LNH20: LNH20 Comics Presents #17: The Spoon of Destiny Saga Part 17: "The Perils of Doc Nostalgia"

[Scott Eiler]

What Has Gone Before:
...
Doc Nostalgia pressed some buttons on his chair; a series of
indicators appeared on screen. "Of course! The city is giving off
twice as much retcotheric energy as @Lantis's power core! And it's
also disrupting time and space! Wait just a minute... where are the
LNHers who found Cranium?"
"Huh. They never reported back," said Fearless Leader. "And come to
think of it, neither did your group..."
"Great Curt Swan's ghost! I have the strangest feeling I'm in two
places at once!"
***
"Great Curt Swan's ghost! I have the strangest feeling I'm in two
places at once!"
Doc Nostalgia blinked. He caught a glimpse of his reflection in a
mirror, and saw that he had changed in two very notable ways. First,
he was now wearing his Silver Age costume again, complete with cape.
Second, he had become a Muppet. "Good lord! Choke! I've been
transformed into a Muppet!"
Doc Nostalgia flew up into the air, preparing to scope out the museum.
"Wait! I can fly again now? How is that possible? Of course--the
Muppets are such a potent source of nostalgia that it's brought me
back to my previous power level!" Then the world suddenly grew so much
clearer and more detailed. He heard the noise of traffic throughout
the city. He could sense as much as he did at the height of his power,
more than he could handle. He closed his eyes and held his hands over
his years, hunching to the ground. "Who's doing this to us? I--" Then
he heard a chuckle from nearby. A strangely familiar chuckle. "Of
course! This can only be the work of--
"--MISTER MORRISON!" (LNH20 Comics Presents #12)
...
Suddenly, Nerf Girl heard the newly-felted Doc Nostalgia shout, "--MISTER
MORRISON!"
Of course! Mister Morrison, the indescribable imp of imagination!
She'd seen that name many times in the research she'd done after
finding out who her real parents were...
He'd first shown up as a problem for Nowhere Man in the mid-'60s, and
had quickly gone on to bedevil the Network as a team. (His third
showing against them had famously inspired both a novel by Heinlein and
an album by The Who.) But in these early appearances... well, it was
*always* hard to tell what he was on about, but there had been
insinuations that he "wasn't supposed to be there yet" and that he was
"on a pleasure trip". Indeed, after his most famous appearance, he
didn't show up again until 1987. In later appearances, his methods
seemed to drift from "insane puzzles that would get him to go away" to
"insane puzzles that would unlock deep philosophical truths about the
nature of reality".
And there he was! Walking down the hall towards them, head
continuously exploding into a million multicolored butterflies which
turned into comics as they flew by. His jacket constantly shifted,
from leather to flannel to waterproof to military. His body seemed to
be made of tiny, shifting pixels that one could only just make out, no
matter how close he was. The paintings on the walls around him
rippled, turning from abstract representations of thoughts into
thoughts themselves and back.
Doc Nostalgia held his head. "Sensory overload... getting too much... I
can't *think*..." He flew up, crashing through the roof and into the
sky. (LNH20 Comics Presents #14)

...
"All right. But be careful. Wait where's Doc Nostalgia?"
"I'm right here."
Fearless Leader squinted. "That's funny. I could have sworn you just 
burst through the window and
collided with yourself."
"That's absurd. I don't--" At that moment the windows shook. Doc 
Nostalgia fell down from the sky and
shattered them, and there was a bright flash of light.
"Not again..."
The roof was shattered as Doc Nostalgia fell through. Doc Nostalgia--the 
one who'd been there before--gasped. The other Doc Nostalgia fell down 
and collided with him, and there was a bright blaze of light..
"Not again," said January Frost. "Are we finally going to get this plot 
element over with?"
When the light faded, they heard groaning and whimpering from a hole in 
the floor. They hurried over and saw a withered old man with an 
incredibly long beard stand up in the rubble. "Good lord! Choke!" he 
said, his voice still deep and resonant in spite of the fact that it was 
cracking with age. "I've been turned into... The Old Man of Netropolis!" 
(LNH20 Comics Presents #15)


---

The acting LNH leader January Frost asked the rodent, "Who are you again?"

"You may refer to me as Mentus the Mouse.  Due to laboratory 
experiments, I have the mental power of all scientists and physicians in 
the world."

"Whatever... So you can handle watching Doc Nostalgia while he's in a 
hospital bed."

"This task is obviously more suited to a nurse.  With a bedpan."

"Just do it, rodent!"

...

The cartoon rodent wore a miniature lab coat, and spoke into his 
microphone.  "Operational diary of Mentus the Mouse, Legion Day One. 
Entrusted with monitor duty over the founding Legion hero, Doc 
Nostalgia.  Said hero has had his powers hyped by his power source, 
nostalgia.  However, he has also encountered a reality-shifting foe, 
Mister Morrison.  Said foe has put Doc Nostalgia into an aged form, with 
a long beard.  Subject returned to base, but has since slipped into coma.

"I have of course accessed Doc Nostalgia's history.  But accounts are 
conflictory.  Some records say he came from Planet Robuck in 1912. 
Others indicate Planet Groupon.  But records agree, he grew to old age - 
without a beard.  Yet he has a beard now.  I sense chronal paradox.

"I feel the obvious reparation measure is to return the patient to a 
baseline state.  I will therefore engage this laboratory's equipment to 
neutralize all retcotheric influences upon the patient.  Of course, the 
patient is now heavily sedated."

...

Doc Nostalgia dreamed in his bed.  "I've been turned into... The Old Man 
of Net.ropolis!"

"So, you are from the war?"  Another old man came to him.

"Why yes I am!  I helped liberate France!"

"Such a hero you are.  What is it you did to fight the Nazis?"

"I stopped trains!  I stormed hilltops!  I did everything!"

"Then where were you when Paris was liberated?"

"Coming up from southern France!"

"So you did not save *everyone*?"

"Of course not!  It took armies to do that!"

"Just checking."  The old man started fading out.

"Wait!  Who are you?"

"You would not remember me.  I merely survived in Poland."

"... Edouard Morowiecz?  The Forgotten Vigilante?"

"So the mighty Doc Nostalgia remembers me?"

"Of course!  I'm all *about* remembering!  But you're dead!"

"But you are dreaming.  Of course I may live in your dreams.  I am that 
voice who says, you cannot save everyone."  The old man finally faded out.

Doc Nostalgia still shouted, though.  "But I had to *help* save them!  I 
still have to!"

In his delirium, Doc Nostalgia heard a young woman's voice!  "Oh, give 
it up."

"I can't!"

The woman materialized in Doc Nostalgia's delirium!  "That's kind of the 
point.  Your history is so weird, it pokes me.  And you're wanting to 
save things so much, I can feel it from where *I* live.  And that's 
saying something."

"Yes, I do!  Can you help me?"

"Uh, *help* is not what I do.  I just do it."

"No!  That can't be the answer!  It takes an army to do the job, where I 
come from!"

"okaay, Greatest Generation.  Got it...  How about I just let you get 
past what a $#!+head you are, so you can at least *start* to do things 
yourself?"

"Why, what do you mean?"

"You $#!+head.  You're here in bed 'cause some enemy of yours said you 
were old enough to be in bed for life.  But you were young this morning, 
weren't you?"

"Well, yes."

"So, let me be as simple and stupid as you need me to.  In one past, you 
were young this morning.  In another, you were old this morning 'cause 
you're old now.  But you know about *both* these pasts.  Got it?"

"But I wasn't old this morning!"

"Oh, Me give Myself strength..."  The woman stood silent for a moment, 
apparently in thought.  "Simple question.  Did you come from Planet 
Robuck, or Planet Groupon?"

"Uh, both!  When the Killfile lifted, it changed me!"

"Killfile?  Oh, please...  So you have alternate pasts.  Just embrace 
that.  And pick the past you want.  You just do that, and you can deal 
with whatever put you here.  And when you give thanks to whatever, think 
of Lydia."  She snapped her fingers.

Doc Nostalgia woke up!

A cartoon mouse in a lab coat was watching him.  Doc Nostalgia asked, 
"Am I really awake now?"

The mouse spoke!  "The brain monitors I placed upon you would seem to 
indicate that.  Which is unfortunate.  It could interfere with the 
draining of your retcotheric energy."

"Whaat?  Villain!"  Doc Nostalgia ripped cables off his head, and 
smashed the nearest machine!

The mouse smirked.  "Congratulations, Legionnaire.  You destroyed an 
electroencephalogram device valued at fifty thousand dollars.  I hope 
your Legion has deep monetary reserves."

"Evil one!"  Doc Nostalgia grabbed the mouse.  "If I have to lose my 
powers, you're coming with me!"

"Lose nostalgia powers?  Me?  Oh, please."  A bank of machines hummed to 
life.

January Frost burst through the door.  "Rodent!  What's going on here?"

"No time!"  As the machines fired, Doc Nostalgia dived out the door, 
with the mouse and Ms. Frost.

She said, "ooof...  Classic misunderstanding.  Got it.  *Mister* 
Nostalgia, our associate was trying to *cure* you."

"*Cure* me?  Of what?  Nostalgia?"

"No, old age and paralysis.  Apparently he succeeded."

Doc Nostalgia looked at himself.  He'd gotten back his modern muscular 
form!  "No, I don't think that was the mouse.  Just point me at Mister 
Morrison!"

January Frost and Mentus the Mouse said together, "Oh, please."  January 
continued, "He took you apart last time."

"I'm ready for him now."

(to be continued - in some upcoming episode!)

---

Author's Notes:

Congratulations, Legion of Net.Heroes.  You briefly took my attention 
away from producing Powernaut 2011, The Ultimate SW10 Story.  Your 
penalty is, you are now a text sequel to Powernaut 2009!  I've arranged 
to bring an ultimate crossover cosmic force upon you too.  And I've even 
brought in Mentus the Mouse.  I considered some High Concept Challenge 
too, because Doc Nostalgia is one of the few characters I've ever 
written who's eligible for an Edwardian comedy of manners.  But the 
story was already busy enough.

January Frost was created by Adrian J. McClure and Tom Russell.  Doc 
Nostalgia was created by Adrian J. McClure.  Lydia, a.k.a. The Goddess, 
was created by MrNelson007 for the ongoing story "Correspondence with 
the Goddess" and is used by permission.  Mentus the Mouse was created by 
Eiler Technical Enterprises but is Free For Use under the rules of the 
Legion of Net.Heroes.  Edouard Morowiecz, a.k.a. The Forgotten 
Vigilante, is copyright Eiler Technical Enterprises.  He was created for 
another story universe, but I will freely admit he may have existed in 
the LNH universe(s) also.  Why yes, this is a crossover spectacular!


-- 
(signed) Scott Eiler  8{D> -------- http://www.eilertech.com/ ---------

When you *are* the leader... whatever goes wrong... whether you did it
or not... *you* are held responsible. - Barack Obama

I know. - Archie Andrews

- from Archie #617, March 2011, scripted by Alex Simmons.