LNH/HCC: Legion of Net.Heroes Vol.2 #52 HCC32

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Fri Nov 2 00:12:51 PDT 2012

On Wed, 31 Oct 2012 23:47:51 +0000 (UTC), Saxon Brenton wrote:

>||  The cover shows Kid Enthusiastic and Fairy Princess Lad bouncing up  
>||  and down in excitement while older Legionnaires look on, bemused.

...wow, why didn't I read this yesterday <3

> Roll call for this issue:
>   o  Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II!
>   o  Cynical Lass!
>   o  Fairy Princess Lad!
>   o  Kid Enthusiastic!
>   o  Masterplan Lad!
>   o  You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad!


>      "Hi.  I'm here to join the Legion," he said.
>      Fred nodded and passed over the application paperwork.  As the 
> newcomer took out a pacer pencil to fill in the forms, the receptionist 
> asked, "What code name do you go by?"
>      "No!-It-Can't-Be-Saxon-Brenton!-He's-Dead! Lad." 
>      And in response Fred thought .oO( That's going to cause trouble. )


>      Meanwhile, in the cafeteria:
>      "But isn't the word 'kids' gender neutral?" asked Fairy Princess Lad.

I'd say yes! Why don't we have any "Kid Whatever" characters who are female? (Other than Kid Killfile in the LNH20 backstory.)

>      "I'm not a goat!" exclaimed Kid Enthusiastic.  He pointed at Anal- 
> Retentive Archive Kid II, who was sitting at the other end of the table, 
> "And he's not a goat!"


>      "Ooo! Ooo!" went Kid Enthusiastic, bouncing up and down in his seat 
> as he suddenly got an idea.  "The word 'kinder' means 'children', and 
> that's gender neutral.  ARA Kinder!" he speculated in rather sloppy 
> German.
>      "Ooo! Ooo!" went Fairy Princess Lad, echoing his friend.  "And that 
> can be turned into an internet pun: ARA Kindles!"  The two boys high 
> fived each other.

XD XD XD Yes good relationship

> He spotted Cynical 
> Lass's expression.  She was sitting a table over from them, and had a 
> look on her face which he completely misinterpreted as, 'They're 
> children.  Let them play their games while they've still got the 
> energy.'  Actually what she was thinking was, 'You poor schmuck.  If 
> you think I'm going to explain to you that we're all fictional 
> characters in an imaginary world then you've got another thing coming.'  

Heheeheehe <3

>      And except for Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II, who asked, "Who's 
> Saxon Brenton?"

Niiiiiiiiice. XD

>  "I just don't know who he *is*.  I've never 
> seen a library catalog entry for anything he's written.  What does he 
> write?  Science fiction?  Romance?  Neo-Edwardian comedies of manners?"
>      "Superhero parody," said Masterplan Lad.  "We're in one of them at 
> the moment."

Saxon, you should totally write a neo-Edwardian comedy of manners.

>      "Oh yeah," said You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad, glancing 
> upwards towards the from: line among the headers at the start of the 
> posting.  "I hadn't noticed the email address."
>      "Forged address," said No!-It-Can't-Be-Saxon-Brenton!-He's-Dead! 
> Lad with a grim earnestness.  "Someone's pretending to be him.  Identity 
> theft of a dead man.  Pretty ghoulish, really."


> He shrugged, then walked over to 
> ARAK II, and for maybe a minute had an serious conversation with him in 
> lowered tones.
>      The look on ARAK's face went from irritation, to surprise, then on 
> to utter horror.

Meep. ^^;;;;

> The turn around time in convincing the young orc of 
> the truthfulness of their claims was astonishingly quick, but Masterplan 
> Lad was one of the Knights Temporal, and there were few other LNHers who 
> were as familiar with continuity and fictionality as he was.

*nods* Naturally.

> At which point Anal-Retentive Archive Kid burst into angry 
> tears.
>      Masterplan Lad was so startled by this that he reflexively took a 
> step backwards and half raised his umbrella.

Don't worry, they're not anime waterfall tears.

> He rounded on Cynical Lass and pointed an accusing finger at her.  "And 
> you..." - and he paused as his brain caught up with his mouth - "...have 
> just tricked me into brainstorming a solution to my own problem."
>      "Yes.  Obviously," said Cynical Lass, straight faced.

That was definitely her, and not your own mental patterns, which I'm swiftly falling in love with. Yes.

>      "There's at least one of the Legion Writers who takes absolute 
> delight in exploring the nature of a multi-species society in a 
> superhuman world," said Masterplan Lad, pedantically.

Definitely more than one. <3

>      Masterplan Lad had been listening carefully to this, and now he 
> identified what had been troubling him.  "No," he said.  "That is 
> factually incorrect.  On the evening Arthur arrived at the Benicia Best 
> Western Saxon hadn't made proper preparations with the front desk for 
> him to check in while the others were at the barbeque at Rob Roger's 
> household, and Arthur had had to book into another room for one night
> - a room booking that was only covered by Scott Eiler's blanket offer to 
> subsidise RACC-Con attendees.  The cheque has gone uncashed not because 
> of inability, but because of a sense of guilt!"


>      You're-Not-Hitting-Me-Hard-Enough Lad leapt forward with his battle 
> cry, "No, you villain!  Hit *me*!"  (Finally, some action after all that
> exposition.)  Unfortunately No!-It-Can't-Be-Saxon-Brenton!-He's-Dead! 
> Lad used an aikido-like move on him, taking the boisterous net.hero's 
> own momentum and using it against him - grabbing YNHMHELad and throwing 
> him out through the ceiling of the LNH-HQ, such that he would land about 
> two miles away.

That's a lot of momentum. o.o

>      Anal-Retentive Archive Kid II threw one of the balls at him.  The 
> blue one.  The one with the solid steel centre under the thin rubber 
> outer covering.  It hit No!-It-Can't-Be-Saxon-Brenton!-He's-Dead! Lad 
> square in the face, where it made a 'bonnggg!' sound effect of metal on 
> metal.  "Killer robot!" ARAK yelled, and then had to dive for cover when 
> N!ICBSB!HD!Lad blasted out a laser beam death ray from his frickin' 
> eyeballs.

Oooooh, nice.

>      The other Legionnaires were manoeuvring for their own counter- 
> attacks.  The first, perhaps surprisingly, was Fairy Princess Lad, who 
> promptly went Sailor Moon on N!ICBSB!HD!Lad.  He glowed and sparkled and 
> yelled,  "Villain!  In the name of Queen Titania and Lord Oberon, I will 
> punish you!"  
>      And then Fairy Princess Lad unleashed a power blast from his hands 
> that slammed N!ICBSB!HD!Lad back across the cafeteria and through a wall 
> of solid strongstuffium with an enormous WHHAMMM!!!, pulverising the 
> trouble-making robot and leaving a large hole in its wake.

...holy crap yes. XD

>      Fairy Princess Lad gave him a serious expression and said, "Big 
> scary orcs who are secure enough with themselves that they don't need to 
> take it out on others when they're upset deserve hugs."


>      "Ah.  Well, that explains it then," said ARAK II, patting Fairy 
> Princess Lad on the back.  "Okay then.  Thanks.  Now, I suppose we 
> should collect the remains of that robot."
>      Cynical Lass rolled her eyes.  "Oh please.  How are we supposed to 
> get recurring villains if you go around acting responsibly, securing 
> defeated bad guys and tidying up dangerous messes?"
>      And the scary thing was, ARAK II didn't have enough experience with 
> the whole 'recognising the cliches of a superhero parody story' to tell 
> whether her protest was serious or not.

Mwahahahahaha. <3

>      Reading back through this now that it's written, this is easily one 
> of the most meta and self-referential stories I've written in years.

Oh yes. (Which I'm just in the mood for, having finished Doctor Who: The Mind Robber today.)

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, multi-species societies <3 Hwargle

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