LNH: Kid Recap Explains Beige Midnight!
arspitzer at earthlink.net
Sat Mar 3 14:43:22 PST 2012
Can't-Understand-Beige-Midnight Man had a gigantic cannon sized gun
pointed at Kid Recap's head. "This is it, Kid Recap. This is where I
destroy you. But before I do that -- I want you to do one thing. Just
one thing. Explain it to me! Explain Beige Midnight!!!!!!!!!"
"Okay," said Kid Recap, "Mind if I get a drink first?"
"If you need too."
"Thanks," said Kid Recap taking a flask out of one of his pockets and
then taking a swig. "Okay. Let's see here. First we have to talk
about Infinite Leadership Cry.Sig."
"Do we have to?"
"Yes. We have to. So, back in March 31, 2007 -- The Ultimate Ninja
took some badly needed vacation time and put Fearless Leader in charge.
But at exactly Midnight on Fearless Leader's first day on the job,
Fearless Leader disappeared. And so Irony Man was put in charge. But
he disappeared too. And Pull-Paper-out-of-Hats Lad was given the task
of picking a new leader each day, which he did. And for about 465 days,
a new leader was picked for each day (and all of this took place in a
month. An Infinite April). The last one being Cannon Fodder who met
the person responsible for abducting the LNH'rs. It was Bart. Bart the
Dark Receptionist. And Bart was working for Dekay and Diskolor -- The
Bryttle Brothers -- two powerful entities that the LNH defeated back in
1992 -- in an event called 'Beige Noon'.
"Bart had abducted the LNH to the future. 2092. It was an alternate
future where the Bryttles had laid waste the entire Looniverse. Bart
told Cannon Fodder that the Bryttles would come a year from now, which
would be 2008 back then. And they would destroy the LNH when they came
back. With that said Bart sent the LNH back to 2007 so that they could
prepare themselves for the upcoming battle.
"So now we get to Beige Countdown -- the year or so between Infinite
Leadership Cry.Sig and Beige Midnight. The Ultimate Ninja was being
accused of murdering wReamicus Maximus (he didn't -- it was wReamicus
Maximus who murdered himself using a cloned Ultimate Ninja body) so he
decided to resign and gave the reins to a Triumvirate made up of
Fearless Leader, Catalyst Lass, and Irony Man. The ninja didn't realize
that Irony Man was in league with a supervillain group called the
HexFire Club that was being run by President Hex Luthor and that the
club was manipulating the LNH Leadership Election. Anyways, the
Election was held and the Ultimate Ninja won it. But the Ultimate Ninja
had been kidnapped by the HexFire Club and wReamicus Maximus in a cloned
Ultimate Ninja body was now running the LNH. So the HexFire Club has
control of the LNH. And while all of that is happening, Occultism Kid
is searching for the Book of Deus ex Machinas, which he thinks will help
the LNH beat the Bryttle Brothers. Turns out though Bart tricked
Occultism Kid into searching for the book and when Occultism Kid did
find it -- Bart got to it first and freed the Bryttle Brothers who were
trapped in one of the book's pages. And here's where we get to Beige
"Finally!" said an impatient Can't-Understand-Beige-Midnight Man.
"Anyways, the Bryttles are free although still asleep on gigantic
thrones in the middle of Net.ropolis not to wake till April 29, 2008.
And the HexFire Club is in control of the LNH. And the HexFire Club has
its own plan for defeating the Bryttles with something called the
Freedom Chip -- which gives people who have it put in their brain --
powers. The Chip also allows the HexFire Club to control that person.
Some LNH'rs discover the HexFire Club's plan and decide to form a
Resistance group to stop the HexFire Club. And a number of these
resistance groups form and go about stopping Hex and the HexFire Club in
various different ways. Hex, however, has something up his sleeve. A
part of the Cosmic Plot Device. And both he and Occultism Kid search
for the last part, which Occultism Kid finds first within the body of
Obscure Trivia Lad. Occultism Kid has WikiBoy make himself into a copy
of that final part and through various trickery they give Hex that part.
Hex thinking he has the full Cosmic Plot Device decides to make his
final play for power -- and using various world leaders who are under
his control, he stages a big Treaty signing to make Freedom Chips
available to every single person in the world. The LNH and Legion of
Net.Villains crash the party though. The LNH figures how to disable the
Freedom Chips freeing all of the people controlled by them and stop Hex
by editing WikiBoy back into himself thus depowering the Cosmic Plot Device.
"After defeating Hex and the HexFire Club, the LNH now run by the real
Ultimate Ninja sends five space ships with half the LNH back into time
to get the Ring of Retconn and Insanity Gauntlet that Bart currently
has. Bart, who now calls himself King Qwert-El, is on Ancient Qwerty in
1994 BC. Another secret team led by Contraption Man goes back to 1994
AD to put a chip into 1994 AD Bart's head (the plan doesn't work
though). Contraption Man's team gets the chip into Bart's head and gets
back to the present -- gets a ship -- and goes into space and time to
meet the other five ships. The LNH in the other five ships battle Bart
who has made himself nearly omnipotent and no longer needs either the
Insanity Gauntlet or Ring of Retconn. Bart kills off all of these
LNH'rs and then kills the members of Contraption Man's team. But little
did Bart know, that there was a stowaway on Contraption Man's ship.
That stowaway -- a supervillain cat and former member of the HexFire
Club called Mr. Tiddles. Mr. Tiddles exploits a weakness in Bart and
uses his mind powers to control Bart and has Bart bring back all of the
LNH'rs back to life. And having defeated Bart and gotten the Cosmic
Items they were after, the LNH makes there way back to the Loonivearth
so they can finally stop the Bryttle Brothers.
"However, when the LNH gets back they find that the Legion of
Net.Villains (now calling themselves the Legion of Net.Freedom Lovers)
has released a virus, which has caused every single person including the
LNH members that remained behind to become slaves to their own ids. The
LNH finds a cure -- and cures everyone, but while they do that Mynabird
has gathered an army of 3 million or so villains to finally crush the
LNH (so Mynabird can get revenge on Easily-Discovered Man Lite). And
while the LNH fights these millions of villains, Occultism Kid and 57.5
trenchcoaters start a spell using the Book of Deus ex Machinas, the
Insanity Gauntlet, Cosmic Plot Device, and Ring of Retconn that will
hopefully stop the Bryttle Brothers once and for all. Unfortunately,
when Occultism Kid put on the Insanity Gauntlet -- he was sucked into
it. And that's where we are -- right now.
"So, do you get it? Do you understand -- Beige Midnight?"
"I -- uh..." Can't-Understand-Beige-Midnight Man started to say
something -- but before he could ask his question his brain exploded.
"Gets them every time," said Kid Recap winking at the reader.
Kid Recap - Josh Geurick
Can't-Understand-Beige-Midnight Man - Arthur Spitzer
Writer's Notes: Aaaagggghuhuhuhguhgughugh!!!!
Arthur "Aaaaggghhuhuhuhuhu!!!!" SPitzer
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