RACCAFE/RACCCAFE/LNH20/HCC29: Writefail

[Andrew Perron]

On Wed, 2 May 2012 18:16:53 +0000 (UTC), Adrian J. McClure wrote:

> "Hey, that doesn't sound like such a bad idea. But it needs a punchy
> quote in the title. Like 'The Most Unkindest Cut: The Lacanian
> Psychodynamics of Chainsaws in Old English Literature.'

I have to say?  I would read this.

> "Well, yes, but if I don't finish my paper now, my Old English teacher
> will sneak into my room in the middle of the night and cut my head
> off."
> 
> "With a chainsaw?" asked Tippy plaintively.
> 
> "No. He's too traditional for that. He'd use a sword. Though he does
> have some interest in postmodernism so maybe he'd use a chainsword."

We need a character with a chainsword.

> "I don't care about postmodernism!" shouted Ultimate Mercenary. "You
> need to finish your stories!"
> 
> "But when you get right down to it, postmodernism is what the LNH is
> all about!"

It's more post-postmodernism.  Actually I'm not entirely sure what
postmodernism *is*, so.

> "That doesn't matter," said January Frost. "Since you have failed in
> your basic obligation to finish our stories, we've decided to replace
> you. From now on you are fired from being our writer."
> 
> "But that doesn't even make any sense!" said Adrian. "I'm the writer
> and you're the characters."
> 
> "That goes against the tenets of postmodernism!" said Masterplan Lad.

*gasp* He's right!  Crap, I better go and finish... um...

Everything.

Ever.

...ho boy.

> "Well we want this cascade done as soon as possible," said Fearless
> Leader, "so we need someone who has a lot of time on his hands." They
> all looked over at Example-Character-Lad, who was drinking alone and
> playing solitaire in a nearby table.

Bwahahaha. <3

> "I can't believe how awesome you are ^-
> ^" said Googlemesh.

...oh god.

...oh god. XD XD XD

> He ran around the city in superspeed and vibrated into Ava.LAN and
> gathered all the spoons. The spoons joined together and became a giant
> spoon. "Gah! Spoon smash!" siad the Spoon of Destiny.

XD XD XD

> "Oh no you don't!" said Not-Example-Character-Lad. He pulled out his
> giant robot and got into it. The giant robot punched the Spoon of
> Destiny and it exploded.

XD XD XD

> "Ahahah!" said Mother Time. "Now we will summon the true power behind
> the Spoon of Density!" She waved her hands and a giant demonic rubber
> chicken appeared.

XD XD XD

> "Oh no!" siad Not-Example-Character-Lad. "A rubber
> chicken! My greatest fear!" Then he overcame his fear (see, character
> development!)

XD XD XD

> "No, Not-Example-Character-Lad, you are the chickens!" said Mother
> Time. Then Not Example Character Lad was one with the universe.

XD XD XD

> "Ha! I'm not dead!" said Not Example Character Lad who was alive and
> had the sword of enlightenment and was even sexier now.
> 
> "Yay!" said Jaunary Frost and she made out with him. The end.

...XD XD XD XD XD

> "Wait a minute!" said the real
> Adrian. "There's someone here who can help me. Webs Tor! You can
> become anything that ends with -tor, so you can put a stop to him
> as... the Editor!"
> 
> Webs Tor transformed into the Editor. "This is terrible. Stop doing
> that now."

*snerks*

> "Wait a minute," said Adrian. "If I'm a severed head, who's writing
> this?"
> 
> Tom Russell was swiftly tapping away on his keyboard. "Heh heh heh.
> Ain't I a stinker." He winked at the reader. "Look, postmodernism!"

...oh god.

...oh god.

...

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD
XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD HOW MANY LAUGHING FACES DO YOU
EXPECT ME TO TYYYYYYYYPE

> TH-TH-TH-THAT'S ALL FOLKS
> 
> Author's note:
> 
> I'm sorry

That was the most hilarious thing ever.  Oh god.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, cackle