LNH: System Corruptors #28: The Queen's Tale

Andrew Perron pwerdna at gmail.com
Thu Jun 21 10:38:31 PDT 2012

On Thu, 21 Jun 2012 04:32:06 +0000 (UTC), Adrian J. McClure wrote:

> In those days the
> excitement of seeing other worlds and battling mighty foes had
> overridden his fear and hatred of the Queen. Only now did he realize
> that the wars would never end.

Oooooh. That's a shivery-good 

> "The Avengers fanart duplicates were simply too strong, my Queen,"
> said Urrakh. "And too cute."

I know, right

> He remembered when she
> had come down to the battlefield on rec.humor.oracle and beheaded the
> Internet Oracle herself, enchanting his head to serve her. "Tell me,
> Oracle. How do I conquer the Tumblrverse?"

<3 <3 <3

(Maybe you should crosspost this there.)

> "And
> bring me a fanartist who can draw Loki making out with a horse, just
> in case.

I love taking things out of context, have I mentioned that?

> His brothers shuffled out of the room, but he stayed behind. He didn't
> know what was keeping him here. It didn't feel like courage; it felt
> like its opposite. He was simply too tired to care.

Damn. Yes.

> One of those worlds was a world of song and crystal, peaceful and all
> but perfect. It was guided by an ancient order of priest-warriors,
> though they had not fought for countless years, who were known
> throughout the world for their justice and wisdom. In that world there
> lived a princess whose name is now forgotten to all. She was kind and
> caring, wise and thoughtful, bold and courageous in equal measure. She
> was beautiful, too, and the greatest poets of a thousand worlds sang
> love-songs to her. Yet in her heart she was not content. She longed
> after adventures such as her ancestors had known of old, in the age
> when this world was wild and perilous.

...you just implied that the Crossover Queen is--


> One day a traveler came to this world, and his name is now forgotten
> to all, even the one who once loved him. He had come from the land of
> rec.arts.comics.creative, and it was he who stole the Power Kirby from
> Alt.halla and brought it to the mortal realms.


> And the battle-sister remembered a tale that had once been told her,
> of a wild forest in a distant world of their system where none dared
> venture, and a man who stood at a crossroads in that world by a
> gallows-tree, a god who had traveled from an age where Alt.halla was
> not. And that god could grant any favor asked of him, though the price
> he asked was grevious.

I know I've said this before, but you're excellent at this mythological

> "Then I shall grant you the Crossover Force, and you shall walk among
> the worlds anew. But you must grant me this: that you bring me the
> heart of the first living thing you see in the world of your love's
> birth."

Also: Yeah, you know what's gonna happen.

> The princess wept for joy and set out once more into the worlds. She
> came upon the world of Alt.flame, war-scarred and desolate, and found
> herself amidst a great battle which had begun before anyone living
> could remember, where countless millions lay dead. She formed a new
> order of champions to bring peace to that world, and built a Round
> Table made of techno-organic wood which did not burn to store the
> memories of those champions should they die, and they fought there for
> many years.

There's so much potential in this alone!

> When peace had come at last, her heart still ached for the one she
> loved, and so she came to RACC. When she came there she found her love
> awaiting her, and she embraced him and rejoiced. But then she called
> to mind the oath she had made to the Man at the Crossroads. She
> thought to renounce her oath but knew that if she did so her
> fellowship would be lost forever, and she wept.

And I note that, unlike many stories like this, she actually has a reason
to follow through.

> And some of her company turned against her and some remained by
> her side, and the Table itself became her enemy.

Also: Retroactively giving a character the best origin ever. Hell yeah.

> And the gods of Alt.halla chose a new Kirbian, one who knew not love
> according to the flesh, that he might not share the fate of he who
> came before him.

Which is a very Kirby-ish way for that to happen, too.

> And the Queen remained sealed in flame and in archive for countless
> years, until the Bryttle Brothers came again. The battle in which they
> were slain broke the spell where she had been sealed. When she awoke,
> she saw that a doom would one day come upon her world and all those
> that surrounded it. In time the Internet would grow, and the flame of
> Usenet would flicker and die, till one day even the sphammers would
> desert it. And so it was that she made war to take the life from newer
> and younger worlds and return it to the worlds she once had known. And
> whether she may one day win and whether her victory would make up for
> all she had lost, no one can say.

No one can say.

> The Queen regarded her reflection in the crown she held in her hand.
> Slowly, her hands trembling, she returned it to her head. "Thus has
> your question been answered," she said.

I like the parallel with the questions she couldn't get answered at the

> There he saw the two Knights facing him. "Kill him," said the Queen,
> in the hard, cold voice to which she was accustomed.
> The Knights had struck him down before he could react. Had he turned
> around, he might have seen a single tear fall down the Queen's cheek.

Yes, yes, sympathy for the Devil, bwahahaha...

> I thought up most of this story shortly after writing Ultimate
> Mercenary #6. I'd meant to post it closer to Flame Wars FInal, as the
> Crossover Queen plays a major role in the story I'm writing that's
> tied in to that. But this story fits the theme of reexamining the
> LNH's past that runs throughout other stories I'm writing and
> participating in right now, so I thought this would be a good time to
> post it.


> My version of the Crosover Queen is a combination of Ayesha from H.
> Rider Haggard's She, Mongul, Queen Beryl (with Flipseid serving as
> Queen Metaria), and (major spoiler for Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon,
> which I haven't seen but know of through TVTropes) the live-action
> version of Princess Serenity. Her romance with the First Kirbian owes
> a lot to Ten/Rose, a pairing I never liked and which I felt diminished
> both characters (as opposed to Nine/Rose).

Mmmmmmm, yes.

> She's also based on aspects of the comics industry that annoy or anger
> me right now. The way she drains energy from artists and such, and
> also uses crossover gimmicks to drain energy from comics readers a la
> the Dark Kingdom, is based on Marvel and DC's treatment of creators
> like Kirby, Alan Moore and Gary Friedrich. I am obviously still a
> comics fan, though, and find a lot of value in the superhero work,
> thus the tragic dimension of her origin. She has to keep finding
> people to drain for Power Kirby, but it's getting harder and harder as
> Usenet is dying.

One thing I don't think you mentioned in this was how she absorbed the
power of the Elder Gods that Ultimate Ninja killed in Beige Midnight #9 to
get back up to her current power level.

> She's fighting constant battles over and over again
> and is unable to change or do anything new. (I should point out that I
> thought up this version of the character long before recent
> contentions in our group.)

Haha `-`; It's true, he told me about it months ago. It's very apropos with
the New 52.

> The Loki/Horse thing is a reference to Tumblr's obsession with movie!
> Loki and the origin of Sleipnir, where Loki has sex with a horse.
> There is definitely fanart.

Oh, the fanart.

> Oh, and the framing sequence was inspired by the Suzanne Vega song
> "The Queen and the Soldier."
> I'm very happy that this story wound up being short for once. LNH v2
> #52 will *not* be short.


Andrew "NO .SIG MAN" "Juan" Perron, typing up a story of his own.

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