LNH20: Ultimate Mercenary v20 #1

[Andrew Perron]

On Tue, 28 Feb 2012 23:58:25 +0000 (UTC), Adrian J. McClure wrote:

> This probably wasn't a post-apocalyptic future or a
> mirror universe, as those never had weather this nice.

Unless it's one of those nature-takes-over-in-the-lack-of-humans
postapocalypses.

> After all, he'd just saved the
> universe, or something like that. He couldn't wait to tell the LNH
> about everything he'd done, as soon as he could remember what it was.

Heeheehee.

> He wondered if anyone would
> even remember him now, other than Manga Girl. He also wondered why he
> felt a faint twinge of loss and confusion when he thought about Manga
> Girl.

Eesh. :/

> He walked up to the desk. The receptionist, a tall and attractive dark-
> skinned woman in a highly professional suit, wasn't any of the ones he
> knew. "What's your name?" he asked her.

Hmmm!  I wonder!

> Back when he'd been young, far in the future of some now-averted post-
> apocalyptic timeline, one of LNHers whose memories had survived until
> his time was a cat-girl named Panta.

The irony!

> She growled. It was louder and deeper than he expected. "Panta? Never
> heard of her. My name's Pantra, with an R, and don't you forget it!"

Who's this Darien?  My name is Prince Darien! (No, wait...)

> She put her arm around his shoulder and whispered in his ear. He
> became very conscious of her deep, musky scent. "I'm the last survivor
> of a secret island of ninja that was wiped out by WHATEVER. I was
> given powers by the Cat God to take revenge. Don't tell anyone." She
> winked at him.

*giggles*

> "Well, we'll get it sorted out somehow. Better call in the rest of the
> 'Council of Elders.'"

Yes, yes, canonize my ideas, bwahahaha...

> "When he died, the Legion was lost. But he left behind a fan, who
> trained himself in the ways of the ninja, took up his sword, and
> followed in his footsteps. And that fan had a son. And that son was
> cloned. And that clone had a son, who had a son. That son was cloned,
> and he had a son. I am that son. I am the Ultimate Mercenary, last of
> the Ninja, who held the line against ApocaLISP when all was lost."

Damn.  Somehow you made that lineage sound *epic*.

> "He sounds like a dictator to me," said Doc Nostalgia. "A ninja
> dictator. You're not from a mirror universe, aren't you?"

Oh, Doc.  You always know just what not to say.

> "I say we should send him to prison and take down the LNH from his
> universe before they destroy us!" said Doc Nostalgia. His voice was
> clear and booming.

Jeez, Doc! O.o

> "Well, you didn't react quite like that when you first saw me," said
> January Frost.
> 
> "That's because when you first got ahold of me, I was a burnt-out
> wreck. If I'd met you when I was a teenager, I would have melted like
> hot butter."

Heeheehee. <3

> In a few moments, a black-haired ten-
> year-old boy dressed in some kind of padded power armor zipped into
> the room on a flying Kirbytech skateboard. "Yatta!" he shouted, then
> turned off the skateboard and did a backflip, landing on his chair.
> "Hey guys," he said, " is this thing actually cool or is it too 90s?"

XD Yes, good, good.

> "That? We call it the God Clock. We unearthed it about two years ago
> and I've been studying it ever since. It inspired a lot of the weird
> new technology I've been building. We think it's counting down to
> something, but we don't know what."

Damn.  This is going to inspire something, but I'm not sure what...

> For a moment, Ultimate Mercenary felt as if he was floating in
> nothingness. It was a dreadfully familiar feeling. The only thing
> there was a swarm of little black dots surrounding him. He tried to
> scream, but couldn't hear the sound of his own voice. Soon he found
> himself back in the room and heard his screams. "Sorry," said Kid
> Enthusiastic. "It kind of does that sometimes...

Speaking of bugs to work out. o-o;

> "What? No, that doesn't make any sense. This isn't my world. This
> isn't--unless--" He had a horrible thought. What if, during the time
> when he was outside of time for some reason, the LNH had been
> revamped? What if they'd jettisoned all the characters that belonged
> to inactive writers? No. The Ultimate Ninja and Cheesecake-Eater Lad
> and the rest couldn't have been wiped from existence. They weren't.
> They had to be somewhere...

Brrrrrrr.  Even though I know that's not true, it gave me a frisson of
fear.

> "We don't know if this is accurate," said Kid Enthusiastic. "I mean,
> you're giving off lots of Kurtzberg radiation. That's probably messing
> with the sensors. I don't know if they know about it in your timeline.
> It's some kind of dark matter or dark energy, and it's been steadily
> increasing here ever since the Killfile fell..."
> 
> "You mean the Power Kirby? That's what we call it," interrupted
> Ultimate Mercenary.

Hm.  How does he realize that's what he means?

Good stuff, naturally!  Enjoyed ver' ver' much.

Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, whee respondings!