LNH20: The Cat Lady #4 (of 4)
martinphipps2 at yahoo.com
Fri May 4 09:20:14 PDT 2012
The Cat Lady #4 (of 4)
Mikey walked up to the Cat Lady’s door and knocked. The Cat Lady
opened the door and saw Mikey holding up a cute little Yorkshire
“Please, Ma’am,” he said. “Our dog just had six puppies. Could you
please take one? We can’t take care of seven dogs.”
The Cat Lady shook her head. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I already
“It’s okay”, Mikey said. “This breed of dog is no bigger than a
cat, maybe even a bit smaller. The cats will probably just accept him
as one of their own.”
The Cat Lady nodded. “Okay,” she said. “I’ll take him and see how
the cats react. Do you want to come in?”
“Alright,” Mikey said. He walked in with the dog. “Wow!”, he
said. “You have a lot of cats!”
“At least fifty,” she said, not sure of the exact number. “Here,
let me take him. What’s he called?”
“It’s up to you,” Mikey said, handing her the dog.
“Alright,” the Cat Lady said, holding up the dog in the air above
her head, “I’ll call you Fido. So, Fido, let’s see how the others
react to you being here.” She put the dog down in the middle of the
Mikey and the Cat Lady watched the cats. They seemed to take no
notice of the dog. Some cats would stare at the dog for a while and
then move on and appear to not care.
“It doesn’t seem to be a problem,” the Cat Lady said.
“So you’ll keep him?” Mikey asked.
“Great!” Mikey gave her thumbs up. “Now we just need to give away
“Hmm,” the Cat Lady said. “If the cats don’t mind maybe I’ll take
“Really?” Mikey asked.
“Maybe,” the Cat Lady said. “Let me think about it.”
“Great!” Mikey said. “I’ll ask some of the other neighbors if they
want puppies first though.”
“Okay!” Mikey said. “See you!”
“Goodbye!” said the Cat Lady as Mikey left.
The Cat Lady took another look at her cats. Sure enough they seemed
unconcerned by Fido’s presence. She decided to go to her room and get
ready for bed.
As the evening wore on, however, the cats were taking more and more
notice of the dog as they gradually caught on to the fact that this
animal was not one of their kind. Soon Fido found himself in the
middle of the room surrounded by cats on all sides staring at him. He
felt somewhat intimidated and reacted by urinating on the floor.
Now this was exactly what Fido should NOT have done: male cats and
dogs mark their territory by urinating; they want to ensure that it’s
their odor that other cats and dogs can smell and here was this
strange newcomer urinating in the middle of their living room! The
cats all started to meow angrily and some even started to make sissing
The Cat Lady, in her bedroom, heard all the meowing coming from the
living room. She quickly put on a robe, went back into the living
room and snatched up Fido. She took Fido outside and headed towards
the home that belonged to Mikey’s parents.
The Cat Lady rang their door bell. Mikey’s mother answered the
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m afraid I can’t take this dog after
all. The cats are all angry with him.”
“I see,” Mikey’s mother said as she took the dog from her.. “Well,
I’m not surprised, really,” she said. “Cats and dogs don’t usually
“Normally the cats will welcome new animals but he being the only
Mikey’s mother nodded. “Honey,” she said, referring to her
husband. “Mikey wasn’t able to give away any of the dogs.”
Mikey’s father stepped forward. “So what are we going to do?”
“I guess we’ll have to keep them all after all.”
Mikey’s father nodded. “Alright,” he said, “but as soon as I have
time I am going to get the males fixed.”
“Fixed?” the Cat Lady asked.
“Yes, fixed,” Mikey’s mother said. “Aren’t your cats fixed?”
“What does that mean?”
“I assume it means that they are going to have their penises
removed,” Mikey’s father said.
“My God,” the Cat Lady said.
“So if your animals aren’t fixed,” Mikey’s mother said, “they’ll be
“Of course,” the Cat lady said.
“How many cats do you have?” Mikey’s mother asked.
The jaw of Mikey’s father dropped. “Alright then. I’m not going to
work tomorrow. I’ll take the day off and try to get the vet to see
them all tomorrow morning.”
“Are you sure you want to do that?” the Cat Lady asked.
Mikey’s mother smiled weakly. “It’s going to be hard to take care
of seven dogs. We could never take care of fifty animals!”
“I see,” the Cat Lady said.
“Look,” Mikey’s mother said, “I know it’s a bit late but perhaps
you’d like some coffee…?”
“No no no,” the Cat Lady said quickly. “That’s fine. I can’t leave
my cats alone for too long.”
“I understand,” Mikey’s mother said. “Anyway, I appreciate you
taking the time to bring this one back yourself.”
“Not at all,” the Cat Lady said, “but I really should get going!”
“Of course,” Mikey’s mother said. “Bye bye!”
“Goodbye!” the Cat Lady said.
As the Cat Lady walked home, she thought about Mikey’s parents and
what they planned to do to their dogs. They seemed like nice enough
people... but this “fixing” business! If anybody needed fixing it was
the human race! The Cat Lady was now more determined than ever to see
Ultravac take over the world so that she could live in a world where
animals would not be mutilated in such a way!
Okay, I wrote this one after my wife called to tell me that a friend
of hers was giving away rabbits and that she wants one. I'm not sure
how the cats are going to react to a rabbit but if it is anything like
the way they react to birds, lizards or large insects it is going to
involve a lot of meowing and perhaps a bit of sissing. I don't think
it's a good idea.
Anyway, I think I'm going to stop these at four because I don't see
how I can write stories about cats every week. In fact, this one
wasn't so much about cats but about a dog.
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