
right. And this isn't the first one. There have been other classmates
that have died recently. It's like someone out there is killing old
classmates of mine. Someone has to stop this. Someone has got to
figure this out. Hey, I know! How about me? I'll find out who this
person is using my master detective skills. I'll figure this thing out!"
Sarcastic Lad snorted crystal clear Bolo Cola out of his nose. "Yeah,
that's going to happen."
"No, really. A steak dinner -- I bet you a steak dinner that I solve
this case. I'm going to totally solve this case someday -- and everyone
is going to bow down to my massive detective skills. I'll probably get
a medal or something too."
"I'm sure Deductive Logic Man is shaking in his booties at that
prospect, Rob."
"A steak dinner, Sarc. A steak dinner!"
**** <<--FLASHBACK-->> ****
15 years later...
"Hah, looks like Sarc owes me a steak dinner! Another case solved by
Dum-de-de-dum-dum -- Master "Detective" Blaster! I Got Skillz!" Master
Blaster did a little case solved dance.
"Case solved?" said Frik N Lem in disbelief. "You solved nothing! I
told you I did it! And for the past 15 years I've been killing every
single person who was at our prom! And I've killed everyone except for
you! And you were totally clueless! If I hadn't told you just now you
still wouldn't have clue! Solved?!"
"Mere technicalities," said Master Blaster pointing his BigGun TM at
Frik N Lem. "In my book this is a case solved. A case solved by --
Master "Detective" Blaster. So, you ready to surrender? Or am I going
to have to blast you away?"
"Blast me away? True, you do have a much bigger gun than I do. On the
other hand, I should tell you that I also used my vast money and
resources to give myself two super powers. Watch this!" And with the
blink of an eye, Master Blaster's BigGun TM shrank away into nothingness.
"What the hell?" said a confused Master Blaster. "Where's my gun?"
"It's become the size of an atom. I have the power to shrink any gun to
microscopic size."
"Yeah? That's a stupid power. I don't need my gun to defeat you
anyways. I've got master combat skills. I personally taught the
Ultimate Ninja everything he knows about fighting! You'd better just
give up now if you know what's good for you."
"Maybe. But I still haven't told you what my second power is. Go on --
ask me. Ask me what my second power is."
"Okay. I'll bite. What's your second power?"
"I can also shrink a certain male organ -- to microscopic sizes. Wanna
see?"
"Wait! Wait! Did I mention how really sorry I am about that whole pig
blood prom incident? Because I'm really, really, very, very sorry.
Very Sorry! Really!"
**** <<--BM-->> ****
And the Ultimate Ninja stood over the dead body of Satan. He examined
the black cold shriveled heart in his hand. Satan's heart. He had
killed so many this day. Various galaxy eaters, apocalypse beasts,
Crossover Personifications (at least Four of the Flame Wars), The
Midgard Serpent, Net.hulhu, The Reanimated Corpse of Davy Crockett, Lord
MUD (Again!) [See Ultimate Ninja #11.5 For the First Time -- Footnote
Girl], two popcorn eating RACCelestials, and various other god like
beings -- like they were flies. And now Satan.
He looked at a scar that the Midgard Serpent had given him. He had
tried to suck out all of the venom, but there was still some swimming
inside him. Spreading throughout his body. He could hear the venom
speaking to his mind. It was telling him -- that it was his time
finally. That he had fought the good fight -- but it was time to lie
down. Time to finally rest. It was time for someone else to be -- The
Ultimate Ninja.
No, thought the Ultimate Ninja defiantly. He wasn't going to be brought
down like some wimpy Norse God. He might die today -- but if he did it
would be a very bloody and gruesome death.
And he looked and saw the moron that had caused this whole stupid
battle. There was Mynabird heading his way. The Ultimate Ninja dropped
Satan's heart on the ground and grabbed a Ninja Bush.
One more turkey to carve, thought the Ultimate Ninja.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
"Ah, ninja!" said Mynabird. The computerized image on his face lit a
smug smile. "Finally, we meet! Ah, but I guess I'm a bit too much for
you. You apparently need help to defeat me. I understand!"
The Ultimate Ninja could feel the shadows of Kid Kirby and Captain
Continuity touch the grass. He turned his head slightly and waved them
away. "I can handle this bozo by myself. Go and help someone..."
"Wait!" shouted Captain Continuity. "He's got something! He's..."
The Ultimate Ninja turned his head and watched something drop from
Mynabird's hand. Maybe if the venom weren't messing with his reflexes,
he could have stopped it. But he didn't -- he just watched it hit the
ground. And as it hit the ground it burst into a purplish tornado that
swallowed him and everyone close by inside it.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
>From: Mynabird <edmlitesux at lnfl.org>
>Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.creative,alt.comics.lnh
>Subject: LNH/ELSEWHIRL: What if Myabird had been so Bad Ass during
Beige Midnight that he had killed Ultimate Ninja, Captain Continuity,
and Kid Kirby without even trying?
This is a story about a mite. An ordinary god fearing patriotic mite.
A mite that never wanted to be a hero or save the world. A Bran Mite.
He just wanted a simple life. A house in a good Bran Flake
neighborhood, where he could he raise his kids and pay as low a tax rate
as possible. But fate, alas, would have other plans.
And it all began on the day he lost everything. When he lost the love
of his life. When he lost his world. When he lost everything to a
cowardly evil mad man.
The act of genocide that had murdered everyone he had ever known or
loved didn't kill him. It gave him powers and increased his life span
considerably. And made him easily-detectable. But these powers weren't
enough to drown the sorrow within him. In order to do that he would
have to destroy the monster that had killed Arachne and everyone else
that had ever mattered to him.
He spent the next 13 years of his new life with a human called George
Johnson plotting the destruction of the genocidal maniac known as
Easily-Discovered Man Lite. It was fruitless 13 years as George Johnson
was convinced that EDM Lite was actually Al Gore (this would turn out
not to be the case). During this 13 year period, the more
Easily-Discovered Bran Mite (which is what he would call himself for tax
reasons) discovered the full evil machinations of EDM Lites influence on
the world, the thought of ever defeating such a powerful villain became
distressing. EDM Lite's reach seemed to extend every part of the
government. He needed something more than these powers he was given.
His first break came with the death of his human friend, George Johnson.
George had belonged to some religious organization called the Church
of the Fourth Wall. It was during the funeral that he came into contact
with them. There was apparently some passage within one of the Church's
religious texts that spoke of him.
"...And the might that glows shall rise and
become the Mynabird. And he shall drown the
light..." -- Epilogues 58.5:12
And if this Church wanted to believe that he was this Mynabird, well,
who was he to argue? The Church bought a powered armor suit from some
source and gave it to him to aid in his quest to destroy EDM Lite. The
mite in his new guise as Mynabird recruited a number of EDM Lite enemies
and created a team called the Surreptitious Seven to help him finally
rid the world of this evil. They failed at that as the cowardly
Marxist-Nazi was hiding in some other dimension, but they did rescue a
number of unfairly trapped superbeings in the LNH's gulag.
And everything after that led to this day. This day when he would
finally destroy the Ultimate Evil and right all of the wrongs in the
world. This day when he would finally destroy Easily-Discovered Man Lite.
And he was so close. Three of EDM Lite's most powerful henchmen were
blocking his way. Kid Kirby. Captain Continuity. And the chief
henchmen -- The Ultimate Ninja.
The Ultimate Ninja threw one of his Ninja Bushes at him. And Mynabird
easily deflected with a swat of the hand.
"What the...?" said a shocked Ultimate Ninja, "That's impossible!" That
throw should have easily knocked off his head. Was the venom affecting
him that much?
"There's something wrong here," said Captain Continuity using his
Continuity vision to gaze into the story. "Ah, that's why. We're no
longer in Continuity."
"What are you talking about?" said the Ultimate Ninja throwing another
Ninja Bush, which Mynabird easily deflected too. Kid Kirby blasted a
cosmic beam at Mynabird, which seemed to do absolutely nothing except
make Mynabird even smugger.
"What he's talking about Ultimate Ninja," said Mynabird returning blasts
at Kid Kirby and the Ultimate Ninja, "Is that you're in a Elsewhirl. My
Elsewhirl! And I make the rules here!"
"The Elsewhirlyen Tornado Plant!" exclaimed Kid Kirby remembering some
arcane bit of knowledge he had learned a long time ago.
"Correct," nodded Mynabird yawning a bit at the ineffective attacks from
the Ultimate Ninja and Kid Kirby. "It was back during my ill-fated trip
to the Ultimate Blackhole. On the return back to the Loonivearth, the
assassin called Arthur E. L. Presence told me about this world that only
exists in Continuity during a few days of the year. Every other day of
year it's just an Elsewhirl."
"Elsewhirleden!" said Kid Kirby.
"Exactly," said Mynabird. "Fortunately, it existed within our
Continuity on the trip back and so I landed on it and obtained a few
seeds from the Elsewhirlyen Tornado Plant and inscripted a story within
one of those seeds. This story. The story all of us are inside right
this moment. This story where I kill all three of you."
The Ultimate Ninja made another ineffective attack and noticed that
Captain Continuity was convulsing. "What's wrong, Captain? Your head!"
Captain Continuity's head was now an itty bitty ant head on his normal
superhero body. "Yes. The Elsewhirl is warping me. Can feel different
elsewhirls trying to take over my past! Memories changing! In one
version I was raised by Jack the Ripper! And another I was raised by
Gandhi! And in another I was raised by ants!! Feel conflicted! Can't
decide whether to fight Mynabird with a hunger strike -- kill
prostitutes -- or go and collect leaves for my ant hill!!!" Captain
Continuity began to warp into even more strange versions of himself.
The Ultimate Ninja leaped at Mynabird. Mynabird blasted the ninja and
flung him down on the ground. "Well, we should probably end this now.
No point in delaying the inevitable, right?" Mynabird attacked Kid
Kirby with some beam that completely drained Kid Kirby's powers and then
blasted him into oblivion. And then he blasted Captain Continuity into
oblivion. And lastly he destroyed the Ultimate Ninja.
He looked at their dead bodies. "It's okay. You're not really dead.
This is just an Elsewhirl. When the Elsewhirlyen Tornado Plant ends its
life cycle a half hour or so from now, you'll be back in continuity --
and back alive. Of course by that time I'll have destroyed your LNH --
and had my revenge on Easily-Discovered Man Lite."
"You'll be alive. Wish I could say the same thing about the only one
who ever mattered to me." Mynabird paused for a moment as he thought
about Arachne. "But that actually happened."
And with that Mynabird exited out of the Elsewhirl and back into continuity.
**************
( ) "They drew first blood. Not me." -- Rambo
oOOOo
\( )/ Mynabird <edmlitesux at lnfl.org>
( )
/// \\\ If you hate Easily-Discovered Man Lite
please e-mail me! We can be friends!
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Deep in a bunker in Web.Surf.City --
The President looked at the strange salad he had been given. Carrots,
Lettuce, Artichoke Hearts, and a lot of Cabbage. And no dressing. He
hated cabbage! Where the hell was the Chef salad he had ordered?
The President, who had just a few days ago been Hex Luthor's Vice
President, sighed. He supposed it didn't really matter. He couldn't
really eat anything at a time like this.
According to his various advisors and news reports on TV, there was a
war going on in Net.ropolis. A war between the LNH and a vast army of
supervillains. And the odds weren't looking good that the LNH would
win. And that's why he was here. Deep in a bunker on the other side of
the Loonited States. He looked at the Nuclear Football that was on his
desk near the salad. He had a big choice to make. A very big choice.
The President looked at one of his advisors. "What's the situation now?"
"The war has been going on for about an hour. We estimate about 70
casualties on the LNH's side and 99,000 on the LNFL's side."
"So, that's good, right? That means the LNH is going to win?"
"No. Unfortunately, since we calculate the size of the LNFL as being 3
million and the LNH as being only 700 at the most -- if these numbers
keep going the way they're heading -- within nine hours the LNH will be
finished and there will still be 2 million or so members of the LNFL.
The odds of the LNH beating the LNFL are very unlikely at this point."
"Christ," said the President holding his hands near his mouth. "Can we
make a deal with this Mynabird? Some kind of arrangement? If it comes
to that?"
"It's difficult to say. He's too much of a wild card. There are some
members like Mr. Homage that we could probably deal with, but if the
LNFL wins we might not have much to bargain with because if the LNH
can't stop them-- then what can we do? I think we need to seriously
consider the nuclear option."
"You're talking about nuking Net.ropolis! There are millions of people
there! We can't do that! This is insane!"
The advisor nodded. "Yes, millions will die. But if we do nothing --
and the LNFL wins -- it could be much -- much worse. We could all
become slaves -- and billions of lives might be in jeopardy."
The President shook his head. "I need to think about this. Look if we
do this -- some will survive. What are those survivor superbeings going
to do?"
"We're hoping that the surviving LNH'rs will be able to stop the
surviving LNFL'rs."
The President laughed. "That's your hope? You don't expect them to
team up together to kill the people who were stupid enough to nuke them?
You don't think?"
"Even if they do that -- the number of superbeings will still be low
enough that we could handle them -- and stop them from taking over the
world. We do have a super team waiting by."
"Super team? Who?"
"They're called the -- Last Resorters! They're a team we use on only
impossible jobs. Their team leader is an ex-LNH'r who had philosophical
differences with the LNH."
"The Last Resorters? Why have I never heard of them?"
"It's all heavily classified, sir. Here's what you can know," the
advisor said handing over a folder.
"Are they good?"
"They have a 10% success rate."
"Only Ten Percent!"
"Actually since we only ever use them for missions that are completely
and utterly hopeless -- it's actually pretty good."
"I need a drink," said the President looking across the room. "Do we
have any liquor in this goddamn place?"
One of the advisors nodded, and went over to a cabinet and poured a
beige like drink into a glass.
The President downed the drink. Why did he have to make this decision?
It was going oh so well just a few weeks ago. Hex Luthor was the most
popular President ever. And then it all just went to hell. He wished
Hex were here. The guy was a horrible bastard, oh yes -- but he
excelled at these sort of decisions. Hex would have no problem killing
millions people. Hell, he'd probably do it with a grin. Where did that
bastard go to? Probably France or someplace like that.
He didn't want to make this decision. Whichever way he went, he'd sure
he'd regret it. He was going to have to pay for Hex's sins. "They're
going to crucify me for this."
"Not necessarily. We can blame the nuclear strike on terrorists. Maybe
invade some oil rich country like Iran. This could all turn out well
for us."
"Jesus," said the President shaking his head.
"Mr. President! We've just got word in -- Mynabird has just neutralized
Kid Kirby, Captain Continuity, and the Ultimate Ninja. It's just been
confirmed."
"Then that's it, isn't it? Without them the LNH really doesn't stand a
chance, does it?"
"I'm afraid it doesn't look good."
The President looked at the nuclear football. "How long before I need
to make a choice?"
"The sooner the better. Right now the war is pretty much contained in
Net.ropolis. But it could start spreading any minute."
"God. Well, guess we might as well get this over with. Okay. We'll do
it." The President looked at the Secretary of Defense who nodded and
took out a plastic card. The Secretary slid his code card into the
football. And then the President did likewise.
And silence filled the room. Everyone looked at the football and the
beige button on the football.
The President put his hand over the button. "We should probably pray."
And the President took one last look at the salad near the football.
Filled with shredded cabbage. Beige shredded cabbage.
Please, God. Forgive me.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
LNHHQ Sub-Sub Basement 58.5 --
Occultism Kid looked with rage at the Crossover Gem whose power was
beaming right into the ceiling. Who the hell was doing this? How were
they doing it? Was it that damn invisible force? He was going to
destroy it! He was going to...
++Calm yourself, young one.++
Someone in his mind. The August One.
++The Ring and Device feed on your emotions and desires -- and use them
to control you. You must calm yourself.++
Yes. Calm. Calm self. I need to be calm before I lose it completely.
August One. I'm sorry.
++Don't apologize. You need to be in control.++
It's hard. Have so much power. But -- can't do anything with it.
Don't know if I can handle the Insanity Gauntlet. Afraid.
++Yes. You should be. But you have no choice. You have taken this
path. And now you must keep going on it. For if you don't then all
this was for nothing.++
But what if this is all wrong? Maybe this is what the Bryttles want?
For me to put on the Gauntlet.
++You can't doubt yourself. You must be strong. You must be in
control. Only then can you beat the Bryttles.++
I guess. Okay. Thanks.
++Good luck, young one.++
Yeah, good luck. Occultism Kid focused his attention on the Gauntlet,
which was still bleeding power. Have to put it on.
The juke box changed its song. It was now playing, 'They're Coming To
Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!' by Napoleon XIV. Occultism Kid ignored the song
and grabbed the Gauntlet.
And then he took a deep breath. And he put it on.
There was a massive burst of colors that flashed across the room. And
when the flash cleared, Occultism Kid, The Cosmic Plot Device, The Ring
of Retconn, and the Book of Deus ex Machinas were gone. Vanished.
The only thing that was left was the Insanity Gauntlet. It landed with
a thud right in the middle of the pentagram made of Jello.
Kid Anarky looked at the Gauntlet and then at the Dvandom Stranger.
"Okay. Was that supposed to happen?"
**** <<--BM-->> ****
And in the background, the Invisible Force silently switched all three
bombs back on and began to work on disabling the Peril Room safeties.
**** <<--BM-->> ****
As Mynabird entered back into Continuity, he looked at his watch. Damn!
The issue was almost over. Not enough time to kill Easily-Discovered
Man Lite in the proper gruesome manner that he had fantasized about.
Well, just have to wait till next issue. Next Issue! Yes, Lite! The
Next Issue!!! It will definitely happen!! Yes!!! Next Issue!!! I
promise!!!!!
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Occultism Kid opened his eyes. He looked down. He was wearing some
kind of straightjacket. He looked around. Where was he? Some kind of
mental hospital?
And then he saw a face that he recognized. Oh hell.
It was Bart. Bart the Dark Receptionist.
"Ah, finally. You made it. I was wondering if you'd ever get here."
Bart clapped his hands.
"Welcome," said Bart with a smile. "Welcome to my Final Trap."
**** <<--BM-->> ****
**** <<--BM-->> ****
NEXT WEEK: Beige Midnight #10: PLANET MUHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!!!!! III:
'Absolute Mite'!
**** <<--BM-->> ****
**** <<--BM-->> ****
Credits:
Ideas for Beige Midnight by Saxon Brenton, James Enright, Lalo Martins,
Martin Phipps, Rob Rogers, and Arthur Spitzer...
Thanks to Andrew Perron and Martin Phipps for their comments and
corrections in the LNH Author's Group.
Dekay and Diskolor, The Bryttle Brothers created by Todd "Scavenger"
Kogutt, used with permission...
Mynabird suit (Rob Rogers)
Mite (Arthur Spitzer)
LNH'rs
Always-Seems-Powerful-On-His-Own-But-Gets-His-Ass-Kicked-in-Crowd-Scenes
Boy - Marc Singer
Bad Judgment Boy - Arthur Spitzer
Boy Lad - David R Henry
Building Suspense Lad - Arthur Spitzer
California Kid - Dan'l Danehy-Oakes
Captain Continuity - Mystic Mongoose
Easily-Discovered Man and Lite - Rob Rogers
Footnote Girl - Saxon Brenton
Frat Boy - uplink
Occultism Kid - Josh Geurick
Parking Karma Kid - Steve Simmons
Sarcastic Lad - Saint
Ultimate Ninja - wReam
Wikiboy - Tom Russell
Kid Kirby - Jameel Al Khavitz
Master Blaster - Martin Phipps & Rob Ramirez
Kid Anarky - Stephan Savoie
Catalyst Lass - Elisabeth Riba
Fuzzy - Connie Hirsch
You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad
Retcon Lad - Saxon Brenton
Fourth Wall Lass - Saxon Brenton
Kid Not Appearing In Any Beige Midnight Story - Matt Rossi
Limp Asparagus Lad - Saxon Brenton & wReam
Sister-SHOUT-the-Obvious
Cannon Fodder - wReam
Comes-up-with-horrible-awful-names-for-LNH-subgroups Lad - Arthur Spitzer
Yet-Another-Character-with-an-incredibly-long-name-that-won't-amuse-Scott-Eiler-but-hey-it's-okay-since-he's-dead
Man - Arthur Spitzer
Her-Death-Would've-Been-More-Poignant-If-She-Had-Actually-Appeared-in-Something-Before-this-Issue
Lass - Arthur Spitzer
Dr. Can-Beat-Any-Supervillain-Except-for-Mynabird - Arthur Spitzer
Ubiquitous Boy - Rob Rogers
Ubiquitous Lass - Arthur Spitzer
LNH Receptionist staff -
Kyoko Ishikawa - Ken Schmidt
Lester O'Brien - Ken Schmidt
Fred - Ken Schmidt
Buddy the Hard-Drinking-Liquored-Up LNH Receptionist - Arthur Spitzer
LNFL:
Arizona Kid - Arthur Spitzer
The Bear Killer - Arthur Spitzer
Billy's Idolaters - Arthur Spitzer
Chuggernaut - Arthur Spitzer
Color-Error Man's Brother-in-Law - Arthur Spitzer
Continuity Porn Star - Arthur Spitzer
Crossover Queen - Drizzt
Dr. Get-On-With-the-Damn-Story - Arthur Spitzer
FIN FANFIC FOOM - Saxon Brenton
Fourth Wallower - Arthur Spitzer
Frik N Lem - Arthur Spitzer
Kaiser Krowd Zene - Arthur Spitzer
Looniversal Answering Machine - Russ Allbery
MIND-O-Saurus - Arthur Spitzer
Mr. Homage - Drizzt
Slobbering Grue! - Arthur Spitzer
The-Villain-That-Would-Have-Appeared-In-JONG-#7-If-The-Writer-Had-Bothered-to-Write-That-Far
- Arthur Spitzer
Thread Bear - Timothy Toner
Well-Adjusted-And-Doesn't-Have-To-Dress-Up-Like-An-Animal-To-Deal-With-His-Crippling-Emotional-Pain
Guy - Saxon Brenton
wReamicus Maximus - wReam
LNFL Receptionist staff - Arthur Spitzer
Hitlerinna Hitlerella
Fester O'Crying
Dewey S Job
Dead the Receptionist
Trenchcoaters:
Dvandom Stranger - Dave Van Domelen
The August One - August Paul Yang
Others -
Bart the Dark Receptionist - Ken Schmidt
Dev-Null - Jim Cowling
Dr. Killfile - Steve Librande
J. Random Kiwi - Jaelle
Kirbybots - Jameel Al Khavitz
Kiwis - Ian Porell
Oozlefinches - Ted Brock
Superguy - Chris Wilcox
Turtles of Apocalyptic Proportions - Tarq
Twitter - Rob Rogers
Characters that don't actually appear in this issue (but are being
impersonated by robo-duplicates, alien shapeshifters -- and so on...)
Drifter - David Anastasion
Windrider - Russ Allbery
Pliable Lad - Mike Escutia
Tour Guide Girl - Mike Escutia
R-Men - Chris Sypal
Pister Maprika - Arthur Spitzer
K.Oss - Stephan Savoie
Writer's Notes:
For those who are confused by this...
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/Infinite_Leadership_Crisis
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/List_of_Infinite_Leadership_Crisis_Stories
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/Beige_Countdown
http://www.lnhq.info/wiki/Beige_Midnight
Probably won't help.
Writer's Notes:
Another issue done. Three more to go.
When I was a kid my favorite superhero stories were the ones that had
tons of heroes and villains slugging it out and that's what I was going
for here.
It's not really the ideal Ragnarok tale as I can't really kill off
anyone who isn't my own character. Dev-Null isn't dead -- just
swallowed into a whale creature -- which I'm sure he'll survive. I see
Dev-Null as the Ultimate Survivor. No matter what horrible place you
put him -- he'll find a way out of it. Satan and Net.hulhu and the rest
of those god like beings that the Ultimate Ninja killed -- I'm sure
they'll be back too.
I'll try to get the next issue out before this year ends. Hopefully,
I'll have it finished by the end of November.
Arthur "Death to Beige Midnight..." Spitzer
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